Apr. 11,2006_____
Busy busy...I'm hoping for a bit of free time, but unless i stop doing things in the order they
are due, thats not gonna happen. I got about 1 bit thing each week and tests/quizes to keep me
nuts. I have been doing things i used to years ago and enjoyed the change, only thing is the
old me was not a good me. I managed to find time to watch Rozen maiden. A nice change of pace from
the usual anime out there on dolls. Peach pits work again dealing with a servitude, DearS being the
other i know of, but this 1s girl friendly with no boobs. The opening by Ali project is hauntingly nice
and i love the 'I despise you' line. Now if i could say that to the people that I hate, life may be
better for me.
Changing weather is bringing out the girly things.. Need I say they should either sun fry and die
or just keep away from me. Good thing about night classes, I dont have to leave the room and deal
with them other then if i feel like lunch. Im either in need of sleep or rebeling agaist doing
work.
Mar. 8,2006______
Just when you need and upper, would like to think of it that way. 'jess, you are
always the voice of reality and that's why I love talking to you' as a friend says.
I get that every now and then so I know some ppl like my way of thinking. Thou I have been
called evil too. Its a good mix.
My teachers seam to be out to kill me with work..My grades are about as consistant as my mood.
I was sick last week and played keep away from all. Still managed to be called moody and pissy at
society when sick by my usual critic. Hey, at least I didnt go bitch and moan to ppl on aim. Lets
me know who actually cares to chat with me though, seeing I let them be the 1 to pop up. Which is
good, didnt have to flip out at anyone who tried to wear on my thin nerves.
_Feb. 15,2006_____
Technically i should be doing hwk seeing i got lucky with a canceled class. In truth it was supposed to be canceled next week and there was a note saying its tonight, show up next week. All the better, seeing next week is short anyhow.
I did some blog things, why I dont even know myself. The heart doesn't seam that fitting.
| Ultimate Opposite Sex Survey (for girls) | |
| --Your Favorite-- | |
| Hair Color:: | something normal |
| Eye Color:: | any |
| (Their)Music Genre Preference:: | any |
| Height(estimate):: | taller please |
| Age:: | pref to mine or a year more |
| Personality Type:: | I refuse to babysit |
| --This or That-- | |
| Older or Younger:: | older |
| Romantic or Horndog:: | romantic |
| Smart or Stupid:: | smart |
| Fat or Skinny:: | the normal is.. |
| Skinny but Muscular or Big and Muscular:: | skinny but muscular |
| Punk or Preppy:: | between |
| The Big Picture or the Little Things:: | ? |
| Flowers/Candy or Big Expensive Present:: | anythings better then none |
| Mixtape or Burned CD:: | burned cd |
| Love or Lust:: | love, but a mix could be good |
| Emotional or Just Not:: | less emotional then me |
| Sincere or Jokester:: | sincere |
| Hott and mean or Ugly and sweet:: | neither.. |
| Sexy or Just Cute:: | sexy |
| Arse or Abs:: | abs |
| Hair or Hands:: | he best be having some hair |
| Dimples or Eyes:: | eyes |
| Biceps or Calves/Thighs:: | biceps |
| Teeth or Nose(some people are just wierd) :: | nose |
| Clean Shaven or Scruffy:: | clean |
| Rugged or Prim and Proper:: | prim and propper |
| Countryboy or Cityboy: | cityboy |
| Date alone or With Friends: | both |
| --Have You Ever-- | |
| Dumped a guy because he liked you too much:: | no |
| Loved a guy because he stalked you:: | no |
| Loved a guy because he hated you:: | no |
| Asked your friend's crush out:: | no |
| Lead a guy on for kicks:: | i try not to |
| Asked a guy out purely because he was hott:: | no |
| Flirted with guys even though you had a boyfriend:: | no |
| Lied about not having a boyfriend:: | not yet |
| Lied about having one:: | no |
| Cheated:: | no |
| Been Cheated on:: | no |
| Had a crush on a gay guy:: | no |
| --Their Clothing(yes/no)-- | |
| Boxers?:: | yes |
| Briefs?:: | if thats what he comes with |
| Hat?:: | yes |
| Band Shirts?:: | fine |
| Vintage shirts?:: | sure |
| Southpole/um..other thug clothes..?:: | no.. |
| Independent/DC?:: | ? |
| S&M/Little Devil?:: | ... |
| Jeans or Shorts?:: | as long as its not a dress. |
| --Be Honest-- | |
| Would you ever date a guy for his money?:: | a princess for a day, sure |
| Would you ever date a guy for his social status?:: | no |
| Have you ever liked hanging out with your bf's friends more than him?:: | no |
| Have you ever pretended to like somebody to make them feel better?: | no |
| Have you called a girl a whore, when you were screwing lots of guys?:: | no |
| Do looks matter?:: | yes |
| Are you honestly scared of being dumped?:: | of course |
| Does size matter?:: | ... |
| Do you avoid 'situations' with ugly guys?:: | i they are creepy too. |
| Do you hide things from your crushes/guy friends/bf?:: | they ask i tell |
| Do you really want a guy to say if those jeans make your butt look fat?:: | honesty is good |
| Are you dissapointed when your bf doesn't say I love you right away?:: | no |
| Wanna be a virgin till marriage?: | whatever happens |
| Do you really love the guys everytime that you say it?: | yes |
| Do you dream about your crushes/bfs/guy friends?:: | yes |
| Would you makeout with a guy friend just to get it over with/curiosity?:: | no way |
| You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish |
|
You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be. |
| Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me" |
What Does Your Candy Heart Say?
