All entries created by the JJBOFPMB members

Watto: "No, Republic credits will not do fine! What do you think you are, some kinda Jedi waving your hand around like --" SPLAT! "ACH! Damn pigeons!!!" :flies off muttering and wiping pigeon poo off his forehead - Qui Gon is laughing his head off:

* * *

Sebulba: ((If you weren't a slave, I'd squash you right now))

Anakin: ((Chickens are red in the springtime.))

Sebulba: Heh, heh, heh, ((Someone hasn't been studying their Huttese, now have they?))

Anakin: ((Eh? Purple toaster?))

* * *

Vendor: "Hey! That will be seven truguts!"

Jar Jar opens his mouth in surprise, and the frog snaps away, ricochets around the market, and smacks Sebulba in the face, knocking him out of his chair.

Jar Jar doesn't even wait for Sebulba to get up - he runs off the set as fast as he can. The crew is in stitches.

* * *

Jar Jar attempts to snare another morsel of food from the bowl. Qui-Gon tries to catch it and misses.

Qui-Gon: "Wait, do that again, I'm sure I'll catch it this time."

Jar Jar:(muttering)"Dis is da fourteenth time alweady . . . mesa tongue is gettin' mooie tired."

* * *

JAR JAR : "Gungans do die'n without a fight.... wesa warriors. Wesa gotta grand army. Dat why you no liken us, metinks."

PALPATINE and CAPTAIN PANAKA rush into the room and bow before the QUEEN.

CAPT. PANAKA : "Your Highness, Senator Palpatine has been nominated to succeed Valorum as Supreme Chancellor."

PALPATINE : "A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one. I promise, Your Majesty, if I am elected, I will bring democracy back to the Republic. I will put an end to corruption. The Trade Federation will lose its influence over the bureaucrats, and our people will be freed."

AMIDALA : "Who else can be nom--" at this point, Amidala's headpiece slides over her eyes and she steps back to adjust it, and trips over her dress.

Jar Jar catches her as she falls over and helps her stand up again. Palpatine and Captain Panaka are trying to stifle their laughter without success. Jar Jar is laughing too and Amidala covers her face, which is turning rather red from embarrassment. Jar Jar hugs her and she buries her face in his shoulder, giggling helplessly.

* * *

Obi Wan: NOOOOOOO - hic - OOO . . . Obi Wan bursts out laughing and Maul joins him.:

Lucas: Take five!

* * *

Obi Wan: NOOOO - hic - I'm sorry, I can't get rid of -- hic-- these hiccups.

Maul: Drink a glass of water or something!

Obi Wan: I tried that already.

Lucas: Take ten!

* * *

Obi Wan: NOOOO - belches: - excuse me.

:Everyone starts cracking up, including Qui Gon who is lying on the floor:

Maul: You're s'posed to be dead, shut up!

Lucas: Take fifteen!

* * *

:The STAPPS are closely pursuing Qui Gon as he is running through the Naboo swamps. Jar Jar Binks is up ahead and is preparing to cling onto Qui Gon when suddenly, Qui Gon slips in the mud and falls on his face. Jar Jar and everyone else start cracking up.:

Qui Gon's head pokes up and he spits out grass and dirt. "That was disgusting! Bleech!"

Jar Jar: "What, yousa been havin betta mud den dat?" :Jar Jar dodges as Qui Gon throws a mudpie in his direction:

* * *

Obi Wan: "Why do I get the feeling you're taking along another pathetic life-form?"

Jar Jar: "MY HEARD DAT!!!"

Lucas: "Jar Jar!"

: Qui Gon and Obi Wan both start cracking up :

* * *

Sebulba: "Chuba!"

Jar Jar: "Who, mesa?"

Sebulba: ((Does this belong to you?))

Jar Jar: "No."

Sebulba: "Whaddya mean 'no'? That's not in the script. Yer not even s'posed to understand me."

Jar Jar: "Oh, well excuuuse mesa!"

Sebulba: "Don't you talk that way to me!"

