sunday. 30 november 03
yupx.. one week le.. and i didn't blog at all.. hehe.. corrected all the dates le.. if not my life will still be stuck in october. going to herwin's birthday party later. bea and isk shopping for a kinky tong for him now as we dun have money to buy him a prada underwear. lolx..hmm?, serene @ 4.22pm
sunday. 23 november 03
we had a very simple dinner together at pastamania.. he didn't eat much.. quite worried coz he's not feeling well.. he gave me a white purple crystal bracelet..=) hee.. i lurve it. =) walk abit and went home.. LurVe Him lOTs!!!!..i must be very excited today.. i posted 3 entries le.. wahahaha.. =)filled with happiness, serene @ 11.18pm
dear bing le.. went hospital last night.. that explains why i couldn't find him last night.. today's our 4th month together..waiting for him to come now.. hee...beam with hope, serene @ 6.22pm
today.. is our 4th month today.. its 1.49am now.. very worried about ed.. can't find him for the past few hours.. hope that he's doing fine.. until now.. still afraid that he wasn't happy with this arrangement.. i dun mind we go back to friends again.. as long as he's happy. its so long.. i didn't see him laugh happily le.. missed his smiles..feel very burden to him.. i lurve him..beam with hope, serene @ 1.51am
wednesday. 19 november 03
we patched.. that was wat i least expected.. i'm not a coward.. just that i realize u can't force someone u lurve to be with u, he wun be happy. really hope things will be back to the norm and i swear i wun throw anymore unreasonable tempers. i really like him alot..beam with hope, serene @ 11.28am
i msged him.. hoping he wun blame himself or anything.. tried my best to make him happier by telling him i'm alright.. i was alright.. but after talking to him again.. i feel like shit. i lied again.. i told him i will be right in bed after i put down the fone. i can't sleep.. i dunwant to try to sleep. i'll be tossing ard and think alot.. that makes me worst.. its better if i make myself busy.. i have to be brave.. i really have to.. i lurve him alot.. alot.. alot more than i tot i do.. i really hope he can live happily after he made this decision.... i told him i understood why he left me.. but i dun..i lied.. i am big liar. i should learnt that time.. i tot.. he will be different.. he is different.. but same in the end.. he promised me he wun read my blog. this is still my place to rant.. cry and complaint...in tears, serene @ 1.48am
tuesday. 18 november 03
feeling down.. sad..devastated..i am feeling lost.. for 2 days.. edwin dumped me.. i am trying very hard to live on now.. at least at this moment.. i'm still breathing and living. i wanted to do something that made me better.. but all the things ard me is all so edwin-related.. i managed to convince myself that i dun hate him.. but i still can't convince myself that i dun hate myself.. its the first time i'm being dumped.. all the feelings is so new.. hard to cope.. in fact.. too hard.. even writing this blog entry is definitely hard for me.. struggling against tears.. i'm lost.. i dunno wat i need to do.. i dunno wat i want to do and i also dunno wat i have to do.. i was hiding underneath my covers for the past day.. not sleeping.. and not going to work.. i'm lost.. he must be feeling bad.. i wanted to msged him to tell him.. i'm living well.. and hope he is living well too..to make him better... but i dun have the courage.. i really wish i have the courage to face this.. face him.. and friends again.. but its hard.. so hard.. how i wish.. i can just sleep.. sleep..and continue to sleep....in tears, serene @ 8.18pm
thursday. 13 november 03
*YawNx* feeling tired. had been very busy the whole week.. work.. went out.. movies.. did alot.. was tired. we talked less.. that equals to quarrel less too.. but i feel the strain and distance too. am i asking too much.. well.. its fun to be lots of friends too. =)hmm?, serene @ 11.48pm
friday. 7 november 03
torn.. and sad. i didn't feel like talking to edwin at all.. i felt so unimportant.. so useless..to him. why he can't treat me alil more like a gf.. i dun even feel like a friend to him..if he still dun realize wat went wrong.. and continues to think that i am angry with him.. we're really through..listening to his fav song now..we're not going to have the same ending..the saddess thing.. is not the person u like.. doesn't like u.. is both in love.. but doesnt work... maybe.. we're really not fated.. the next time i blog.. i shall sign as a single serene..torn, serene @ 1.24am