((Author's Note: Okay, I came up with an idea for an RPG video game called Monster Hunter, and tried making it on a tool called RPG Maker 2000. There were so many bugs in the game, that I couldn't release it to the Internet public. So, here it is in a written form for all to enjoy. Here is half a year's work on an RPG parody in HTML format. Enjoy!))

Silviro is your typical RPG world. It is divided into seven islands with six different kingdoms and one infringement colony. The first kingdom is Midgard, the home to non-magical humans. The second kingdom is Acuerious, the watery kingdom home to the richest humans in the world. The third kingdom is Wyndy, home to the powerful human/angel breeds. The fourth kingdom is Tertile, home to the mystical forest-ruling humans. The fifth kingdom is Fyrebyrd, the kingdom of ancient samurai and ninja with fiery tempers. The sixth kingdom is the unexplored demon world of Eidevil, where monsters and demons rule. The colony is known as the Merc Isle, where you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

The Merc Isle is where our story begins. On the isle, mercenaries live their daily lives until their ruling Bosses give them an assignment that will pay them money once completed. These mercenaries come from all over Silviro, making the Isle a melting pot of all cultures. These people live in peace with each other, along with the high population of demons who successfully migrated away from their hellish Eidevil. Their employers pay mercenaries, and the rewards for their successes are very great. No one on Silviro could deny that being a mercenary was a way to "get rich quick." However, mercs were frowned upon for their love of money rather than the more pleasant joys of life.

Such mercs that loved their money was one named Hilda Swordance…

…The hero of our story.

_^_^_

"Hilda?"

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!

Hilda snapped out of her wishful thinking, and turned her head to the door.

"Oh…whoops…" the merc bit her lip as she sat up from the table, and walked to the door. "Coming!" Then, she opened the door to her visitor.

The visitor was a very young merc in a one piece red gi and black belt tied around her waist. Her long black hair was tied in a ponytail while a slick bang hid one eye on her cute face. She was Hilda's friend, Curse, an ex-ninja and fellow merc. Curse differed very much from Hilda, who had red hair and wore a two piece purple suit and a sword was sheathed at her side. Hilda was also much older: she was twenty-one which made fifteen-year-old Curse look much too young for her job.

"The hell were you doing, Hilda?" Curse demanded. "I was out here for fifteen minutes!"

"Sorry…" Hilda rubbed the back of her head. "I was just…thinking about… … something. So, Curse, what's up?"

"The Bosses have another assignment for you." Curse explained. Hilda raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah? What do I have to do?"

"They didn't say. They want you in their office, but they wanted you to take the Puzzle Maze to get there."

Hilda frowned.

"I hate the Puzzle Maze…"

The Puzzle Maze was a winding cavern that was one of the exits of the dorm. It was infested with slime blobs that ate human flesh. Hilda knew the maze hall for hall; it was the slimes that made her loathe the long cave.

"Hey, orders are orders." Curse shrugged. Hilda slumped on the doorway.

"I really don't wanna…"

"Want me to come with you?"

"Okay."

"Cool, let's go."

So, Hilda walked out of the doorway of her dorm with Curse, heading for the cave entrance.

_^_^_

The Puzzle Maze was a long, brown cave of solid rock that ran underneath a mountain to the other side of the island where the Bosses office was. It was void of light, so both Hilda and Curse brought torches with them. Curse followed behind Hilda, looking around cautiously while Hilda took point with a sour face, like she had swallowed a lemon.

"It must be a very high-paying, dangerous job," Curse tried to start up some conversation quietly, "if the Bosses want you to go through the Puzzle Maze…"

"I dunno…" Hilda doubted rather loudly. "That one Bossess bitch would do anything to see me have a bad day!"

"Shhhhhht!" Curse hissed with a finger over her mouth. "Those slimes will hear you, Hilda!"

"Those blobs don't have ears, they can't hear squat." Hilda informed. "They wouldn't know we were coming if we…" She took in a huge breath before continuing at a loud volume, "…SCREAMED AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS!"

