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[...march...]

[...3.28.03...3.52pm...]

This had to have been the longest week ever.  My goodness, I'm so tired.  I was up until 1.30 or so last studying for all my tests today.  It's almost as if all of my teachers got together and conspired with each other to have all of their tests today.  Either that, or it's the end of the quarter.  I suppose it's not such a big deal because these grades aren't permanent.  I'm not doing too bad though.  I don't think I have a "c" in ap chemistry...a "b" will definitely suffice.  Ah, everything else is looking pretty decent though.  I'm content.  

So anyhow, I was working on my English paper last night and I got this huge headache.  Because of that, I only studied for my chemistry test for a half an hour or so.  That didn't turn out to be too bad because Mr. Kittrell gave us all of the formulas that we needed for the test so it was fairly easy.  Yes, I walked out of that test feeling pretty good.  And trust me, I don't get to say that very often.  I had a killer rehearsal in choir today.  I'm so excited for our concert!  Heh, you guys have to come and see it.  You'll enjoy it.  I promise.  Les Chanteurs will be performing "Autumn Vesper", "Sambalele", "Camp Town Races", and "Eucaristica".  For you lucky Barons, tickets are only five bucks!  But yeah...come...it's kind of nice for me to see some familiar faces in the crowd while I'm singing.  Besides, if nobody's there, who's going to make silly faces at me?  The Spanish test was easy, like always...and so was the English one.  What makes me mad though is that we were supposed to have a history quiz today...but for some stupid reason, my teacher cancelled it!  That makes me so mad!  I studied so hard!  And I need those points if I'm ever going to get a "a" in that class.  *sighs*  Whatever....

Well, I have softball practice at church later...so I'm going to go take a nap.  I think I deserve it.  Sweet dreams!

[...3.25.03...2.55pm...]

First and most definitely foremost, I would like to wish JOEY the happiest birthday ever!  He is such a great person and friend.  Sooo reliable and all of the good stuff.  Yup yup.  He's a cool kid.  And he totally deserves the best on his birthday.  I luv ya, Joe!

Okay, so today was a pretty good day considering how my day was yesterday.  It was a modified day so was able to skip yearbook, but nothing too interesting happened.  I mean, considering the fact that I barely have any homework which is great because there is a LAKER game tonight.  And they are gonig to win!  just know it.   I can feel it in my bones.  Yup yup.  Be sure to watch it.  

Anyhow, I'm sitting here waiting for a call.  *sighs*  My friend and I got into a pretty yucky fight last night...and I don't know, I'm just really upset.  And hurt.  I was accused of being something that I'm totally not and that just makes me really upset.  It doesn't matter which way I see it, I'll always be the "sadaam hussein" supporting kind of person.  That makes me sad....

And I hate getting upset.  Because when I get upset, I get frustrated and do and say things that I probably shouldn't say.  Or take things way out of proportion.  But you know what, now that I actually think about it, it's all for the best.  It lets my mind breathe....which, of course, is good!

Seriously, how often do I get to express my feelings.  It's almost as if my mind is bound with this invisible rope or something.  If you've read Joy Luck Club, you may have noticed that the girls were only allowed to nod and smile and be obedient good little girls.  And before, I would never talk about anything...express emotions or whatever.  I just kept it inside this little bubble inside of me...and it kept on growing and growing and growing.  It's good that I finally began to listen and recognize myself before it popped.  Who knows what would have happened then?  We've all heard of stories where people go into this crazy depression state or become practically suicidal.  That scares me.  And I'm honestly glad that it does.  I like living.   

[...3.22.03...9.25am...]

Good morning everybody.  And indeed it is.  I have a feeling that it's going to be a good day today.  The sun is out and the sky is just simply beautiful...it simply calls for wonderful things to happen.  Besides I deserve wonderful things, I had a long and hard week.  I don't know, even though it's been nice and quiet because my sister was away, I still felt like poop.  I don't know, maybe I was just in one of those moods again.  

So yes, I went to go my x-rays done on Thursday and it seems to be that there's nothing wrong with my chest.  That kind of upsets me.  It's not like I want something wrong with me, but I would like to know I get the pain and stuff.  It's a bit frustrating.  Hrm, maybe it's from anxiety or stress or something.  Ah, I need to stop worrying.  The only good thing that happened this week is that I got an "a" on my history test.  Unfortunately, Ronald beat me by one point.  Gr!  Heh, it's okay though.  I'm getting better at not procrastinating and studying...and it makes me feel so good when I see end result.  Maybe I'll get into UCLA after all.  

Eh...I don't have much to say....I'll be back later.  Toodles.  

[...3.14.03...9.47pm...]

Boy, am I tired.  I've be up and out all day.  This morning I decided to come to zero period because I didn't really do my chemistry homework...so yearbook is a really good time to "compare" answers with people.  Yes, we got our test in chemistry back and I didn't do too well.  A seventy five percent to be exact.  It was open book and multiple choice AND I still did pretty bad.  *sighs*  Ronald beat me again.  What is the world coming to?  Hehe, just playing, mama.  Haha.  But yes, because my choir is on tour in Seattle the girls who stayed back in had to stay in the dance room because our school is too cheap to pay for a sub to watch us.  It was very...interesting.  I'd like to do dance if I actually had the space for it.  Gosh, I wish I had known about it being a p.e credit because I would have rather danced than run a stupid mile everyday.  Speaking of running, I need to start working out again.  Summer is right around the corner and I need to look good in my bikini!  Heh, don't you agree?  Anyhow, nothing too interesting happened today.  Although in sixth period, we did learn how to dance the Charleston from the 1920s.  It was actually kind of fun.  

