Pride and Prejudice
The Thoughts and Words of Brian Pride

Drowned Out by Brian Pride
Copyright 2001 - Pride

Further excerpts from the Life and Times of Brian Pride

    Here is yet another odd day in the life of Brian Pride. Take this story for what it is worth but by all means do not take it as any kind of advice. In other words kids do not try this one at home, in the dark, as a lark, nor in the public pool at the park.
    It was a nice summer day and the family decided to go out on a picnic. I thought my family had gone bonkers. The whole concept of picnicking seemed profoundly ridiculous to me. What can I say; I was four at the time and though we had had several such outings previously I was now coming to an age of concepts. So the idea of making a lunch that we weren't going to eat right away seemed absurd. Then to take said lunch, wrap it up neatly, pack it in nicely, trundled up with the family in the family car whereby to then roll off somewhere whereas to dump it all in the grass and then eat it was a concept far beyond my bearing. I was having no part of it. A point of which I think I made clear in too many ways at too many times amidst the fuss to gather the family together. This discerned by the contemptuous glare or snickering "tick" from my mother's face every time I came into the kitchen. As the family member who's unbridled task it were to lie awake each night keeping watch over winged beasts outside the windows, slimy creatures under beds, and furry beasts inside closets I voiced protest to any and all activity that took place in the early morning hours when I would alas tend better to my own version of sleep. Though dad would snore through Mom was ever alert to my nightly rounds as I did bed checks to see who might have been eaten each night and who may have been spared. So I would try to take it easy on her in the mornings through practice of mutual avoidance. Seeing as I wasn't about to be left home alone I had little choice but to go along with this sudden urge of insanity.
    The family packed in to the car and drove off. I remember asking my mother where we were going and as was her usual smart reply she quipped  "Up Mike's". It was one of those silly family jokes that I still do not understand. Every time I asked mom where we were headed she would reply smartly "Up Mike's". I don't know why I bothered to ask but it seemed to bring a smile to her face and a chuckle from dad in the driver's seat. Dad liked to drive so he almost always took the long way around. I'm sure the pond wasn't more than half a mile away from our house but still it seemed to take forever to get there. The ticket here was that dad was an avid train spotter so if there was a route that he could take that ran across, over, along side, or around a rail road track that was the route we were going to take.
    Family picnics as a rule were one of those uneventful family events. Going out to do nothing in the pretext of doing something or to the contrary seemed to be the apparent effect. This was of course before the days when families became conditioned to sitting around the television set for anything other than holiday specials or important news flashes. There was no real game plan other than to drive around for a bit until we found a spot and then get out of the car and picnic to our hearts content. After a while of driving "Up Mike's" we pulled into a grassy meadow under some shady trees along side a shimmering pool of water. I just had a bad feeling about this whole thing but kept my mouth shut.
    No sooner did we pick out a spot to lay down the pink and white plaid picnic blanket on which to sit the picnic basket than along came the uninvited guests. Bugs, bugs and more bugs. Big black crawling ants, great green gnats, and teams of torturous black flies and mosquitoes. Oh, so now I get it. This was the idea all along. We take the time to make all this food. Pack it up nicely in a basket and then come out here to feed the bugs. I think I must have said something as to this affect to my mother as she scowled and started swatting at flies and kicking at the ants.
    "Oh, Brian..." she scowled waiving her kerchief frantically over her head, "why don't you go jump in the lake!"
    OK, but what lake might that be. If by lake she meant this big puddle of water surrounded by trees not yards away from our picnic spot I might just do that. My brothers were quick to correct my mom that it wasn't really a lake but a pond. They raced off to chase the bugs away from the picnic spot while I went down to have a closer look at this pond. Now I had seen a lake before and would have recognized one again were this indeed such. Lakes were big bodies of water where the water moved. Sometimes when you jumped in them they pushed you back out or spit you back up. But this pond thing seemed to be a beast of a different nature. It looked like water enough to me but it wasn't moving very much. It seemed kind of peaceful and relaxing. Not the sort of thing one might jump into right off but perhaps one could try walking across it. It was so shiny and smooth. I walked up to the pond and found out sure enough just like a lake it was a big body of water. My feet slipped easily into the tepid pool without so much as a ripple.
    I walked along the shore for a bit looking at how funny my feet looked curled up by the refraction of the water. The pond was crystal clear and I could make out tiny pebbles that lined the bottom and small green reeds that grew up in patches. I waded out to my knees which wasn't so far for a boy of my age or stature when I noticed the small shiny creatures swimming around just under the surface. Small minnows and fish swam in darting schools brushed past my calves and tickled my ankles. I decided to follow the funny little creatures and see where they were going. They seemed nice enough and I liked the way they tickled me. The pond it seemed wasn't very deep so my family wasn't too worried about me as they chased each other around the meadow in a game of tag, (a sport I'm sure the bugs were winning). It was simple enough for me to keep in sight of them while casually wading around the shallow pond with these fish until suddenly my feet kept on going down. The water engulfed me in its warm summer embrace.
