| Title: Queen of the Night Author: Starlett Chapter 21 Meditating. Ugh. She hated sitting still and couldn't slow down her mind, no matter how hard she tried. "Stop trying so hard," Mr. Zhou said, sitting next to her with his eyes closed. He didn't seem to have any trouble with it, she thought, aggravated. "I can't," she complained. "Try a mantra," he replied, exhaling deeply. "I'm not repeating any stupid phrases," she muttered, closing her eyes tighter. Mr. Zhou chuckled softly. "Well, pick something that's not stupid. Pick something you like." Cordy opened one eye and looked at him. He was the picture of relaxation. She wrinkled her nose. "I don't know anything." "What about the 23rd Psalm?" he asked, his voice dreamy. "If not that, something else. You know something positive, surely?" "The only thing positive I know is shopping. Hey! How about 'Dolce and Gabbana'? I could just repeat that over and over." "Whatever works, Cordelia," Mr. Zhou said. "Now, be quiet. I'm meditating, even if you're not." "Sure, rub it in," Cordy said. She gave up and flopped back on the grass so she could look up at the sky. Between storms, clouds floated, high and light, and a few birds glided overhead. If she turned her head slightly to the left she could see the tops of the pine trees. They tiptoed softly in the chilly breeze, and as she watched, she felt her breathing slow and her mind empty out. Open up. "No. Oh, no," she said, her eyes going wide. "Cordelia?" "Vision," she cursed, her body stiffening. She grabbed her forehead as the flashes exploded through her skull. It was bad. Really bad. More vamps. Only this time they hit the 5:30 a.m. drop-off at a daycare in Silverdale, a couple of miles from her apartment. From outside the flashes she could hear Mr. Zhou whispering to her. "Cordelia, the river," he suggested, his voice a hypnotic murmur. "Remember to float, to ride the current." Even as she thrashed with the agony of the vision, Cordy felt the energy change. The pummeling force went from battering ram to tidal wave, from tidal wave to riptide. The seizures became undulations, her body riding the waves like a boat on the sea. "Yes," he said, stroking her hair off her face. "Let it take you." The strangely erotic punch of the power hit her full force then, and she moaned as it pounded through her. Her body arched as the energy took off, rocket fast, shooting from toes to hips to scalp. Her fingers clawed the earth, her head turning side-to-side as a white-hot sun built itself within her. She moaned, long and low, the current rippling through every muscle and cell, lighting her up like a klieg light. Then the vision ended, and Cordy's body went limp. She lay panting, her clenched hands releasing the dirt she'd palmed. She moved her legs, trying to find a more comfortable position. The pleasure arced through her, dimmer than before, but still present. Her eyes opened, blinking against the bright winter sunlight. "Much better, Cordelia," Mr. Zhou said. "Now take a deep breath." She pulled in air, long and slow, and the heat dispersed, a fire dampened but not extinguished. She took a few more breaths, and, remarkably, her system leveled. After a moment, she rolled to her side and pushed herself into a sitting position. "How is your head?" he asked, helping her find her balance. Cordy frowned and pressed her dirty fingertips to her temples. "Better," she said, looking at him warily. "What was that? The Powers' version of the Playboy Channel?" He laughed. "As I said, it can be very erotic. As well it should be. After all, you are dancing with power from which all life sprang." He stood, brushed off his pants. "Now, let's go call your warrior." Mr. Zhou urged her to her feet and she leaned heavily on him as she waited for her head to stop spinning. "Okay, I've got it now," she said, steadying her legs beneath her. The movement sent hot spear of pain lancing through her chest. Cordy winced and pressed her hand between her breasts. "Ow," she said, looking at Mr. Zhou in confusion. Her features twisted into a grimace. "What was that?" Mr. Zhou watched her closely as he guided her toward the house. "It is the connection making itself known." Cordy limped beside him. The ache throbbed angrily, like a toothache or a sprain. "What?" she asked, breathing shallowly against it. "You mean my link with Angel? Mr. Zhou nodded, helping her slowly down the path. "Part of what causes you pain is the link, itself. As you are learning to channel the visions, so we must also find a way for you to channel the link." "It didn't seem to bother Doyle." With each minute, the pain in her chest intensified, spreading maliciously to her throat, her belly. Sweat broke out on her forehead even as