A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. |
_Feb. 3, 2006____
Im always busy it seams. Its been a long week, not to mention Friday alone and
i didn't even work..When shopping to try and have some fun cause i don't know when i
will get to next time. Theres a nice long back up on 95 when you try to head home.
A nice hour and a half of crawling on the highway. Did see a cute bathing suit. All
black with silver butterflies on it, but not way im paying $24 for each piece.
My classes are not easy. 2 300s and 2 400 add to a lab. Im not the normal math and
science person but a math and art so its not easy. So I guess this will be ignored
for some time still. None of my teachers are very nice and home lifes no good either.
Being home means watching my dad in constant pain. The moron somehow managed to hurt
his back, a herniated disc and nerve thing or something. Looks like I'll have to deal with him in surgery
sometime this semi on top things.
_Dec. 5, 2005_____
Wow. its been some time. I been soo busy its not funny. Hell has just about finished freezing over. I handed in my business report which turns out not to be due..damn schedule was wrong but there were 8 of us that 'finished' it. I got one project left and then its finals..fun. Im kinda shocked tonight. Just found some more proof to how oblivious I am.. Its personal so it's noting to say here but still. it just wow, how did i not notice. The people around me did and i just said no, it can't be. I'm staying quiet, something thats to be hidden. I need sleep bad.. I just don't fall asleep anymore. must be too much stress and my mind wondering to particular interests.
Here the months recap for those who care: Cosplay dinner. I was kasumi from
doa 2. costume for player 1, my fav. it still hasn't made it home yet.. It was
a hit, definetly with the guys but i got 2nd place so girls must have gave me
guts points. Beaten by a Chii, how common they are.
I made it though my
hell week. tests, quizes, and 2 presentations..gag. somehow pulled decent
grades in all of it. My econ teach really needs to retire. He gave us back the
test which were easy, probly cause he's not there to teach. He couldn't see to
read the names so he covered the grade and had a classmate read them out..
Seams like weds class is up in the air, he wasn't sure if he'd be there..sad
but good for me cause that was a nasty hard class before this. Been ignoring
annoying things, no need to go psycho on them. yet that is.
On a better note, been going to the ccsu movies which just finished. saw 40 year old virgin, must love dogs, war of the worlds, howl's moving castle, and charlie and the choc factory for a second time. The good thing was I got to see and spend some time with my friends who were there too. At first it was just randomly running into them and then it became me asking if they were going for the last two shown. May turn out to be a bad thing, won't anyone on break so it will be lonely.
_Oct.26,2005_____
Starting to think my econ teach is dead or dying. He had surgery last week so no class for us. Monday, we got so horrible sub that was painful to listen to and today, no one showed to teach us. Course only about ten of us showed to begin with..needless to say nobody liked the sub.
On a different note, HALLOWEEN is next week! fun hopefully. not so much for me, who doesn't go out but maybe the second going of the cosplay diner will be good. May wear my costume. I did post my new pic I drew on deviantart but u have to registered and proven over 18 to see it. Its nothing bad, I just am playing it safe so not to cause any probs with my account.
Its that ungodly time again too. class signups! pins! Problems.. Last year mine got disabled for some unknown reason. Gotta believe I was pissed. I missed openings in a day class I wanted. My classes have turned out to be okay so maybe it was destined to not be in classes with a friend. I know i'll have trouble this year too. Something tells me I need overrides to get into my classes cause I'm in the pre-recs now. Been told they will not do those till the start of registration too..
_Oct. 15,2005_______
Busy weeks have past. The movie was very good and I ran into some friends there. Felt like i wasn't meant to be there so I didnt stick around much after. Its at the point were I get about a test a week, better then 2 or 3 a day ever few weeks though.
The week worth of rain has done a number on me. It make old wounds act up and the emotions run rampant. Not fun. It makes work boring too, probly end up price checking stuff for the night. My hwks getting to be more and more so i may not update often. Still got two business letters to write for monday, study and rework excel for tues.
