By Prinesspepper
So I will not forget,
I will not forget.
How this felt one year six months ago�]
Harry Potter's pulse was pounding in his head. He looked around the dark corridor, searching for the source of the dread he was feeling. He knew something was there.
Harry finally saw a crack of light pouring into the black hallway from a little ways down. He started to run towards it. Somehow he knew he would like what he found. But as he ran, the door didn't seem to get any closer.
Harry saw a slight disturbance occur from behind the door. He stopped running to watch what would happen. He gasped as he saw who was behind the door.
Draco Malfoy was standing in the lit doorway, looking very scared and confused. When he locked eyes with Harry, he screamed his name and beckoned him forward.
Harry started running even more urgently now, desperate to get to his former lover. They may have broken up, but that is no reason to let him die! For Harry knew what lay behind the door, inside the room.
But the faster Harry ran, the farther away the doorway seemed to get. Draco screamed again as Harry saw a flash of red light emanate from behind Draco. He was knocked to the floor and all Harry could do was watch, horrified.
As Draco crumpled, Harry saw a second figure come into sight. A figure with red slits instead of eyes, and skin a pale parchment color. Voldemort was in the room.
Harry felt sickened as he watched Voldemort perform the Cruciatus curse on Draco's crumpled form. He had to hear Draco scream and yell and cry out for help. And if he ran, the doorway only got farther away.
After a few minutes of writhing on the floor, Draco finally rolled out of the way, leaving The Dark Lord alone in the doorway. And that's when his cold eyes met Harry's. Harry felt a sharp pain shoot through his forehead as he woke up, screaming.
[//]
"Harry? Harry, are you alright?"
Harry woke up to his boyfriend shaking his shoulders. He had very clearly been thrashing about, because Seamus never woke up to any sort of noise. He had probably almost suffocated him. Harry chuckled at this thought.
"What are you laughing at? Oh my gosh, are you delirious? Here, let me get a potion for you-" but Harry cut him off.
"Seamus, I'm okay. It's fine, it was just a weird dream is all." Harry said soothingly.
"Well it must have been very strange," Seamus said shakily, "You'll never guess what you were yelling!" Harry gave his boyfriend a questioning look. "You kept saying, 'Draco! Draco!' It was really weird. It was really freaking me out quite a bit."
Harry raised his eyebrows in false confusion. "Well I can't imagine why I would say that! Come to think of it, I don't remember what I was dreaming about at all," said Harry, feeling slightly guilty for lying. But he couldn't tell Seamus what really happened; he would get himself all worked up. Seamus was a very paranoid fellow when it all came down to it.
As if reading Harry's thoughts, Seamus went into one of his paranoid fits.
"What's that supposed to mean Harry?! Wait a minute - have you been seeing him? Behind my back?! OH MY GOSH-I get it now! That's why you won't have sex with me! You're getting it from him!"
But Harry interrupted Seamus' fuming. "Love, calm down! I have not been seeing Malfoy! In case you don't remember, we broke up in sixth year. And I haven't seen him since graduation."
Seamus seemed to be coming to his senses. Finally, Harry thought. The lad was rather excitable. So Harry kissed him lightly on the lips. That was sure to calm him down.
Sure enough, it did. Seamus leaned into the kiss and climbed on top of Harry, straddling him. They remained like that for a few minutes, happily enjoying each other.
"Hey Harry?" Seamus said after breaking the kiss.
"Mm? What is it Seamus?" Harry said sleepily.
"I know what will make you feel better after that awful dream. You know what it is?"
Harry rolled his eyes. They'd been through this a million times. "Let me guess. Is it sex?"
Seamus faked a look of surprise. "How did you know?" but then he dropped all the sarcasm and started pleading.
"Come on, Harry! We've been together for six months and we haven't done a thing!"
"Oh, is that what it's all about? Did you only start dating me because you thought I was easy?" said Harry, faking an air of being slightly hurt.
"No, no! Of course not!" Said Seamus defensively. "I - I just thought - well it would be nice! Harry, you only dated Malfoy for, like, three months, and you did it with him!"
Harry glared angrily at Seamus. "Yeah? How do you know? Maybe I didn't!"