Hilda's shout echoed down the cave. Curse looked around frantically for anything green and slimy to come and attack them, but nothing came. Not even a cave bat. Hilda puffed out her chest in pride and held her head up triumphantly.

"Whad I tell ya." She suggested, moving on and turning towards a cave opening on the left-hand wall. "Those damned slimes are the worst…I really hate coming down here…Every time I do, I run into one…"

"Yes, I realize that, Hilda." Curse nodded with a sweatdrop.

They continued along the cavern with Hilda flawlessly navigating the caves and passages. On some turns, she put her hand on the hilt of her sword in anticipation, but after going through the turn, she relaxed and took her hand away. Curse was ready for anything. Her Kung Fu was very well taught to her, and she was very skilled with the iron claws on her left glove. Although Curse was afraid of the slimes, she was prepared to fight them to save her skin.

Suddenly, Hilda stopped, and Curse bumped into her back.

"What's wrong?" the young ninja asked.

"We're at the half way point…" Hilda said in a low voice, looking around.

"Already?" Curse blinked. "Wow, you're good, Hilda!"

"The best." Hilda acknowledged. "But…we should have run into a slime by now…where are they all?"

"I thought you said they couldn't hear us…"

"They're as blind, deaf, and dumb as rocks, but they can sense body heat. They minute they feel the heat of a living thing, they immediately go after it. I didn’t hear any of them coming either…"

"Yeah…" Curse admitted. "You're right…"

"Let's keep going…" Hilda decided, continuing down a cave. "We'll run into one sooner or la…"

SQUISH!

"YAAAA!" Hilda screamed, after stepping right on a slime that was as big as her foot. The sticky creature stuck onto her boot, trying to eat its way to her skin. Curse screamed as Hilda tried to shake it off.

"Get!" Hilda yelled at it as she kicked. "Get! Get! Get!" She pulled out her sword, and scrapped it off her boot easily. Then, she swung her sword like a baseball bat, and the blob of slime hit the wall, and slid down to the floor. Hilda looked down angrily at her boot as Curse ran to her.

"Are you okay, Hilda?!"

"It didn't get any skin, but it chewed up the leather pretty good…" Hilda evaluated. She glanced over at the slime, which was slowly crawling its way to them. Hilda looked up at Curse. "That one's just a baby. You think you can take it?"

"Well, you hurt it enough for me…" Curse grinned. "Sure." So, Hilda watched her back as Curse stepped up to the slime. Curse crouched before it, and the slime crawled for her. Curse clutched her clawed glove and aimed it at the slime.

"Sayonara, sucker!" she shouted at it, swiping at it. The slime was cut into littler blobs by the steel claws, and the small blobs of goo slithered away in fear.

"I got 'em!"

"Here come more!" Hilda called out in warning. "These are adults, judging by the size of 'em!"

"Huh?" Curse looked down a cavern Hilda was pointing her sword at. Five slimes that came up to their wastes were charging slowly foreword. "Those are even bigger!"

"And we need to go that way…" Hilda snarled. "Looks like we have to fight our way through…" She twirled her sword in her hand skillfully. "Alright, let's cut 'em up!"

"Right." Curse nodded. Hilda walked carefully foreword, and swung her sword a few times at the blobs. They continued towards her. She slashed down on one, cutting it into two smaller blobs, then she chopped another in half and made it two smaller versions of itself. Curse joined in with the other three. She swiped her claws at them, cutting them into several smaller pieces that wriggled in pain. One of the blobs managed to touch Hilda's wrist, and the merc yelped in pain before dropping her sword.

"You damned…" she shouted at it, quickly picking up her sword and cutting through it. The smaller, cut up blobs quickly took off away from the attackers. There was one remaining whole blob, but it was retreating. Hilda snarled at it, and ran after it. The blob was actually moving very quickly, and Hilda couldn't keep up. Curse ran after Hilda, hoping to not have to run into any more slimes.

