| I wish that I could control my emotions and never pull away from you Never in my life before have I felt the way that I feel with you, not with anyone nor at anytime Even in my happiest moments, I did not feel as happy as I do with you in our saddest I do not mean to pull away from you or put castle walls between us My heart is so heavy and laden with sadness when you are not near And it is so joyous and light when you are close Would I ever intentionally choose to not have you near I don't think that I would, dear Why do I do it then again and again? I cannot tell you why as I do not know I love you with my heart, body, and very soul: It makes no sense to me why I keep running I have been hurt so much in my lifetime that at times my heart calls retreat When I hear this instinctively, I run to a safe place to recover and wait I hear the alarm sound and run without thinking One day soon, I hope that when the alarm bellows, before I run that I will take the time to think of you Then that alarm could sound all day, I will not run, not away from you But you have to know, when I run it is on instinct, not you I am running from It is the pain that I have come to know over a lifetime At times I get scared, how do I know that you won't disappear, that you will be here to the end No one else ever has been, they have all left when the going got tough So when I catch myself all giddy and in love, I have to bring myself back down before I can fall down or someone pushes me from behind The worst pain of all is the one that you are not expecting So I have taught myself to expect it then it won't be so bad This is not your fault in anyway, you have done nothing to hurt me or to cause me pain This is just something that I deal with everyday on my on, maybe one day it will go on I love you. Please know that in your heart forever. Thank you for literally "paying" for the transgressions of others I know that it is hard for you to pay when you have done nothing to deserve it It's just who I am, flawed and imperfect I know that these bags get really heavy and that I need to leave them behind Sometimes through your love, I forget them for awhile and the load gets really light Then I remember them and have to run back and find them To pick them up again to tote around awhile longer Then your magic begins to work on me until I begin to forget them again Hopefully one day they will be forgotten and forever lost in baggage claim Amy Larene Wall June 14, 2004 |
| Baggage Claim |
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