Just found this--it's the plot outline for Diznee's currently-in-production
animated feature, "Hamlet."
Character Outline:
Hamlet: Young and unusually handsome prince of Denmark
Ophelia: Young and unusually HOT maiden
Claudius: really, really, really, REALLY evil villain (voice by Kevin
Spacey!!!!)
Gertrude: his wife
Horatio: Hamlet's friend-- a talking pig
Polonius: Claudius's evil henchman-- a talking chipmunk
Laertes: Hamlet's nemesis-- A 6-foot tall chicken
Osiric: Played by Robin Williams!
Rosencrantz (Rosie): Hamlet's friend-- a very cute raccoon
Guildenstern (Guildy): Hamlet's friend--a talking pie (think Simpsons!)
Flopsy: Hamlet's silent bird friend
A priest with a you-know-what!: Hey, it worked in "Little Mermaid!"
Marcellus and Bernardo: 2 statues that magically come to life at night
Fortinbras: King of Norway; last name can be construed into something
mildly
perverted by stupid 13-year-old boys
Plot Outline:
Mercellus and Bernardo are joined on the watch by
Horatio. After several
hillarious mix-ups, they see the ghost of King Hamlet. The freak
out and
hide, then sing a song about it. They decide to tell Hamlet.
Meanwhile,
Claudius has just become king. The audience realizes that he's
evil after a
close-up shot of his eyes, which shift side to side. Hamlet is
depressed.
Gertrude asks him why, and he says that he's gay and in love with his
mom.
Gertrude says that's okay-- we can learn to be accepting of any one,
even the
freaky ones! She says that everyone is different, like how some
people have
black or brown skin, even though you wouldn't know that from a Diznee
movie!
They all sing a song about acceptance, preferably written by Phil Collins.
When everyone leaves, Claudius and Polonius sing a song about their
evil plot
to take over the world and kill everybody. That night, Horatio
pulls Hamlet
to the battlements. Hamlet asks what the surprise is, and Horatio
answers:
"Your dead father!!!" Old Hamlet enters, and he and Hamlet sing
a song.
Hamlet decides to take quick, decisive action. He goes into the
castle and
meets Ophelia. They fall in love and sing a song about it.
Ophelia leaves,
and Hamlet delivers a hilarious soliliquy to Flopsy. Rosie and
Guildy enter,
and Hamlet"freezes" the action so he can explain to all the li'l kiddies
that
he's only going to pretend to go insane. Rosie and Guildy try
to cheer him
up with a song, but to no avail. Claudius comes in, does some
evil stuff,
then ships Hamlet off to England. On the way, he is captured
by some really
funny pirates. After a really marketable song, they let Hamlet
return to
Denmark. Meanwhile, Ophelia dies after singing a VERY sad song
(which should
get nominated for an Oscar). Hamlet returns and Laertes is mad
at him, so
they agree to settle their differences with a pleasant game of Yahtzee!
Osiric comes in and tells them that the castle is being stormed by
Fortinbras. There's a really big, scary battle aimed at the little
boys.
During the battle, Claudius is thrown off a tall structure into flames
below,
Polonius suffers an ironic fate, Horatio makes numerous bacon jokes,
Ophelia
enters and reveals that she faked her own death, Gertrude marries Osiric,
and
Hamlet & Laertes become best friends. They all sing a song.
Fortinbras is
so impressed that he decides not to conquer Norway, instead heading
off to
Sweden. The priest with a peculiarly animated object in his pocket
marries
the newly-crowned King Hamlet and Ophelia. They all sing a song.
Then
another one. Then another one! The a messenger comes in
and announces that
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Everyone laughs, Horatio's
pants fall
off, and they all sing a song, 2 reprises, and a finale. Credits
roll.