Note: This is in response to Mickey’s Announcement Challenge. I saved it
on my hard drive not to lose it. So here is, at least the first part of it.
Hopefully, I will be able to finish it before leaving for UK on Monday next
week (UK till 17th then from 18th Ireland)
Rating: Not really sure yet…. PG13 first part/I am not sure about part 2
yet
Author: Mary Eve Parker
Part: One of Two
I stood there watching him sleep and it was just the two of us. No Syd,
no Broots and no sweepers. He is lying on the sofa with his eyes closed, making
soft sleeping noises. At least, he is sleeping peacefully and not having one of
those nightmares I know he has.
After years of chasing and hunting, I have found him. He is asleep and I
have caught him. I am wearing a pair of dark blue Levis and a simple dark red
silk blouse, the gun is still in my hand as I watch him. He looks like an
angel. His head rests against the armrest and his mouth is softly opened, but
he isn’t snoring, he is just making some cute little sounds.
I just stood there, the gun in my right hand, my other hand on my hip,
wondering what to do. Nobody’s ever told me what to do with him when I find
him. I can’t shoot him, my good education and the little faith my mother left
in me resists against it, so what should I do? I can’t wake him now; it
wouldn’t be fair. He has always been the one with really bad nightmares and I
don’t have the heart to disturb him when he is sleeping so peacefully.
Is he dreaming of me? Deep inside I hope he is. If only there were
someone to talk to, it would be wonderful. Sydney is lovely and a good friend,
but I can’t talk to him about my intimate life. Broots? That poor geek, he will
get a hard on if I even tell him that I would love to get intimate with a man
again – the first man since Thomas died. It wouldn’t be fair to talk to him
about things like that.
And now here I am, standing in front of the most gorgeous man I have
ever met and I know he knows how good he looks in those tight black jeans and
that black muscle shirt, which allows me to see some of his chest hair. Hell,
he is good-looking.
Should I sit down next to him? Would it be right?
I sit down next to him, resting my gun on the coffee table next to my
legs. Suddenly I feel his arm around my shoulder, pulling me down until my head
rests against his chest, one hand on his thigh. I can hear his heart beating.
He smells wonderful. He is a god. My god. He is everything I’ve ever
needed and I can’t tell him. It would put our lives at too much of a risk. Oh
Momma, if you could just be here to help me
- it would mean so much to me, but you are not here; you left me with
all my troubles and no existing family here on earth. But Jarod is here and
just feeling his warm arm around my shoulder can stop all the pain without even
thinking about it. I could stay here, just being held and feeling comfortable,
not saying a word or making a move, just being held is good enough for the
moment.
I tell myself that being here in this position is okay, it will only be
for a couple of minutes, but minutes turn into several hours. When I wake up, I
find that we have moved a little and my head now rests on his torso, my body
between his legs, Jarod’s head is still against the armrest. Me, the ice queen,
has gotten into an uncomfortable situation and now wants to flee because his
arms are so tight around me that any way I turn, it will become more
embarrassing. That’s why I decide to let it be – and go back to sleep, cuddled
against his warm chest which is a remarkably cozy pillow.
It is like being in heaven and on earth at the same time, everything I
ever wanted together in one person. I just lie there asleep.
When I wake up the second time, I am lying there alone, snuggled up in a
thick quilt. I slowly sit up and try to collect myself a little. It isn’t easy;
the whole situation hasn’t been easy. And where in the hell is Jarod? I notice
a piece of paper on the coffee table; it is an envelope and my name – Miranda,
is written on it in his wonderful handwriting..
I slowly open the envelope and see a card in it. I slip it out and let
the envelope drop into my lap. My weapon is gone I notice, I am not afraid of
the fact that it is gone, but I am a little nervous about it.
