------[yo yo yo, sup sup sup]------

"Thanks for coming with me, Wifey," Adora said, her breath shallow from anxiety. "I'm so nervous." Sitting in her dressing room in the Larry King Live studio, Adora fidgeted with her freshly straightened hair until the strands started to get wavy again.

"Don't worry, you'll relax once you're on-air," Morgana assured her friend knowingly, having long since gotten over the stress of public appearances. "And stop fucking your hair up," she scolded, pulling Adora's hand from her head.

"I feel kind of nauseous, too." Adora frowned, her lower lip quivering from said nausea. "Kind of really nauseous. And I was just starting to feel better after being so sick."

"You're that nervous? Come on, that's ridiculous for someone who's so outspoken. You broadcast offensive shit to the world every freaking day, and now you're scared sick?"

"It's mostly all these photos of Larry King," she said, looking around uneasily. The walls were lined with framed pictures of Larry interviewing hundreds upon hundreds of people, varying from Hollywood legends to people who were merely flavours of the moment; related somehow to one long-forgotten scandal or another. "He looks like the shrivelled fetus attached to the head of the school nurse on South Park."

"Nurse Gollum!" Morgy exclaimed with a short cackle. "That's so fucking true."

"We're just about ready for you," one of the producers informed Adora, popping his head into her dressing room briefly before hurrying back to the nearby set.

"For some reason I always thought he'd pulled a Woody Allen and married a poor Asian girl who was in no position to say no. Did I just imagine all that?"

"I'm going to say yes, although it sounds entirely plausible. He is twenty six years older than his current wife."

"The freaky mormon who thinks she isn't a shitty singer?"

"Why yes!"

"So what are you going to do while I'm taping the show?"

"Watch you and reminisce. I'm almost starting to miss journalism after seeing the hacks currently in the field. Well, at least it's one hack down, many, many more to go. Thanks DD!"

"Wish me luck." Adora looked to Morgy hopefully, feeling more as if she were about to enter a doctor's office for a scary procedure involving needles, rather than what she was actually there for: a public forum to discuss her beliefs. Far too many people had one at their disposal, with very little to say.

"You don't need luck, Wifey," Morgana informed her matter-of-factly. "That's for the inept."

------[yo, where's my ice floe?]------

Sitting opposite Larry King, and having met him only very briefly beforehand, Adora was not sure what to make of him. On one hand, he was very professional, and naturally, after forty-plus years in the business, the whole interviewing-slash-filming process did not seem to faze him. On the other hand, he seemed almost downright indifferent, and not just to her, but to his job as a whole. Why did he continue to keep some young, promising broadcaster out of a job when he was so disinterested in it himself?

"In 3... 2..." called the producer, signalling the 1 with his left hand, a clipboard in his right one.

"Tonight on the show, we have Adora Reed, of professional wrestling fame, here to discuss the always controversial topic of the Canadian seal hunt. Adora, welcome," Larry said, turning to face her.

"Hi Larry, thanks for having me," Adora smiled sweetly, her nerves still getting the best of her. That, and he looked even more shrivelled and fetal up close. He leaned into the desk on his elbows, his wrinkly, spotted head far too close to Adora's for comfort.

"So, you're the new celebrity spokesperson for the Humane Society of the United States in their anti-seal hunt campaign. What drew you to this issue?" he asked, his eyes leering seedily at her more than they were focusing attentively on what she was going to say. She glanced over Larry's shoulder in search of Morgy, who stood behind a cameraman. She offered Adora a toothy, retarded grin and two emphatic thumbs up from the distance, a sight which Adora couldn't help but cackle at. She slapped her hand quickly over her mouth to suppress the laughter, but she knew she would be compared to drunken Paula Abdul the next day anyway.

"I know to many people," she began, her voice still uneven with giggles, "it seems sort of pointless or futile to care about this, when there's no shortage of other atrocities in this world to worry about, but I do care about it, and it's an extremely valid issue. It isn't just about animal rights, here; there are a slew of other environmental and ecological issues that affect humans as well. It's just sad that I have to somehow connect this to human suffering to make people care."

"Quite often - and you can't blame them - people are put off by fanatical animal rights activism. You have to be careful how you approach these things or risk alienating people."

"Larry, you're absolutely right about that. I love animals, and I hate how poorly they're regarded in so many societies, but I understand that you need to use a certain amount of tact in broaching these topics. That's why I'd never associate myself with PETA; while they provide informative websites, their campaigns are too extreme and downright offensive."

"Yes, they try to use shock value to get their point across, but how much good is it doing them?"

