| Eric Clapton:Tears in Heaven On March 20, 1991, Connor Clapton, five year old son of popular singer and songwriter, Eric Clapton, fell to his death from the 53rd floor of a New York City condominium. Also, at the condo were Connor�s mother, Lory Del Santo, the nanny, and a janitor, who was performing minor maintenance duties. It was reported, that Connor was being tended to by his nanny, while his mother did some paperwork. Lory Del Santo remembers Connor running about the apartment playing hide and go seek, while a fax transmittal came through. The nanny was following Connor, but paused to speak to the janitor, who ironically cautioned the nanny that he had opened a large window in the room. Before she could reach him, Connor fell out of the window, and plummeted to his death. Clapton arrived ten minutes after the accident, to see the lifeless body of his son on the pavement. Connor�s death was premature, sudden, shocking, and classified as accidental. �Tears in Heaven,� written and performed by Eric Clapton, after the death of his juvenile son, is not only a tribute to Connor, but a healing process for the songwriter. This song conveys sadness with the opening line, �Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven?� One does not have to be a parent to empathize with the enormous grief and despair that Eric Clapton and his wife must have experienced. The depth of human emotion through our experiences and memories allow us to identify with the emotions of others. The tender age of Connor Clapton makes the loss quite tragic, and I can also relate to their sorrow by my own experiences, growing up, the love and attachment I have for my siblings, and my anticipation of becoming a father someday. �Tears in Heaven� greatly impacted me, because I have related to Clapton through his music over the years, making the tragedy seem more personal. In life, there is no greater pain, than that of losing one whom you love. For a parent, there can be no greater loss, than that of losing a child. The tragedy experienced by Eric Clapton and ultimately portrayed in the Grammy award winning song, �Tears in Heaven,� demonstrates the universal sensitivity to grief and sorrow, and is discussed in David Carroll�s book, Living With Dying, in his chapter on bereavement. Carroll describes the stages that a mourner can pass through while going through bereavement. Clayton relates these same stages in �Tears in heaven�. The first stage of the bereavement period is numbness and shock. David Carroll describes this stage as a sudden state of awe or shock. �Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?� opens the song, thus begins this first stage. Eric Clapton is awed and shocked, realizing the time missed with his son is far greater than the time spent with him. Would his son forget the image of a father he had known for so few years. For Clapton, this stage was intensified because of the horrific shock of seeing the lifeless body of his young son, at the scene of the fatal accident. �Sudden death is easiest for the person who dies, hardest for the survivors...the victim�s family is vulnerable and physiologically unarmoured� (Carroll, 349). Carroll describes stage two of the bereavement period as let down. �After the initial numbness wears off, as with an actual physical wound, the throbbing pain begins in earnest� (Carroll, 341). This stage can last a long time, bringing with it despair, fear for one�s own survival, the torture of �if only,� or �why bother anymore?� (Carroll, ibid.) According to Carroll the mourner is undergoing a period of disorientation in stage two. When �Tears in Heaven� reaches this stage, Clapton�s disorientation with time and pain are quite clear in his lyrics, �Time will bring you down, time can bend your knees, time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please!� �I can�t go without him� (Carroll 341)� seems to be looming beyond Clapton�s lyrics. Clapton also calls for forgiveness, �Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in heaven?� Considering the circumstances, it easy to understand why Clapton places blame on himself. �No matter what miracles of nurturance the bereaved may have performed for the deceased, there will always be gaps in the record and hence room for self doubts� (Carroll, 345). Asking the question, �Would you hold my hand?� makes clear his intense feelings of guilt and graphically conveys a parent to child relationship. For Clapton, the questions remain, �If only I had arrived ten minutes earlier, this would not have happened� or, �Would Connor still be here, if he stayed the night with him?� Surely, these are the thoughts that consumed Eric Clapton from the instant he saw his son on the sidewalk, an image he will be forced to carry with him for the rest of his life. (sic. Carroll, 351) . C.S. Lewis who wrote A Grief Observed, said while reflecting on the death of his wife, �It may be grimly pessimistic, as if God no sooner saw two of his creatures happy than he stopped it.� This quote reflects on Clapton�s situation, the short span of Connor�s life, the demands of his career in the last year of Connor�s life, and the recent renewal of the family unit. The weekend of Connor�s death was spent together, and a trip to the circus planned for the very day he died. In this time of happiness, how could something so terrible happen? Did God no sooner see three of his creatures happy than he stopped it? Reportedly a devout catholic, Clapton may have asked, �Why did God let this happen?� David Carroll describes resignation and acceptance in stage three, as a time when the pain begins to �abate,� one can �think of the deceased without tears�, and a sense of �composure� and acceptance creeps over the bereaved. �Terrible lamentation turns into quiet sadness.� (Carroll 341) Acceptance and resignation, written about in the five stages of Death and Dying, by Kubler-Ross, was reached after the mourner experienced earlier stages of mourning. Clapton classically defines the resignation stage in his lyrics, �Beyond the door, there�s peace I�m sure, and I know there�ll be no more tears in heaven.� He seems to tell us that he has battled the demons he faced when his son died. Acceptance has set in, �I must be strong and carry on, �cause I know I don�t belong, here in heaven.� The sudden shock, and awe, and the questions of guilt have dissipated. The progression in his lyrics demonstrates that he is moving on. �I�ll find my way through night and day, �cause I know I just can�t stay, here in heaven.� Clapton seems to say that his pain is futile. His bitter sorrow and suffering cannot bring Connor back, but perhaps through carrying on he can gain acceptance to heaven, where they will be reunited. Death is a major part of everyone�s life. It occupies our childhood fears and torments our adult minds. Every time we become mourners, the little taste of death we experience adds to our understanding. Witnessing Eric Clapton�s tragedy through his music is an unbelievable learning experience. I believe that we never lose a loved one spiritually, but only in the physical form. The life force that prevails when a person dies is driven by their presence on earth, and the happiness that they inspire. Eric Clayton may live with the death of his son, but Connor�s presence is alive for Clapton�s through his emotions, and through his music. He celebrates the life of his son through his talent. Time will help to heal the pain of the loss, but time will never erase his memory. In the end, Connor Clapton will hold his father�s hand and help him stand. The Clapton�s recently gave birth to another child. For Eric and Lory, I�m sure they will always be thinking of Connor, and celebrate the knowledge that they have two sons |