From:  lukerulzgh@a... 
Date:  Sun Sep 29, 2002  3:27 am
Subject:  xmas response Pt. II

 
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ok...here it is... Part II of "What a Difference a Year Makes".  I hope you guys like it.

Thanks to all for the encouragement.  Like I said this is my first Pretender fic and I'm SO very nervous.  I won't ramble on any longer....read and enjoy!

--Lisa Q

*~*~*~*

(Blue Cove)

"Dammit!"

"What did the sweepers say?"  Raines asked, his eyes glued to the furious man in front of him.

Lyle slammed the phone down and rose angrily from the chair. "She never showed up!"

"What?"

Lyle began pacing around his office. "The sweepers waited in position for hours. Miss Parker was a no show." He yelled.  

"She left the Centre this morning." Raines spat, the veins beginning to show on his bald head. He glanced at his watch. "Where the hell did she go?"

"Beats the hell out of me." Lyle ran his hands down his face. "She isn't here, she's not at her house.  She's not in Florida… No one knows where the fuck she is."

"What about Sydney?" Raines croaked. "Did the sweepers find him?  Is he still alive?"

Lyle stopped pacing long enough to answer. "He wasn't even there."  He relayed. "The sweepers went in after Parker didn't show and the place was empty."  He sighed loudly. "They said it didn't look like anyone had been there in months."

"You said you had a tip!"  Raines hissed.

"Yeah, and I thought it was a good one." Lyle was clearly disappointed. "The team went through the whole place from top to bottom.  There were no clothes, no food, nothing to indicate the place had been lived in."  He started pacing once again. "You know what I think?  I think Sydney set up a phony location to throw us off his trail!"

"That's impossible." Raines said. "Sydney was catatonic when he was brought in after Jarod died.  He was not competent to do much more then drool in his Dixie cup.  To think he was capable of not only escaping but setting up a false trail is a stretch."

"Ok, then what?  Could it be that he was faking it?"  Lyle asked. "The suicide attempt and mental breakdown was all an act?"

"No. I examined him myself.  He was completely crazy."  Raines said in a low wheeze. "Sydney had help."

Lyle groaned. "Here we go with your conspiracy theory once again."  He stopped pacing and whirled around to face Raines. "The Centre conducted a full investigation into Syd's escape and came up with nothing to indicate anyone else was involved."  

"He could not have left the Centre without some kind of assistance." Raines said in a low voice. "The man was heavily sedated."  He walked up to Lyle and let out a long breath. "I think it was Miss Parker who engineered his escape."

Lyle looked up at the ceiling. "Is your tank not working? Not getting enough oxygen to the old brain cells?  If you recall, Parker had an alibi when Sydney flew the cuckoo nest.  She was in a meeting with the both of us, remember?"

"Convenient wasn't it?"  Raines hissed. "Parker is a clever woman.  She could have paid someone off to get him out. If you recall, Mr. Lyle," He continued, mocking the younger man. "…she wasn't too broken up about his escape."

"Half the Centre cheered when he got out." Lyle retorted. "Sydney is more popular then Mr. Rogers."

"Think about it, Mr. Lyle." Raines was convinced Parker was involved. 

Lyle was reluctant to admit that the older man had a point.  He always had a sneaking suspicion that Parker knew more about Sydney's escape then she let on.  Parker's attitude about Sydney's disappearance was pretty nonchalant and since being in charge of ensuring his return, she didn't seem hell bent on finding him. And her reluctance on the order to kill him…

"Mr. Lyle!" Raines shouted, breaking Lyle from his thoughts. "What are we going to do about this situation? Your father is expecting a report."

Lyle suddenly had a thought. "Hold off on telling Dad anything."

"Why?"

Lyle moved to the door, grabbing his coat from the nearby rack. "I'm going to find out once and for all if my sister is behind this mess."

"How?"

"I'm going to her place and I'm going to tear it apart bit by bit." Lyle hissed. "Keep your mouth shut until I get back."

"It won't be easy avoiding your father."

"Just do it."

Raines groaned. "Keep me updated." He ordered.

"Stay by the phone." Lyle spat before stalking out of the office.

*~*~*~*

(Syd's)

Parker flipped her cell phone shut and sighed.  Everything was going as planned.  Well, almost.  It was the proverbial good news, bad news situation.

The good news was the new location was nearly set up and secured.  All they had to do now was wait out the storm and when the weather cleared, they could make their move.  Sydney would be safe and she could get back to the Centre.

