Shikata Ga Nai
(series all in one)
Go Back

Prologue
"You will go?" Nakago inquired calmly, the way he always spoke with that firm, sure tone. Amiboshi scratched his arm uncomfortably and eyed his surroundings. Nakago’s chamber was not the prettiest site, but it somewhat amazed him. He felt out of place, standing half-naked in front of the Shogun. He embraced himself to cover most of his nudity and opened his mouth to answer. No sound, to his surprise came out.
"Well?" Nakago’s intimidating voice spoke up. Amiboshi’s eyes rose gracefully from the ground and met Nakago’s fierce blue eyes. He turned away quickly as he assured his answer once more, "Hai Nakago sama, I will go." A little grim smile tugged on Nakago’s pale lips then quickly vanished as Amiboshi looked up again with a dismal, unlively expression. "You should be proud to take this job, Amiboshi." Nakago responded to Amiboshi’s melancholy smile as he roughly lifted his chin. "I will send for you when the time is best to leave. In the meantime, you will continue with your daily chores."
For a while, Nakago continued holding Amiboshi’s solemn face and tried to get his eyes to meet his own. Nakago hardened his eyes and he threw Amiboshi’s face aside roughly as he simultaneously caught hold of his arm. "Look at me when I am speaking." Nakago seethed. He tightened his grip to try to get a response from the boy. Amiboshi only winced and immediately looked up. Nakago smiled. "That is the problem with you, Amiboshi. Nakago began. You are…somewhat a disobedient boy.
His grip on Amiboshi’s arm tightened as he dug his nails into the boy’s warm flesh. Amiboshi flung his head back and moaned. One of these days that disobedience of yours will cost you dearly, Nakago rested his hand on Amiboshi’s bare shoulder. I am pleased with you and you will make a strong soldier with a little training…so don’t fail me now." Amiboshi smiled weakly, and once again silence flooded the vast space between Nakago and him. It seemed like an infinite amount of time before Nakago slid his arm off Amiboshi’s shoulder and gave him permission to leave. As Amiboshi gently massaged the tender spot on his arm, he bowed quickly and trudged out of Nakago’s chamber. He closed the door carefully behind him and slid off the towel that had been hanging loosely around his neck. How was he going to explain this to his brother…?
He walked away in silence, letting the dismal shadows engulf his lighted figure; walking away from his own thoughts for a while. As he pushed himself against a pillar, he rested his head there for a while. He felt naked, even though he wasn’t. He just felt like he could not keep anything concealed anymore. He just felt so exposed; like there was no sense in keeping secrets or dreaming anymore…He felt a sudden urge, an impulse to cry, but it seemed like he had forgotten how to…
+++
"The yearning to be near you, I do what I have to do…I don't know how to let you go."
Chapter One
Suboshi walked abruptly into his room. The darkness disabled him form seeing for a while, but his savage gray eyes got accustomed to it quickly. He walked over to the only window and opened it. Suboshi leaned over and braced himself. The winds violently ruffled his hair and annoying brown strands of his hair swayed wildly in front of his eyes.
He aggressively combed them back behind his ears as he tentatively viewed the laborers on the terrain and the vast bareness of the fields. But his attention was mainly focused on a young girl trailing sadly behind her mother. She was run-down, ill dressed but she had a certain calm and serenity to her features. She was roughly about seven, a small, beautiful little creature with a solemn face that spoke of abuse and mistreatment. And her mother, an old, warm, loving woman with wrinkles that showed humility and experience.
An injured smile spread on Suboshi's lips as he continued observing her. How she reminded him of his childhood. Like she, he had also gone through abuse. He recalled those horrid years when he decided to prostituate himself ever since he was caught in a nasty situation. His brother was terrebly ill and both of them needed a place to stay and eat for the night. Having very little money to pay the inn keeper, he let him sleep with him to pay the debt. Suboshi could still remember to musty smell and the brutality of the inn keeper. He remembered the horrid grip the man had on him as he forced himself on him, and how he took pleasure everytime he would cry out in pain as his frail little body jerked upwards from his thrusts. So many have taken advantage of him as a young, helpless child…
He eventually put an end to that as he grew older and only gave in to their lustful desires only when he desperately needed the money. He groaned. Things were so much easier growing up in the careful arms of his mother; the only place where he truly felt secure from harm. Not even his Aniki could give him the love and refuge she had given him those short ten, yet happy years of his life.
