Okay this is once more something for Tiff and the rest who like reading
it. This is a response to a pretty old challenge (27/5/02) but well I
printed it out and pinned it up my little “idea board”, where so many things
are actually posted….
It’s more or less a sequel to “One Fine Day” but you don’t have to know
it to understand this one – so the 1st part: http://de.geocities.com/mary_eve_parker/energizer.htm
Oh yeah Tiffany this is also
a little changed, I just love it to much to write from Parker’s POV … so if its
too naughty blame Tiffany for it *lol* - her new job is to keep me busy.
Oh and not to forget – I
borrowed some lines from Céline Dion without letting her know *g* … bad I know
LOL
by
Mary Eve Parker
“Ms Parker could you do me a favour?” Broots asked me
shuddering for fear. That’s exactly the way I liked to see him, and I had to
smile in light amusement.
“So what can I do for you Broots?“ I hissed with a big
smile on my lips. I liked it when they, men, were begging for something. I
looked at him, straight into his eyes, like I could read him like an open book.
“I know that its …. do you have any plans for
Saturday?”
“You are right Brootsie that this is none of your
business,“ I told him nicely. “But tell me what the matter is.” I tried to be
nice, really nice, not Parker nice,
Mary nice.
He started to stammer softly, I felt that it wasn’t
easy for him to ask me. “Well … you know … well … it’s … that …”
“Just spill it out Broots, I will not bite you.”
“It’s Debbie’s Birthday this weekend and one of her wishes was that you could go with her to the new amusement park”
<She wanted me to go with her? Me, the living Ice
Queen.> I looked at him for a
moment, smiled a little and said softly “And where is the problem?”
“So you will do that? Hey that would be wonderful, she
would be so happy.”
“Broots, from adult to adult” I smirked at him, “if
you stammer like that often in front of woman … “ I thought again about what I
wanted to say. “… just bring her to my place at 11am okay? Well we’ll go out
for lunch and than we’ll go to the park and than …. well she’ll sleep at mine
if it’s okay with you?”
“Oh Miss Parker I think that’s what she was dreaming
of” he looked down on the floor. “She adores you like a big sister, a mother
and best friend, all in one”
I smiled at him. I couldn’t believe that somebody
could see more in me than the leading cold woman I tried to be, the woman who
ate man like changing underwear. I tried to live with the picture people had
from me – I wasn’t happy with it but what shall I do? I couldn’t change to my
real ego. Only Jarod could do that in private, he knew that he could do it. And
if it was only for the one night, only the most amazing night I ever had. He
had just been there for me and gotten me unconscious just from making love to
me.
~~ Saturday ~~
I was worried the whole morning I thought about Jarod.
I hadn’t seen him for two weeks now and I was really nervous about that. We had
just had a little telephone sex talk two days ago. I needed him and he knew
that but he loved it to tease me.
I was standing in the kitchen, with mixed thoughts and
still in my robe when suddenly the door bell rang and I had to look at the
watch in my kitchen. It was really, really it was eleven.
”Shit” I bubbled in disbelieve.
I went to the door to open it. Debbie was standing
there in front of me with a big smile on her lips.
“Come in honey” I said with a sweet voice, and nodded
to Broots who had decided to stay in the car. “Happy Birthday” I said and
hugged her tight.
I felt the smile against my cheek. She had really
turned into an amazing little woman, not the small girl I thought to know. The
one who nearly lost her father because of my insecurity, shortly after Jarod
escaped and the Centre was searching for the leak.
Today she was twelve amazing years old, wearing a pair
of tight black jeans and a soft blue tank top.
“Well girl, I have to get dressed so want to stay downstairs
or go up and help me a little?”
“Go up with you Ms. Parker.” she said smilingly.
<I am stunned day by day when I see her. She is such an amazing girl, and she likes me like nobody else does.>
So we went up to my bedroom, I took a quick shower while
Debbie was searching through my drawers and the big ward robe. And she had
asked me if she could look through them shyly and I had just nodded. My weapon
was downstairs, so there shouldn’t … oh haven’t thought about the small
collection in my underwear drawer … it will be more than embarrassing for me.
So rushed a little in the shower, didn’t dry my hair
yet and went back into my bedroom. Honestly I am not sure if I was just red
from ear to ear or my whole body. I had rapped myself into a big dark blue
towel and watching Debbie, looking through my shoe gallery in the back of the
walk-in wardrobe.