she tried desperately to concentrate on what Mr. Zhou was saying. "He was part demon. His body was strong enough to contain the connection. But I'm sure he had difficulty with it as well." They stopped at the steps leading up to the deck. "Why does it have to hurt so much?" Cordy gasped, bending over and resting her hands on her knees. Her breaths came in shallow pants, and sweat pooled at her hairline. A clammy wave split over her and her mouth watered, the metallic taste nearly overwhelming. "Oh, no. Gonna be..." she groaned. She fell to her knees and vomited, her dinner coming up in a violent burst. She whimpered, heaved again. Sweat trickled down her temples. Mr. Zhou knelt next to her, his hand cool and soothing on the back of her neck. "Poor dear," he said, his voice soothing. "I know this must be uncomfortable for you." Cordy groaned. "Uncomfortable times a hundred," she panted. "Try that and you're getting close." Mr. Zhou patted her back comfortingly. "This is all very normal, especially for a link as strong as yours. Every day I am getting closer to a way of allowing you to live with this. Until then, simply understanding it will make it easier on you." "It has to," she whimpered, sitting back on her heels and wrapping her arms around her waist. She leaned her head against the stair rail. "Are you feeling better?" She breathed carefully as the nausea subsided, leaving behind a dull throbbing bruise in the center of her chest. The ache pulsed with each beat of her heart. "Angel," she whispered. "I have to call him," she said, pushing her hair off her sweaty cheeks. "I wish I had my cell phone." "There's no coverage up here in any case, my dear." He helped her to her feet and through the house. "Land lines seem to work just fine at your neighbor's, though," she muttered. "Yes," he agreed. Mr. Zhou opened the Blazer's door and helped her in. He closed the door behind her, then rounded the hood and settled himself behind the steering wheel. Cordy's head lolled against the headrest. She was silent as he pulled out of the garage, then eased the car down the dirt path and turned onto the gravel road. As her stomach settled, she felt slightly more capable of conversation. "Why *don't* you have a phone, anyway? You obviously don't mind technology," she said, remembering the titanium laptop on the kitchen desk. "No, I just like my peace and quiet." They hit a bump and Cordy rubbed her chest and winced. "Don't you ever get lonely? Don't you ever just wanna...reach out and touch someone?" He glanced at her before returning his attention to the twisting road. "Of course. But it passes. Besides, we're never really alone, you know." Cordy squinted out the window at the tree trunks, the dark, chilly shadows of the forest undergrowth. "I feel really alone, a lot," she said. "As you begin to understand the nature of your link, you will see that all is connected. Nothing can exist by itself. We are interdependent creatures, all of us." "Can't exactly go out for pizza with a pine tree, though," she replied, touching her fingertips to the thin pane of glass separating her from the forest. "No, but you don't have to drown your loneliness in television or meaningless relationships, either." Cordy huffed and looked at him. "I like being alone. Just not all the time." "Of course not," Mr. Zhou scoffed. "Why would you? You think, because I live alone, no phone, no TV, that I am a hermit? Hardly. Why do you think I have a house so big, a table that seats twelve?" "I wondered about that." "Besides clients, many people come and stay with me, often for months at a time. I go to Sunnydale monthly to see Marcia. I grocery shop in Fawnskin. I am isolated by choice, Cordelia. And my isolation feeds me, fuels me to do my work. Work like I am doing with you takes an enormous amount of energy, you know." Cordelia blinked. "So this is your work? Like your job?" Mr. Zhou nodded. "As you are a Seer, I am what you would call a shaman. Since a child, I have walked between worlds." "That must be freaky." "Yes, to some. To others, it is a lifeline. A bridge between life and death." "But...but...if it's a lifeline, how can you charge for it? I mean, that just feels..." she waved her hand. "I don't know. We charge for what we do, but still. Two-hundred-fifty-thousand dollars?" He nodded. "I understand. It appears unseemly that I would place so high price on my abilities." "Unseemly," Cordy repeated. "That's a good word." "There's a reason I charge the fee I do. Part is self-preservation. I only have a few clients in a decade. But also because asking a fee like mine makes the relationship clean. Any shaman who doesn't ask for money is charging you in some other way. And it is equally costly, and