| Title: The Wonderwall Diaries Author: Priscilla Entry 7 October 9, 1989 A week had gone by in a blur of moving preparations. Preparations to go back to a city and a life that I had unwillingly given up and ended up thanking God himself for that same move later on. We would be leaving tomorrow, bright and early. Jess had come by the day after the others were arrested and told me that he was going to California to visit relatives and to give the cops time to cool off. He looked pale that day, his blue-gray eyes peering deeply into mine as we said our final goodbyes. "There ain't ever gonna be anyone like you for me Jade. I think I've loved you since the first time I saw you." His brazen and unhindered revelation shocked me into a stupor of sorts. Seconds ticked by as I tried to regain my composure and Jess tried not to stare at me. I couldn't believe that he'd felt this way all these years and I hadn't had a clue. God, and how I'd flaunted my relationship with Mark in his face. "I'm sorry.... I didn't know." Was all I could come up with, and even that felt inadequate. He had just set his soul on the line and I couldn't give him mine in turn. It hurt to hurt him but I love Mark and he needs me more right now. "You not knowing was sort of my decision. Anyways that's not what I came here for....I-I came to say goodbye to you the right way." He said and before I could even blink he'd cupped the sides of my face in his hands and kissed me softly on the lips. I don't know why I didn't pull away. It was almost as if I felt I owed him the kiss, for all the things he must of felt and never found the opportunity or courage to tell me. "This isn't goodbye Jess, or at least I won't let it be. This is I'll see you around.....So, I'll see you around Jess Stranton." He smiled for the first time in about a month, making his eyes shine with some kind of life as he nodded his head in acceptance and hopefully understanding of what I'd just said. "Ok, I'll see you around then, Jade Corleone." He said before wrapping his strong arms around my body tightly. I tried to hold them back, I tried really hard, but still found the tears seeping through my tightly closed eyes lids and seeping into his shoulder as I sobbed. I hurt so badly then, and saying goodbye to Jess was only the tip of the iceberg. I would probably need therapy after saying goodbye to Mark. We pulled away from each other and smiled cheesy grins before shaking hands like we had for years. Jess looked at me then and nodded before turning on his heel and walking down the block. I watched his retreating form until he came to the end of the block and turned the corner. I stood there long after he'd gone and tried to calm myself down. I HAD to stop crying. After several minutes, I finally managed some kind of semblance of what calm usually felt like, and zippered my coat all the way up trying to keep warm. Then I realized the cold feeling wasn't from the October breeze ruffling the trees, it was coming from me. With a deep breath, I pulled my hair out of my face and started walking down Franklin St. to the bus stop. There waited the bus that would take me to see Mark......for the last time. Title: Wonderwall Diaries Author: Priscilla Entry 8 October 10, 1989 I almost chickened out. The bus dropped me off in front of the docks of the ferry that goes to Deer Island Prison in Boston Harbor and I felt queasy suddenly. My knees felt like they were going to give out as I looked up at the monstrosity before me. Barbwire and electric fences as far as the eye could see. From the outside, it looked dark, as if there were still some hours before the interior of the place got any sun. I closed my eyes, trying not to focus on what kind of hell Mark must be going through. Inside a dark, damp, 8x10 cell. I wondered if he had to share it with anyone? If he was eating? If anyone had messed with him, and if they had, was he alright? I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was time to do this. I was relieved as I looked around and saw that I was not the only one waiting for the damn boat. Whole families sat together talking animatedly about what they would ask their loved one, or what they expected their first time inside a prison to be like. I shook my head and looked out over the grayish waters, wishing I could turn back time and stop these past few days from happening. Finally, the ferry was docked and the passengers were allowed off. Guards were waiting for us on land, told us briefly what to expect when we got in the prison. The metal detectors, the personal belongings inspections, blah, blah, blah. When they thought that enough had been said about the issue of safety, we were allowed inside the prison. There we were run through a million safety checks and then had to fill out paper work about the person we were there to see. After a good half an hour of hearing more safety rules, the group of visitors was moved into the visitation area. I was told to sit on the first seat on the right side of the table. After a couple of minutes of staring at an empty seat in front of me, two uniformed guards brought Mark in. He looked like hell, but then who could blame him. He was wearing the standard gray button down shirt and pants uniform that all the inmates wore; he was paler than I�d ever seen him in his life and he looked so tired. My heart constricted when he looked up and saw me sitting there. A smile spread across his features as they brought him over to the other side of the table and removed the handcuffs on his hands so that he could hold the phone through which we would talk. I smiled back weakly, and pointed to the phone before picking it up. "Hi M." I said, my voice cracking slightly. "Hi baby, I miss you so much." He whispered into the phone and I couldn�t stop the tears from slipping. "I�m so sorry Mark." I sobbed. "For what? Me being stuck in here is no one�s fault but mine." He said, his hazel eyes boring into me. "For everything...... and for what I�m about to do." I said clearing my throat, so I didn�t choke on the knot forming there. I wanted to have the strength to get up from the table and run away from this pain. I hated that glass separating us, I wanted to touch him one last time, to feel his warm skin on mine one more time before I walked out of this place, out his life. "When I first came to Dorchester I was alone and pissed off at the world for the life that I was leading. Then I met the guys, and they gave me a reason to feel good about being Jade Corleone. They helped me realize that having a lot of friends isn�t the ultimate goal, its having people who give a damn whether you live or die. I was happy for the first time in a while then, I thought I was complete. And then I met you, and I realized you were the missing piece. I love you so much." "I love you too baby, but what are you trying to tell me?" Mark asked, his brows furrowed together in confusion as he looked at me. "I�m leaving, Mark. To New York." I managed to choke out into the phone and turned my face away from him. Away from his glowing amber eyes and the pain radiating in them. "When do you leave?" He whispered, rubbing his face with his hands. He always did that as a front, so that the other person didn�t think that whatever they�d said had bothered him in the least. But I knew him better than that. "I didn�t expect you to stay....to wait for me, I thought I was ready to let you go. I can�t let you go Jade. This place.....its gonna kill me..... and the only thing I know that can keep me afloat is you." He said, removing his hands from his face to stare at me. I sobbed openly then, not able to hold anything in anymore. He�d never spoken to me so openly before and it ripped me up inside. How could I leave him? My heart, in this cold, barren, lonely place? Surrounded my murderers and rapists. "I don�t want to leave you." I choked between sobs. My world was falling apart, right before my eyes. "You never will. You�ll always be here." He said pointing to his chest where his heart was. He put his open palm on the glass in front of me and nodded his head. I placed my open palm over his on the glass. A tear slipped from his eye and down the side of his face as he whispered, "I love you." before hanging up. The same guards that had brought him over to the table returned and cuffed him; all the while, as he walked away from me, our eyes never left each other. |