The Protector was an overall excellent essay because of the exposition, use of diction, suspense, irony, and imagery. Despite the vagueness of some situations and a weak conclusion, the essay was effective. The Protector, written by David Morrell, was an intense novel that was in various ways believable and real.

This opening paragraph is a good example of forecasting, (setting up the reader for what’s coming)but the sentence structure is a little awkward. Some restructuring and subordination would make this flow better.

 

The exposition of the essay played a major role in making it interesting. David Morrell described the personality of the main character, a man by the name of Cavanaugh, early in the essay. Cavanaugh had learned a long time ago that one of the secrets of being a capable protective agent was to pay attention to shoes and watches (Pg. 13) This quote exemplifies that fact that the exposition described the main character well because it explained why Cavanaugh is a very alert man that is always cautious. The exposition also depicted the some of the main character’s habitual actions. “¦pay attention to shoes and watches (Pg. 13).”

The use of examples her is good, but the format is off a little. The parenthetical reference needs to go outside the quotes and attention needs to be paid to punctuation & capitalization (although in this case it my be a computer rather than a user error.

 

This quote exemplifies the fact the Cavanaugh is always in a cautious mind set and aware of the people and objects around him. The plot began to unfold in the exposition. An example would be Cavanaugh got out of the car, a two-year old Ford Taurus that Global Protective Services had supplied (Pg. 21).The exposition led right into the plot so that with the information that I had acquired from the exposition I was able to begin to relate to some of the new situations that Cavanaugh began to experience. The exposition contributed to the interest I had in the essay as much as the use of diction did.

Some good detail here. A lot of concrete facts and descriptions. Writing, however, must appeal to the reader. If we get too stiff in our structure we risk boring our audience. Since our purpose is to inform them, we can’t afford to have them shutting down.

 

Diction, the choice words used in a literary work, helped the essay to be short and concise so that every phrase was intriguing and useful to the essay. The type of diction used throughout the essay was simple sentences. For example in Section One, Threat Assessment, Cavanaugh answers No (Pg. 33) to various questions. Another example would be in the last part, Section 7 Threat Elimination, when Cavanaugh answers Yes, she got involved (Pg. 383).These examples show the diction to be simple because they are short and have no double object or action. Diction also made the essay easy to comprehend. I’m sorry (Pg. 382), was a phrase I found easy to understand as well as when Jaime, another protagonist, said Yes (Pg. 141). These made the essay easy to comprehend because they are easy words that are often used. The use of diction not only helped the essay to be comprehendible, it also contributed to the flow of the rising action. The sentence, Yes (Pg 145), followed the flow of the essay. It didn’t interrupt with excessive words, unnecessary repeated information, or facts. Diction played a major role in making the essay easy to read for me.

What elements of diction did you find powerful? It’s good to identify when something is done, but we want to take it further. How was it used? Why? What do we specifically call it? By being specific and showing the effect we better inform our readers.

Suspense in The Protector, made the essay captivating. Suspense was used effectively throughout the essay. At the beginning of the book in Section 2, Threat Avoidance, The roar of flames blocking the passageway was matched by the howl of the wind they created. The heat was intense enough to suck the remaining oxygen from the bunker, causing a fierce wind from the interior that stopped Cavanaugh’s reflexive backward motion and instead pushed him forward (Pg. 118). This quote was suspenseful because it left me thinking; will Cavanaugh escape the fire to safety? Another example of suspense would be at the end of the book in Section Five, Threat Escalation; with a drone, the concrete door descended, blocking the sun. Three feet. Two feet. Cavanaugh cherished the final sliver of light. Then, with a hollow thump as the door closed, he and Jaime were enveloped by darkness (Pg. 250). This quote also exemplifies the use of suspense because it left me wondering, how does Cavanaugh get out of this situation?

Avoid telling the reader when you have quoted something. Both the quote marks and the parenthetical reference should be sufficient to let them know. If something is obvious you can trust your reader enough to leave it out, otherwise we risk being redundant.

 Suspense was also vital to the turning points in some parts in the story. The quote, No matter how he calculated it, he always came back to the same answer: the one person in the world he didn’t want to contact and the only one he could (Pg. 127) is an example This quote turned the essay from the climax down to the falling action by concluding the climax of the story and beginning the falling action. Suspense not only helped the flow of , it also displayed a lot of information about the characters’ personalities. The quote, The flames got closer. Pressed down by the accumulating heat, Cavanaugh squirmed forward past other boulders, straining to fan some distance from the fire behind him(Pg. 122) portrayed Cavanaugh as a strong willed person because He could have just given up and accepted death, but he kept fighting and escaped death. The use of suspense made the essay intriguing for me. Even with suspense the essay did have some parts that could have been better.