I look at the card and am shocked. “Best Wishes on your Engagement”
stands out in big golden letters. Jarod is engaged? To which slut, Zoe or that
other one? I can’t believe it, an engagement card from the man I love most in
the world. Why does he have to hurt me like this all the time? He brought
Thomas to me, whom I also loved a lot and he wound up dead because of it. So
much pain all the time.
Slowly I open the card, still partly in shock and see a picture of Jarod
and myself; it is a newspaper clipping – with a picture of the two of us.
How can we be engaged? I sit there is shock. I turn the paper over and
find a note on the back.
Did you do this? J.
No, I didn’t it. Would I have been so shocked if I had? No. We are
officially engaged. Jarod and I. Engaged. I can’t believe it. We haven’t seen
each other in ages, but we are engaged.
“Miss Parker?” I hear a child’s voice from behind me. Slowly I turn
around and see a little girl, who reminds me a little of myself when I was her
age, standing there. She looks to be about 4 years old with curly, blond hair,
deep blue eyes and a wonderful, amazing, innocent smile on her lips.
“What can I do for you?” I ask her, trying to smile and hide my tears.
If I expected anyone to show up, it was Jarod and not this beautiful little
girl.
“Are you Miss Parker?” the girl asks me again and I nod. She comes to me
and climbs up, with a little help from me, onto the sofa next to me. “You’re
beautiful,” she says with a huge smile.
I can’t resist and pull her into my lap. She is just a baby, with such
startling eyes. “Thanks,” I manage to get out.
“Uncle Jarod told me that you are an amazingly beautiful woman,” she
says, blushing a little as she says it.
“You know Jarod?” I ask her, brushing her hair behind her ears. She
straddles my lap and rests her head against my heart.
“Yes.” she whispers.
Why is this little child able to melt all the ice into a small puddle on
the floor? She sits there and I have my arm around her, my back resting against
the armrest. She is so cute.
“What is your name, sweetie?” I ask her softly.
“Theodora,” she answers, not able to get the “th” out the right way,
“But uncle Jarod calls me Teddy.” she adds with a huge smile. She always smiles
when she says his name. Is she one of his pretends?
“Where is uncle Jarod?” I ask her, resting my chin on her head.
“Somewhere around,” she whispers.
“Do you know exactly where he is?” I ask.
“The bedroom maybe. He didn’t tell me where he would be waiting for
you.”
I am alittle shocked – he is
waiting for me?
“Do you want me to show you around?” she asks and gets down from my lap
to stand there with her arms open wide.
“Do you want me to carry you, darling?” I ask her and lift her up,
letting her small frame rest on my hip. She nods and smiles at me, one arm
around my neck, the other one playing with the necklace I am wearing. It is a
simple silver necklace with a black cross glittering on it. It is a piece of my
past I found during the last years, a piece of family history. The little girl
finds the cross and inspects it closely. I don’t say anything just continue
walking along the corridor, which is softly lit by big windows on one side.
“Go to the big bedroom,” the little girl tells me. Can I just go into
his bedroom? Me, the huntress who should have left the moment she woke up? I
open the door and walk into the master bedroom, like she told me to do. It is a
big room with a fireplace, which is burning, there is a child’s bed and a king
size bed on one end.
“Do you sleep here too?” I ask her.
Little Teddy nods, “I’m afraid of the dark,” she tells me. I think of
how he is also afraid of the dark.
I don’t know what time it is and I haven’t had a chance to look at my
watch, but I realize that the little girl has fallen asleep while I stared out
the window into the dark of the night.
I remember that she is afraid of the dark, so I gently change her into
the nightgown, which is lying on the big bed and put her to sleep there, then I
lie down next her. She is beautiful.
After awhile, I also fall asleep. It has been a long week and there
isn’t any desire to find Jarod right now; the little girl gives me comfort
enough.
October 25
When I wake up, the little girl is lying against me. She is snoring
lightly, which I think is so cute. I gently lift her away from my body, careful
not to wake her so that she can get a little more sleep. I’m not sure what woke
me, but I think I see Jarod lurking around.