:Jar Jar sticks out his tongue:

Sebulba: "That's it!"

: Everyone is prepared to run in there and break up what looks to be about to become a fight. Sebulba and Jar Jar grip hands. :

Sebulba & Jar Jar: "One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war!"

Lucas: ". . ."

* * *

Jar Jar: "Dis way! Hurry!"

: Jar Jar turns around real fast and whaps Obi Wan in the face with one of his long ears.:

Obi Wan: "Ow! Hey!"

Jar Jar: "Oops! My sowwy!" : Everyone off camera starts laughing :

* * *

Boss Nass: "Weesa makin yousa bombad Gen'ral."

Jar Jar: "Gen'ral?! Oh noooo . . ." :Jar Jar faints. Boss Nass chuckles and walks to the left. He promptly trips over Jar Jar and falls down, pinning Jar Jar's legs:

Jar Jar: "Ow ow ow! Get offa mesa!"

Lucas: :laughing: "Cut! Let's try that again!"

* * *

Ric Ole: The shield generator's been hit!

:Alarm blares and droids start going to the chute. R2D2 ungently brushes past Jar Jar:

Jar Jar: How wude!

:R2D2 beeps something back. He gets sucked up the chute -- halfway, and is unable to budge an inch:

Lucas: Cut! Alright, why did that just happen?

:R2D2 replies that he is stuck rather uncomfortably and to please get him out and that he's calling his agent. Jar Jar bursts out laughing and walks offscreen while the set technicians go about trying to get R2D2 out of the chute.:

* * *

Anakin: I really want to do this.

:Shmi smiles and nods her acceptance.:

Qui Gon: Alright, then. Pack your things. We haven't much time.

Anakin: Yipeeee :runs offscreen:---*THUD* -- OW!!!

Shmi: What happened?

Anakin: Um . . . I sorta forgot there was a table there . . . owwww . . .

Shmi: *serving everyone dinner* All slaves have a transmitter hidden in their bodies somewhere.

Anakin: I've been working on a scanner to try to locate mine.

Jar-Jar: *drinks out of his glass*

Shmi: Any attempt to escape...

Anakin: And they blow you up! *slams the table hard* BOOM!

Jar-Jar: *surprised* *chokes and coughs* *pounds on his chest*

Padme: Whoa, JJ, you alright?

Jar-Jar: *clears his throat, and smiles that goofy smile at the camera* My okie-daaaay!

Qui-Gon: *smiles and shakes his head*

* * *

Gunray: They must be dead by now...destroy what is left of them.

(Battle droids stand attention at the open doors full of deadly dioxygen. Suddenly, who should walk out but...)

Jar-Jar: *looks at all the battle droids* HOLY !@#$ *runs away screaming*

OWO-1: ??????? Hey, how did he get here?

(Obi-Wan runs out the door and goes after JJB, while Qui-Gon comes out laughing)

* * *

Gunray: *sitting in his walking, spider-legged mechno chair* Your situation is hopeless. Your Queen is lost, your people are starving, and you will die much sooner than your people, I'm afraid.

Sio Bibble: We are a democracy! The people have...OW! *hops up and down, holding his foot* Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!

Gunray: What happened?

Sio Bibble: Your chair stepped on my foot again!

George: Cut! Okay, let's try that again!

Gunray: Look, can you try walking a little further away from the chair.

Sio Bibble: I did.

George: Okay, you two, take fourteen.

* * *

Nute: My lord...the ship is out of our range. Finding it will be impossible.

Sidious: Not for a Bith.

Nute & Haako: ?????

(Fig'rin Daan and the Modle Nodes walk out behind Sidious instead of Darth Maul)

Fig'rin: Hey, whadaya want now? If I play "It's Raining Men" one more time, I'm gonna start pressing lawsuits.

Sidious: Hey, get outta here! You aren't in this movie!

Fig'rin: Hey George, Ian's blackmailing us off stage!

Sidious: *gets up and shoos the Bith away* GET GET GET! *sits back down* Uh...slip of the tongue. I meant...not for a bitch.