    I wasn't at all frightened as I fell through the soft warm water. Albeit a little caught off guard by the sudden drop thus ending up with a mouth full of water instead of a last gulp of air as I went down. Still, somehow, I knew enough to stop the water in my throat. I can clearly remember seeing the tiny gold bubbles of air rising up around me and telling myself to stay calm. If instead of breathing I swished the water rapidly in and out of my mouth allowing it to wash over my tonsils I would be able to glean enough oxygen to keep me alive. Doing so I let myself relax and fell gently to the bottom of the pond. Yellow green beams of light shone down through the surface of the pond over head. As my feet touched the bottom of the pond I marveled at the splendor of the world I had just entered. There were tall reeds of milky green waving up from the sand and little fish darting and dancing around me. The pond bottom was level enough and the water clear enough for me to see for some distance. I practiced my underwater breathing technique a bit flexing my cheeks in and out like a bellows blowing the tiny golden bubbles over the back of my throat. Now this was the first fun I was having all day. I started to venture off further into the pond. I loved the way my limbs gracefully moved under the water as I took a few steps and reached out to try to catch some of the shiny fish just out of my grasp. If I might think of any happy moments in my life this was surely one of them.
    The calm serenity of my wonderful surroundings were exploded upon by a loud bubbling crash and a muffled cry from above. There was a sharp tug as something caught hold of my golden locks of hair flowing above my head. Dragging me to the surface by the roots of my hair it were my oldest brother. He was splashing around in the water holding his arm tight around my neck choking me and shouting about how I was not to worry as he was going to save me. Now I knew my family was completely mad. First they pack up all this food to come out here to feed the bugs and finally when I get a moments peace away from them my big brother decides to grab me in a choke hold and drag me sputtering through the water to the shore. Buy the time we got to the shore I was surely a wreck. Why on earth had my brother done this to me? Was he sick or what? He could have killed me! I angrily spit out the water he made me swallow while "saving my life."
    Mom was clearly upset and I hoped she would scold my brother for this nasty prank but she turned her anger on me. What in the world did I think I was doing? Why, I was off playing with the fishes of course. Dad took to scolding my older brothers for not minding their little brother. I had hoped they would get a whooping but mom stepped up to their defense siting that they had saved me from drowning. Everyone seemed so mad at me that I solemnly sulked and kept my mouth shut. We angrily finished up what food the bugs had left for us to eat and packed up our picnic and went home. While sitting at a rail road crossing waiting for a freight train to pass the family decided swimming lessons were in order.
    A few days passed when mom sent me out into the back yard to play with my older brothers. Much to my chagrin there it was in a bright blue metal ring frame. The back yard swimming pool freshly filled to the brim with freezing cold tap water. I could tell by the look on my brother's faces that this was their punishment and I was about to get mine. They explained how they were instructed to teach me how to swim. After feeling the water's ice grave chill creep from my toe to my spine I courteously declined. Insisting that I didn't want to learn how to swim. Sorry, but I wasn't about to be given a choice in the matter. It was explained to me that I could have drowned that day at the pond and if I drowned then my dad was going to kill my older brothers so I better learn how to swim or else. Still not eager to take the plunge into the ice cold water I voiced a vote for reason. If someone would at least explain to me what they meant by drowning I would promise not to do it next time we went on a picnic thereby we could skip the whole swimming lesson deal.
    At long last I thought I had got to the bottom of all this nonsense. They explained to me about drowning and I simply shrugged my shoulders and said not to worry I could breath under water. Turning to head back into the house I was instantly heaved up over the side of the pool and tossed headfirst into the frigid waters. My brothers jumped in after me running circles around the sides of the pool to keep me from climbing out while creating a whirlpool with my small tumbling ice cube body caught up in the vortex. Sure that I might be dizzy enough they both jumped on top of me and held me under the frigid water thrashing about until I cried "uncle".
    I don't know where this silly notion of mine had come from that I could actually breath under water. I suppose it might have been after a friend had his tonsils removed and there seemed to be a pandemic of tonsillitis. Tonsils were being ripped out of kids left and right. One boy might have told me his doctor explained to him that tonsils were a relic of man's evolution from some earlier life as a fish. I don't know for sure. All I do know is that at least for a few moments alone on the bottom of that pond I was breathing underwater. Not by using my lungs but by slowing down my metabolism and using my tonsils to filter out enough oxygen from the clear pond waters. The subject was never brought up again after my brothers dutifully proved to me that beyond a shadow of a doubt I certainly could not breath under water. At least not with the two of them jumping up and down on my back.
    Though I might ad that there was one holiday much later in life while sitting around with my family reminiscing about those good old days... when my oldest brother was boasting about the time he saved my life... how odd it seemed to him... when he dove in after me he couldn't quite believe his eyes. He explained in his version of the tale he had seen my head dip under the water just as my mother cried out a familiar family herald "Where's Brian!?!" He raced into the water diving at the spot where he saw me go down but came up with nothing. On his second dive he thought he saw me further out into the pond. He came up for air and dove in one last time... he had expected to find me panicked, caught in some slipstream, fitfully struggling, or much worse... but there I was, far away from the drop-off simply walking along the bottom of the pond as if I were strolling through a park with an odd smile on my face chasing after fishes.