usually not as pleasant." "What do you mean, not as pleasant? I can think of far more pleasant ways to spend a quarter-mil. If I'd known Angel had that much money, we'd've been racking up points at Chanel months ago." Mr. Zhou laughed as he steered the car carefully around a rut. "I once met a man whose aura had been, as your computer people would say, hacked into. He had entrusted himself to a shaman with less than honorable methods, and the shaman was extracting his payment by draining the man of energy. The shaman grew more powerful, and the man grew weaker. He was on the verge of death when I met him." "Oh, my God," Cordelia gasped. "Did you save him?" "Yes, of course. The shaman was very angry, though," he laughed. "He didn't get his payment in full." Cordy grinned. "I hate when that happens." "Who wouldn't?" "Is that creep still out there?" She could sic Angel on him, teach the man a real lesson. "Oh, yes. I run into him at certain functions. We talk shop, compare notes." He shrugged. "Evil is unavoidable. It's how you respond to it that makes living with it possible." "Angel said the same thing after his epiphany." "Your Angel keeps getting smarter." "Yeah, well, he'd better be home. I'd like him to get smart on those vamps." They turned into the neighbor's driveway and Mr. Zhou tooted the horn. The door opened and Sally, the rancher's wife, stuck her head out the door. "Oh, Martin, Cordelia. Another vision? My dear, you must come and use the phone," she said, stepping back to let them in. Sally invited Mr. Zhou in for a drink after directing Cordy to the office for privacy. The late afternoon sunlight slanted through the half-open blinds, striping the large oak desk. Cordy leaned against the edge and reached for the phone, the ache in her chest turning hot. She had to talk to him. Now. She dialed the hotel, then fiddled with the fountain pens in the penholder as the phone rang. It was answered quickly. "Yo." "Gunn?" Cordy asked, surprised. "Cordy? Hey, y'all, it's Cordy!" At Gunn's words, she heard Wes call her name in greeting as well, his voice warm and familiar. A smile spread across her face. Oh, God, she missed them. "What's up?" Gunn asked. Before she could answer, she heard a scuffle and Gunn's voice, abruptly muffled. "No, wait, Angel, give the phone back," Gunn demanded. "We weren't through talkin'." "Tough," Angel responded. Then, "Cordelia," he said, his voice as clear as if she were sitting right next to him. "Yeah, hey." "Are you okay?" "I'm fine. Just another vision." "You're okay, though?" he asked. His concern made her feel warm, safe. "Yeah. I'm fine. You, however, have a job to do. There's a nasty situation developing out near my apartment," she reported. "Vamp nest. Going after the early morning daycare drop-off tomorrow." "Thanks for the heads-up," said Angel. In the background, Cordelia could hear Wes and Gunn talking, the clank of metal on metal. She wished she were there with them, steeped in their presence as they readied for patrol. "Yeah, if you guys don't get there, it'll be bad. And you need to be extra careful. It'll be close to sunrise," she said. "I don't want to have to worry about you becoming a crispy critter." "Don't worry about me, Cordelia. Just take care of yourself." There was a pause, more noise in the background, then silence, as if Gunn and Wes had left the room. "How's Connor?" She could almost hear Angel's smile. "He's great. He slept through the night for the first time." "Good for him! I'll bet that was strange for you, though." "Yeah. He's definitely his own little person." "I miss him," Cordy said wistfully. "Yeah," Angel said. There was a moment of humming silence. "Well, I should go," Cordy said, feeling like a high school girl who didn't want to hang up on her boyfriend. She rolled her eyes at her goofiness, but the feeling didn't go away. "Yeah, me too," Angel replied, his voice soft and even. Cordy twisted the cord around her finger, confused by the rush of need that flooded her. "Okay, well," she said. "Be careful." "Cordy," Angel said, his voice nothing more than a whisper. "Yeah?" she breathed. There was a beat of silence. Two. "I miss you," he sighed. Cordy felt a laugh, hot and joyful bubble up from her throat. "Oh, God, Angel, I miss you too. I thought it was just me." "No, I mean, we all miss you. But, I don't know, I just..." he trailed off. Cordy sighed, the golden bubble of joy bursting and leaving behind a soft, happy glow. "I know." The line went silent again. "Be safe," Angel finally said. "You too," Cordy replied, the words feeling inadequate. "Talk to you soon?" "You'd better," Angel declared. Cordy's smile felt like the sunrise. She hung up the phone and stood, staring across the