“Its amazing how many pair of shoes you have Ms.
Parker.” I grinned a little, knowing that half of them haven’t yet seen the
good, old, dirty street. Its like with me and underwear.
“So what are you going to wear today?” she asked me,
when she noticed that I was sitting on the edge of the bed, studying her.
“What ever you want me to dress …” I offered her,
“sweetie, its your big day and not mine.”
“ Hhmm…. “ she was searching through my wardrobe till
she found a pair of dark blue Levis I had bought about a year ago and not yet
once worn. “I think I like this one” she showed me the jean and I smiled at
her. I thought she would pick up something dressier, we were going the
amusement park and not a dress show. “And I like this shirt” she said and
handed me a simple mid yellow tight top with a deep V in front. This wasn’t a
combination I would usually wear, not more than at home, maybe the tee when I
was running … but this was Debbie’s day.
I smiled took both, took some underwear out of my
*special* drawer and went back to the bathroom.
Today Debbie made me nervous, more than that. It
looked like she would find the well hidden *me* and I couldn’t risk that Broots
will find that out.
“I like your closet Ms. Parker” she told be through
the bathroom door.
“Thanks darling and please call me Mary sweetie.”
“Mary … “ she murmured. Maybe she couldn’t believe
that I have a first name, sometimes I couldn’t too but when Jarod was around, I
was Mary, so it got a little easier lately.
When I came out of the bathroom, with a little makeup
and fully dressed she looked at me in disbelieve.
“Why are you so stunned?” I asked her and sat next to
her on the bed.
“You are different Ms. Park….Mary, you aren’t like the
last time…“ she stammered softly.
“You have to learn Debbie that also my life is
changing, not much but at least a little.”
“I don’t want to go out for lunch … could we stay here
before we go to the amusement park? I want to chat with you, and I really like
your house?” she asked me.
I was not really stunned but a little shocked. It
looks like I have really impressed her today. Normally she would love to go out
for lunch.
+++++
So we sat there on my futon eating Pizza. I couldn’t believe that I was eating a big Trito di Carne on my own, that I was eating junk food at all. I was sitting there in my jeans having fun. Fun with Debbie.
“So what has changed Mary?” she asked me unexpectedly.
“Well…. how should I say … “ Now it was my time to
stammer and being more than nervous.
“It’s a man. Am I right?” I just nodded, not to say
anything wrong. “And how is he?”
<Girl what are you talking about and this boyish
grin of yours … you don’t know that you stepped into my pool of problems
actually.>
“Well Debbie ….”
“Tell me Parker, we are friends, and friends talk
about everything.”
<Girl you are twelve and I am over thirty, life is
different.>
“Well sweetie, let me just say that he is wonderful.”
She smiled at me and nodded in believe. “So you sleep
with him.”
<Wow.> I looked at her, stunned. <What can you tell a
girl about things like that ?>
“Debbie, … I am not sure what you to imply with asking
me that but yes we have sex.”
“Okay just wanted to know.”
“But why Debbie? “I asked her with a glass of coke in
my hand, slowly sipping at it.
“You look a little better and you aren’t that angry
anymore.”
“You noticed?”
“Not only me.” she said with a smile. “Also Daddy I
think … if not he wouldn’t have been brave enough to ask you.”
We both had to laugh about that because we knew that
it was true. Broots was normally very shy especially if it comes up to me. He
is always stammering and things like that and maybe its all my fault because I
liked it to make fun of him.
“Is it that obvious darling?” I asked her.
“No, don’t be afraid …. I just read the note on your
nightstand.”
<A note? Oh …. this note … Jarod’s little poem
about getting me unconscious.>
I had to grin and blushed instantly. “Hey, it was really cute” she added.
I smiled what else should I do. Thanks god that Jarod
had written it a little too flowery and metaphoric to let her know that he
wanted to tie me up and tease me till I would beg on my knees to get him to
make love to me.
“So how is this guy ? Only amazing, fantastic and a
good poet?” she asked during cutting another part of the Pizza out.
“He is everything I want in a man Debbie. He is
strong, smart and more than a gentleman.”
“And where is he now?”
“I don’t know honey, we have a rather open
relationship.” I said a little sad. “That’s not a new page in my history
darling.”
“But you don’t seem happy about it.”