“Jarod?” I whisper softly, unbuttoning my blouse when I see a fresh
t-shirt at the foot of the bed. I slip out of the silk blouse and pull on the
cotton one. It is a little too large for me and it smells like him.
I see his face from the other end of the room where the fire is burning;
he is sitting on the floor watching me. I guess I have just given him a free
peepshow. I go to him because I can’t resist. Jarod is sitting there in just a
thin cotton robe, which is open and when I get close to him, I can make out the
silk boxer shorts he is wearing. God, he is sexy.
I sit down next to him, not saying a word, just looking into his
marvelous eyes, knowing that the situation is comforting us both even if we
aren’t speaking or touching – I would give anything to crawl under his robe and
feel his chest hairs tickling my naked skin. ‘Parker, stop dreaming.’ I chide
myself.
“Slept well, Parker?” he asks me. I nod and ask him if it was him that
posted the announcement. “No, I didn’t, Parker, I thought it you had did it to
make me come out more easily.”
“I didn’t even know about it, Jarod, believe me.” I can’t look straight
into his eyes.
“Who took that photo?” he looks at me. “Ocee?”
“Maybe,” I answer, “but I am not sure. Well let me think… it could work,
yeah, Ocee.”
“Yeah,” he says and I am sure that he is thinking of the kiss, which
didn’t happen because Ocee disturbed us. Since that moment, many things have
changed, but hell, who cares anymore. I’m not the one who is leading the chase
any longer; it is Lyle now. Syd gave me this address, so I felt sure that Jarod
would be here. Syd had noticed how much I love talking to Jarod and the cute
little presents he sends me. So many things have changed since I got back from
the Island.
I see Teddy getting out of the bed and moving over to us. Jarod and I
are sitting on the floor next to each other and Teddy sits between us. She is
such a cutie in her light blue nightgown, which reaches her ankles. Oh Momma,
if only I could have kids. We just sit there with her between us.
“Kiss,” she says without looking at us, but we don’t do it, instead, we
act like we didn’t hear her. “Why don’t you kiss her?” she asks Jarod, playing
with his big hand.
“Why should I?” he asks. I look at him. She looks up at me. What will I
say if she asks me the same question? She is not older than four, what can she
know about love and about *us*?
“Do you like uncle Jarod?” she asks me and I nod slowly, not looking at
Jarod, just looking into the little girl’s eyes.
“How much?” she asks again.
“A lot.” I answer. Then she grabs my hand and brings it to Jarod’s.
Within a second, our fingers are entwined.
~*~
Is this what I have been dreaming of since we returned from the Island?
Being with the most handsome man I have ever met? I am fascinated by his
calmness, normally he runs and I try to chase, only try because we both know
that I won’t bring him back, not since the island. God, he has a gorgeous ass,
I have seen that part of his gorgeous body so often when he is running way.
Now here we are, holding hands with a little girl sitting between of us.
She is a miracle to me, more than Jarod is. Sometimes I think that she can to
read my thoughts or at least feel an understanding.
Most of my life I have been alone and lonely. My mother died too young
and my father, the person I thought was father my whole life, isn’t. Sometimes
I think that it would be better to have no family instead of the one I have.
Life would have been much easier. Why couldn’t my life be easy?
Teddy sits there between us holding our hands together and Jarod is just
staring at her. We are holding hands, the most intimate action for ages. We
haven’t touched, not for real, only in my dreams has he kissed me. How often
does it happen that I close my eyes and let my hands wander over my body
imagining that it is his hands touching me? How often am I lost in my fantasy?
Too often since my return from the island.
“Parker,” Jarod says softly. “Would you like some coffee?” he asks.
Thank God that he broke the unbearable silence. Teddy, our angel, is smiling.
