The Castle Elsinore. Inside the castle, in a big fancy-looking room.
**Enter King Claudius, Queen Gertrude, Hamlet, Polonius, Laertes, Voltimand, Cornelius, Lords and Attendants**
King: Even though to Hamlet it seems like his father, my dear darling brother, just died, and that we should all still be mourning wildly and wailing and stuff. However, despite that fact, the Queen and I, although it was kinda a cruddy, mournful wedding, have gotten married. Thanks all. And, of course, now Fortinbras will have himself a time, because he thinks that just because my brother is dead this country is going to fall apart. Haha, the dork. So we're going to Norway to get rid of him. Cornelius and Voltimand, you two are inconsequential. You can go. Don't exaggerate about how wonderful, I am, please.
King: Even though to Hamlet it seems like his father, my dear darling brother, just died, and that we should all still be mourning wildly and wailing and stuff. However, despite that fact, the Queen and I, although it was kinda a cruddy, mournful wedding, have gotten married. Thanks all. And, of course, now Fortinbras will have himself a time, because he thinks that just because my brother is dead this country is going to fall apart. Haha, the dork. So we're going to Norway to get rid of him. Cornelius and Voltimand, you two are inconsequential. You can go. Don't exaggerate about how wonderful, I am, please.
C& V: we'll do it, just because you told us to.
King: That's just what I was hoping you'd say. [Exit Cornelius & Voltimand] Now, Laertes, what's shakin' with you? You were saying something about a lawsuit?! Don't waste your time talking to that lowlife Hamlet. What will you say, Laertes, that I won't give to you? There aren't many things closer than your father to the throne of Denmark. What do you want, dear Laertes?
Laer: I want to go back to France. That's where I came from to show my loyalty to you in your coronation. But I hafta say that now that I did that, I would really like to go back to France, and I hope your majesty will let me go.
King: What does your father Polonius say about that?
Pol: He strongarmed me, over quite some time, into letting him go. He can go, if you say he can.
King: Take your time Laertes. It's your time to spend. But now, about Hamlet, my cousin and son both...
Ham: [to himself] We may be kin, but he's still a collosal jerk.
King: Why are you still sad about this all?
Ham: I'm not sad. You all are just too freaking happy.
Queen: Don't keep dressing in black, Hamlet, m'dear, and appreciate Denmark as though it were a close friend. Stop looking for your noble dead father, because, well, he's dead. You know that everyone who lives has to die sooner or later and go to heaven, or hell.
Ham: Yeah, it's common knowledge.
Queen: Well, if it's common knowledge, then why do you seem so UPSET about it?!
Ham: Notice how you said I 'seem' upset, madam. I AM upset. There is no SEEM about me. It isn't just that I'm wearing black or am sighing a lot or crying or looking sad, together with all other ways of showing grief that can show my emotions to be true: These make me SEEM; they're actions that any idiot could perform. The performance of them makes it seem fake, but the emotion inside me tells that it is the truth.
King: It's nice of you to mourn like that for your father, Hamlet, dear. But before you, your father lost his father once, who lost his father before him; Every one of them is obligated to do a length of mourning, but to keep ON at it for so long is just plain stubborn. It's unMANly, Hamlet. It'll land you in Hell. Your heart isn't strong, you're impatient, you're nothing short of an uneducated idiot. If you know that we have to die, and it's common knowledge that any moron knows, then why should we mourners be so sad so long? Fie*! It wrongs Heaven and the dead to try to reason about this. The common theme here is the death of Fathers, and who still cry, from the very first dead daddy up to whatever daddies died today, and it all must be this way. Please, stop mourning for your poor dead father, and try to think of me and a father, mostly because you're heir to my throne, and I love you just as much as a father loves his son. However, your desire to go back to North Germany isn't exactly the best thing right now, and we hope you find happiness here, my new son.
Queen: I've prayed that you would stay here. Oh, please, don't go to Northern Germany.
Ham: I'll obey you, madam.
King: hurrah! You're finally being nice and loving to your mother: act the same way towards Denmark. Let's go, Queenie. Hamlet's words, which seem to be earnest, make me happy. Let's go, because Denmark is awesome, and I'm happy. [Everyone but Hamlet exits]
Ham: O, I wish that instead of my body being solid, how it is, it would melt and become dew. Or else, I wish that God didn't condemn suicides! Dammit, the world sucks and there's nothing interesting to do here. Damn it! The world is like an unweeded garden that eventually goes to seed. Disgusting things are the only things that rule this world. That it should come to this! He's only been dead for two months!-- No, not even two months. He was such a great king that comparing him to anyone else would be like comparing the Sun God to a mutant bum. He was so loving to my mother that compared to him, even the winds of Heaven touch her face too roughly. Heaven and earth! Must I remember? She would always be around him, as though her appetite had grown the more she ate. And yet, within a month---but I don't want to think about that. Weakness, your name is Woman! Not even a month passed since she followed the body of my father, streaming tears like Greek Mythology's Niobe**.---why she, even she--- O god! A beast that speaks of reason would have mourned longer for him--- married my uncle, my father's brother. But my uncle is as much like my father as I am like Hercules: within a month; No sooner than she had stopped crying, she married:---It's really horrible, that they would be so quick to jump to incest! It is not good. In can never BE good; but break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue.
[Enter Horatio, Marcellus, and Bernando]
Hor: Hello, your lordship.
Ham: It's good to see you alright, Horatio---you are okay, right?
Hor: The same, really, Hamlet, and still your obidient servant.
Ham: It's great to see you---Good evening, sir---but what makes you come here from North Germany, Horatio?---Marcellus?
Mar: Hamlet---
Ham: I'm glad to see you, too, Marcellus. Good evening to you. Why are you here from North Germany?
