wordsofjess

I screamed,
screamed as loud as i could.
No one could her me, and no one ever will.
I yelled,
telling you to put the gun down, but you didnt listin,
and you never will.
I told you I would forgive you,
we never should have fought,
but you didnt care.
you pulled the trigger,
emptying the bullets into me.

I hate this,
all these people,
all these words.
I cant take it anymore.
I dont know why im here.
They take it out on me.
I dont know what I did.
What did I do?
Did I do anything?
If I didnt, then why do you say I did?
Why do you blame me for your mistakes?
You say you will do it,
you say you will kill yourself,
you say you have nothing to live for,
but you do.
you dont understand,
you dont think about others,
you dont know how we feel.
You think your life is so hard,
you think you have no one,
you think its over.
You dont know what my life is like.
You dont know how many times I have thought about death,
death by suicide.
You dont know how many times I have tried.
You dont know things that i hide,
I hide it all.
I hide it all from the world.
Not wanting people to feel my pain unless they care,
care for me the way I thought you cared for me.
I dont have the person that I want to care for me,
I dont have anyone that will care for me.
I dont get the attention you get,
that attention that makes you feel good,
the attention that I dont want becasue I dont want to become addicted to it the way that
you are.
All I want is a friend,
someone to care.
but no one does, and no one will.
all I have is one thing to say to you, from me, my last words,
good-bye.

I keep telling myself,
everything will be all right,
but how much longer can I tell myself this lie?
Everyone keeps telling me,
everything will be all right,
not knowing how much I wish this was true.
Everyday I hear myself and everyone else say,
everything will be all right,
and everytime I try and force myself to believe this.
Everything will be all right,
is what I say to put myself to sleep through the tears.
Everything will be all right,
hopefully soon

When I say I love you,
I mean it.
When you said you loved me,
I thought you ment it,
but now I know the truth,
you never ment it,
you didn�t care,
you never loved me.
you went ahead and broke my heart,
ripping me apart.
I was lied to,
and then torn into pieces.
I thought you ment it when you said you loved me.

You knew it would hurt me,
you did it anyway,
you went ahead and broke my heart,
and threw me out with no second thought.
You made me think I had a chance,
but all you did was play me.
That one night made me think I had a chance,
that one night ment so much to me,
and I thought it did to you too,
but now I know,
it didn�t mean a damn thing.

You knew I loved you,
so why did you do it to me?
You know a heart is so fragile,
so why did you go and break mine?
You went ahead and made me think I had a chance,
you went ahead and made me feel loved,
you gave me a reason to live,
but then you broke my heart,
and you threw me in the trash like no one ever has.
I will never love anyone the way I loved you,
because I know they will break me just like you did.

What are friends?
What do they help you accomplish in life?
The ones that you think are your real friends,
hurt you the most.
The ones that you dislike you or you dislike them,
care for you the most.
Friends are supposed to always be there,
but where were you the one day I needed you the most?
I thought you would always be there for me,
but there was that one day,
that you told me you didn�t fucking care about me anymore.
You always told me you would be there for me,
you always said you cared,
but you lied.
What you told me today,
you should have told me long before,
maybe it wouldn�t have hurt as much if I knew,
but you had to wait,
you had to hurt me,
you had to watch me suffer.

I sit here all alone,
waiting for you,
waiting for you to show up,
or just a call.
You always say you will call,
but you never do.
When you say you will show up,
I�m lucky if you call.
You always said you loved me,
you always said you cared,
but you never ment what you said,
you just made me believe it.

i thought i was fine,
i thought the pain had ended,
i thought i would never feel that way again,
but i thought wrong.
the pain has returned,
and feels just as strong as before.
the lonliness has also returned,
as well as the depression.
i still dont know what i have done wrong,
and still, no one will tell me.
thats all i want to know,
the truth, and only the truth.
please tell me my wrong doings,
please tell me what you really think,
please tell me it wasnt all a joke.
i have done all i can,
and will continue to do so.
i just wish i had someone to talk to,
someone to call a friend,
someone offering a shoulder to cry on,
and a little advise.
i just wish i could keep something without fucking it all up.