RED GOLD AU Fan Fiction & Poetry--Miss U.K. "Only In Dreams"

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"Only in Dreams"
Miss U.K.

PG-13 (mature themes)
(Ramadevi/Vamp Xander)
Summary: Alternate Reality "Wishverse" ficlet
Ramadevi's P.O.V.
Ramadevi was teleported into the "Wishverse" and bound to the vampire Xander!
But, somehow, she can never forget that "someone else" once loved her...

I feel him pressed against me, but inside I feel nothing. The emptiness is constant, I am unfulfilled.

He loves me, at least as well as he is able, that I do not doubt. But do I return those feelings? As well as I am able would be my response. Of course I tell him the words he wants to hear, he is a formidable creature after all, perfect some might even say.

I watch him from the shadows, I think he knows this, but I can’t be sure. He is quite a spectacle by moonlight, when the dark shades his face. His white marbled body, muscular and hard stirs an arousal in me that I no longer fight. But still it feels fake, like a dream.

Did I allow my own selfish desire for immortality to cloud my judgment? Would I have been so easily wowed by another? I sometimes feel as if I coupled with this creature through pure desperation, I feared that perhaps my time would never come. Now I will never know. I was rash in my youth, and although I still bear the face of a child bride my heart is wearied by the years I have spent by his side.

He was always the perfect gentleman, even in his feral state. I took precedence over his animalistic urges, but they soon became my urges. I now believe my blood to be a curse and not the gift I once thought it was.

Is this all there is for me now? An endless life at his side, as his consort? I know he still feeds from others, even I cannot suppress such a ferocious appetite. That will only dissipate with age and for his kind, he is still young, almost a child himself.

I still dream of the other. The one. He calls to me and I long to go to him. But he never came for me. Xander did. I was lured by his darkness, the black of his hair and the often furrowed brow. Slight gestures, such as the flex of his arms or the set of his mouth when he is displeased with me, lead me to believe I made the right choice, but I know now I was wrong.

Would you think me foolish if I were to tell you that I believed I saw him recently, the one I mean? He was caged in the Masters home. It’s funny to call him the Master, for he surely isn’t mine, merely Master to my Master. Is that all I’ve become? A slave? If my father could see me now, he would weep with shame, of that I am sure. But I digress, I was speaking merely of ‘him’, caged like a wild animal, only he seemed tamed. Tortured. Although that much, surely, was true. Something in his eyes, a mild look of recognition, or was it simply pleading? For one split second I believed that if I freed him, it would make everything right, stop things from slipping as they are want to do these days, especially when I lay here in the dark.

I was wrong of course; this creature was far too pathetic to be my savior. I walked away from him without a backward glance, but I play the scene over continuously in my mind. What if I had called out to him? What if? But I know it’s just a fantasy. One I should have left behind me by now.

For better or worse I am bound to Xander. That’s how the power of my magic works. The red gold elixir is far more powerful than any marriage vow, and woe betide any who try to break it.

He lies sleeping now, Xander I mean. He still imitates his breathing pattern in sleep and I can here him snoring peacefully, it breaks the silence along with the beat of my own heart, which is racing.

He made love to me this night, but still I feel nothing, almost dead inside. I imagine myself with my dark savior and have to bite back from screaming his name. It comes to me you know, his name. In the height of my passion I can feel it wriggling on the tip of my tongue, but as soon as I’m sated it leaves me, as though it were never there at all.

Each night I cry myself to sleep, I’m sure he knows this. He does everything in his power to placate me, but he could never understand. I could never tell him that I made a mistake. And what good would it do? What is done cannot be undone, even if it were never meant to be.

I close my eyes once more as I bury my head deeper into my pillow and sure enough he comes to me, once again to dance in my dreams.