Title: The Reed Façade

Author: Pretzelduck

Pairing: Archer/Reed

Rating: PG

Summary: A Malcolm POV piece as he thinks about his life on the Enterprise

 

Disclaimer: Newsflash! I don't own the Star Trek franchise.  I just play with it every once in a while.  Please don't sue me.  I just bought a new computer and I really like it so please don't make me sell it…. :)

 

Author's Note: A special thanks goes out to my roommate for putting up with me getting out of bed at 12:30 in the morning because my muse is a night owl.  Thanks, Megs. 

 

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It wasn't supposed to happen.  In the life tradition had laid out for me, this definitely wasn't part of the plan.  I had already left that path when I joined Starfleet instead of the Royal Navy.  But in my father's eye, I believe this would be a far worse transgression.  A Reed man is supposed to be a model officer, maintaining at all times proper decorum and behavior.  Your feelings and desires are insignificant.  All that matters is that façade.  But as I was reminded many times in my youth, I have never acted like a proper Reed.  Now my heart has betrayed me.  For so many years I was able to ignore it.  I unhappily dated women that my parents and peers would approve of and forced myself to think that it was their fault I wasn't attracted to them.  And for a while there, I seemed to have everything straightened out.  Despite walking away from my family and its traditions, I was still very much a Reed.

 

Then, Jonathan Archer entered my strict, organized, and empty existence.  And for the first time in a long while, I couldn't ignore my heart.  As the days passed on Enterprise, his image began creeping into my thoughts at the most inopportune times.  It all started with him commenting that I'd make a good two-meter man.  My long-deprived heart refused to brush off the comment and instead seized it as proof that there was hope for me yet.  From that moment on, I became increasingly aware of my fondness for my captain.

 

Fondness, not attraction.  Classifying it as attraction took a little more effort and a little more time.  It meant dismantling another piece of the Reed façade.  But that piece wasn't destroyed by pressure, time, or sheer will.  It was destroyed by a Novan bullet.  The incident at Terra Nova was an embarrassment.  It was the first time I let my feelings get in the way of my duty.  I, Malcolm Reed, was distracted by being so close to Captain Archer.  That mere distraction was my first failure.  The next came with that bloody bullet.  I am a trained and capable armory officer.  But I still managed to get myself shot, leaving my captain unprotected.  That was my second failure.  I failed in my duty.  I was so relieved when he made it off that horrible planet.  I am expendable; he is not.  There was no reason that he should pay for my distraction.  But the longer I stayed in that cave, the less relieved I felt.  My mind wouldn't calm.  I began to wonder if he would really leave me behind.  Then, almost like out of a fog, he appeared beside me.  I've never been a person of deep faith but as my body warmed at his light touch and I saw the concern and worry etched into his beautiful face, I knew I would never lose faith in him again.  And at that instant, I also knew I was attracted to him.

 

From that moment, my faith in him has never wavered but there have been times I doubted his faith in me.  Right before my birthday, the Enterprise was attacked by a dangerous and mysterious enemy.  The captain made the decision to return to Earth in order to have the engineers at Jupiter Station install the phase cannons.  Commander Tucker and I convinced him to let us start the work and our teams finished the two forward cannons in a record two days.  As we all worked non-stop, a voice in the back of my mind kept telling me that we were going back because he didn't trust me.  That the man I care about didn't believe in me.  The voice was eventually quieted but this time it wasn't by focused discipline or by the back of my father's hand.  It was by a cake.  A pineapple birthday cake.  Asking for special favors or treatment was something that my father didn't approve of and I learned that lesson quickly.  But there it was.  A cake made from my favorite food.  I was so astonished by that cake.  It made my body tingly all over to think that somebody cared about me.  Cared enough to remember my birthday and cared enough to somehow figure out what I like to eat.  It's too much for me to think that it was all his idea.  But I want it to be…That cake destroyed another piece of the Reed façade.  The piece of unattachment.

 

I tried to explain that to Commander Tucker in a way when we were on that bloody shuttlepod.  That whole experience was a test of my upbringing.  When we saw debris from Enterprise on the asteroid, I felt as if the universe had collapsed in on me.  My home was gone.  I thought everyone I had come to care for was dead.  My reserve almost failed me.  Then came the bourbon.  Alcohol usually loosens lips but in my case, it makes me all the more focused on the persona that I was taught to fill.  I don't know why I mentioned the subcommander.  Anything to reaffirm that even when facing death, I was still a proper Reed.  Anything to distract me from the fact that I would never have the simple pleasure of seeing Jonathan Archer again.  Things happened in a blur after that.  Hearing Hoshi's voice on the com, detonating the pod's impulse drive, the commander's stunt with the airlock.