Then there was the bad news. Her original plan was to get to Sydney, transfer him, then head on down to Florida with no one at the Centre catching on to what was really happening. But thanks to the raging snowstorm, Parker was stuck. And her plan was shot to hell.

She looked at her watch; by now, Raines and Lyle probably knew she never arrived to meet the sweepers.  She had no clue what she was going to tell them about why she never made it.  She would have to come up with something at least half way believable or Raines would be all over her again, accusing her of conspiring with Sydney against the Centre. She had enough of his relentless interrogation when Sydney originally disappeared.  

There was nothing she could do at the moment, so Parker figured she would deal with it once Sydney was relocated.  She had at least a couple of days to think it through.

She placed her cell phone on the table and she moved away from the window to join Sydney in the living room.

He looked up from tending the fire in the open fire place when she entered. "Where were you?"  He asked.  "Your hot chocolate is getting cold."

"Sorry."  Parker crossed the room and sat down on the floor in front of the hearth.  She leaned back against the couch. "I was on the phone with Broots." She told him. 

Sydney smiled. "How is Broots?"

Parker smirked. "About to pee his pants."  She said, her voice low. "He's completely petrified that Raines is going to figure out he's helping us. The little worm is going to blow it if he doesn't get his act together."

Sydney laughed. "Some things never change."  He muttered.

"Anyway, everything is set at your new home." Parker told him. "As soon as the blizzard from hell lets up, we will be on our way."

Sydney sighed.  "I'm going to miss this place."  He said wistfully.  "It's been my sanctuary for nearly a year."

Parker took a sip of her hot chocolate. "I'm sorry, Syd.  I know you're happy here, but I really don't think you have a choice."  She noticed the sad look on his face and she began to worry. "Are you going to be ok?" She asked. "Because if you're even the slightest bit upset by this, I can call the nurse back and she can stay with you for a while."

Sydney rose from the hearth and sat down on the floor next to her. "I do not need a nurse watching my every move any longer, Parker." He told her. "I can handle it."

Parker twisted to face him.  "But Sydney…"

He reached up and placed his fingers over her lips, silencing her. "But nothing."  He insisted. "I do not need a babysitter! I am much better."

"I can see that."  Parker took his hand in hers and moved his fingers away from her mouth. "You look absolutely wonderful."

Sydney squeezed her hand in his and smiled. "Thank you."

"But Christmas is two days away and I know what you must be feeling.  And to be forced to move on top of it…"

Sydney shook his head. "Are you afraid that I will snap again?" He said, verbalizing her silent thought.  

"No…" Parker lied.

Sydney nodded his head. "Yes."  He argued.

"I just don't want you to be all alone in case…well…" Parker trailed off.

"In case I get an urge to climb to the roof?" Sydney asked, slightly smiling.  "Been there, done that."

"That's not funny, Syd!!" Parker shot back. "You tried to jump from the Centre roof!  If Broots hadn't been there to stop you…"  By now, Parker was livid.  "How the hell can you joke about something like this?"

Sydney immediately regretted his words seeing how visibly shaken she became after his off the cuff remark. "I'm sorry."  He whispered sincerely.  He pulled her hand to his lips and gently kissed her fingers.  "I didn't mean to upset you."

She took a deep breath to steady her nerves.  "Look, after this visit, I'm not sure when I can get away to see you."  Parker told him gently. "I would feel so much better if you were not by yourself after I go back. I really think I should call the nurse."

"Please don't."

"Why not?"

"To be honest, I can't stand that woman. She did nothing but get on my nerves."  Sydney replied. 

"She kept an eye on you when I couldn't, Sydney." Parker shot back.

Sydney rolled his eyes. "All she did was sit around and knit and tell stories about growing up on a farm." He let out a laugh.  "I was getting to the point where I wanted to remove her larynx with one of her knitting needles!" 

"You're making light of a serious situation."  Parker scolded, pulling her hand away.  She went to get up but he grabbed her arm, pulling her to sit back down next to him.

He shifted sideways in order to face her.  "Parker." He began.  "I'm not trying to make light of anything." 

Parker yanked her arm from his grasp. "Then don't."

"Hey! I'm sorry for the jokes.  I didn't realize they would upset you so"

"Damned right I'm upset!  Your breakdown is no laughing matter, Sydney." She scolded loudly. "You have made so much progress since we got you out of the Centre. You mean too damned much to me and I don't want to take any chances that might screw it up."

Sydney was taken aback by her outburst. "You make it sound so personal. For you."  He ventured cautiously.