“Should I be happy about the fact that I cant see him
every day?”
“Of course not. But why don’t you try to tie him up
somewhere and make him listen to you”
<Tie Jarod up?> I am smirking.
“Its not that easy Debbie.” I took a deep breath. “His
job makes him travelling through the country a lot and I can not stop that –
it’s his life.”
“But you love him, so he should be staying with you.”
“I know Debbie, I know.” I said a little frustrated.
She knew me well, better than I know myself. She saw that I need him – maybe my
eyes who else told her that I missed
him?
+++++
“So what do you want to do first?” I asked her with a
big smile. She was standing at the entrance of the park. She was so cute, when
she went hand in hand with me, like me being her mother but talked to me like
being her best friend.
The conversation before showed me how much I missed
him for real. I had fooled myself a little too much that I could life without
him a minute longer. He phoned me a night, a night not. Sometimes it looked to
me like he would play a little dirty game with me, but the night he had loved
me, made love to me, and told me how much I mean to him. This night was
special, not only that it was something like a birthday present for me; it was
much more – for me.
“What about the ghost train?” she said giggling. I
nodded with a big smile and we got into the first one.
Oh hell this was horrible. I screamed like a twelve
year old and Debbie with me, she had tightened her around mine. But it was such
a lot of fun. Mr. Parker never had the time to go with me to such an amusement
park. I have been the first time to one at the age of 16 I think when I was at
the boarding school in Europe.
When we went out she asked me if she could get some
cotton candy so we went to the Clown to buy some. For me it seemed like she
wanted to do that for a long time, being with me somewhere. And she was calling
me all the time Mary and not Parker anymore. She got used to it, like I did.
“So when will you see him again?”
“Whom?” I asked her in thoughts while eating cotton
candy. I nearly got that gooey stuff into my hair and once on my tee, but I
worked out not to tip on my sunglasses during eating this sugary stuff.
“Your secret lover Mary, the man without a name – you
remember? The one who want to tie you up … “
“Stop that Debbie please, this is a little
discomforting for me honey.”
“That’s why I mentioned it.” she said giggling.
“Are you teasing me sweetie?” I asked her and started
to tickle her right away and she started to giggle. We had nearly finished our
cotton candy, so when I tickled her, the little rest fell on the ground, nobody
cared. My sunglasses now holding my hair back, I tickled her and she seemed to
be fully concentrated on giggling and breathing.
“Please stop … I cant take it any longer” and in
exactly this moment I saw him. Jarod. Jarod buying another woman an ice cone,
hugging her tight before and smiling endlessly to her.
“So Miss Parker” Debbie teased me but I didn’t answer,
I couldn’t. I could stop staring into his direction. No it couldn’t happen. Not
again, and not with Jarod. It can’t happen, not to me, please I couldn’t stand that again. “Mary?” Debbie asked again and I didn’t answer again, so she
turned around in my embrace and saw what I saw without knowing who this person
was. I was just standing there, shocked, in fear, anxious and many other things
all in one. I have never felt that helpless before, never.
“What are you looking at?” she asked me and I searched
for something that could interest her, not to be in the need to mention the man
I was staring at and who has just noticed me and Debbie standing there. Maybe
he had also noticed my sadness.
“I thought you might want to go to the roller
coaster” I tried to smile at her when I
said that and she nodded slowly, studying my face a little too long.
I knew that he saw me going with Debbie directional to
the red roller coaster, and he went into the same direction with the woman. I
tightened my arm around Debbie’s
shoulder and together we went to the red speed monster.
Now Jarod was standing in front of me, a little
shocked but greeting me and Debbie.
”Hello Jarod” I said dryly not looking into his eyes. I felt that Debbie was studying me now, maybe waiting to tell her
who it is. When she looked into my eyes, this asking look, I just nodded and
she understood what had happened. Firstly all the fun and happiness lost her
face and she nodded back in agreement.
We were standing there opposite Jarod and the woman he
had in his arm who didn’t cared who we were or had said hello, she just stood
there stupidly and licking her eyes in a less erotic, more anaesthetical way.
The vanilla nearly dropped on her fingers and Debbie just gave me a second nod
before she made a big step forward and accidentally crushed into the woman,
whose ice dropped unintentionally on her blouse. Poor woman. I had to control
myself not to start laughing, screaming and yelling all together.