"Get back here, you gooey goon!" Hilda yelled at the remaining slime as it ran into a very dark cave in a three-way fork of caverns. "I'll slice you into Gak! Muahahaha!" She ran into the cave after it.

"Hilda!" Curse shouted, not going in after her. "We have to leave the Puzzle Maze soon and get to the Bosses!"

There was a moment pause.

Then, Hilda came running out of the cave, fear stricken.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Behind her were speedy masses of slimes.

Curse screamed too.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!"

"Run, you fool!" Hilda shouted at Curse, running for the center cavern. "This way! C'mon!"

"Hai!" Curse acknowledged, running right behind Hilda. The slimes sped after them, determined to eat them up and not even leave bones behind. Soon, sunlight spilled from one cavern.

"We're almost out!" Hilda realized. "Finally!"

"Yatta!" Curse squeaked, almost out of breath. But just before they could run out, another slime got in their way, but this one was different.

"Oh God…" Hilda bit her lip, looking up and up at it. It was taller than she was! Curse held in her gasp, then looked behind her and screamed. Hilda looked too, and she saw the swarm gathering around them, and even climbing up the walls and ceiling. Hilda gritted her teeth.

"Trapping us?" she asked the really big one. It just sat at the exit, blocking their escape. Hilda groaned. "Well, you leave me one choice, bub…" She slid her sword back into its sheathe, and balled both her fists.

"What are you going to do?" Curse asked, fearful.

"I'm gonna use a cure spell." Hilda explained. "Slimes hate cure spells, cause it has an opposite effect on them."

Curse nodded. Hilda was good with cure spells, and for her they came in handy. She could heal the near dead with a few magick words, even herself. Curse brandished her clawed fist.

"I'm ready to do what you wish, Hilda!"

"Just stand back." Hilda ordered, turning her back on the big blob and looking at the smaller ones. "We'll be out of here before you know it." She raised her hands towards the slimes approaching her from all sides, keeping aware of the big one behind her. Her hands glowed a mix of yellow and white, then she waved them at the blobs.

"CURE!"

Sparkling faerie dust showered down on the blobs of green, making them shrivel up instantly. The ones on the walls and ceiling instantly shriveled into green stains on the rock. The big one suddenly lunged foreword with a growl and completely engulfed Hilda.

"Yikes!" Hilda screamed just before being trapped inside the creature's skin.

"HILDA!" Curse screamed in panic. She could see Hilda inside the creature's transparent skin, holding her breath and trying to fight her way out. Hilda was getting red welts on her skin, and her face was painted in pain. The red headed merc quickly got a hold of herself, and bent her head down in concentration. Her body began to glow the same color her hands were glowing a minute ago.

"MEGA CURE!"

The giant blob shriveled into a huge, green puddle before evaporating into a huge stain on the floor. Hilda took gigantic gasps of air as she was freed of the goo, and collapsed on her hands and knees. Curse bent down to her side.

"Hilda, are you okay?"

"Damn…" Hilda coughed, getting up by herself. "I hate it when they do that…" She held her hands above her head. "Are you okay, Curse?"

"Yeah." The ninja nodded.

"Okay." Hilda nodded back, then her hands glowed white and yellow. "HEAL!" A minor cure spell showered white dust onto Hilda and healed her wounds completely. She still felt a little drained from the attack, but her newfound anger was giving her strength.

"Hooh, the Bosses are going to get it…"

_^_^_

They passed through Merc Town on the shore of the island to the Bosses Office. The Office building was actually a huge castle with white walls and blue roofs. There were demon guards patrolling the wall from above and watching from the towers. Some waved to Hilda, and she completely ignored them. Glaring and snorting like a bull facing the bull fighter, she walked past the office gates, up the front steps, and she angrily pushed the heavy wooden doors open.