 

When I awoke in sickbay, my first thought was that I was dreaming again.  But he was there.  His hand was on my shoulder and he called me Malcolm.  I keep each time he calls me by my first name close to my heart.  I love the sound of it.  There is something to be said for a North American accent.  The sight of him, the sound of his voice, and the touch of his hand.  They all conspired against me and I could feel my reserve break into a thousand pieces as I haltingly tried to tell him that we thought Enterprise had been destroyed.  I was so embarrassed and flustered by this failure of the Reed façade piece of composure that I almost missed the look in his eyes and the softness in his voice when he told me that he tell me about it in the morning.  Almost. 

 

So many parts of who I was raised to be have changed since I came aboard the Enterprise.  But I don't know if I'm ready to let anyone else any closer yet.  Take my attraction to Captain Archer.  I know it goes beyond mere physical attraction.  In the darkness of my quarters, in the stillness of night, I let myself ponder the possibility that I could be in love with him.  His very presence makes me want to smile.  But what are the chances that my interest is returned?  I can't dwell on this train of thought.  I usually keep a tight rein of my feelings but apparently not tonight.  One can't show feeling that one isn't supposed to have.  Another piece of the Reed façade. 

 

Beep, beep.

 

"Computer, stop recording."  I pick up a PADD off my desk so it doesn't look like I've been spilling my guts to a computer.  Quickly straightening my uniform, I go and let in my unexpected visitor. 

 

"Evening, Malcolm."  Of all the people on this ship to show up at my door at this exact moment, it has to be Captain Archer.  His gorgeous eyes are smiling at me and he's out of uniform, wearing a pair of black pants and a form-fitting denim blue shirt.  It shows off every muscle off his finely toned physique.  And he's standing in my doorway.

 

"Is there something you needed, sir?"  I watch his eyes go dark for a moment before they dart to the PADD in my hand.  The corners of his mouth turn up into a smile.  I sneak a glance at what I grabbed in my hurry.  Bloody hell.  Anything but that. 

 

"The Basics of Water Polo?" 

 

"Yes, sir.  It's my job to be prepared for anything." He takes two steps towards me and into my spartan quarters.  I take a few steps backward and the door to my quarters closes behind him.  Taking a look around, he sits down on the edge of my bed and looks up at me.  I'm focusing on standing at attention; something which has never been this difficult before. 

 

"You're not the only Eagle Scout, you know."  The comment makes me smile involuntarily.  It makes me a little braver.  One would think that as an armory officer I wouldn't be afraid of anything.  But Jonathan Archer in my quarters causes my stomach to rise up into my throat.

 

"I'm well aware of that, sir.  However, I do recall that I have more merit badges than you, sir."

 

"We're both off-duty, Malcolm.  You can call me Jonathan or Jon."  This wasn't supposed to happen either.  

 

"That would be inappropriate, sir."

 

I can't understand what he says next.  He mumbles something under his breath and holds up a PADD for me to see.  It only takes me a second to realize what it is.

 

"Ulysses, sir?" 

 

"Trip told me that you were reading on the shuttlepod.  Thought I might give it a try."

 

There comes a time when you have to fight or run.  As the ship's defender, it isn't in me to run.  I sit down next to him on the bed.  Holding up the PADD on water polo, I decide to fight.  "Well, I hope you're having an easier time than I am.  How on Earth do you play this game?  It doesn't make any bloody sense, Jon."

 

The look on his face as I said his name warms my whole body.  I'm certain my cheeks have taken a rosy pallor and that he can tell my hands are shaking.  He starts to laugh and can't help but join in.  It's been a long time since I simply relaxed and laughed.  It feels good.  Especially with the captain…Jon.  I can't forget to call him Jon.  It will take some getting used to.  But I'm willing to try.  It's far better than spilling my guts to a computer. 

 

"Perhaps we'll have to work together.  I'll help you understand water polo and you help me get through a sentence of Ulysses."

 

If the look on his face had an effect on me before, the warmth and caring in his eyes now is melting me into a puddle.  I can feel it now.  Jonathan Archer is going to take another chunk out of the Reed façade.  But I'm not thinking about that right now.  Jon has taken my free hand in his.  I glance down at our hands and watch as he starts to pull his hand away.  Wrapping my fingers around his hand, I look back up at him. 

 

"Sounds good to me."

 

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