“You dump girl, weren’t you thought to look before
making a step?”
“I looked, but you were standing in my way” Debbie
added bravely.
“You retarded …”
I got in front of her, shifted Debbie a little out of
the way, not looking at Jarod, grabbed her at the blouse’s collar and lifted
her a little so that she had to look into my eyes – no way out. And so she did.
“Has your mother taught you to use words like this?” I
asked her. “And if I would be you, I would offer an excuse for what you have
said.” I told her, so loud that I was sure that at least the people 7 feet
around would have heart it.
Jarod didn’t say a word or did something to help the
woman he was with or Debbie and me, but what had I thought of? That this male
would be honest with me. Should I start crying or laughing lout now. I felt the overwhelming feeling that I would
need to cry soon. The Ice Queen was back.
Jarod look should kill me but I resisted because I was
the Ice Queen again, and that was only his fault. It was the first time that I
couldn’t blame Mr. Parker for doing it, the first time in over thirty years.
But I said nothing, I only smiled at him, the cold and
heart smile he hated such a lot but he had owned it now, it was just because of
him, nobody else.
“Debbie honey, do you want a ride on the roller
coaster? You know I can’t do it because of my belly, but I am sure that you
will have a lot of fun there.”
“Thanks Mary” she said and I felt Jarod’s eyes on me
when she finished saying my first name “It would be more fun with you but I am
sure that I am old enough to entertain myself for a couple of minutes. And you
will hear me screaming, won’t you?” she asked giggling.
“I will, nobody can miss your screaming sweetie”
Every pet name I used for Debbie should hurt Jarod a
bit. He should feel the same pain as I do, feel the same broken heart. I wanted
to torture him.
“Jarod I will have a look for a club soda, so that
your hun’s blouse will not be absolute fucked up.”
He didn’t say a word, or it was me who didn’t let him
the time to answer, I just went into the next coffee shop and asked for a club
soda and thanks god that they had one. I am not sure what I would have done if
there wouldn’t have been one.
When I came back with the Soda in my hand, Debbie was
waiting for me. I handed the girl the Club Soda and went with Debbie away, who
asked me if we could go to such a shooting gallery.
<That’s my girl> that’s what I thought about the
question. So we went to such a gallery and in spite of the manipulated gun, I
shot her two teddies and a red plastic
rose. She was absolute amused when the gallery keeper asked me who I did it and
I explained that the whole secret is to aim the victim and to pull the trigger in the right moment. He
looked at me stunned; we thanked him for being such a friendly person and
headed away.
It was fun, real fun and I had nearly forgotten the
plague of the day. But he crossed our way again. He stood next to me, not
saying a word when Debbie came back with a photo which was made in the ghost
train – we both on it screaming and yelling and having fun. More fun than ever
before.
Debbie my love just noticed the bitch of Zoe standing
in the row to get a ride on the ‘Millenniums Jumper”. I knew that Debbie knew
Jarod but I wondered a little that she
hasn’t even greet him, not even that. She was standing next to me like she
wouldn’t know him, acting like he would be a foreigner.
“Can I go … ?” she asked me sweetly. And I nodded in
agreement knowing what she did for me.
The moment when Debbie and this bitch were out of
sight, Jarod grabbed my arm hard.
“What should that be Parker?” he nagged at me, and I
was a little surprised at least I tried to act like it.
“What do you want from me?” I asked him like nothing
had ever happened between us.
“I mean … why are you … at all?”
“Jarod let me just mentioned that I you are lucky that
I have my gun at home because of Debbie, and if I would have it with you, you
would let my arm go now.”
He didn’t let me go and I really got frustrated. I
didn’t want to yell at him but what else should I do? I couldn’t let him play
games like this with me, not if he really loves me like he told me endlessly
the one night we spent together.
“So you would shoot me?”
“No I wouldn’t shoot you Jarod, you know that, I would
bring you back to Raines so that I could live my own life – my life!” I was
yelling now and it felt worse, even to me, the person who nearly got an award
for yelling from Broots.
“I thought I would know you Parker” and he pressed his
nails a little more into my wrists. I couldn’t believe that he was doing it,
not Jarod.
“I am who the person I was made to be Jarod, you
should have noticed that.”
“Parker I don’t be that stupid.” So that’s enough, I kicked him with my flat
shoes against his shin and I saw that it hurt. It should hurt, with *my* shoes
it had been a real success.
