Everyone was married, how nice, all though the Nine, except Aragorn of course, were all married to each other.
Gollum, everyone's favourite mutated Hobbit, had raped Merry and Pippin at the same time, causing them to give birth to frog-like hairy-footed ugly children, whom they sold to the Elfin Kings for a suckysucky5dollah.
Legolas and Gimli were married, much to my own dismay, and Legolas gave birth to two beautiful baby Dwelf girls. Legolas and Gimli then divorced a year later, and Gimli went off to find his long lost lover, Wormtongue.
Although Wormtongue, you see, was now the Middle-Earthen equivalent of Bill Gates, they called him Worm Tates.
And so, Boromir returned from the dead, and was greeted by his father, who now of course favoured Faramir. Boromir did not like this, and so he tried to fight Faramir, who stabbed him with the very arrows that Boromir was firstly killed with.
Lady Eowyn, who was deeply in love with Aragorn, and torn apart by his marriage to the elfin princess, Arden, discovered his lost dagger lying on the riverbank one day, she then proceeded to repeatedly stab herself. She finally threw her close to dead self into the water.
And then Gandalf came back, only this time... he was dark Gandalf, the black. He was out to seek revenge against Bilbo Baggins for being an utter idiot.
Bilbo, however, was currently living in the heavens with his new wife, Frodo, who was also his nephew. Bilbo got Frodo pregnant, and as a result of inbreeding and nuclear radiation from the Springfield Power Plant, Frodo gave birth to the first ever one-legged, three-armed Hobbit child.
Arwen and Aragorn were eventually divorced, after a marriage of 5 years. Arwen had given birth to five beautiful little Elves with messed up ears, and after Aragorn left, she ran to Fangorn for comfort. The Helfman children grew up drinking Treebeard's water, and were eventually as tall as Fangorn himself.
Aragorn, however, was not happy with his bachelor life, even being the King of the West. He just couldn't manage to find a date! But within a year's time, fate led him to Faramir, and they were married two weeks later in an Elvis church in Vegas.
And so, the inhabitants of Middle earth died out after the head Orc decided to mail all Middle-Earth dwellers, including himself, Anthrax.