On a better note, I have been adding to my sailor moon collection though ebay and working on my next costume, a sailor senshi. If any1 knows where to get the sailor jupiter live action trading/candy figure please ket me know. This is not the gashapon version, different pose and they have a box. I really would like to complete that set.
_Sept 28,2005_______
Its been a few long weeks. I feel like I'm messing something up everyday, though that may not be entirely true. I did get a decent grade on my 1st paper. A bit of sleep could help. I'm in an artsy mood and what so i have been doodling and watching way too anime. Nothing wrong there other than i need an escape.. Going to see Howls moving castle tonight at welte. Wish i knew before, I'd rather go on sundays. My current fav doodle is a riskee one thats currently look pretty good, the girl that is. Still cant draw nice guy heads so he doesn't have one yet. yep, we need to get things together in the guy area in more ways then one.
To stay with the art thing, my deviant account a good amount of stuff there. Lots of cat pics, a few doodles and a shot or two of me with 3 literature things. Kinda like short poems but i don't know what kind they would be. To top it off I finshed my Kasumi costume and got a shot of it there. It came out well with a lot of work. I didn't expect the painting to take so long. The sewing was not that timely, just the hand stuff with the velcro. I just got a toy sword to alter and add so I have that project and my next mystery costume I started. That will take time with the odd items I need. Hopefully I'll feel a bit more chipper next week, maybe I just need my male attention thats been lacking from some I wanna talk with. Yea, picked up two new annoyances in one week. How I have the knack for that, I dont know.
_Sept 11,2005____
Happy 9-11 ppl. I didn't realize what it was till I got around to adding to my deviantart. Visit the main index for the link, being lazy. I haven't the guts to put up a nude, well covered but still nude shot. There is two of me up, ones pretty close. I love my bathing suits, buying four this summer says that even more. Feel free to leave whatever comments you feel like.
I never got around to finishing my costume this weekend but I did a bit of work on it...Painted a bit again. Got two little steps left before i can try on the finished product that may get altered a bit after. The hopes of finding the oddball things for my next one should be getting better with Halloween so close, but I do need a giant jingle bell too. Not easy to come by.
Works going okay. The plans being made so there's some job security but the fact its not really busy is getting to concern me a bit. I like the toy store and don't want another one to close on me. At least not till next year when I should be getting work in my field, if you will. School work is still keeping me unsure on whats to come. I don't have the feel for the hole im digging this semi. I'm deceiving myself on the work load too. ug the papers and presentations to come!
_Sept 7,2005_______
I have been recently thinking of adding this to my site. Maybe I just have been thinking too much but its always good to get those thoughts down and together to keep tract of what's repeating itself to change. I'll go with the tradition of making the 1st entree long.
I'm very used to being alone, being an only child and pushing people away for so long. This summer was different from others. Due to AIM, I have grown used to having company to chat with, so having to get used to my lonesome again is a bit of a system shock. I had one visitor for a few hours that traveled to my home in nowhere land, then Connecticon. I'm still pretty much a recluse who leaves the room for work and class only, but that's not on the top of the list to change.
I have been trying to change slowly, the best option when going into the unknown. I can say I have blocked a lot of what caused me to crawl/retreat into my shell. Being shy around new people, quiet, not wanting to be standing in front of everyone, is something I always have had to deal with. The whole skittish of touch, non-trusting defensive attitude of mine is something that came with jr high. I can say from the blurs I have, its caused mainly by my close friends betraying me on many occasions. The affect may have been so severe because of the whole growing up, new hormones thing that gets everyone, but the truth is I can only guess why. A memory did come back to me during the 1st week back here at ccsu that can say that's why I swore off people, never to fully trust anyone again till recently. It may have resurfaced as a warning of what happened last time or a premonition of what may hit again if I let people in. I'm hoping its just a warning. I am better now, but that doesn't mean the progress can't be reversed.
To say the least, something is bothering me. I'm constantly keeping my mind occupied unconsciously, thus having some sleep trouble. I do regret not taking/asking to take more pics at the two cons I have been to, thus causing me to get into some large searches for shots online. Now that I have found the deviantart site, I will be making an account to post my shots/drawings/cat pics soon. Next week probly, that is for when I got my 1st cosplay costume finished. Maybe some odd ones to say I have dabbled in different things. Showing ones body can be both provocative and artistic, all the while helping to create self-esteem and allow me to be a bit more outgoing. I don't regret cutting bangs again. It was necessary to keep me from thinking I look bad, as it was starting to by mid-summer. I glad I have met some of the people here at school, they have proven to be reliable at times
I do want the company of a boyfriend, but I'm leaning toward finding a long term love then a fling that last a month or two. Its hard to say if I'm ready for an in-depth relationship, but that's something you won't know unless you try. I'm just to shy and very unsure of their feelings to be the one to ask. Besides, I know myself well enough to know I'd mess that whole timing time up, you know, the important part. I don't want my first confession to be a rejection.