She is an angel, like the word means – blond curls, bright blue eyes and a
wonderful heavenly smile. And the nightgown she is wearing looks like a holy
dress. God, where have I lived my whole life? Not on this planet because I
would have realized that I want to have kids and a family, something I can hold
on to and not my actual life, a life, which isn’t really living. I have lost so
much during the last years, the only one was hasn’t betrayed me is Jarod.
“Yes, I would love some,” I say and we get up off the floor. Teddy holds
my hand. She is like a doll, but with her own will and it is a strong one.
~*~
A couple of minutes later we are sitting around the table, Teddy is in
my lap and I am spreading her toast with marmalade, just like I liked it when I
was a kid. She reminds me of my lost youth, all the years I tried to run away
from myself, lost in several not working relationships with older men, just to
wanting to be loved and not left behind. Nothing has helped me to cope with my
non-existing family. Everything sucks.
I am still on earth and I have the most beautiful kid I’ve ever seen in
my lap eating bread and marmalade. By now, she has marmalade all over – from
her nose down to my lap. But who cares, she is having fun. Jarod made some
animal like pancakes for her and she loves seeing him imitating them. Teddy and
I laugh at his silly actions, but he is cute and caring about her like I am.
Don’t ask me when this mothering instinct developed because I have no idea.
Teddy sits there eating pancakes and trying to feed me with them. I like
them; they are tasty, especially with tons of marmalade and there is no pain
from my ulcer at the moment. I am just enjoying myself.
Teddy is telling Jarod that she really likes me, in her soft chosen
words, which couldn’t hurt anybody. She couldn’t do that at all, not this
child. She is like an angel and angels don’t hurt anyone. She has that puppy
look on her face, which reminds me of Jarod. She is so cute. Why can’t she be
mine?
“So what do you want to do today?” she asks us. My eyes jump from her to
Jarod. I know that I have to go back; it is only a matter of time.
“Sweetie, could I have a little talk with Jarod?” I ask her softly, “You
run upstairs and take out what you want to wear.” She smiles at me, hops down
from my lap and runs up the stairs to the bedroom.
“Jarod…” I start to ask him what is going on, but he interrupts.
“Parker, just let it happen for a couple of days. Let’s try to live a
normal life and nothing more, just an ordinary life. You and me, please.” He
looks at me in exactly the same puppy look as Teddy did and I can’t resist.
I nod, but don’t smile. “But we can’t go on like this.”
“No, we can’t… you can’t, Parker.”
I look at him for a minute. I am still just wearing his shirt with my
slip under it, thank God that the shirt is long. I am still staring at him,
wondering what he is trying to tell me. He wants to live with me – me the ice
queen, the one without a heart or at least just a little of it left and that
belongs to Teddy now.
“Why do you say that?” I ask him, tears gathering in my eyes. I stand
then and slowly moved to the window to watch the rain. Rain - his sign of
independence and freedom.
Suddenly I feel two arms around me. “It wasn’t me who brought you to
this cottage and I didn’t post that announcement.” He whispers into my ear,
“But I am happy that you are here.” I didn’t know what to say, so, I just stood
there, his hands on my shoulders, shuddering.
“I am glad to be here too.” Before I can stop myself, the words slip
out. I can’t believe I just said that.
The tension is dangerous. ‘What do I do next?’ I ask myself. At the same
moment, Teddy comes running down the stairs and trips, falling down the last
three steps. I can’t stop myself from running to her. She is crying and her
knee is bleeding alittle from the scrape that is on it. I pick her up and sit
down on the sofa next to the staircase with her in my lap. Jarod comes over to us.
The little girl curls up in my lap, crying heavily and I nearly start to cry
with her.
Jarod comes back to the sofa with a big band-aid and some stuff to clean
the wound. Teddy has stopped crying now and he wipes the scrape gently with the
antiseptic, she doesn’t cry or make a move, just watches him.
“Now you have to kiss it,” she says with a wet smile on her lips. Her
cheeks are still damp from the tears that ran down them a minute ago.
“Why?” Jarod asks her.
