edward "ted" wells.
vocals, keyboard
one time ted, ted's friend pete, and dan buescher were out hiking along one of bloomington, indiana's many railroad tracks. it was getting on towards dark, and the companions found themselves in a strange, run-down part of town. they abandoned the tracks, and moved onto a poorly-lit road. as they passed by a shadowy house, a huge dog, mouth watering, bounded out of the shadows and started snarling at them. everyone stopped in their tracks. pete, ever the boy scout, gave instructions: "ok, no one look the dog in the eye, and start backing away slowly." dan and pete did this, but they soon noticed that ted, instead of moving backwards, was moving FORWARDS, towards the growling dog. "ted, what are you doing? come on, man!" said dan, sweating bullets. "ok," said ted, "on three, we all charge the dog. i'll kick it in the mouth, then pete, you stab it with your knife. dan, if it's still alive after that, you crush its skull with your boot."
as if on command, the dog ran away.

ted was, and continues to be, one spectacularly badass dude.

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