Suddenly I saw Debbie getting out of the Jumper and
the bitch was behind her, not talking to her but at least behind her. I had to
change the tactic.
<Parker think.>
And suddenly I pressed my mouth against him and let my
tongue glide into his mouth, not letting him get any breath. I was sucking the
last bits of air out of his lungs. His hand was, don’t ask me when, wandered
and cupped my breast – and I let him do that. My hand grabbed his woken crotch
hard. My eyes were open, his closed, and when I saw Zoe and Debbie standing
next to me, I stopped and bumped him away from me.
<Strange Parker. One moment you kiss him. And he
kisses you back. The other you bump him away like a sack of potatoes>
Debbie and I had just to exchange some little looks to
know what was going on and she smiled at me. She was such a little woman, a
girl with such a heart.
We went to another roller coaster, a lighter one, and
after a short discussion I had agreed to go with her on this ride of “blue
death”. But I felt my stomach arching a
little and I didn’t want to take my medicine in front of Debbie so I told her
that I would need go to the ladies room. I really must have looked funny,
different shades of green and white.
I stepped into the room and refreshed my face with a
little water and took my medicine, and before I left I decided to go to the
toilette.
When I came out of the cabin, Jarod was standing in
front of me and yelled at me like he would be god.
“You are such a holy bitch Parker” he yelled at me in
this untypical aggressive tone.
“What do you want from me?” I asked him in thee
“Why do you act like a bitch? Why did you turn into
such a holy bitch?”
I went to the door to go out, let him stand alone but
not without saying a word on my own. “I am what the people made out of me ….
and by the way the real bitch are you Jarod” before I stepped completely out of
the room. “At least I don’t betray my lovers.” I said, tears in my eyes, not
letting him know how much the whole situation touched me.
I let the door close and headed away. He didn’t ran
behind me what was for good because I had to stop behind the following corner
of the hallway to let my tears fall. It was really too much, even for a person
who is used to hard and unbelievable things like me.
+++++
Debbie told me that she was tired after 2 more hours
of riding the most craziest things I have ever seen and letting the
photographer take tons of photos -
together laughing, cuddling together during screaming like hell – photos like
that, to remember me that I once had a good time in my life.
“Do you know what he is Mary? He is the biggest
asshole for betraying you!”
I looked at her, nipped on my soda water, and started
to smile. “You are right girl, more than right.”
We were both giggling softly.
<When will she go to bed? I can’t drink something in front of her, not my good old friend
Vodka.>
“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met,
Mary.”
“Don’t say stuff like that to me, you make me blush”
and I am sure I did it the minute I said it.
“But you are, look at you.” She was sitting next to
me, shifting a little more into my direction on the floor in front of the
fireplace.
“You have the most amazing warm eyes and believe me
Mary that they aren’t as cold as you want them to be. They show me that you
love him with all your heart and that you fight against it, inside you because
you think that it has no future because of your job and his connection to the
Centre.”
“Debbie he is my job.” She didn’t answer to that statement, like I would have never said
it.
“And look at your gorgeous, sexy body woman – you can
wear whatever you want and you will still look fantastic. Every other woman is
dreaming of this possibility, of the chance to change into different
personalities, like you do.”
“What do you mean by dad Debbie?”
I asked her with the feeling that I couldn’t believe
what she said right now. Had she really gone through me, had the possibility to
see the *me* behind the well hidden façade. I had built up this façade very
carefully, not letting somebody invade or destroy it - and now in even a month two people broke through it.
“I mean that you are today another person than usually
when you are at work or when Daddy is with us. Today you are Mary, like you
said, and not Parker. Parker is the hard one who is a little masochistic and
tries to control everything. But Mary, Mary is different. Mary likes to be
comforted, like to hear nice words and listens much better to somebody than
Parker. Mary loves to laugh, Parker not even smile normally.
But when it comes to this man …. for this man you are
both in one, and it’s just for Jarod. For him you have the cold eyes and a
smirk, a warm hug and an icy façade”
“Thanks for analysing me honey.” I said softly, not
believing that I had even heard these words coming out of the mouth of a 12
year old girl who I thought would only the nice part of mine.
“But you have to decide who you want to be because
both aren’t working together. If you want to be both, you will lost everything
and some when also the faith in yourself and I know that this is the central
thing for you.”