But one thing he did recognize was that aniki had never walked away from him. On the contrary, he was the one who had drifted away. Suboshi usually got some qualms for lying to himself and his brother just for the sake of his aniki's protection. His loss of virginity in exchange for food or money was one of the greater examples. He kept quiet about too many things that had occurred in his life. Shikata ga nai. It could not be helped. He endured them.
Suboshi pictured himself in the protective arms of his mother or his moma as he called her. He was moma's beloved; the favorite of the two. He tried to recall memories of his father, but his mind went blank. It felt like he had grown up withought one. His eyes stung a little and they became clouded with tears but he blinked them away before any of them could roll freely down his smooth cheeks. He would refuse to cry. He was not going to waste his tears on the past and all his foolish mistakes. He shut the window. And even if I did want to, I am too tired to cry anyway. Suboshi mumbled. It had been a long day for him. He clumsily took his shirt off and laid it neatly by a table. He climbed into bed and lay back a while, staring at the elaborate design of the ceiling and once in a while glancing at the entrance in hopes that his brother would walk in. Suboshi made severe efforts not to close his eyes but he just simply fell asleep before he could even cover himself.
+++
Amiboshi walked in. The cold waters slowly engulfed his body, crawling up his smooth skin as he moved in deeper towards them. He enclosed himself by wrapping his arms close on him. He was cold. He stiffened a little; then slowly relaxed, letting his tense muscles loosen. Amiboshi loved the water. He caressed the cool liquid, running his fingers over it softly; making the water sway gracefully, creating ripples. He watched them get larger, dispersing their little waves all over. Amazing what his touch had done... He waited until the waters turned serene once more. He stared at his reflection for a while, trying to read his own expression. He looked at himself, staring at his face, trying to capture the message his pained facial gesture showed. He suddenly distorted the lovely reflection as he roughly striked the water with his hand. He hated himself for everything. It was him who forced his brother out of their humdrum lifestyle into a soldier's life. He had always had the illusion that once they found the maiden of Seiryuu, things would change for them. There lives would become much easier, with no more wars, no more fighting and no more suffering. He acctually believed with all his heart the maiden could acctually put an end to all their problems. But he was so wrong. If only he knew how much pain and trouble coming to live in Kutou to serve Lady Yui would cost them, he would have kept on living just the way they were. Then again, they never had a life...
Amiboshi thought back of what just had happened when he barely touched the water. It was just so true...anything he had ever done had always stirred his own and the life of others in some way...He breathed deeply.
He dove under the water. For once, Amiboshi felt free. A sudden calmness swept over him, lulling him into a state of nothingness. Under the water, he felt safe. He felt so far away from hate and feelings. He liked the numb feeling of being under the water. Everything was slowed down now. No feelings...no worries. Just his idea of a perfect world. But he knew there was no such place. He rose to the surface once more, combing away the many hairs that stuck to his forehead while ruffling his wet hair. Then he felt it...
He felt the presence of someone...watching him. He swallowed hard and turned around quickly. It was Tomo...
He frowned...All this time he had been watching him, that lusty gay bastard! Amiboshi immediately ran out of the pool and got hold of the nearest towel to cover himself. He pretended not to notice Tomo when he walked past by him. But Tomo certainly did and got hold of the youth's arm. He slumped the young man's fragile body hard against the wall and pressed his own onto his. Amiboshi could only stare at Tomo with gray frightened eyes and moan as Tomo touched certain parts of his body. Finally he was able to open his mouth and whisper:
"Tomo, let me go..." Tomo only smiled and his graceful fingers crawled their way up Amiboshi's chest and came to a stop on his shoulders. He gripped the boy's warm flesh. Amiboshi grimaced, and tried to shove Tomo away from him. But Tomo paralyzed him completely with an unexpected kiss. It wasn't infatuatious, really. Just a simple one. Tomo's kiss still tingled cold on Amiboshi's lips. He tried to leave, but Tomo held him down, back pressed against the wall.
"I was sent here just to remind you that Nakago will not accept failure. You are to leave tomorrow afternoon. You should arrive in Konan Koku roughly around night time. It really isn't much far. I just want to wish you luck on your mission. I know, this definitely won't be an easy task being that you are a stubborn boy..."