"Not much, because people don't trust them as a credible source of information anymore. Nevermind that they secretly euthanize huge numbers of animals every year, some of which are considered entirely 'adoptable.' They spend so much money on glitzy campaigns every year, and a lot of us think that's money better spent on shelters, fostering programs or catch, neuter/spay and release programs."

"You just participated in one of those glitzy campaigns. What justified that in your mind?"

"I still feel kind of weird about that, and so do they (the HSUS), but we did everything for free. No one was paid in the production of our campaign; it was all supporters, offering their services, or friends of supporters and so forth. No one profits from the making of it all. So we're hoping it'll get people's attention, and we can then focus in on the facts of what goes on."

"That's an interesting approach --"

"It's especially important to get people to take notice now, because the issues surrounding the hunt are changing. The ice floes that the seals need for survival are melting because of global warming, so the seals are drowning. It's a chain of events, here: overfishing has depleted the ocean's cod resources, but in hopes of justifying the commercial seal hunt, they like to say that the seals are to blame for this lack of cod. Meanwhile, the ice floes are melting and the baby seals who are already subject to a cull are drowning as well. Where does this leave polar bears? Their population has been suffering for years because of the melting ice floes as well. They need sturdy ice to make it out far enough to where the seals - their food - are, but if the ice can't support a baby seal, how is it going to support an enormous bear? Are you following the logic here?"

"Yes, but --"

"So now that the seal populations are being naturally culled, what place does the commercial hunt have? This year's hunt started on April 2nd, with a quota set at 270, 000. This isn't counting drownings or accidental and unreported deaths that will occur."

"So what, exactly, to you propose sealers do to supplement their income if the hunt is stopped?"

"Well that's a huge issue, isn't it? And it's not being resolved by the hunt. They justify the hunt because there's little work for fisherman... so what happens when there's little work for sealers? They'll move on to another industry that isn't sustainable an so forth. The main problem is still being largely ignored by these 'solutions.' I certainly don't agree with activists who boycott tourism to Newfoundland, because that only worsens the situation. For a province that's already suffering as it is, how would decreasing the flow of tourist dollars help? That just makes people more dependent on the seal hunt, which doesn't really pay very well anyway. The federal government needs to help bolster tourism to Newfoundland; to invest money into making it a more appealing vacation destination."

"Last year on the programme, Heather Mills was a strong advocate of 'eco tourism' as a means of generating cash flow. What do you think about that?"

"I think it's a good idea, but it's hard to say how successful it would be without actually trying it. Obviously you can't do that right now with the bloody slushfield that is the seal hunt location."

"I suppose not. We'll be right back with more from Adora Reed and The Humane Society of the Unites States. Does there need to be an end to Canada's commercial seal hunt?" Larry asked, the question sounding more like a monotone statement, while his eyes and face drooped corpsily.

A makeup artist ran over to Larry and dabbed foundation furiously at a particularly large and grotesque liver spot on his head, before scurrying away, and Morgy still waved emphatically at Adora in the distance. She could almost make out her friend hick-cackling "ah-hyuck!" at her, and at the moment she was no longer worried about saying the wrong thing or the backlash that would surely ensue from her thick-headed co-workers.

------[eternity #8]------

So, my favourite pointy-toothed moron has spoken again! I really like it when he does, because he always supplies me with plenty of stupid comments to refute. Apparently, he isn't pleased with how the main event played out, even going as far as to call it a debacle.

Debacle? Yeah, you're right... it was a debacle, especially after you introduced animal blood, rabbit corpses and chair shots into the mix. And Team Wifey STILL managed to beat you! Thanks for pointing out again (as I already did once in my last promo, which I guess you were too bored to watch) how hard you tried to tip the scales in your favour through cheap tactics. I wasn't sure everyone was 100% clear on that, but they probably are now!

Which reminds me, Cas, what makes your promos so much more entertaining than mine and Morgy's? Seriously, lay it all out for me, because I don't see it. We're aimless sluts? I don't know about that, we seem to have our priorities pretty straight - something you would have noticed if you actually bothered to watch any of our promos! Allow me to summarize them for you: Severe ownage? Check. The two best belts in SW? Check. The defeating of pasty vampires and whore mercenaries? Check.

So where are you even getting aimless from? We clearly do SW-related things in most of our promos, do we not? Now, if we mindlessly lurked in the dark, wandering in circles and popping boners at the smell of someone's tampon, then we'd be aimless... kind of like you!

Since I don't have as much time as I did last week to as thoroughly tear you all shiny, new assholes, I'll just do a quick run-through of the cream of the crap this week. Let's call it...