(Note: I've never played all of Zero Wing, I've just watched the "All Your Base" music video and watched the intro. I suck at Zero Wing, so I'll just play this thing by ear. Most of this is based off the music of The Laziest Men on Mars, the musicians who wrote the original "All Your Base" song but retitled it "Invasion of the Gabber Robots." Here we go!)

Being in the military has driven me nuts! Training was hell, my drill sergeant was from hell, the weather was hell, I swear to God I was in hell. What a waste of time too, they didn't teach me anything new. And I was mostly picked on or harassed because I was a girl. Sheesh, I’m a princess, not a pastime for bored generals!

Well, I figured I got my big break when I was assigned to the MacArther, a huge space vessel that patrolled the entire solar system. Finally, no more training in hell…or so I thought. More harassment…and butt slapping. God…hell went with me no matter where I went. Wherever I go, there Hell is! Maybe I should have told a few people that I was the princess of San Francisco, maybe then they'd give me the respect I deserved. But if I did that, then they'd call my dad and husband and send me home to the cesspool I called home. Oye, as I said before about hell…

Well, it's a year later, and I managed to make at least one friend. A man named Taro Veers; a war pilot for a fighter ship called Zig. He's a pretty cool guy, but he was only a cadet. The MacArther personnel never really give him the respect or attention to be a popular guy, only the jerks and dirty thieving bastards get the popularity and the glory. Me and Veers? Well, I'm just a mechanic for the time being, and Veers is a pilot for a ship that will never come into service. We haven't had war in over two hundred years. Probably never will either.

*

**

"Hey Masq?" Veers called, knocking on the door. Coral DragonLore, whom everyone called "Masquerade," put her electronic journal away and walked to the door.

"Taro?" she called through the titanium door.

"Yep. Time to go back to work." Masq nodded, and pushed a button that slid the door open.

"What are we working on?" she wondered, as she stepped out. The door slid closed behind her.

"Communications." Veers explained, pointing his thumb down the hall. "Something's wrong with the connection. Personnel all over the ship sound like a badly translated Japanese video game." Masq laughed.

"Okay, I'll see what I can do with it."

*

**

Masq fiddled around with the wires and controls panels down in the lower levels of the MacArther. She made a suspicious face.

"How odd." She muttered to herself. "Everything seems to be alright. There's no problems at all." She scratched her head. "I better test it out." She plugged in some earphones into the main panel board, and stuck in the earpieces in her ears. She dialed up Veer's apartment intercom. A couple beeps and some clicking sounds assured her that someone answered.

"Veers, is the communication working?" Masq spoke clearly and loudly into the speaker mounted on the main panel board.

"Veers, is communition work?" she heard the computer translate. She bit her lip. If everything was working fine, why was the connection screwed up?

"Call captain." Veers responded. "Communition does nut work."

"Nope. It sure doesn't." Masq groaned, shutting off the comm. "What is going on here?"

Suddenly, a loud explosion rocked the entire ship! Masq was knocked off her feet and the earpieces were yanked out of her ears in the fall. Slowly getting back up, she heard the comm connect to the bridge for the damage report.

"What happen?" the captain demanded. The communications were still screwy. Masq took a look at some of the schematics at the main panel board. Several sections of the ship have been destroyed…systematically. This was no accident. Masq came up with one conclusion, and plugged the earpieces back into her ears.

"Some one trying to kill us set up a bomb!" she reported to the captain. To her nonamazement, the communications screwed up her response.

"I think we're being jammed by another ship…" she said to herself. "But what could possibly…and who would…"

"We get signal." an operator reported.

"What?" the captain wondered. Masq couldn't help but wonder too. No doubt whoever was trying to "signal" them was the bomber. Who would bomb a government ship?

"It's you!" the captain gasped. It was who? Someone the Captain knew?

"How are you gentlemen?" a new voice asked politely. Masq recognized the voice. It was Governor Cats of the Gabber Empire! The no good scoundrel…why would he bomb an Earth spaceship? He wouldn't try to start a war… "All your base are belong to us." Cats continued. "You are on the way to destruction."

"What you say?!" the captain cried out in surprise. Masq could barely understand the situation with the communication acting screwy.

"You have no chance to survive make you time." Cats explained, then laughed. "Ha, ha, ha, ha!"

The bridge was quiet for a while. The poor captain… not that Masq really cared about the butt slapping man himself, but the decision of what to do now must be really hard to make.

"Captain!" the operator called, waiting for an order. Masq waited for an order too. What was going to happen? Was Earth really going to war with Cats?

"Take off every 'Zig.'" the captain ordered sternly. Zig? He didn't mean the one-man war vessels like the kind Veers was trained to fly? Oh God, they were going to war. Masq scampered out of the terminal area, and headed for the hanger. She had to see if the communications weren't fooling her ears. "You know what you doing!" she heard the intercom announce in the hanger just yards from her. "Move 'Zig.'"

"Veers!" Masq called as suited pilots rushed into the hanger. She couldn't recognize any of them with their bug like helmets on their heads. "Veers!"

"Masq!" one of them called. "The ship is going to be attacked. The crew is evacuating. You should go too."

"What about you?" Masq stubbornly asked. "What's gonna happen to you?"

"Cats may strike the Earth next. The captain wants us to wipe out all of his armies before Cats has such intentions."

"You mean…you really are going to war?"

"It's hard to believe, isn't it?"

"Veers…I don't want you to go. You could get killed. The Gabber system has been known for its superior technology. We're at least a hundred years out of date compared to them!"

"We're going to do our best." Veers assured, taking off his helmet, and kissing Masq's hand. "Don't worry, I'll be fine. Meet me in Venice."

"Venice?" Masq wondered in surprise.

"As soon as this whole thing is over, I'm taking you out to dinner. How does that sound?"

"You'd ask me out on a date, Taro Veers?"

"Move 'Zig.'" the captain repeated. Veers put his helmet back on, and saluted Masq.

"Gotta go. Dinner at Venice, okay?" Before Masq could answer, Veers took off into the hanger. Masq scowled after him.

"If you're putting it that way," she growled, rolling up one sleeve, "then I'm getting into one of those Zigs too!" She ran into the hanger.

"For great justace!" the hanger intercom rang with the captain's voice. Masq ignored it, and climbed into an empty Zig.