And now, a brief screenplay I wrote entitled "The Horrific But Not Overly
Surprising Death of Tom Lassig"
scene 1: early March--Mr. Lassig's office
ANDY: Well, Mr. Lassig, here's the completed design. What do
you think?
LASSIG: looks good.
ANDY: You sure? There's kind of a lot of backlighting.
LASSIG: Well, we'll see how it looks once it's set up
ANDY: So, will we get some time to set up lights?
LASSIG: (snickering) sure.
scene 2: April 29, 2000-- 12:45
ANDY: Well, all the lights are set. What do you think?
LASSIG: That's too much backlighting. The audience... (rambles
incomprehensibly for 20 minutes)
ANDY: Okay. Um...is there a time that we can come in and fix
the scrim
lighting?
LASSIG: How about after rehearsal on Monday?
ANDY: That will only give us two rehearsals to run lights in before
performance!!!
LASSIG: (long pause) There's too much back lighting...
ANDY: THAT'S IT!!! DIE, FUCK-BALL!!!!! (pulls out shotgun, blows
Lassig's
head to many small, gooey pieces, which fliy all over the stupid "mountain")
Hey, that's all the texture that thing needed! It looks great
now. I think
I shall head down to DSC and see about getting those 8 new lightbulbs
so we
don't have a bunch of really expensive lights sitting in the catwalk
not
being used since we can't get a new PO number (re-loads shotgun, walks
towards DSC whistling a happy tune)
(all characters depicted in this work of fiction
are imaginary-- any
similarities to any real person, living or DEAD, is purely coincidental)
It's only a rough draft, but Dreamworks has already expressed some interest
in it. I'm gonna see if they can get Kevin Spacey to play me...
if not, I'll
settle for Nicholson. Guy Pearce as Lassig, definitely...