Later in the day, I went to church to practice for stations of the cross.  I played the role of VIRGIN MARY.  Yes, that's right, virgin.  It was actually pretty fun.  I got to meet a whole bunch of new people...and I feel totally at ease when I'm in church.  I guess that's why I'm there so much.  So yes, you may call me a church girl.  

Oh yes!  I almost forgot!  The LAKERS won!  I am so proud of them.  Seriously, after they lost their last two games by an embarrassing amount of points...I believed that they would lose today.  Heh, but they proved me wrong!  Haha...in YO FACE, RONALD.  Heh, they're going to win tomorrow too!  YES!

Before I leave...I just have one thing to say.  Don't drink.  Ever.  Not even a little bit.  You'll end up hurting yourself and those who are dear to you....

[...3.13.03...6.17pm...]

Ugh.  I have another headache.  I seem to be get a lot of those these days.  Well, anyhow, today was an okay day.  I didn't really do much.  Heh, the Les Chanteurs are going on tour to Seattle today.  Gosh, I want to go with them but my mom wouldn't let me.  I suppose it's okay.  I guess my mom didn't want Lyan and me gone at the same time.  Hrm, whatever.  I'm going to Hawaii next year.  Yup yup.  I'm so excited!  So for all of those people who want to go to Hawaii...join concert choir next year!  It'll rock.  I promise you that.  Oh yes!  I finally got my lunch today without stupid people cutting in line.  Gosh, it really bothers me when people do that.  I want to kick them every time they do it.  And besides, if everyone stood nice and orderly in line, it would go so much faster and everyone would be so much happier.  How much brain does it take to figure it out.  Blah, I can't do anything though.  They would sit on me.  Haha, and it would definitely not be pretty.  But seriously, people need to stop being so hypocritical.  

Yuck.  I hate feeling like a girl!  Heh, yes I know that sounds weird since I am a girl, but you know what I mean, yeah?  I feel so weak.  Physically.  Like all of my headaches and joint pains and stuff.  And my chest really bothers me.  Like I'm just lying in bed and it feels so heavy.  It's almost like that one guy in "the Crucible" where they piled stones on him.  I hate that feeling.  And my eyes sting a lot.  Ah!!  I don't know if I'm just hallucinating, but I think that those bumps under my jaw are getting bigger.  And they kind of hurt...you know...like when you touch one of your bruises.  I would go to the doctor, but my stupid insurance company still hasn't sent back the forms.  I am getting my x-ray on Thursday.  Lucky for me, x-rays don't hurt.  Heh, okay, I'll quit whining.  

Anyway, have you heard?  They found Elizabeth Smart.  I think that's the greatest thing ever.  I can't even imagine myself being kidnapped for nine months.  It must have been horrible for her.  Who knows what those people did to her.  She must have been pretty smart to stay alive for so long.  I would've thought that they would just kill him.  It seems like the easiest thing to do...although most horrible.  I guess hearing her story again makes me a little more appreciative of my family and what I have.  I should really stop complaining.  I mean, I don't even know what I would do if that ever happens to me.  Heh, but if it does...you guys need to all band together and form a search and rescue team...!

[...3.11.03...4.05pm...]

Hullo.  That's right.  Lyna's back.  After two weeks of being lazy I'm ready to work again.  Anyhow, today was an okay day.  For starters, it was a modified day which means that I get to sleep in for awhile since I don't have yearbook and school starts an hour later than usual.  And in chemistry we did an interesting lab with chemicals and stuff.  Oh yes, one piece with advice: stay away from sulfur...it smells like poop.  Literally.  I'm not kidding.  We finally got our tests back too.  Heh, I finally beat Ronald!  Yes!  I got an "a".  I'm pretty proud of myself...I'm not doing too bad in that class...and I'm not even getting help from my tutor!  Goes to show how much studying will do for you.  Nothing interesting happened during the day.  It was just the same old school day.  Blah.  

And I'm getting tired of the same old thing.  Maybe it's not that.  Maybe it's the fact that I feel like I don't fit in much anymore.  It really sucks how you can be talking with a large group of people and still feel really lonely.  Trust me.  It sucks.  And how you can't feel "at home" when you're at home.  It's as if everything is moving way too fast.  Or everyone is moving....in the opposite direction that you're heading.  And it's so hard because you don't know what to do.  What can you do?  The best solution is to smile and nod...because in reality...you have to learn to live with it.  But my problem is that I don't WANT to live with it.  But then again, I don't want to move away from it because it's so familiar.  Ugh, I don't know.  That's why I was considering going to school a little away from home.  I know it's a little stupid, but I guess I want to find myself.  I want to live without any constraints on how I should and should not think.  It's almost like the girls in JOY LUCK CLUB.  My life is very Asian, and to be quite honest, I'm not too happy with it.  All my life I've been taught not to let my emotions show, to hold it in...and now  is when the negative effects of that come in.   I want to go to find my niche within myself.  I know I sound a little crazy, but that's exactly what I feel.  Or close enough to it.  But knowing my life, doing what is necessary for my happiness will be very difficult.  I want to follow my dreams...but then again I don't want to let anybody down.  It would break my heart to do that.  

Anyhow, I heard Johnny woke up from his coma for a little bit.  Dung told me that he was writing and stuff too.  At first I was really excited and everything because that must mean that he's doing well right?  But then he also fell back into the coma...or so I heard.  And that can be not such a great thing to happen.  I talked to my mother about it and she said that's not such a good thing to happen.  In her experience as a nurse...some people wake up out of their comas for a little bit to say goodbye.  Dear God, I hope that's not the case with Johnny.  *sighs*  He'll be okay.  I know it.  He's too good of a guy....Just got to keep on praying....