And she was right here. The faith in myself was the
only thing I had right now. I had lost everything more than once, and I
couldn’t let it happen again.
I just nodded in agreement and we finished our Chinese
food within twenty minutes of giggling and me asking her out about her *so*
exciting love life.
It was around eleven when she told me that she would
be tired and want to go to bed. I smirked happily, not too much but at least a
little – to be able to drink something for real soon.
“I will show you your bedroom” I told her and we went
upstairs together. I gave her the room
who was next to mine, bed was standing to bed so to say. She told me how lovely
this room was and many other things – it had been my room years ago; at least
the furniture was mine.
Without saying many words, she went to bed, I kissed
her to good night on her forehead, let the door a little open – she asked me
for it because she couldn’t sleep in the very dark.
This seemed familiar to me. Didn’t it?
I am sure that she fell asleep soon; she nearly did it
during eating twice. It had been a long and excited day for her and for me, not
to forget me.
+++++
I stood in front of the fridge just in my *Parker*
black silk pyjamas. The classic cold ones, the ones I was freezing in, in
winter – but they were Parker so I had to wear them now.
I got the bottle of Vodka, some ice cream and the
bottle of chocolate syrup – the newest richest in calories habit. It was really
a bad one, I had gained nearly 4 pound and I had to blame something or somebody
for it, so the syrup.
I decided to drink something before going upstairs,
agreed with myself. So I poured some into a big glass and with one good dram it
was down.
I had missed the sensation which started a second
later, the warm feeling from inside. The comforting feeling of being braver
than before. After two more glasses I told myself loud that it was now time to
go to bed, or at lest into this direction.
Now I was the person, again, other people wanted to
see in me – not the person I really were, the person Debbie and Jarod knew.
Slowly I lead myself to the stairs and slowly into my
room, letting the door wide open, like always. I had nothing to hide, not in
wise of Debbie. I didn’t even made some light on; I didn’t want to see the
reflection of mine in the glass. I was broken, more than that, I was the person
some people created and I decided to wear her outfit, to act like her and be
the person they want me to be.
They had never asked who I am or if I like the role
they had given me to play in their silly game of arbitrary power and effacement
of souls. I had become one of their actors and they were writing the script
book. They were leading me into new cases, cases I knew they were senseless
trying to solve.
I was standing there at the window, the ice on my
table with the chocolate syrup, just my good old friend in hand. I stood there
for minutes, I don’t know how long, just watching the raindrops fall down, and
against the window. Watch the sea’s spray play with the wind and the stars
dancing around the moon.
Unexpectedly I felt a warm arms around my waist, and
the other one grabbing the bottle in my right hand. When the bottle was away, I
can’t remember loosing the grip on it, the second hand rested next to the other
on my flat belly.
I was just standing there, emotionless. Not moving,
not breathing for sure – just standing there like frozen.
”Let me go Jarod.” was the only think I could manage to get out. But he didn’t,
so I got a little more direct and tried to free myself out of this embrace. But
he didn’t let me, he grabbed me tighter.
I started to yell at him now. “Sun of a bitch get your
hand off me now”
Somehow I managed to turn around but that was the
worst I could have thought of. I had to face him now and in a moment of lost
control he started to kiss me hard, harder than ever before, harder than I have
ever been kissed. Nearly eating me with skin and hair.
I tried to free myself, but his arms were now around
my back, my hands between us, my fists pressed between our chests. I tried to
box against him, but nothing worked fine, everything missed its indication.
I kicked and beat him as good as I could, and as hard
but by hook or by crook, we landed pressed against the wall my bed was standing
at. I was still not able to make a move or even breath. Don’t ask me why I was
kissing him back while I was fighting against him. It was an open mouth kiss,
more open than mouth at least and wetter than ever before.
I felt his one hand pressing from, one moment to the
other, against my erected breasts, the other still pressing me against the
wall, my wrist hold by his hand upon my head. I couldn’t move because he was
too strong for me. His male power was just overwhelming. I tried to get in
control every minute about 25 times but it didn’t work. I just couldn’t stop
kissing him back. Our tongues were
still involved into the battle of Drogheda, not seeing an end in the near
future.