Tomo gave Amiboshi a final kiss, and released him. Amiboshi looked at Tomo with pure disgust.
"Lusty bastard! He thought. Who does he think I am, his lover or something?"
Tomo had had his eye on Amiboshi the moment he had come to live in the palace. That was the most and the last that Tomo would ever get from him. Amiboshi thought to himself. He adjusted the towel wrapped sloppily around his waist and left the room. He wandered silently, pensively letting Tomo's words sink in his semi perturbed mind. A pang of fear suddenly struck him. He would have to leave his brother...How would he manage without him? Would he ever forgive him for breaking a most sacred promise...He thought back when he had made the solemn promise to his brother that no matter what happened, he would never leave him. Most of their promises were sealed with a kiss, especially if it was serious, and if it was one that would never be broken. This promise was special to him being it was the first one he had ever made to him, and it was the first time he had ever made love to his brother with his mouth. Their first kiss was something memorable, one of the most beautiful things that had ever occurred between them...It would tear up his brother's infinite trust in him if he left him. Some how, he would have to muster up his courage to tell him...without hurting him.
+++
Yui was outraged, completely out of control with herself...Her gray-blue eyes had a strong concentration of hurt, anger, jealousy and hate. The fury inside her had been unleashed and she cried uncontrollably. Nakago had promised her that Tamahome would be hers and he had left her...for Miaka.
Nakago was deeply annoyed with Yui's unacceptable behaviour, but his features kept his true feelings concealed. Instead of smacking her like he wanted to, he offered her his hand and sat down beside her, comforting her, gently stroking her head and hushing her with a few soothing words. He was not very good at this, but she needed to gain her senses again. It was utterly useless to try to talk with an angry priestess, especially one with a horrible temperament as his own...When he felt that Yui's breath had returned to her normal pace, and her angry tears were reduced to just a few sobs, he spoke to her,
"Don't fret anymore, my beloved one. The Suzako seishi may have escaped our first trap, but this one, they won't..."
Yui was slightly startled. She lifted her head from Nakago's lap and looked at him fully in the eyes. She eventually had to look away. She could never stare at those painful blue eyes of his...never.
"What is it then, that you have planned?"
Nakago let out a deep sigh and stroked Yui's face once more.
"You will see soon, my beloved...you will see soon..."
+++
Amiboshi sulked in the corridors. He was tired, but his guilt would not let his mind relax. He quietly opened the door to his room and shut it firmly. "Some rest might help." He thought. He smiled sadly as he watched his brother sleeping peacefully at the edge of their bed about to fall. For once, he felt happy for his brother, seeing him without any worries or concerns. He seemed much calmer here...Amiboshi approached him and ran his hands over his brother's hair. He brushed away a couple of stands that stuck on his forehead and accommodated them neatly behind his ears. Suboshi looked beautiful. Amiboshi never looked at his brother from this perspective. He actually felt sorry he wasn't involved in his brother's life. He seemed like he had gone through more than he did. He felt his brothers' cheeks with the back of his hand. They were cold. He picked him up awkwardly and tucked him in. Suboshi picked up the movements and his eyes fluttered open and smiled warmly seeing it was only his brother. He extended his arms upwards to him and pulled him close to him.
"Aniki...you're here..." Suboshi smiled.
He smiled back. Yes ottoto, I'm here...
Amiboshi gently pressed his lips against his brother's and slowly entered him. Suboshi giggled and pulled his brother closer. He liked the feeling of having a nice source of warmth around him. It made him feel safe. Suboshi deepened the kiss. Amiboshi was surprised...their kisses were not usually this passionate, but he gave in. He stroked his brother's face gently and pulled away for a while.
"I love you, Shunkaku..." He whispered.
Suboshi pulled himself upwards and pecked his brother's soft cheek and whispered into his ear, "I love you too."
Both twins giggled and wrestled in bed for a while, but Amiboshi gave up quickly. Suboshi sat on top of his brother's chest triumphantly until Amiboshi pushed him down.
"It's getting late now Shun chan. We should have gone to sleep long ago."