You touch on a number of strong points in this paragraph. Consider where you could develop them or tie them in to make them more effective.Starting to add stronger examples, good. That helps the reader understand what it is you’re talking about. It’s especially helpful if they’re not comfortable with all the terminology that you are.

 

A weak conclusion was one of the two deficient areas in The Protector. The conclusion was abrupt. An example would be in Section 7, Threat Elimination, “As she drifted back to sleep, her bruised lips formed what might have been a smile (Pg. 401).”  The conclusion was sudden because Cavanaugh was fighting the Antagonist and then he was in the emergency room with his wife as the essay ended. While the conclusion was abrupt is was also confusing. I didn’t understand how Cavanaugh got to the hospital or when his wife had been admitted. Through the confusion the conclusion left me uncertain. I was uncertain if Cavanaugh’s wife survived or if Prescott, the antagonist, went to jail. I didn’t know because the book didn’t say if the antagonist suffered the consequences of his action or if the protagonist’s survived. The weak conclusion was one of the two deficiencies in the essay and the vagueness of some situations was the second.

Here are some good examples of supported negative criticism. Too many readers think they have to think their book was great, when in truth many of them are awfully. It’s okay to hate a book, as long as you know why you hate it. It’s even okay to love it, but dislike part – what’s more it’s normal.

 

There was one large unclear situation in the essay that took away from the essay’s appeal. The situation created confusion. The situation is when Cavanaugh was overtaking the antagonist, Prescott and said, “You’re just beginning to understand what fear is (Pg. 399)”. I assume that Prescott is on his way to jail, but the essay in inconclusive on the issue of what was meant for Prescott. The lack of detail in the situation took away from the essay. The situation deducted from the essay because the essay was all action and description. It abruptly stopped the action. The situation also caused the antagonist to seem unimportant to the essay. Because what eventually happened to antagonist wasn’t written into the essay the antagonist just didn’t seem as important. He went through the whole essay doing all he evil and received no reward or consequence. Even with the vagueness of that one situation the essay was still excellent because of the use of irony and imagery.

Be certain to use complete sentences that have clear modifiers so that your audience isn’t confused about your subject matter. A misplaced or dangling modifier can ruin an otherwise excellent point.

 

Irony was used effectively in the essay. Another protagonist that Cavanaugh was helping keep alive turned against him and tried to kill him. An example of Cavanaugh trying to help Prescott is when he says, “Please remember you sent for me, I’m here to help you (Pg. 28)” An example of Prescott trying to kill Cavanaugh is, “Prescott rained the shotgun as if about to swing a baseball bat (Pg. 396).” The irony made the essay interesting by giving it an exciting twist. In a sense the victim became the hunter and Cavanaugh became the prey. The irony in! The irony also made the essay more real. The essay seemed more real because people backstab other people all the time. A person can do something for somebody and then have that person turn on them and come after them. The irony in the story made it easy to relate to. The irony played an important role in the story, but imagery was used throughout the story the most and made it appealing and intriguing.

What you might consider here is discussing (even defining) the different kinds of irony, and then tell why you believe the author used the ones he did. Minor point: avoid exclamatory sentences in research papers. It’s good that you’re trying to keep a natural voice to your writing, but that structure really doesn’t work here.

 

There was an extensive use of imagery made the story extremely believable. The quote, “an overweight man in his forties ¦wore wrinkled slacks and an equally wrinkled white shirt that had sweat marks and clung to his ample stomach (Pg. 28).” A second example is,  “The light from the flames were so intense that he saw individual needles on the trees’ braches and the texture of the trees’ bark.  The examples made the situations incredibly believable and realistic. The amount of imagery in the story helped keep my attention. A quote that assisted in the keeping my attention is, “He smelled the nauseating coppery odor of blood (Pg.115).” An example like that really helped me relate to the story and think about my experiences with blood. It let me focus on the situation. Imagery lasted throughout the essay. At the beginning of the story in Section 1, Threat Assessment is, The man was in his thirties, of medium height and weight, with short dark hair. At the end of the story, in Section 7, Threat Elimination is “… a solidly built woman with short hair, she and Grace looked remarkably similar in height and physique.  The imagery, which helped tie the essay together, was the most important element in The Protector.

Think about how you might restructure this final paragraph to give it a little more punch. It’s clear that you’re using Nestorian organization in this essay, (which is exactly what you should use)but I think with some re-wording or re-organization you could put a little more bite in this ending.