His words shocked her back to reality.  Parker closed her eyes and counted to twenty. What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she reacting so strongly to his lame attempts at humor? I must be tired, she thought to herself.

She opened her eyes. "I'm sorry, Syd." She finally said.  "I don't know what came over me. I guess it just stress."

Sydney was concerned. "Is that all there is to it? Stress?" He asked.

"Stress.  Worry." Parker replied. She shifted so that the back of her head rested on the couch cushion. "It's the Centre, what do you expect?"

"What is troubling you?"  Sydney asked, sensing she wanted to talk.

Parker took a very deep breath. "Lyle and Raines are hell bent on finding you and I've been just as hell bent on keeping that from happening."  She replied. "For the last year, I've spent every waking moment keeping them on the wrong trail and at the same time, trying to take care of you."

Sydney grinned. "And what an excellent job you've done. I'm very grateful."

Parker smiled and patted his thigh. "Thank you." Parker sighed. "Up until this morning, I felt like everything was under control. But then they told me they had found you and they ordered me to go kill you."

Sydney swallowed hard. "How did that make you feel?"

Parker felt her eyes well up with tears as she thought about it for a moment. "Like the bottom had dropped out of my world." She whispered, staring at the fire, her voice slightly shaky. 

Sydney raised an eyebrow, surprised by her honesty and by her words.

"I wondered to myself, 'what if I wasn't there? What if they had REALLY found out where you were and sent another person to kill you?'"  Parker continued.  "And I was worried they would figure out their information was fake and they would get here before me."

Sydney reached out and brushed a strand of hair from her cheek. "With all that on your mind, I go ahead and make cracks about my mental state."  He said gently. "No wonder you bit my head off."

Parker turned her head and looked him in the eyes. "I'm sorry." She said. "I really didn't mean to yell at you."

"I'm the one who should be sorry." Sydney told her. "You have done so much for me, made so many sacrifices to ensure I was safe. That I regained my sanity. I don't even know if I've ever said thank you for what you've done." 

Parker rose up and kneeled before him. "You don't have to say thank you, Syd." She whispered. "Seeing you healthy, vital, smiling, is all the thanks I need."

"Good."  Sydney let out a laugh. "On that note, I will make you a promise."

"What's that?"

"No more jokes." Sydney vowed. "At least not about my sanity."  He broke into a wide grin.  "But if you want to hear the one about the three lawyers who went bear hunting in Canada, I'd be more then happy to tell it!" 

Parker's mouth dropped open and she reached forward, shoving him onto his back as he exploded in laughter.

"Ow!"  Sydney exclaimed, still chuckling.

"You are terrible!"  Parker told him, pointing her finger at him.  "I'm trying to be serious and you're channeling Red Skelton!"  She wanted to be mad at him but his laughter was contagious and she soon found herself giggling as well.

Sydney began to sit up and after a minute his laughter subsided.  "I'm so very happy you're here."  He said sincerely.

Parker smiled warmly. "I'm glad I came." 

Sydney looked into her eyes and smiled.  "It's been far too long since I've seen you." He whispered. "Since I've really laughed."  

"Laughter looks good on you."

"You put it there."  Sydney replied.  He took her hand and kissed her fingers, his eyes continuing to stare into hers. "So.  Why did it take you so long to come up here?  Your father have you working too hard again?"

Parker suddenly felt shy under his gaze. "Daddy was getting suspicious of my weekend trips." She said, averting her eyes to the fireplace. "I thought he eventually might have me followed so I figured it was better to stay away for a while."

"That was probably a good idea for your safety, but it was terrible for me." Sydney said. Noting her puzzled look he smiled. "I've missed you and I've been bored out of my mind awaiting your return." He saw her raise an eyebrow. "That wasn't a sanity joke." He quickly added.

"Nice save, Syd."

"I just get so lonely without you here, hovering over my every move." Sydney continued with a slight chuckle.

Parker sneered and pulled her hand away. "I do not hover." She said, trying to sound snotty.

"You do so." Sydney countered, laughing when she rolled her eyes. "And I like it."

"If you like it so much, call the nurse back."  Parker retorted.

Sydney grinned. "She doesn't hover nearly as well as you do."  He told her. "You were away far too long for my liking, Parker."

Parker looked back at him and she saw something in his expression that made her heart skip.  The way he gazed at her, the warmth in his eyes, the contented smile on his face, the true sincerity of his words. There was something there; something she didn't really notice until that moment. A feeling, an emotion.  She saw it in him, she even felt it in herself and it made her slightly uncomfortable.  