Seamus rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Harry, are you really going to tell me you never shagged Draco? Or should I say he never shagged you?" he said with a smirk.
"You know what, it's really none of your business! If all you want is to be laid, go! Break up with me and find someone who's nice and easy!" Harry whispered furiously.
"No, come on, it's not like that!" Seamus protested.
"Then what's it like, Seamus?"
"Do you want to know why I haven't broken up with you, Harry Potter?" Seamus said, his voice now softening.
"Why? I'm very curious." Said Harry, still angry.
"Because - because�" Seamus was getting really very nervous. Harry could tell that he knew what he wanted to say; he was just having a lot of trouble actually saying it. "Because, Harry, I love you."
Harry was quite taken aback. "Wha - what?"
"I said I love you, Harry. Isn't there anything you want to say to me?" said Seamus nervously.
Harry was very, very shocked. He did not expect this at all. The last person who had said that to him (well besides Hermione, and she didn't count), was-Draco.
"Er, Seamus?" Said Harry moments later.
"Yes, what is it?" said Seamus, looking very sad.
"I think I'm going to go take a walk. You know. To clear my head."
Seamus nodded. Harry grabbed his cloak and walked out the door, leaving Seamus behind with nothing but wet eyes and an empty bed.
[//]
Harry couldn't believe how far downhill his life was going, or seemed to be going. He had taken his own advice and moved on, but still somewhere deep inside he knew he could never love Seamus like he had loved Draco. And still did. It pained him more than anything else he had ever experienced to picture Draco, wherever he was, in the arms of some other guy. And in return, Harry never saw Seamus while the two of them were kissing. He imagined himself in the arms of Draco. He knew it was wrong, but he just couldn't help it.
Harry found himself getting lost as he began to dwell upon his past. He missed Draco so much. He yearned for school, even though he knew that even if he were still there, he and Draco would be no more than classmates who never spoke. Just his face was reassuring, though.
Harry was still in love with his ex, and now his current boyfriend was suffering for it. He felt awful, but at the same time he knew he couldn't help it. But the thing was; it wasn't that Harry didn't want to have sex with Seamus. It was that he physically couldn't.
It was actually sort of embarrassing, and that's why he didn't tell Seamus. It did take Harry a while to want to do anything with him, as he was still getting over his previous relationship, and the fact that he and Draco had had sex two nights before their breakup didn't help matters. Harry was now very scared that whenever he allowed someone to shag him that their relationship would end. He knew this was foolish, but again, he couldn't help it.
But that was only the emotional part of it. As previously stated, Harry physically could not make love to Seamus. Something seemed to be holding him back every time he attempted it. Either he felt pain whenever he got close, he all of a sudden got seriously turned off, or some other odd thing happened. He cleverly hid this though by pretending he was merely chickening out. Seamus bought it, of course.
And then there was Draco. Harry knew full well that if given the choice, he would take Draco over Seamus in a heartbeat, and that made him feel just plain rotten. It had been just under two years since the two had broken it off and Harry had missed Draco every second of it.
But see, the whole boyfriend thing was only half of Harry's problems. Less than that, in fact. Harry was going away to Wizard College in two days, in order to train to become an Auror. And he was scared out of his wits.
As Harry rounded the corner into the park, he thought that this was the start of a whole new life for him, and he most definitely didn't feel quite ready. He was still holding onto the past. His mind was telling him it was because he was afraid to leave Seamus. His heart knew better.
The truth was, Harry still had not let go of Draco. Every once in a while when he was really depressed, he would just start thinking about him. He really wanted him back.
But at the same time, Harry didn't know what he would do or say if he should ever happen to see Draco again. He would most likely freeze up, leaving the impression he was a complete idiot. I mean, what do you say to your ex? Especially, when if things had gone your way, they would not be your ex, because you never would have broken up?
But Harry kept telling himself that there was no point in thinking about it; Draco was never coming back into his life.
But just as the words had formed in Harry's mind, he saw a very familiar looking blond head not too far away from where he was standing. Harry's heart seemed to skip a beat just then. There was something about that boy that made Harry weak in the knees.
