Dear ???,

I guess by now everyone is aware of the ~*~scandalous mystery~*~ in SW - happening on my week off, no less - and I should probably put in my two cents before our anonymous friend shocks the crap out of us and reveals him/herself... frankly, at this point, I'm envisioning the blackmailer from Passions.

At first, I was confused - maybe slightly annoyed - by it all, and now I'm just mildly amused. I'm curious to see where this is going, actually, in as detached a manner as I can possibly be. Is this an elaborate plot designed to ultimately humiliate me? If so, it won't work. Is there genuine sentiment involved? Highly unlikely; that ship sailed with the monkey aids and the Paint drawing of me with stuff falling out of my ass. And I hope that image isn't to scale, because I'm not into people shorter than me, as it would suggest. Then again, Morgy doesn't look like a sad cow crossed with a Nirvana face, so we can rule accuracy out as well.

There's a person I can rule out as well, and that person is my ex-husband (or husband, call him what you will), Charlie Adare. The reason I can do this is that I have a pretty good idea of where he is at all times, nevermind if I say otherwise. Plus Charlie would never compare his emotions to equatorial suns.

For the record, I don't act "gay" when anyone is near, if it makes you feel any better about things.

Either way, ???, you've succeeded in making everyone in SW smile a little - or at least scratch their heads - so regardless of the conclusion to this, you've generated some nice publicity for yourself before what I'm sure will be your debut in our little promotion. I'm assuming that that is what you're going for, right?

Love,
Adora

P.S. Call my wifey a tramp again and I'll have to break my foot off in your ass. =(

P.P.S. Stevie Swing, your penisy arms and legs made me lol - those be some delightful art skillz.