Sydney was sensing that things between them were different as well and he quickly turned away before he said or did something inappropriate. "Would you like some more hot chocolate?" He asked, pointing toward the kitchen.

Parker shook her head, grateful for the change in conversation. "No thank you."   She replied.  "I think I just want to sit here and enjoy the fire."

"Very well."

Parker leaned back against the couch and focused her gaze on the flames before her, not on the man sitting next to her. She had to admit, if only to herself, that she missed him just as much as he missed her.  And that he was stirring up a feeling deep inside her, one she thought was long buried. But then again, they had grown very close during the last year so maybe it was a deepening friendship. Yeah, that was it….

Sydney finished off the last of his hot chocolate and he relaxed as well, settling down next to her on the floor.  It was wonderful to see Parker again, even better to be able to laugh with her.  And even more amazing then that, to realize how much she truly cared about his safety and happiness.  Her continued presence in his life was the one thing that kept him going this past year and he knew that in a couple of days, when she left again, he would be alone. And that was something he in all honesty, didn't want.

After a few silent moments, he unconsciously raised his arm and draped it over her shoulders, pulling her right next to him, wanting her closer, seeking out her warmth.  Parker tensed at first, but soon relaxed and leaned next to him, resting her head on his chest and closing her eyes.

Sydney smiled and rested his cheek on the top of her head, thinking how far they both had come over the last year. He laughed inwardly, thinking of an old song and words that fit his situation to a tee: what a long, strange trip it's been.

*~*~*~*

(later)

Parker knocked softly on Sydney's bedroom door. "Syd?" 

"Come in."

Parker slowly entered Sydney's room, pulling her robe closed around her nightgown. "I saw the light on under the door." She said, stealing a quick glance at the bedside clock. "It's the middle of the night.  What are you doing up?"

He sat up and propped a pillow up against the headboard and he leaned back, straightening the covers on his lap. "I could ask you the same thing." Sydney stated with a raised brow.

'I was thirsty."  Parker said.  She crossed the room and sat down next to him on the side of the bed. "What's your excuse?"

Sydney half smiled.  "It's Christmas Eve."  He whispered, folding his hands on his lap.

Parker narrowed her eyes at him; it was obvious his mind was elsewhere.  "You're thinking about Jarod." She guessed.

Sydney nodded.  "Yes, I am." He replied, a hint of sadness in his voice. "He always loved this time of year.  Wherever he was during the holidays, he would call and tell me about the lights and decorations.  Reminded me of a child experiencing the holiday for the first time. He always called me on Christmas Eve, no matter where I was."

"Syd…"

"Funny how the one holiday he favored the most is the one he died on."  Sydney whispered. "I should have been able to save him."

Parker placed a hand over his. "Stop doing this to yourself, Sydney." She gently said. "I know it's hard, I know that you still feel some sense of responsibility but there is nothing you can do to bring him back."

"You know, Raines blamed me for Jarod's death and the end of his Pretender Project."  Sydney said, not really listening to her. "Said if I was half the psychiatrist I claimed to be I could have stopped Jarod, could have gotten him to put the gun down. Which would have prevented Lyle from shooting him.  And Jarod would still be with us."  

"Lyle killed Jarod, Sydney.  Not you.  There wasn't a single thing you could have done." Parker insisted. "Lyle was going to kill him no matter what."

"I know that now."  Sydney whispered. "It took me a long time to come to terms with what happened, to stop blaming myself.  For months, I felt guilty because I couldn't save him. I threw myself between Jarod and Lyle because I wanted to take the bullet, to save Jarod, but Jarod turned us around and he was shot in the back instead."

"Jarod loved you, Syd." Parker whispered, listening to him relive the worst night of his life.  "Enough to save you at his own expense."

"He sacrificed himself. FOR ME!" Sydney exclaimed. "After everything I did to him!"

"You didn't do anything to him." Parker said.

"I kept him from his family."

"The 'CENTRE' kept him from his family, Syd."  Parker retorted. "Not you.  You did what you could for him.  But you could only do so much.  The Centre held you hostage.  If you truly followed your heart, the Centre would have cut it out and fed it to the lions."  She let out a long sigh.  "I know Jarod doesn't blame you for what happened.  He loved you and he knew you loved him." She reached up and cupped his chin with her hand, forcing him to look at her. "Focus on that love, Syd.  Not on what you think you did, but the good things you DID do."

"I try, Parker. I really do."  Sydney replied, turning away.  "But here I sit, hoping for the phone to ring on Christmas Eve again, that everything that happened last year was all one long nightmare."