Hor: We're naturally truant, my lord.
Ham: Your enemy would never say that he was 'naturally' truant. You won't, then, tell me that either. It makes you seem like you would belittle against yourself: I know that you don't just naturally skip things. But what were you doing in Elsinore, anyway? I'll teach you what you need to go before you leave.
Hor: I came to see your father's funeral.
Ham: Oh, please don't mock me, friend. I think it was to see my mother's wedding.
Hor: You're right, Hammie. It came too soon afterwards.
Ham: [sarcastically] See, the 'king' and my mom are too cheap, and they needed the funeral baked meats to have something to eat at the wedding reception. [end sarcasm] I wish I saw my worst enemy in heaven with me before I saw that day, Horatio--My father,---I think I see my father.
Hor: Where, my Lord?
Ham: In my mind's eye, Horatio.
Hor: I saw him once; he was a good king.
Ham: He was nothing but a man, and yet entirely a man. I won't see a man like him ever again.
Hor: My lord, I think I saw him last night.
Ham: Who did you see, now?
Hor: Your father, the king.
Ham: My father, the king!
Hor: Calm down a sec so I can tell you, with these guys behind me to testify, just what happened.
Ham: For the love of god, tell me.
Hor: For two nights, Bernardo and Marcellus on their watch, in the middle of the nights, had sightings of a ghost, or something. It was exactly like your father, with the same exact armor, and it appeared in front of them, and marched slowly and stately by them. Three times he walked by them within the length of a short club. They were terrified. They didn't even try to speak to him. They told me this in secrecy. On the third night, I stood watch with them. There, just how they told me, the appatition walked by. Every word they said was true. I knew your father... this... thing... WAS him.
Ham: But where was this?
Mar: My lord, upon the platform where we watched.
Ham: Did you not speak to it?
Hor: My lord, I did; it didn't answer me, though: Once, I thought that it lifted up its head and wanted to start to talk: But then the rooster crowed for morning, and then, at the sound, the thing disappeared from sight.
Ham: ...That's... odd...
Hor: I swear on my mother's GRAVE it's true, my lord; We thought it was a part of our job to let you know about it.
Ham: Yeah, of course, guys, but it bothers me. Are you on watch tonight?
Mar & Ber: Yes, sire.
Ham: Did you say the... thing... was armed?
Mar & Ber: Yes, sire.
Ham: Totally? From head to toe?
Mar & Ber: Yes, sire.
Ham: Then you didn't see his face?
Hor: We saw it, sire; he wore the face piece up.
Ham: Did he look angry?
Hor: He looked more sad than angry.
Ham: Pale or red?
Hor: He was pale.
Ham: Did he look at you?
Hor: He was staring at us.
Ham: I wish I had been there.
Hor: It would have amazed you, that's for sure.
Ham: I don't doubt it. Did he stay long?
Hor: About as long as it would take someone to count to 100 at a moderate pace.
Mar & Ber: Longer, longer.
Hor: I thought it was that long.
Ham: Was his beard grizzled?
Hor: It was exactly as I had seen it when he was alive, brown with white hairs peppering it.
Ham: I will keep watch tonight; It just might walk past again.
Hor: I bet it will.
Ham: If I think it's my father, I'll speak to it, even if hell itself should tell me not to. Just let me ask you that if you haven't told anyone about this up to this point, keep on with your silence: Whatever else goes on tonight, too, you can think about, but don't tell anyone: I will make a payment to the ones you love for this. Goodbye until we meet again: by your post, between eleven and twelve I'll pay you a visit.
All: It's our duty to you, lord.
Ham: I love you guys: farewell.
[Horatio, Bernardo and Marcellus exit]
The ghost of my father, wearing armor? That's not good; I doubt some foul play: I wish it were night! Until then, I hope I don't get too nervous: bad things are going to come about, even though the whole world won't let those bad things be seen. [he exits]
*This word is simply not changeable from the original. Fie is a word that means, roughly, for shame. It is spoken in an extremely derisive tone. It is in the same league as Faugh, which is basically an expression of disgust.
**Niobe is a figure from Greek Mythology (as the test indicates). She had 7 sons and 7 daughters, and boasted that she was better than the mother of Apollo and Diana, who only bore twins. As a result, Apollo and Diana killed all 14 of Niobe's children. Niobe was then transformed into a perpetually crying fountain-thing, which was cold on even the warmest day.
Vocab:
*This word is simply not changeable from the original. Fie is a word that means, roughly, for shame. It is spoken in an extremely derisive tone. It is in the same league as Faugh, which is basically an expression of disgust.
**Niobe is a figure from Greek Mythology (as the test indicates). She had 7 sons and 7 daughters, and boasted that she was better than the mother of Apollo and Diana, who only bore twins. As a result, Apollo and Diana killed all 14 of Niobe's children. Niobe was then transformed into a perpetually crying fountain-thing, which was cold on even the warmest day.
Vocab:
suspiration: long, deep breathing
obsequious: showing too great a willingness to obey.
obstinate: stubborn
condolement: expression of sympathy with another in grief; pity.
retrograde: moving or directed backward, usually in reference to time.
jocund: cheerful, genial.
discourse: communication of ideas; talking.
Summary:
Summary:
The King is one bad mutha-- shut yo' mouth! We discover that the current king just recently married Hamlet's mother. Pretty much everyone thinks that the wedding occurred much too soon after Hamlet's father's funeral. Cornelius and Voltimand are sent by the King to investigate the goings-on of Fortinbras, who we learned in the last scene is the King of Norway. Horatio, Marcellus and Bernando tell Hamlet about the ghost of Hamlet's father appearing near their guardpost. The four friends agree to meet after 11pm but before midnight.