“Because it will heal faster.” I answer with a smile too.
Slowly rests his hands on my thighs and press his lips softly against
her injured knee. “Thanks,” she says and looks down at my thigh where I cut
myself alittle above my knee the last time I shaved my legs. Teddy looks down
at the nearly healed cut and tells Jarod to kiss it too. He looks at me to see
if it is all right and I nod slowly. I feel a shudder run up my spin the second
his lips press against my thigh.
We forget the little incident of his lips pressed against my thigh and
have a lot of fun that day. Teddy showed me how to play with a doll again – I
had forgotten how cute kids are when they are playing and pretending to be
different people.
When it is time to go to bed, she asks me if I will go with her just for
a little while. Jarod gives me a nod, indicating that it is all right to go
upstairs with her. She is so small, but she seems to know so much.
We showered together because she asked me if I would when I put her
under the hot spray and I agreed. She giggled when I tried to get the gel on
her because it tickled her. I couldn’t stop myself from giggling with her
because she is so cute when she giggles. I never thought that I would get under
the shower with a kid, not even my own kid, but Teddy is different, she is like
mine and she makes me want to have kids.
When I got out of the shower, wearing just a big blue towel, which
smells like Jarod I notice, I put her nightgown on her and she sat on the bed
with a big book in her lap.
I got on the bed with her, the one we had slept in the night before and
turn on the lamp on the nightstand.
“You know, Teddy, that you don’t have to be afraid in the dark. Nothing
will ever happen to you.” I tell her as she cuddles up in my arms with the book
in her hands.
“But….” she starts to say then she turns around, gets up a little and
hugs me tight, “I can’t lose you,” she says softly.
I am a little stunned by that. “Why would you lose me?” I ask her,
hugging her back.
“I lost my mum already, I can’t lose you too.”
“You will never lose me Teddy, never.” I say, tears welling in my eyes.
Why would it matter to her if she lost me? She doesn’t even know me, not the
real me.
I read her the story of Cinderella, the classic one, not Disney – the
one my mother used to tell me out of her mind. My mother was so perfect; I
could never be a good mother. I was not trained to be a woman, only a huntress.
As I read the last words of the story, I notice that she has fallen
asleep against my chest. I don’t want to move or do anything to wake her; she
is sleeping so peacefully, without any angst. Then I notice Jarod standing in
the door watching us. I gesture for him to come over and he comes, not saying a
word. He takes the book and lays it on the nightstand and when he lifts Teddy
out of my arms, he accidentally brushes my breasts. The same shudder like
before goes through my body. Did he notice it? Hopefully not, I can’t lose my
respect. Respect what a stupid word in connection with Jarod. He loves me, I am
sure and I really love him, but we can’t be together. It isn’t allowed. I let
fear control me when it comes to Jarod, I let the walls get higher and higher
to not let him in and every time he destroys them in just one attempt. For some
reason, we can’t see that we have to work together. Today and the day before, I
realized that we think the same most of the time and we act the same around
Teddy.
I slip out from under her and he lays her down, letting her snuggle up
in the thick sheets. “We have to talk, Jarod.” I whisper, trying not to wake
her. He nods, we sit down in front of the fireplace and he lights it again. I
sit down, still wearing just the towel.
“It was Sydney,” Jarod says. “I am sure, but he is the only one who
would do something like that to us. The only one who would profit from it.”
Jarod is right, it had to be Syd; he also gave me this address.
“But why, Jarod?” I ask him, not willing to understand the whole
situation. He is right; I feel it deep inside my heart.
“Marry me, Miranda,” he says in a whisper.
I just look at him, not knowing what to say. I would love to, but on the
other hand there is the Centre and that *family* of mine. All the angst is
coming up now. I can’t marry him even though I really want to.
More than once I’ve spent the night thinking about how it would be if we
had escaped together, instead of just Jarod alone. If we both had fled, we both
could live the life we want, not just taking the next move in the Centre’s
game.