"Don't go there, Syd."

He looked up at her, sensing a quiver in her voice. "What?"  He asked.  "You want me to forget him? Not talk about him at all?"

Parker squeezed his hands in hers. "I'm not asking you to do either."  She said softly.  "I'm just don't like hearing that…"

"That what?"

"You're talking about the phone ringing and it scares the hell out of me." Parker replied loudly. "When I first brought you here, you insisted your were seeing Jarod everywhere and hearing his voice.  You were positive he was still alive and in this house."

"Are you afraid I'm becoming delusional again?" Sydney asked.

She purposely ignored his question. "Syd, you are doing remarkably well." Parker said gently.  "I can't bear the thought of you slipping back to where you were a year ago."

"I'm not slipping!" He firmly stated. "I know the phone isn't going to ring. I was just making a wishful statement, that's all. So stop worrying."

Parker just smirked. "But I do worry." She admitted. "You too important to me, Syd."

"And you mean the world to me as well."  Sydney whispered. He lifted her hand in his and brought it to his mouth, kissing the back of her hand.  "I do not know how I could have survived without you."

"You would have managed."

"I do not think so." Sydney whispered.  He pulled her hand to his chest and his other hand reached up and his fingers lightly touched her cheek. "If you had not gotten me out of the Centre, brought me here, stayed with me during my darkest time, I don't know what would have become of me."

Parker closed her eyes as his fingers brushed her skin and she leaned into his touch.  His gentle, loving touch.  "Sydney…" Her voice trailed off as her heart started to race.

"You saved me, Parker."  

Sydney leaned toward her, his face coming close to hers. Parker's breathing hitched upon feeling his breath on her skin.  Before he realized what he was doing, his lips touched hers in a gentle kiss.

Parker didn't move as the hand on her face slowly made its way around the back of her head, his fingers threading through her soft hair.  Her free hand moved off her lap and around his neck as she pulled him closer.

After a moment, Parker pulled away, and she briefly looked down at the sheets, not knowing what do to.  After taking several long breaths, she looked back up at him. He was staring at her and their eyes locked.

"Parker…"

She didn't know what to say at first, but she finally found her voice.  "Um, I'd better head off to bed." Parker said nervously, breaking her gaze from Sydney.  "Morning will be here before you know it and I still have a bunch of details to work out before we re-locate…"

Parker was rambling and she knew it so she quickly shut up.  She went to stand up but Sydney stopped her, grabbing her arm before she could move away.

"Parker…" He repeated.

"What?"

Sydney swallowed nervously. "Stay here ... " He whispered.  

"Sydney…."

"I need you here with me."  Sydney admitted. 

Parker just looked at him. "I really don't think this is a good idea." She quickly and nervously replied.  

Sydney let out a laugh. "I promise I'll be a perfect gentleman."  He told her, sensing she was wondering exactly WHAT he had in mind. 

Parker felt herself blush and she looked away so he wouldn't notice.

Sydney grew serious.  "I realize I am being selfish, but I have had some trouble sleeping and I do not want to be alone tonight." 

"Nightmares?" Parker asked, turning back to face him.

Sydney nodded. "I have a feeling that I will be able to rest if you kept me company." He told her.  She was still skeptical.  "You've stayed with me before, remember?" He reminded her.

Of course she remembered.  Sydney would be completely out of control after one of his nightmares and when Parker was there, she would stay in his room, holding him until he calmed down.  But this situation was vastly different and Parker knew the right thing to do would be to walk right out of that room and not look back. Both their emotions were running rampant and the smart thing to do would be to step back and examine them. But the longer she looked at him the rational side of her slowly lost the battle with the feelings in her heart.

She couldn't believe the words that came out of her mouth. "Ok." She whispered.

Sydney smiled widely. "Thank you."

Parker rose and leaned over the lamp, turning off the light.  Sydney slid to one side of the bed and pulled the covers back, motioning for her to join him.  Parker hesitated at first but his smile eased her fears.  Taking a deep breath, Parker slid into the bed next to him.  

Sydney covered her with the blanket and rolled onto his back, pulling Parker to his side before draping his arm around her.

"Good night, Parker."

Parker draped her arm across his chest. "Good night, Syd."

Sydney sighed contently and he closed his eyes, knowing that on this night, there would be no nightmares, just sweet dreams of the woman beside him.

*~*~*~*

Stay tuned for the next installment....

Thoughts?  Comments?  Daggers in my direction?