Nute: Uh...Ian, you did it again...

Masq: *shows up behind Sidious instead of Darth Maul* What did you call me?! *smacks Sidious in the head with frying pan*

Sidious: OW! Hey, how did you get here?

Masq: I was babysitting George's kids off stage.

Sidious: *shoos Masq away* GET GET GET! *sits back down* Okay, this time I'll get it right!

George: Take three.

***********************

Sidious: Not for a Spit.

***********************

Sidious: Not for a Sit.

***********************

Sidious: Not for a Fett.

***********************

Masq: *taking Sidious's place* Not for a Sith. *Darth Maul appears* This is my apprentice, Dumb Ass.

Maul: HEY!

Ian McDurmand: *appears on the other side of Masq* Hey! What do you think you are doing?!

Masq: You couldn't get it right, so I decided to stand in for you, and you can dub me over.

Maul: She called a dumbass!

Masq: I speak the truth!

(She, Ian, and Maul continue to argue, Nute and Haako look at the camera.)

Nute: This is getting out of hand. Now there's *three* of them!

Haako: Y'know, we shouldn't have made this bargain...

Masq, Ian, and Maul: DUH!

* * *

(Anakin struggles with his pod, pushing buttons and flipping levers)

Announcer: Wait, little Skywalker is stalled.

(Everybody laughs at him.)

Jar-Jar: C'mon Annie!

(Anakin finally starts his pod, and pushes a lever to start the race, but instead of going foreword, he goes backward)

Announcer: ... And there goes Skywalker!

Jar Jar: Go Annie go!

Qui-Gon: Oh shut up.

Announcer: He's really gonna need luck to catch up with the leaders like that.

George: Okay, Greg, you can stop now...

********************

(Watto works his calculator thingie or whatever it is, and Qui-Gon & co walk into the store)

Watto: *starts hovering over the counter* Good day to y...AAAAAAAAAAA *falls on the ground* Stupid wires...

Qui-Gon: *helps Watto up* Here ya go. *tries to avoid the wires attacked to Watto*

*Padme and Jar Jar start cracking up*

* * *

(Obi-Wan slices Darth Maul in half, and both pieces fall down the melting pit.)

(Camera shows Maul falling, then the camera wobbles a bit)

Cameraman: Oops. *camera falls down the melting pit with Darth Maul*

Maul: *lands on a free fall mat, then looks up* Hey what's that? *sees camera falling towards him* Oh sh... *POW! The camera hits him upside the head* OW! Geezus! Ow!

George: Cut!

* * *

Qui-Gon: *into comlink* Obi-Wan...

Obi-Wan: Yes master?

Qui-Gon: I need an analysis on this blood sample I'm sending you.

Obi-Wan: Wait a minute.

Qui-Gon: I need a mediclorian count.

(Obi-Wan flips on the TV monitor thingie, and Melrose's Place comes up instead of the mediclorian monitor.)

Obi-Wan: Whoops, wait a minute. *flips through the channels on a remote control until he gets to one of those "This is only a test" screen.)

Obi-Wan: Uh...the power reading is off the chart... it's...uh, two! *starts cracking up* George, what channel am I suppost to be having this thing on?

***************************

(Qui-Gon and Darth Maul face off on Tatooine)

Maul: Whoa, whoa! Time out! George, my horns are falling off again!

George: Trisha, get the crazy glue. Ray's horns are coming off again.

Maul: This is embarrassing.

Jar Jar's arms are outstretched, ready to dive into the lake. He jumps up, but his foot is caught on a tree root and he tumbles into the water. The crew and cast laugh as Jar Jar tries to stand up.

Jar Jar: "Mesa no makin' the Olympics anytime soon!"

* * *

Jar Jar: "Exqueese me!"

He trips over his own feet and tumbles to the ground

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stand at their cued spots, but Jar Jar doesn't show up.