Suboshi didn't bother to argue with his brother. He silently obeyed him and accommodated himself next to his brother. He embraced him tightly and leaned his head on his shoulder. Amiboshi ran his callused hand over his brother's hair.
He began to sing softly:
"And so the sun slowly sets and the morning glories close up...
life leaves the sweet earth, replaced with silence.
Will the sun ever kiss the earth again mother dear?
Yes it will, my beloved. Yes it will..."
Amiboshi trailed off...
He glanced at his brother. He was fast asleep.
He thought of the lullaby...The sun had set on them long ago and they had been waiting for the sun to rise once again. But the night was too long and eternal. The sun never showed up. If there was a happy moment in their lives, it never lasted for long. Why did it have to be that way for them? They haven't done anything to deserve a life full of misery and hate. There were times he wished he was dead but he had to keep fighting on. He lived for his brother. He closed his eyes, but his troubled mind would not rest. Tomorrow would be the fateful day he would have to leave. How would his brother take it? He wondered...how would he take it? He rolled over and pulled his brother's body close to his. He wanted to have him close to him, something told him it would be his last night and last time having his brother this close. His fingers brushed against his brother's moist lips. He was so beautiful when he slept. His face hadn't changed one bit. It was the same innocent face he had ever since he was young. Life had been hard on them. The night rode on without an end. He longed for the moment that at least one of the sun's rays would make in into their troubled lives. He leaned close and pressed his mouth on his brother's he savored the moisture on his lips and slowly made his way inside his mouth. He loved him so much. He felt Suboshi's warm breath against his skin. He slowly pulled away, hoping his brother wouldn't notice and laid back. He slowly closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, but his perturbed mind with racing thoughts didn't...
+++
Miaka embraced Tamahome. He was back! He was finally back! Never before had she experienced any more joy than this moment. Tamahome chuckled heartily as he stoked the young girls' brown locks. He put both his hands on her face and squeezed tightly. His rough, callused thumb brushed against her pale lips and kissed her chastely. Nuriko was glad both had found each other again but pretended not to notice and he fiddled with his mussed up braid. He tossed it back and gave Tamahome a playful smack on his shoulder. Tamahome rubbed it gently and rolled his eyes. He had missed everyone and everything, even Nuriko's punches...
Hotohori embraced Tamahome tightly and rubbed his back.
"Welcome back, good friend. We all missed you..."
A nice pleasant atmosphere filled the air in Konakn Koku. The night air was cool and soothing; perfectly compatible with the welcoming atmosphere...
Every one was joyous. A lost friend had come back to them.
Everyone's laughter and contentment filled the room, and the joy spread to everyone, even to the servants and poor kitchen boys. It spread to all but a grouchy someone...the injured Tasuki. He was all alone still grunting and moaning from the scars and burns on his body. This was no fucking time to celebrate, he thought to himself. He was lonely and wanted company. He wanted someone by his side to understand his pain and anger. What was all that commotion about, he thought. He got up, limping his way to the door. His wounds were so much better compared to the other day. He stuck his head to the door and found all of his comrades celebrating the return of the goddamn bastard who had beaten him up the other day...Was that bastard more important than he?! His temper exploded.
"What are you all fucking doing?"
Nuriko smiled wryly and helped took Tasuki's bandaged arm and slung it gently over his neck. He wrapped his other hand around his waist and helped him up. "Are you alright Tasu chan?"
"Do I look like I'm alright? Do I?! I demand to know what the fuck is going on here!"
Nuriko made a face.
"Listen guys, sorry to leave the fun but my baby need his nap...Good night everyone!"
"Who are you calling your baby?! I'm not your goddamn baby! Ugh! Put me down! Put me down! Put me OWW!"
"Oh, shut up you big baby! You are going to sleep!"
Tamahome and Miaka watched the two of them leave. Hotohori just could not help from giggling. It had been so long since his lips cracked a smile.
"I guess Nuriko is right, Miaka...Why don't we also go to sleep?" He spoke calmly. We have much to do tomorrow. Don't forget we have one more
seishi to find..."
"Chiriko..." Miaka whispered the name as she wondered how would the seishi look like or be. Would he be as special as all of them? What would he be like? So many questions filled her little mind she got exited. Something inside told her he Chiriko would be a very special seishi.
"Very special indeed..." She blurted her thoughts out loud.