Harry froze on the spot. He stared transfixed at the figure in front of him. He had not yet spotted Harry, and Harry planned to keep it that way. He quickly looked around and finally darted behind a fountain that was a few feet away. Just in time too, for at that moment, Draco turned around and began walking towards Harry's hiding place. It was then that Harry noticed that Draco was not alone�
Harry felt his eyes cloud with blind fury, but he had the sense to calm himself down before he did anything rash. ''Who knows?' Harry thought as Draco neared him, 'It could just be some random guy that he's friends with. Besides, I'm over him! I've moved on!'
But Harry could never convince himself of anything. Especially the latter. And as it turned out, he was very wrong about the former, as well, for when the pair neared a bench, they sat down and began kissing ferociously.
Harry's eyes widened with horror and jealousy. 'That whore!' Harry thought vehemently, of course not realizing that he was doing the same exact thing with Seamus. All reason clouded by anger, Harry accidentally blew one of the bolts off the bench the couple were seated on with his wandless magic. The person Draco was with jumped, bathing his face in moonlight for just long enough for Harry to identify him.
'ZABINI!' Roared Harry inside of his mind. 'That� that�!' Of course, Harry was fully aware that he himself was no different from Draco; he had gotten a new boyfriend as well. But seeing Draco and Blaise kissing? It made Harry's blood boil.
But it also brought back memories. Harry thought back on when he was in Zabini's position, making out with Draco wherever they could find peace. Harry drifted off into sort of a trance, forgetting where he was for a moment. But just for a moment.
Once again, Harry crashed painfully back to Earth with only one word on his mind: revenge.
So when Draco and Blaise finally shrugged off the strangely behaving bolt and became, er, engrossed in one another once again, Harry snuck off into the shadows to return to his and Seamus' flat.
[//]
When Harry returned, he found Seamus laying face up on the bed with his eyes closed, thinking, apparently. When he heard the door close, his eyes shot open.
"H - Harry? Back so soon?" Seamus pretended to look happy to see Harry, but Harry could tell he was really kind of scared.
But Harry didn't answer him. Instead he walked predatorily towards the bed Seamus was lying on. He jumped atop it and sat on Seamus' legs, kissing him all over.
"Seamus," Harry breathed, "I think I'm ready." But that was just what Harry said. All he was thinking was 'revenge.'
Harry knew that what he was doing was morally wrong; shagging Seamus just to "get back at Draco." But the really sad thing was that Draco wouldn't even know about it. 'Nor would he care,' thought Harry sadly as he was ripping off Seamus' shirt.
So Harry fought through all the things that were holding him back. No matter how much it hurt, no matter what was going through his head, he ignored it all and slid into Seamus, almost derisively.
But as both boys began to reach their climax, something went amiss. Harry was usually quite loud when participating in such activities, and he was not thinking about Seamus when he climaxed. So as Seamus was screaming Harry's name over waves of euphoria, Harry wasn't exactly returning the favor.
"D-Draco!" Harry panted, not noticing his huge error. He slowly pulled himself out of Seamus and lay down on the bed next to him, gasping for breath. When Harry's breathing returned to normal, he turned over to kiss Seamus, but found that he was looking at him strangely.
"Hm, what is it, love?" Harry asked, oblivious to what had happened.
"Funny you should call me that." Seamus muttered coldly, "I'm pretty sure it wasn't me you were thinking about just then."
Harry looked at Seamus with a bemused expression on his face. "What are you talking about?" he said, puzzled, "of course I was thinking about you!" he finished, wincing at his lie. He was fully aware he was thinking of Draco, he just didn't realize he let it on.
"Liar." Whispered Seamus icily, getting off the bed and pulling his clothes back on. "I'll see you around, Harry. Let me know when you get that blond prat off your mind." And with that, Seamus walked out of their apartment, and out of Harry's life.
But Harry didn't care. 'I'm going away to college,' he thought, 'I can't be in college and have a boyfriend who's not going there! That's just� boring!'
But Harry knew that wasn't the only reason he was feeling this way. It was also because with him now being single, he could seek what he really wanted. Which was Draco, of course. For now, all he had was memories to tide him over. But Harry could not live off his dreams. He wanted, no, needed the real thing.
'No matter what it takes, Draco,' Harry vowed silently, tears of determination streaming down his face, 'I will find you.'