Obi-Wan looks at his watch and taps his foot angrily*

Lucas: *looks over to where Jar Jar fell* "Not again"

(the start of the podrace, when Aldar Beedo's pod won't start)

:as Beedo furiously tries to start his engine, a flock of pit droids scamper past carrying a sign that reads(in Huttese of course)"next time buy Ford":

* * *

*when all those huge fish are chasing the bongo sub, Jar Jar is heard exclaiming(right before he faints)

"Oops mesa forgotten to take off the big fishy bait off the back end of the bongo, dats okeday, anyone wanting gubber fish for snacking?"

*Obi Won looks at the gigantic Opee Sea Killer and says*

"Wasss up??" the fish just swims off and the entire crew cracks up.

* * *

(the senate chamber on Corsucant)

*as the Queen address her advisors before going into the senate hall one of her hair pieces falls loose and whacks her in the head; everyone cracks up*

George: Cut!! can we get more hair spray or something to hold those things in place, maybe we should use the force"

Qui-Gon: Move aside. I am taking these people to Corrosant.

Droid: Where are you taking them?

Qui-Gon: To Corrosant.

Droid: Wait...uh...that doesn't compute...uh...wait a second...eh...on the tip of my tongue...ah... *To offstage. * WHAT"S MY LINE AGAIN?

*Qui-Gon sighs and walks off stage, mumbling.*

* * *

*Obi-Wan jumps out of the pit thing, grabs Qui's Lightsaber, and slices Maul in half.

Maul: Man! Whatcha do that for? That HURTS!!

Obi: What? Your supposed to fall down the pit thing.

Maul: Am not!

Obi: Are too!

Maul: Am not!

Obi: Are too!

Maul: Am not!

Obi: Are too!

Maul: Am not!

Obi: Are too!

Maul: Dee too!

Obi: Shut up!

Maul: Make me!

Obi: *Looking at Maul, laying on the floor in pieces. Raises an eyebrow. * K. *Shoves Maul over the edge with his foot.

Maul: AAAAAAAWWWWWWW SSSSSSSS*****************TTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!........

George: Cut! Ok, someone duct tape Maul back together. Take 445.

* * *

*Nass dose the wigglie-spit thing. *

Obi: Ewww! Oh gods, that is gross! Can someone get him a bib?

*laughter offstage*

Obi: What? Whaaat?

OB1 : NOOOOOOOOooooooooo!!!

Obi Wan runs toward Maul, slips on the floor, and shoots headfirst down the melting pit

OB1 : PPPPPPPAAAAAAANnnnnnnnttttttsssssssssss!!!!!!

___

ANAKIN : Hit the nose!

Jar Jar attempts to pick up droid and deactivate it, but the droid kicks him in the...er... area.

JAR JAR : AAAHH!! Freaking droid! Jesus!

Jar Jar kicks the pitdroid and screams in pain.

The crew burst out laughing

Jar Jar : It's not funny!

___

MAUL : At last we will reveal ourselves Jed...Dang!

___

MAUL : At last we reveal ourselves... Ah DANG!

___

MAUL : At last we....um...er...Pants!

___

MAUL : Who wants to be a Millionaire?

SIDIOUS : No wonder you have only have about 3 lines...

___

VENDOR : ((Hey, that costs 7 Wupipui (Or something)))

JAR JAR : *Spits out chuba, flies in completely the wrong direction and smacks Qui Gon in the face*

QUI GONN : What the?

Sebulba, Padme, JJ, and crew laugh as Qui Gon wipes his face.

___

PADME : Qui Gon's in trouble!

OBI WANN : Over there!

The ship flies past,

Qui Gon leaps up onto the Queens Starship loading ramp, slips, and falls straight back down to the desert. Maul bursts out laughing...

___

QUI GONN : Don't worry, the Force will guide us,

JAR JAR : Ahh, Maxi big da Force, Well dat smell stinkowiff

OBI WANN : Sorry, that was me...

The crew burst out laughing as Qui Gon and Jar Jar start gasping for air,

Lucas: Take 23!