"What did you say?" Tamahome asked quizzically.
"Oh nothing...I was just...thinking. Come on, let's go to sleep!" She grabbed Tamahome's arm and dragged him along with her.
As she lay back wondering about the seishi, she drifted off into a quiet, peaceful sleep. It had been a very long, yet happy day for her, and all of the joy and excitement she hadn't had for weeks was too much for her to handle.
"Chiriko..." She whispered once again as an innocent smile spread slowly across her face. Oh but so little did she know that "Chiriko" would cost her so much, and make her shed tears...tears of blood.
+++
"The night is my companion, and solitude my guide. Would I spend forever here, and not be satisfied?..."
Chapter Two
Amiboshi rolled in bed moaning for a while. He was tired. After all, he only had one hour's worth of sleep that night. He had laid awake thinking of what would ever happen to him and his beloved twin...
He forced himself up, and sat down on his bed cross-legged; absorbed in his thoughts. He had changed so much; not only in body but also in mind those past few years. Could this mission change me too? He thought. Enough thinking! He scolded himself. You must do this...you have gone through worse situa...his thoughts got lost for a while. He was just so afraid; almost like if he knew what all of this would bring on him and his brother. He stood up and stretched, picking up his clothes and fiddling with his shirts' sleeve. He slipped them on carelessly, which gave him a disheveled look. Suboshi woke up. Koutoku froze, he had hoped to be out of the room before his brother had awakened.
He heard him moan loudly.
"Ugh...Aniki? Is that you?"
Amiboshi swallowed hard.
"Yes Otooto, it is me..."
He walked slowly to where his half-naked brother lay and sat next to him, putting a reassuring hand on his warm face.
"Brother...He began not so sure of what to say next, I have been meaning to tell you this last night, but I figured it would be best to tell you now..."
Shunkaku looked at his brother trustingly, hanging on to every word he let out, like it was the word of Seiryuu. He took his brother's hand and brought it to his lips, kissing his brother's hand gently and holding on to it.
"Tell me then, aniki...what is it?"
"I...Amiboshi trailed off.
Suboshi quickly picked up that there was something bothering his brother. He sat up quickly and embraced him, gently accommodating his aniki's sweet head into his bare chest and stroking his hair gently.
"It's okay brother...It's okay. Just tell me."
"No I can't Shun chan... Amiboshi said between sobs. If I do, you will never forgive me..."
"Try me." Suboshi said smiling bitterly, almost as if he were sure of what was coming up.
Amiboshi looked up at his twin. He rubbed his eyes gently and sat up once more.
'Otooto, Nakago sama has sent me to sabotage the Suzaku seishis' summoning of Suzaku. I must leave this afternoon..."
"It's okay, I'll go with yo..." Amiboshi cut him off.
"Shunkaku, my love, you don't understand. It is I who has to go, not you. You have to stay. I wouldn't take you with me, even if Nakago sama wanted me to. You are just not prepared to face such a situation...You will get hurt, and that is the last thing I would want to happen to you. Besides, only one can go..."
"Aniki. Don't go then. Let me go instead of you."
"Nakago has chosen me. My seishi powers are much more developed than yours are. You are still new to this Shun chan..."
Suboshi felt hurt by this.
"Aniki, I'm strong enough, I can manage pretty well. Just let me go."
"No. You can't go. I am not going to let you put yourself in danger as you have done so many times..."
"I'm not letting you go! Aniki, don't take advantage of me. I love you. If you really love me, you would let me go instead of you..." The boy trailed off a little and put both his hands on his brother's shoulders, refusing to look at him. Finally he looked up. "Aniki...It's just that I am so afraid. I am afraid you won't be coming back to me.
Amiboshi blinked. He felt his brother's hands slowly slide off his shoulders. He caught one of them and clasped it tightly; rubbing it reassuringly as he pulled a fake smile. He then realized Shun chan was right. There was a great chance he could die, or never come back to him.
"If I truly loved you, I would go so you can at least learn a thing or two from Nakago's training! Please don't make this so difficult, Shun chan. Being your only brother, don't you think I too suffer seeing I am being torn apart from my brother for a while? Listen, I promise to return. You can most definitely count on that. It is a promise."
Suboshi didn't look convinced but nodded sadly anyway.