“Jarod, you know that I can’t…”
“You can, Parker, if you want to, you can leave all the bad things
behind you and live with me and Teddy.”
“You and Teddy?” This was going to be unfair and I had to grin inside
because he had noticed how much I’d fallen in love with the kid.
“Yeah, just the three of us.”
“Where are her parents?”
“We are her parents, Parker.”
“No, we can’t be.” I disagree.
“But we are, we are.”
“No, Jarod, it can’t be.” I can’t believe what I heard. It can’t be. I
have never been pregnant in my life.
“But we are. She is our baby – your egg and my sperm joined together in
Raines laboratory and implanted in another woman’s body. The woman died after
escaping from the Centre. Major Charles found her before Teddy was born and she
told him everything. He has taken care of Teddy while I ran from you.”
“It can’t be true, Jarod, it can’t.” I start to cry bitterly.
“It is, believe me,” he says and moving a little closer, he pulls me
into his arms. I can’t do anything else but hug him back. It is too sad to be
true. I have missed the most important years of my child’s life because of the
Centre.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” I ask.
“I have tried, Miranda, I really have tried to tell you, but it wasn’t
easy. You were chasing me all the time and she was still a baby. If the Centre
had found out that she was still alive, I am not sure what would have happened
then.” He is so right. He did the right thing – hid her. Now that I know that
she exists, I don’t want to see her in a sim lab either. She is too perfect to
be in one of those cages.
“Are you sure that she is ours?” I ask him.
“More than just sure. I have tested it a hundred times to be sure.” he
smiles.
“I can’t believe it, Jarod. I mean….”
“I know that it’s not easy for you, Miranda,” he says softly, “but I
will not let her be a toy like I was for the Centre, I will hide her and if you
want, I can hide you too. Too many things happened to you and me and I’ll be
damned if I’m going to let them do anything to her. I have the fare for a
couple of people. Want to share it with me?”
I am still pressed against his chest, my arms around him. It is one of
the times I really feel comforted in my life. He has done it the second time in
just a couple of days. I can’t believe it, but on the other hand, I realize
that only he can do that for me, that only he can give me what I really need –
to love and be loved in return.
So suddenly so strange
Life wakes you up
Things change
I’ve done my best
I’ve served my call
I thought I had it all
So suddenly so strong
My prejudice
Was gone
[…]
I found my place
I’m different now
Is the light in your eyes,
The sound of your voice
And the touch of your hand
You made me who I am
[…]
So suddenly its clear to me
Things changed
Our future lies here and
now
we made it through somehow
“I will, Jarod.” I whisper
softly. His hands are rubbing small circles on my back, holding me as tight as
before. “I want to watch her grow up, I want to be a mother to her as long as I
can and try to make up for all the things I’ve missed. I want to be there when
she needs me… be there for you if you need me.” I add softly. I can’t hold my
tears back. It is too wonderful. Sydney led me into my real future, the one
that was intended for me. The one I should be in and not the one the Centre
wants to see me in. It is not my future anymore, it is *ours*.
[…]
I know I can’t survive
Another night away from you
You’re the reason I go on
And now I need to live the
truth
Right now, there’s no
better time
From this fear, I will
break free
And I’ll live again with
love
And no, they can’t take
that away from me
And they will see …
‘Cause I’d surrender
everything
To feel the chance to live
again …
~~*~~ FIN ~~*~~
Feedback: like always *begging on my knees* if you liked it and if you
want to give some critics – feel free to do it.
1.Thanks to Dianne for the
great beta job!
2.Note: It’s “The Greatest
Reward” and “I surrender” by Celine Dion – who else, if I am allowed to ask,
did you expect?
3.Note: I kept it PG13, as
hard as it was for me for all the younger ones here. I love the *hard* stuff
like Tiff & Co. know, but well, don’t judge me for the second *soft* one.
It will not be too common, be sure. J