When I was young, my mother told me this: A woman must marry and have children. That is her purpose in Life. For some reason, I believed her, and it brought me nothing but pain.
Thank you Mamma! I worshipped men. They were my idol, and I collected them as one might collect gowns or trinkets of little value, but you keep only because of their social worth. As consequence, they meant absolutely nothing to me.
For, I knew that any one of them would die for the chance to hold my hand. I knew how their hearts pined for me as I sauntered up the street. I knew how I was playing them like the harpsichord in my bedroom, and it was much fun...for me...
I recall a time I made one of them cry. I had never seen him before, and he happened to be walking by my best friend, Clarissa, and I as we discussed the latest fashion changes, on the block of Pine and Valley Roads.
Clarissa nudged me in the arm with her elbow and bade me turn to look upon him. I did so, and to my disgust, found the man staring at me like a lovesick schoolboy. I turned to my best friend, she was frowning that merciful frown of hers. Her eyes were wide and bright with emotion.
I had to laugh, the man was really such a comical sight. And that's when his eyes began to water. The next thing I knew, the man had burst into tears. I thought he would surely run and hide his face, but he just sat there...bawling.
Clarissa ran to his side and handed him her handkerchief. He dabbed his eyes and looked up at my friend and smiled. Clarissa smiled back. It was like magic. She kissed his cheek and he squeezed her hand. And to my astonishment, they walked off, hand in hand...her head upon his shoulder...he whistling a merry tune.
They have been married ever since...
* * * * *
Oh, if I had only known Clarissa's secret to eternal happiness (for that is what her life looked like to me). If I had only known how to smile. If I could only grow a kind and loving heart. Perhaps, I would not be so miserable now.
After several years, men began avoiding me. They treated me like a disease. No one wished to be caught by me. I was off limits.
I was given a nickname: "The Old Shrew." I have heard tell of such names in storybooks; women who were not married by a certain age, cursed to a lonely life. "She's so desperate now," I've heard men say. "Yeah, and she used to be such a beauty, too." Those terrible words: "used to." They wrenched my heart from within my bosom.
"No man can keep her away. She clasps on and won't let go, for fear she'll be left alone. It's sickening." Yes, that was only a taste of some of the things my ears heard. Now reader, I know what you must think: I ran home to cry upon my bedsheets. Well, I hate to disappoint you, but that is not what I did. No, I ran to Clarissa, to drain my tears upon her shoulder.
I stormed into her house in a terrible fright. I ran into her room, where she sat cradling her first born babe.
"Frida! What are you doing here?" she gasped.
At last, Clarissa could not stand it any longer, "Frida, one moment as I put Juliet to bed." She rose and set the infant in her cradle. She cooed to her to hush her and beckoned me out of the room.
Once she had shut the door, she then hurried me down the hall and into the kitchen.
"What is it you need?" Clarissa looked at me sternly, and yet with concern.
"Tell me your secret," I begged between sobs.
She chuckled, "What secret?"
"Don't laugh...If there is one thing I don't need right now is my best friend scoffing at me in my time of need."
"Time of need?" she laughed out-right. "Please Frida! Do not joke so, you'll make me wake the baby," she rose and went to fix some tea.
I scowled and burst into tears again, "How did you do it?"
"Do what?" she asked, placing a cup in front of me.
"Find a husband?" I returned.
"You were there, dear," she smiled pouring hot water into the china cup.
She put the kettle back upon the stove and took a tea bag from a cupboard and placed it in my cup. Clarissa then handed me a spoon and a bowl of sugar.
I took a cube and dropped it in my cup, watching it slowly dissolve.
"I don't understand," I said at length.
"Understand what?" Clarissa asked as she sipped her own cup of tea.
"How life can change so drastically, I mean...I am not the same person I once was. Yet, my life has stayed the same. I'm still left alone."
Clarissa stared into her cup and then looked up at me. She slid her chair over and took my hand in hers.
"You still have me," she said. "You'll always have me."