Amiboshi tilted his brother's chin up gently. He caressed his face with his rough hands gently brushing Suboshi's lips with his fingers. Suboshi looked up; a few tears clouded his sad gray eyes and a painful smile tugged on his moist lips. "Promise?" He whispered despondently.
Amiboshi brushed away a solitary tear that rolled down his younger brothers' cheek. "I promise." He responded. He pecked his Suboshi's tear stained cheek.
"I love you, Shunkaku."
I love you too, Anik..." Suboshi could not finish the sentence. His emotions were completely damaged and he broke into a mass of angry sobs and tears.
"Shhh...It's okay otooto. It's okay..." He pulled his brother closer into a passionate embrace and began to sing to him:
"Set my soul free, and let me fly like the eagle,
Free and strong and brave
Not fearing truth or life
Allow me to live
To breathe
To think
To feel
To trust
To love
Without fear..."
+++
Nakago stood motionless, his back to Tomo. Tomo did not dare look up to the beautiful shogun and kept his eyes glues to the rocky, uneven ground. He was feeling in a lively, cheery mood that morning. By nature, he was very talkative, but seeing that Nakago was most definitely not in a good mood, he thought it would be best to let him do all the talking. Nakago turned around unexpectedly and his long blonde hair shifted slightly as it gracefully accommodated itself on his left shoulder. He looked at Tomo fiercely with his piercing blue eyes. Tomo's legs began to quiver. He could have sworn to himself he would faint at that moment, but he kept control of his body and smiled gently at Nakago, willing to accept any order from his master. Tomo's troubled, amber colored eyes had nothing more than lust and desire in them; desire for Nakago...He desperately tried to look alert and conceal his secret lust for him but it was just hopeless. Nakago only sighed and waited for Tomo to finally settle down. He would not talk to him until he was out of his thoughts...It was useless to talk to Tomo when he was like this. He cleared his throat and threw Tomo a warning glance. The impatient bishounen stopped squirming nervously and made a severe effort to listen to what was that Nakago had to say to him. He leaned back against the chamber's cold walls and fiddled with the tip of his ponytail, a long, silky cascade of black hair. Nakago took a few steps forward towards Tomo and slammed his hand against the hard, stony wall. Tomo jumped and quickly looked up attentively at Nakago, a bit upset seeing Nakago in such a foul mood. Nakago pressed his firm hand on Tomo's smooth, cheek and ran his fingers quickly over his hair, untangling a few hairs, then quickly tossing it back in Tomo's face. Tomo shook his head quickly, tossing his hair back as he felt his face get hot. He felt Nakago's cold, sad blue eyes studying his features and he glanced up at the handsome soldier. He waited restlessly for Nakago's words to tumble out of his soft pale lips. One by one, the words fell from his mouth. "Being that I have known Suboshi for about one year, I know that it will be very difficult for him to say 'good-bye' to his brother...He is a weak, poor soldier, unlike Amiboshi, and it will be quite some time before he discovers the hidden power within him. I ask as a favor to me that you sleep with him and be of great comfort to Suboshi, for I know, Amiboshi won't be coming back..."
Tomo looked up immediately. How could Nakago ever do such a thing? Why on earth would he send Amiboshi out if he knew he was going to be killed? Nakago read his Tomo's thought and turned around as he quickly added: "You know Tomo how it is. There are times that you will have to offer...Nakago searched for a word. You will have to offer sacrifices for the sake of gaining greater glory and honour. And Amiboshi is our sacrifice." He ended simply. Tomo simply nodded sadly bowing low to Nakago and walked away silently letting Nakago's strong words sink in a little. "...I ask as a favor to me that you sleep with him and be of great comfort to Suboshi, for I know, Amiboshi won't be coming back..."
+++
Amiboshi left that afternoon. His brother was taking his usual afternoon nap and he just could not bring himself to disturb him. He just thought it would be best to let him sleep to forget about the parting. It would be so much easier for both of them. The last thing he did before he set foot outside the palace walls was stop by Nakago's chamber to take one last look at the man he detested greatly. He announced his departure apathetically and gave a final bow before his master. As he walked past his room, he glanced at his brother. He muttered a few good-byes and walked away, refusing to even as much so even look back once more at his room. He left Kutou numb, angry, with a heavy pain that burdened his wounded heart. He could have sworn his heart would break any moment, but such was the pain he held there, he felt number than heart broken...
