Title: Let Me In
Author: Pretzelduck
Pairing: Archer/Reed
Type: M/M
Archive: If you want it, sure!
Feedback Address: [email protected]
Rating: PG
Summary: A short vignette as Captain Archer
reflects on his feelings for a member of his crew.
Disclaimers: I don't own the Star Trek
franchise. I wish I did but all I own is
my '91 Chevy
Beretta, the crappy computer I typed this on,
and the textbooks I paid way too much money for.
Please don't sue me.
-------
I care about him. As the commanding officer of the
and
every person under my command. But he
means so much more to me. I worry about
him.
About that lonely look
in his eyes.
Those eyes haunt my dreams.
He was the last person I wanted to leave
behind. I knew, deep down, that his
position might...no,
would
put him in danger. But I never realized
how much it would hurt until that very situation
came
along. As I watched him after returning
to rescue him from the Novans, I saw his beautiful
eyes
filled with an emotion I'd never seen on him before. Fear. He was afraid. Afraid that I
would
leave him behind.
I wish I could make him understand. There may be nothing between us now or in the
future but I
could
never let him go without one hell of a fight.
He's more distant with me now.
It's hard to
tell
the difference but I can feel it. His
withdrawl aches like a piece of my soul is missing.
He's in my soul now, I guess. I want to know him. I want to know what put that lonely look in
his
eyes.
I want to know who hurt him that badly.
That's why I pushed Hoshi so hard to find out
what his favorite food was on his birthday.
I
needed
to know a piece of who he is. It was
such a trivial piece of information. But
it was for
him. I wanted him to know that we cared about
him. That I cared
about him. His parents were
so
cold. They didn't even know that he was
the Armory Officer. Him
and his weapons. They're
like
an extension of him. A
part of him. The only part the
world can see. How could he grow up
into
the man I care so much for with parents like that?
My father is with me all the time. Every nebula, every comet, I dedicate to
him. He deserved to
see
this great expanse. To
live this great adventure. The
comet reminds me of him, again. I
almost
lost him that time. When the shuttle
fell, I felt my heart fall with it. I
almost let him die
because
I wouldn't swallow my pride and ask the Vulcans for help. Somewhere in me, I think I
know
that he is the only one I would do that for.
I want him to understand me. To
read my mind
and
finish my sentences. But I lock that
dream away along with all the others.
Because as I secretly watch those beautiful
eyes, I am reminded that he will never let me be that
close. Why not, Malcolm? I need to know. Please let me in.
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