Then, she marched down the red carpet to the dais. There, the three Bosses sat behind a long wooden desk. To the left sat the blond Boss Don, a fighter from the Acuerious tropics. To the right sat Boss Divo, an old man with long blue hair and dressed as a Tertilian magician. In the very middle was Hilda's most hated Boss: Bossess Merin, a young mage from Wyndy that hated Hilda's guts more than anything. Hilda didn't wait to stop at the desk to file her complaint. She shouted it nice and loud.

"Alright, which one of you morons made me go through that damn maze?! This assignment better pay real good!"

Curse gasped behind her hands at Hilda's behavior.

"Hilda, please!" She begged. "Not to the Bosses…"

Boss Don chuckled as he put his feet up on the desk.

"Heh, heh, heh. Don't worry, Curse. Hilda always talks to us like that."

"She does?" the young ninja blinked.

Boss Divo stood up from his chair and looked at the red head merc.

"Hilda, the assignment we have for you is a challenge. A challenge so great, one misstep could cost you your life."

Hilda shook her head angrily at that.

"I don't care. Why did I have to go through the Puzzle Maze when I could have just walked out the door to my dorm and take the dirt road to here."

Bossess Merin tossed some of her black hair over her shoulder as she answered.

"No reason."

A very big vein pop bulged from Hilda's forehead.

"WHAT?!" she demanded angrily.

"Hilda…" Curse tried to sooth, "Please calm down…"

Boss Divo cleared his throat again before continuing.

"Hilda, your assignment is a demon in the Midgard Kingdom who has destroyed a whole city. The kingdom's army has completely failed to kill it, so the royal family may be in need of a skilled mercenary. Go to the king and queen Marroh in the Midgard Castle for the details."

Hilda was only half listening.

"God damn it, you made me go through that maze for nothing…you sick son's of…"

"Ahem…" Divo cleared his throat more harshly, offended. Don shook his head with an expecting smile, and reached into his pocket.

"Here, Hilda. Accept this as an apology."

He tossed a small moneybag at her, and she effortlessly caught it. Inside were coins that equaled up to a thousand bucks. She glared at Don.

"Not good enough, I almost died this time. I want more."

Divo slammed his hands on the desk in impatience.

"Are you going to take the job or not, Swordance?"

Hilda pocketed the moneybag, and nodded.

"Yeah, I'll take it. I'm bored out of my mind, anyway."

Curse sighed in embarrassment.

"Oh, Hilda… You're so rude…"

Divo pointed to the east.

"There's a boat waiting for you at the dock of Harbor Town. I suggest you hurry before the demon strikes again."

"Should I go with her?" Curse volunteered. "I'd like to help her…"

Bosses Merin shook her head.

"Actually, Curse, we have an assignment for you as well. Hilda will have to go alone on this one."

"Okay." Curse acknowledged, bowing.

"Alright, I'm off." Hilda announced, turning and heading for the door. "Later, you morons!" She walked for the door with her head down and muttering to herself. "Why those little…made me go through that damn maze for nothing…"

A sweatdrop crowned Curse's head.

"She can be embarrassing at times…" she admitted to the Bosses.

Don smirked at her.

"That's alright. I don't know about the other guys, but I like her okay."

Hilda suddenly zipped back to the desk.

"Oh, by the way," she chirped with a happy face. "How much are you guys going to pay me for this job? Too low, then no go!"

Sweatdrops all around the room.

"Heh, heh…" Don chuckled at Hilda. "You money grubber… 10,000 bucks okay?"

Hilda nodded, making an "OK" sign with her fingers.

"It'll do."

_^_^_

Harbor Town was a much smaller town than the capital Merc Town, but it was also the Merc Isle's only docking point. The island Midgard lay on wasn't too far from the Merc Isle, so it only took a small ferry to get across. Hilda walked up and down the docks looking around for the ferryboat that would sail her to the Midgard shore. Quite a few of the bigger cruise and pirate ships were docked along the harbor too. Hilda smiled at them.

"Miss Hilda!" someone shouted at her. She looked to see a young, green haired demon with feathers growing on her arms waving at her. Hilda smiled and walked to her.

