Being the Tale of a Clever Girl, a Rubber Boy, and a Collection of Flying Machines, Mostly Broken
Written by Howard Whitehouse
Illustrated by Bill Slavin
Fourteen-year-old pioneering aviatrix Emmaline Cayley is afraid of one thing: plummeting to her doom. (Actually two, if you count her Aunt Lucy's appalling cooking.) Fortunately, twelve-year-old Robert Burns, an indestructible village boy, is not. Absurdly unafraid of bodily harm (not to mention Aunt Lucy's sandwiches), ?Rubberbones? is the ideal pilot for Emmaline?s experiments with flight.
But before Emmaline can perfect a flying machine with the aid of her new friend, she is sent off to St. Grimelda?s School for Young Ladies ? to be cured of her decidedly unladylike ways. It is a school so strict, so severe, so forbidding that it makes the brutal misery in the tales of Charles Dickens look cheery by comparison. With a horrifying headmistress, terrifying teachers and food that is even worse than Aunt Lucy?s, this medieval stronghold also houses a terrible secret and a mysterious way of keeping its prisoners, er, its students in line. All Emmaline can think of is escape. But no one has ever escaped from St. Grimelda?s. And our heroine soon realizes that the only way out is to face her greatest fear ?
PERSONAL APPEARANCES, READINGS, SIGNINGS AND MINOR RIOTS!
There are few things Howard enjoys more than reading from his books, signing copies and generally working young audiences up into a fit of excitement that they are impossible to deal with for the rest of the day. If you would like Howard to attend your school, library, store, birthday party, bar mitzvah or funeral, call 845-362-0729 or by email at [email protected]
THE FACELESS FIEND
Being the Tale of a Criminal mastermind, His Masked Minions and a Princess with a Butter Knife, Involving Explosives and a Certain Amount of Pushing and Shoving
It?s the autumn of 1894. Fourteen year old aviatrix Emmaline Cayley is staying at her eccentric Aunt Lucy?s house in Yorkshire, with lessons taught by the mad American inventor Professor Bellbuckle. Emmaline?s plan is to build a flying machine with her friend, the ?indestruckible? Robert ?Rubberbones? Burns. With them is Princess Purnah, recently escaped with Emmaline from St.Grimelda?s School for Young ladies.
. The school wants Purnah back. The government wants her to return to St. Grimelda?s. And ? worse of all ? a master criminal known as the Faceless Fiend wants to kidnap her.
Aunt Lucy wants to keep her, like a stray kitten.
When two men come to take Purnah away, Emmaline and Rubberbones spring into action. Well, not really ?spring?, because Emmaline is on crutches and Rab is swathed in curtains. With Aunt Lucy, the heroic butler Lal Singh, and the lunatic Professor Bellbuckle, they devise a plan so bold, so clever, so completely insane that --- things get a lot worse.
Following on from The Strictest School in the World, the tale of The Faceless Fiend leaps from the woods around lower Owlthwaite to the depths of Darkest London. Our friends seek to foil the nefarious schemes of The Faceless Fiend and his Masked Minions. The villainous plot to abduct Princess Purnah leads to wild chases, food fights, ridiculous costumes, balloons over London, fat naked ladies, famous fictional detectives, rat-killing contests, heroic dogs and assorted mayhem, all leading to a thrilling finale on the newly opened, and opening, Tower Bridge.
No, wait, that's wrong.
A BRIEF BIOGRAPHY OF HOWARD WHITEHOUSE, FORMER PAPERBOY AND STREET MUSICIAN AND FUTURE INTERNATIONAL PUBLISHING PHENOMENON.
Howard Whitehouse was born in Birmingham, England on April 13 1958. He began school, as many children do, and didn?t much like it. They made him keep going, though, and after a mere four or five years settled in and got good marks. He enjoyed creative writing (they didn?t call it that) and was a master of the three-to-four page adventure story, by and for nine year olds. In fact, He couldn?t write anything else, and even when the assignment was to write a Christmas scene, there would at least be some villains lurking behind Santa?s sleigh.
As punishment for being the brightest kid in his class, young Whitehouse won a scholarship to King Edward VI School, which had been founded in 1552, and kept the same staff all that time. JJR Tolkien had been there as a boy. After years of repression, Howard escaped to get a B.A. at the University of Warwick.
After graduating in 1981, he took a job working with kids in trouble, most of it of their own making. Since Howard found these kids ? mostly teenagers- immensely entertaining, this became his career for eighteen years. He met and married Lori, and moved to Savannah Ga. Since that time the happy couple have lived in Georgia, Toronto, and most recently New York?s Hudson Valley. Lori is an ordained minister and church historian, with a PhD from The University of Toronto. They share a 1900 era manse opposite the church, while Howard clutters up the place with model soldiers, miniature buildings and himself. Ursula the tabby cat supervises his efforts. Her sister Cameo adds a touch of fluffy silliness, while Elmore watches from on top of the bookshelf.
For many years Howard?s writing was purely non fiction, mostly military history for small hobby magazines. He designed games, and wrote two books , ?Battle in Africa 1879-1914? (1988) and ?A Widow making War? (1995) He was asked to write for a commercial project called ?Space 1889?, which first gave him a chance to make up what is sometimes known as ?alternative history?. This was an eye opener, since it was really historical fiction with a bizarre sci-fi angle to it. He began to explore fantastic worlds of lost cities, mad scientists and evil overlords, all with excellent manners and a proper sense of Victorian decorum.
?The Strictest School in the World? is Howard?s first book for Young Persons of Discerning Taste.