I love him more than life itself, but we can never be together. Even though he will forever have the only place in my heart, it still cannot exist. Anyway, it doesn't matter. He doesn’t love me anymore. Future Max did disappear.

I don’t know why it matters anyway. If Max isn’t in love with me anymore, then at least he isn’t experiencing this awful heart-wrenching sensation that befalls me every time I see him, or even just think about him. I should be happy for him. I mean, it’s not like there’s any reason he should love me. We still wouldn’t be able to be together.

You see, for me and a certain dark-haired teenage Evans’ family member to be together would mean the end of the world. And I am not speaking metaphorically. We’re talking about the collapse-of-everything, hell-raging end of the world. Armageddon.

I wish I could tell him. And Kyle deserves better than to be used that way, and loathed so by Max and Michael, who see him as what came between me and Max. Hell, they all deserve better, but whenever I am about to spill my secret, I remember that the fate of billions of peoples' lives hang on my strength of will.

Besides, knowing that Max will live means more than being with him. Most of the time.

I would never want to endanger Max, Michael or Isabel. And I could never live with myself if I was the cause of Judgment Day.

Funny. I just realized that I wouldn’t have to live with myself, because I’d be dead.

But, back to the subject. I could never do that. And I have to remind myself of that more and more, as Max and I get closer again. As friends. It’s killing me. Sometimes I ache for his touch so much that I almost don’t care what happens to the God damn world.

I have come so close to spilling my guts to Max so many times. So many times, almost giving it all up, and saying, ‘Fuck the god-damn world!’ But I never have. And every time, after every encounter, I keep my painful secret, and go home trembling from my close brush with the end of the world.

My only solace lies in Maria. Sometimes I cry on her shoulder, scared that I won’t be strong enough, that I will be the cause of Earth’s Armageddon. I’m only seventeen. And this pressure is crashing down hard on my immature shell. But I cannot allow Max, and Isabel and Michael and Maria and Alex and all the people I care about to die. In that I have no choice.

So, this painful secret will I keep, living my life knowing that the weight of the world rests on my ability to stay away from Max Evans.

And it scares me out of my skin. Because, for Max Evans, I would do anything. But letting him go, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

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