Holy Underwear

Have you ever heard the expression holy molly,

or holy cow, or even holy underwear?

But then again that's not an expression

because I once had a pair.

Ah yes, that story will never fail.

I suppose you want to hear the tale.

I received a gift, underwear, brand-spanking new.

Pretty little things...purple, or maybe they were blue.

In any case I loved 'em with all my heart and soul.

I wore 'em almost everyday, even when they sprung a hole.

My mother screamed, "Those underwear will freeze to your behind!"

What the heck, more of me to love, I sure wouldn't mind.

Then, not too much later the holes accounted for were two.

As the months went by the more holy they grew.

After a while I had to take a shower.

I couldn't have been long...no more than an hour.

When I stepped out, to my surprise,

my holy underwear vanished before my very eyes.

Hurry! Call the police, an investigator, the FBI.

Then I found new underwear, I wanted to die.

I blamed everyone in the house, I couldn't help it.

Then I found out my mother was the culprit.

She admitted to it all- she threw them into the trash.

Oh, and then she tried to bribe me with a little cash.

The next thing you know I was in tears.

I couldn't believe never again I would wear my holy underwear.

Now that I think about them I can't help but mourn.

I can't help but think how my holy underwear will never again be worn.