"Hey there, kiddo." Hilda greeted, pulling on her belt and straightening up her attached item pouch on the left side of her hip. "What's up?"

"The Bosses hired me to take you to Midgard." The girl chirped happily. "Just hop in."

"How much did they pay you?" Hilda quizzed.

"Two thousand bucks, shipping fee." The girl answered quickly.

Hilda nodded. The Bosses paid her alright.

"Okay, I'll trust you." She agreed, carefully stepping onto the small, wooden boat. "I'll take the left oar, okay?"

"Fine." The girl agreed. They sat by their appropriate oars as the girl untied them from the doc. "By the way, the name's Debbie."

"Nice to meet you…" Hilda smiled, then she began rowing. Debbie kept pace with her, heading out to the sea, careful to avoid the bigger ships.

_^_^_

It felt like no time at all until they reached the docks of the nearest Midgard seaport. They tied the boat by the nearest port, and Hilda climbed out.

"Go check into an inn or something." Hilda suggested. "This could take a few days for all I know."

"Sure." Debbie nodded. Hilda continued past the docks and crowds of sailors spreading gossip and news from the kingdom. Hilda only caught few strands of interesting news…

"The prince ran away again. The captain of the guard hired a couple mercs…"

"…that damn demon destroyed two cities today…"

"…my wife was killed in the first attack…"

"…ghost sightings in the graveyard went up sharply this month…"

"…why can't that ghost in the dungeon walk around the graveyard?…"

"Hmm…" Hilda thought to herself, as she got off the docks and set her feet on solid ground. "Interesting…a lot sure has been going on around here…"

Then, she heard strange squawking sounds just up the path ahead of her. She walked a little faster to see who it was…

…and she couldn't believe it.

It was a white rooster running around in circles around the path, squawking and yelling.

"BA-KAWK! HELP ME, HELP ME! HELP, HELP, HELP!"

"What the…" Hilda blinked. "I thought chickens went 'buck, buck, buck,' not 'help, help, help…' "

The chicken noticed her, and quickly ran to her and jumped up and down by her feet.

"Hey, you! You gotta help me, please!"

Hilda bit her lip in thought.

"Oh, I see. You're one of those cliché talking animals. Well, what's up?"

The chicken stopped jumping up and down, and instantly calmed down while putting a proud wing on his feathery chest.

"The name's Funky. Funky Chicken. And I'm in a nasty stew!"

That earned a sweatdrop from Hilda.

" 'Funky…Chicken?' " she blinked. She glared at him. "You've got to be kidding me! That is the worst name pun I have ever heard. I'm outta here."

She began to walk away from the chicken, but he resumed frantically jumping up and down and flapping his wings ferociously.

"BA-KAWK! Wait!" He ran after her, and kept jumping up and down by her feet as she kept walking. "You gotta let me come with you, or the farmer will stew me up good! I don't wanna die!"

Hilda stopped walking and bent down to stare the rooster in the face.

"I don't care, now leave me alone! I have things to do!" She stood back up and continued to walk on. Funky narrowed his eyes at her, determined not to be forsaken.

"I'm coming with you whether you like it or not!" he announced, running next to her and flapping his wings as hard as he could. "Get yo groove on!" He jumped up and managed to land square on Hilda's left shoulder. She yelped in surprise, and almost fell over.

"Hey!" she protested, trying to shake him off. "Leggo! Why I outta!"

But no matter how she tried, Funky Chicken wouldn't let go.

After trying futily to grab and strangle the darned rooster, she sighed heavily.

"Alright…alright… Welcome aboard…" she glanced at the chicken on her shoulder. "…Funky."

"Thanks, babe." Funky smiled from his new perch.

Hilda bopped him hard on top of the head.

"Don't call me 'babe.' " she insisted, continuing towards town. "And don't think of pooping on me, or I know what's for dinner tonight, you got it?!"

"Yes, mam!" the chicken complied. "Yeesh, I'm not a seagull…"