desk, her eyes unfocused, her body soft. "Just four more weeks," she whispered. Title: Queen of the Night Author: Starlett Chapter 22 Cordelia woke sometime deep in the night, her room cloaked in darkness, the mosquito netting rippling softly in the chilly night air. She lay still, listening to the silence, trying to figure out what had wakened her. Nothing stirred in the house. She wasn't thirsty and she didn't need to pee. But something had nudged her awake. It was the moon, she realized. It was full and bright, its silver rays casting a slant of light across the floor nearly as bright as a street lamp. Fascinated, got out of bed and stuck her foot in it. She'd never seen moonlight like this, a purpled silver haze that illuminated everything it touched from the inside out. It turned her skin an eerie violet, making the tracery of veins stand out against the paled flesh. She stepped all the way into the silver slant and let it wash over her body, feeling the kiss of the breeze on her skin and imagining that it was actually the moon's cool touch. Outside the night birds called and the treetops sang their windy song. Ignoring the chill, she padded onto the deck and leaned against the rail. All sleepiness vanished as she saw, for the first time, just what Angel loved about the night. It was softer, deeper than the day, a place where shadows ruled. She stepped off the porch and onto the grass, feeling the cold tickle beneath her feet, and the dampness that would become frost by morning, collecting on the legs of her pajamas. She breathed the clean air deep into her lungs, letting it spread through her entire body. Gooseflesh rose, sending a tingle over her skin. It reminded her of brushing against Angel first thing in the morning, before he'd had a chance to collect heat. It was comforting and a little scary. The woods were so dark, like black velvet, and they pulled her irresistibly to them. She slipped along the trail, kicking up dust. It coiled around her ankles like a gray cat, soft and mysterious. Trees towered over her now, and as she followed the path, she noticed the different texture of the shadows, the intricate weaving of leaves and branches. Small animals scuffled in the bushes and somewhere far off an owl hooted. The forest was lit by silver, stained-glass patches of moonlight, a light so penetrating that it went places even the sun couldn't find. She saw things that she missed during the day, despite the fact that she'd walked the path for nearly three weeks. A rock shaped like a man's face; a tree with limbs that touched the ground like fingertips; a glowing column of light that became the space between two oddly bent trees. She inhaled, awestruck, as she realized that for the first time since high school she was out at night by herself, with no stake in her pocket and no warrior or Slayer to protect her. And she felt perfectly safe. As the visions smoothed out and she opened herself to the energy behind them, her sense of being connected to the rest of the world expanded. If there had been anything dangerous out here, she would have known it from the moment she stepped off the deck. Joy flashed through her and she ran, laughing wildly, meeting the breeze breath for breath. Oh, it was so beautiful, and it made her miss Angel terribly. Even as she thought it, the link opened, sending its luxurious, sensual spell over her. She exhaled with it, welcoming the erotic throb, courting it now like a surfer courted a wave. Her mind opened with it, and she saw herself as if from above, a small, dark-haired woman, running joyfully through the night. Then the link opened wider expanding with her desire to see. Angel's suite came into her mind, its quiet masculine atmosphere as comforting as the moonlight. It was empty now, but he would be home in a couple of hours. She wanted to be there to see him come home that night; she wished she could travel in dreams the way Mr. Zhou could. She would wait for him in his leather chair, sleeping lightly under the lambswool blanket. Being separated from him was like watching the moon disappear behind clouds. She didn't understand why her feelings for him had changed; she had never needed him like this before. Maybe absence did make the heart grow fonder. She laughed again, rounding a wide curve and coming into a clearing. The moon iced her hands as they pumped with each step, throwing a lavender shadow on the path next to her. She jogged up the hill toward the house as the moon sailed overhead and the owls sang their call and response. She understood the word holy now, and the word worship. She wanted to take Angel's hand and say, yes, now I understand. Now I understand how some things live their entire lives at night. |