But when my pyjama top was unbuttoned and enough open,
to let him lose attention in holding my wrists up my head – in exactly this
moment I should have kicked him deep into his crotch. But I couldn’t. It was
Jarod who sucked my nipples till my back ached and I couldn’t stop calling his
name. And it was his fingers who worked my pants down, till they were playing
around my ankles like waves around a cliff.
When he came back to my mouth and his lips touched
mine again, I felt this hoarse like erection pressing against my belly. And I
couldn’t say what aroused me more – his hand between my legs or his big
erection waiting to be released.
Somehow we unbuckled his belt, worked the jeans down
and the turtle neck over his head. And in one way or another we managed it to
kiss all time long. No we were standing there in our birth suits, both more
than naked and aroused and in a moment of recollecting, I felt his big erection
gliding into me, or shall I say pressing. I took a sharp breath, but there
wasn’t any pain this time, not like the first time he had done it.
I was still begging him to stop, even if I didn’t mean
him to stop. But Jarod didn’t care at all, like I would say nothing, just like
my words be air and fly around in the universe.
When this chanced a little every beg of mine ended in
a torture of my clit. Every time I said, “Please stop Jarod” he rubbed me
harder, pushed me harder to the wall and made me moan louder than I wanted to.
Suddenly, like a reflex, my right leg swung around his
hip, my back leaning against the wall and my hands trying to hold myself on his
shoulders. It wasn’t that easy with him inside to stay a little calm. And it
was even harder when the silk pyjama jacket joined the pants and he lifted me
up. I couldn’t believe that he had this strength to carry me. I linked my
ankles behind is back together, tried to hold my steady on shoulders, and I nearly
lost the grip more than ones.
He started slowly pushing me, us, into the wall. This
was apparently a new sensation for me, nobody had ever had the strength to fuck
or make love to me this way. But Jarod had it, like he had so many things
former lovers haven’t had. These lips – a magical lock. The eyes – oh Jesus,
Mary and the Holy Ghost – I could lose myself in them. And his way to tell me
what I need to hear was special and I heard a lot of men saying nice words to
me. But was different, it wasn’t only saying something nice to me, it was
saying exactly what I needed to hear, what made me feel like a woman again.
So he pushed me against the wall, on hand around my
back the other against the wall. The little pain of crushing against the wall
hit somewhere in my body the sensation of feeling him inside me, knowing that
it wouldn’t last forever, not this time. We were both too near.
Shortly before one of us had to
possibility to come he shifted us to the bed, I just noticed it when my back
hit the soft mattress. But the fact that we didn’t make love this time, that we
just fuck, was clear. He did me very fast, suddenly I was on top and I gave him
the same torture, a sweet torture.
But it didn’t last long, like I thought, and we both
came with all the power we could. If I’d ever thought that I had an orgasms
before, I was more than wrong. I didn’t get unconscious this time, but it the
ripping through my body hold one for more than a couple of minutes and even the
moment he hugged me tight and pressed me against his chest didn’t stop my
body’s shacking.
+++++
A couple of minutes later I had freed myself from his
embrace and laid next to him, still breathing hard and being heavily sweaty. I
still couldn’t believe that we had done it again, not after a day like this.
Not after seeing him there with this bitch of Zoe dancing around him. But now I
was laying next to him.
“I didn’t want to force you Mary,“ he said , blaming
himself for letting it go that far tonight.
I was still shocked a little on the one hand from the
orgasm that rocked through me and on the other that we had done it at all. I
wanted to be angry with him, wanted to hate him – and let him know that.
I didn’t say anything. His head was resting on his
elbow and looking down into my eyes, trying to read my mind – what would going
on in me. I asked myself the same. And I couldn’t do anything else than started
to cry. I couldn’t believe that I did it, that I let him see how much he had
hurt me today, all the pain he caused me. Without saying a word or anything
else I let him hug me, let me feel the warmth of his body, comforting myself at
least a little after all that happened today.
We started to cuddle a little and he started to kiss
me again. But not claiming like earlier that night – no – sweet and soft, only
letting our lips dance a little and my tears stopped to run down my cheeks.
“I couldn’t believe what I have done to you Mary,
couldn’t believe it.” he said and I saw the tears in his eyes now. I pressed
his head to my chest, rocking him softly and I understood that it was as hard
and unbelievable for him like it was for me.
“She is only a friend anymore Mary, nothing more than
a friend.” he told me and I believed him.
