Katie: #116, is for you!! EVEN I IF YOU SAY U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKIN ABOUT! And don't even try to pull
# 126 on me.... u still owe me the money from Wis. Dells Pt.2 !
Traci and Katie: #336 is jus for you guys!! lol I swear i didn't change any names..jus think Don=Donny;-)
#116: I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, "Yes, my name's Todd. Todd Blankenship." Oh, also I wish my last name was Blankenship.
#78: It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you.
#281: I don't pretend to have all the answers. I don't pretend to even know what the questions are. Hey, where am I?
#365: Whenever you see a bunch of Italian guys talking Italian, just go up to them and start talking fake Italian. They may not understand you exactly, but at least everyone will get a nice warm "Italian" feeling.
#30: If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
#255: If I ever become a mummy, I'm going to have it so when somebody opens my lid a boxing glove on a spring shoots out.
#285: Instead of a trap door, what about an area of the floor that just shoots up real quick and smashes the guy against the ceiling?
#194: Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.
#3: If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
#2: If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
#186: You know one thing that will really make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)
#5: If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
#228: Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
#336: My friend Don is such a loser. But if he was here right now, he'd say I was the loser. No, Don, you're the loser. But if he was here, he'd say I was the loser. No way, Don, you're the loser.
#21: Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?!
#126: I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real made when someone says something like "Hey, when are you going to pay me that hundred dollars you owe me?" or "Do you have that fifty dollars you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!
7. I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.
10. Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.
88. Many people never stop to realize that a tree is a living thing, not that different from a tall, leafy dog that has roots and is very quiet.
75. Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words -- "mank" and "ind".
What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
144. When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.
2. I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.