Gunray: *sitting in his walking, spider-legged mechno chair, again* Your situation is hopeless. Your Queen is lost, your people are starving, and you will die much sooner than your... Hey! This thinks going backwards!!!!

Sio Bibble : What?

Gunray: *Trying to stay balanced* HHHHHHHeeeeeeelllllppppp!!!! Stop this damn thing!!!

Sio Bibble : Ummm... Technical team anywhere?

Lucas : Cut!

Gunray: Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless! Useless thing! Stop it! Halt! Cease! Forward! Go! Stop! Help!

* * *

Lucas : And... Action

Yoda : Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to suffe.. Oh wait, wrong that is!

LUCAS : CUT!

___

YODA : Anger leads to Fear, leads to hate... No that's not it either...

___

YODA : Right, Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, Suffering leads to.. Oh wait, PANTS! OK, one more time...

___

YODA : Fear leads to anger, Anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. I sense much hate... Fear! Fear, I mean FEAR! FFEEAAAARR!!!!

___

YODA : Anyone for tennis?

___

YODA : Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you...

LUCAS : And cut.

MACE WINDU : 'Bout friggin time!

______

LUCAS : Action!

ANAKIN : They live inside me?

QUI GONN : Inside your blood, yes. Midi..Whazzits are... well, um. They're little things that... Make the Force go really and um... Hmmmm. Ask Obi Wan!

Qui Gon and Anakin burst into laughter, Obi Wan hands him a large sheet of the script and runs off, laughing.

LUCAS : Cut!

Lucas: Alright Maul! This is your big moment!

Maul: <Yeah, my BIG moment, I get cut in two and you say it's my big moment.>

Lucas: ACTION!

Maul: I don't think so! ::REMOVES Mask revealing Toad.:: I don't get paid enough for this. ::Sticks out tongue and throws what's his name down the long tunnel thing.:: At least Singer appreciates my ability. ::Big Bounce::

Bryan Singer(Director Of X-Men): Welcome to the cast!

Lucas: Alright lets improvise...GG get out there!

GG: Hello everyone! Whoa!

::Falls in the Pit Darth Maul should've.::

Lucas: What kind of idiots are we hiring???

Jar Jar: My is insutid!

Obi Wan: Shut your trap!

: Obi hits Jar Jar with his fiberglass lightsaber and knocks him in the pit.::

Lucas: Get those two morons outta there!

::Qui Gon pulls me out::

Padme: Hey GG,I think your cute...

Anakin: Hey!

Padme: Shut up brat!

::Anakin kicks me in the leg and runs off crying::

Jabba the Hutt: You look like a baby! I'm gonna eat ya! Get in my belly!

::Jabba chases and swallows Anakin::

GG: I love my job!

* * *

R2D2: Do I have to look?

Lucas: Yes Artoo.

R2D2: Can I close my eyes? No one would notice!

Lucas: Artoo...Get out there.

* * *

R2D2: Beep Beep Beep

C3P0: My parts are showing?!

R2D2: Yes you stupid nudist!

Lucas: Artoo! You're not supposed to talk!

R2D2: I've got my rights!

Sebulba and Queen's servants: Freedom of speech! Freedom of speech!

"I ask you to help us. No, I beg you to help us. Our fate is in your um...urm...pants."

*Amidala's face goes redder than Darth Mauls, Lucas and crew are cracking up off set, Boss Nass laughs so hard that he falls off his throne and into the swamp which causes more laughter*

*through the laughs* "Cut!"

* * *

"I ask you to help us. No, I beg you to help us. Our fate is in Riverdance."

*Amidala's face goes redder than Darth Mauls, Qui-Gon falls on the ground laughing and accidentally ignites lightsaber which cuts Obi-Wan in half*

Obi-Wan: "George! You told this was supposed to happen later and to Darth Maul! I want my agent, a cappichino and some duct tape on the double."

Anakin "accidentally" knocks over Obi-Wan's top half.

"Come here you little twerp . If I ever get my hands on you, you'll wish you were bantha poodoo!"

"Cut!"