Looking down at me again, he stroke some wet hair out
of my face, looking deep into my eyes. “What would I be without you? …the clock
wouldn’t stop but each day would go on just the same … there would still be air
to breathe …. it wouldn’t stop the sun and rain … but baby there would be just
no living without loving you … How would I survive? … It would be like living
without being!”
I smiled at him and he was true. We both would have
been killed earlier this life if we wouldn’t feel this way for each other,
would feel this power for years.
I let my head rest on his male hairy chest, cuddling
up, listening to his heart beat. His arm on by back, holding me softly and our
legs entwined.
+++++
I woke up alone in my big bed, still feeling that the
place was warm next to me. Slowly, feeling a little more than sore, I grabbed
my robe from the bathroom and went downstairs to the kitchen because I heard
some noises down there, laughing and screaming.
When I stood in the frame of the kitchen door I saw
the mess. Jarod and Debbie had tried to make breakfast together and well, the
mess was perfect. Farina all over the floor, one or two broken eggs and some
sugar. I smiled at them, not saying a word. Why should I disturb this little
reunion of them? I just stood there watching them having fun.
When they noticed me they grinned shamelessly at me.
And a moment later they showed me their creatures – they had tried to make pancakes looking like animals. Cute,
not sweet but cute.
It looked like they’ve had a good time together and
this was very important, not only for me, also for Jarod to tell and show her
that he was sorry for what happened yesterday.
Jarod came over and kissed me softly, not touching in
front of Debbie just placing a soft kiss on my lips. Debbie giggled in the back
so I bumped him softly from me to see her smiling over both ears. I haven’t
seen her that happy before – happy for me.
So we ate breakfast together and both tried to feat me
which was really a bad idea because my robe was a mess after it, so the little
of my body which wasn’t hidden by the silk of it. I had marmalade all over it
and not to forget chocolate syrup. Hell this was a mess. After the pans they
tried to feat me with cut fruits and I must have looked like fresh from the
painting after it. I was clammy all over.
When the phone rang, Debbie held the mobile to my ear
because I was too clammy for it. It was Broots to ask me when I would bring
Debbie back because it was after 12 yet. I couldn’t believe that it was that
late and told him that I will bring her soon. I am sure that he had heard both
giggling in the back when I tried to sound serious.
So we finished breakfast and I decided that it was
time to shower, even for Debbie who looked a little too much like a piece of
chocolate now. After me feeding her with chocolate syrup.
+++++
Jarod showered with me but we didn’t have sex or
anything else. He just helped me to
lose this clammy feeling which was more than disgusting.
Everybody in fresh cloths we decided that it was time
to go home for Debbie. She said goodbye to Jarod with a lovely grin on her
lips.
The car drive was more than silent, just the CD
playing. No word from Debbie till we reached
drive up to Broots house.
“Why did it took you so long to let him know that you
love him?” she asked me.
<Girl how should I explain this?>
“Well … Debbie my life was never easy and we both knew
that it would complicate things.”
“But Jarod said that he loves you since the first time
him he saw you.” I grinned sheepishly.
“Me too but it shouldn’t be, shouldn’t happen before. And we both were to anxious.” I
looked at her “Anxious not to be loved by the other one, anxious to lose the
other one.” She looked at me, not saying a word. “To stand there in front of
him, telling him how I feel and getting no reaction by him.”
She nodded in agreement.
“You know Mary that you mean a lot to me, mostly
everything.” I smiled at Debbie, thankful for this testimony. It meant a lot to
me. “You also mean a lot to me Debbie.”
“But you have to decide what you want Mary. It can’t
go along like that for long.”
<Has a twelve year old tell you things like that?
You should know the truth too.>
“You will not be able to life two lives forever and I
really hope that you decide the right life, not the one others created for
you.”
<Girl I know that.>
“I know Debbie.”
“You have played the Ice Queen for a very long time
and impressed many people with it but never Jarod. He was always there for you
so now be there for him.”
“I will be there for him, always and forever.” I said not looking at her, it was too hard
to hear the truth out of her mouth. She knew me pretty well.
She hugged me and I kissed her on her forehead telling
her to take care and she went out of the car, heading into her fathers arm who
had watched us.
I greet him with a grin and went back on the street.
Debbie was so right, I had to decide which life I want to live, which *me* was
the one I needed to be.
I had to decide.
Decide it.
Soon.
~~ END ~~
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