He glanced up at Soi. There she stood, the warrior with red hair, neatly bound into a ponytail adjusted to the side. Soi, indeed was a beautiful youth. Her thin, small lips glistened in the sunlight. They were a perfect shade of red. Her hazel coloured eyes were carefully outlined with heavy black eye liner, making them really stand out, and in a way making them more piercing. But her beauty defied the type of woman she was. Soi was a rough, brute woman who was able to withstand hardship after hardship. Amiboshi never got to know Soi that well, and he lamented that. He wished he would have gotten to know the quiet woman better...
"Is something wrong, Amiboshi?" Soi asked the young boy quietly not looking at him as she adjusted the horse's reins. Amiboshi just stood there watching Soi make adorable little faces at the horse, running her smooth, creamy hands over the silky fur of the gorgeous beast. "It's okay boy, it's okay..." Soi smiled warmly at the horse, which gave her in return a friendly nudge. She giggled. Amiboshi had never seen Soi this way. He had always though of her as a hard woman with no feelings. A woman who was born to only "entertain" men with her precious body, someone who was meant to suffer...
"I asked you a question, now are you going to answer me or not?" Soi asked leading the horse towards Amiboshi. Amiboshi grunted as he pulled himself upwards to mount it. He ran his hands through the silky waves of the horse's raven black hair. "No." He responded looking down at Soi fiercely. "Hey, It's up to you kid. I'm not going to get offended. I just...I know how you feel." She ended simply. She patted the brown horse's cheek and then quickly mounted herself on a lovely white horse. She kicked the horse's side gently as a signal for it to go and off she galloped. "Get on with it, Amiboshi!" She yelled briskly as she disappeared from sight. Amiboshi rolled his eyes and did the same, riding away, down the bumpy hills and becoming nothing else but a distant silhouette against the glorious warmth of the afternoon sun.
+++
Tomo advanced Suboshi's room and sat on his bed. His dexterous fingers ran over the threadbare quilt, plucking a few threads here and there and flicked conspicuous pieces of lint that stubbornly were adhered to the cloth. He looked at Suboshi, as he lay huddled in bed, wrapping both the quilt and his arms protec-tively around his shoulders. Tomo studied the pretty little creature with his piercing amber colored eyes as he sat closer to him. He noticed a deep, ugly crease between his bushy, slender eyebrows. Suboshi was tense in his sleep, gritting his teeth furiously and mumbling choppy, incoherent sentences. He pushed the quilt down and turned around, giving his back to Tomo. "The boy is probably dreaming..." Tomo wondered as he rose and picked up Suboshi's clothing, scattered all over the floor. He tossed them over at the foot of his bed and leaned over to take a good look at the boy. He noticed Suboshi's bare neck. He traced the soft curve of the sleeping boy's body with is eyes and got exited. Just seeing Suboshi's exposed neck reminded him there was more skin, more body...It reminded him that the boy was naked. He shivered as he pushed the thought away from his mind. Here he was, fantasizing about a 15-year-old boy....who just so happened to be pretty....
"Oi!" Tomo yelled out as he smacked his forehead in frustration. He was lusting after a 15-year-old! He had always preferred older men, but why was he getting so exited with Suboshi? He let out a heavy sigh. He knew he liked to tease Amiboshi by giving him flirtatious looks and maybe once in a while touch him, but with Suboshi it was different. He actually had...no. He did not want to admit it to himself he had some kind of sympathy for the boy. No. It was not love, for he never knew the meaning of it, but it wasn't passion either. His infatuous teenage years had come to an end long ago. He came to the conclusion it was nothing but lust. But no! It was not even that! He had...feelings for the boy. Yet, he did not know what kind of feelings...Not yet. As Tomo turned to leave, he heard what sounded like muffled sobs. Suboshi was crying...
+++
Suboshi ran beautifully. His feet scraped the muddy ground leaving behind messy, not well defined foot-prints.
The rain splashed against his sweaty brow, and trickled down his face. His moist tongue ran across his thin dry lips to keep them from cracking. Small waves of pain rippled from his abdomen and down. Suboshi strained his eyes and tried to endure the pain he felt on his waist. He had been running for about an hour in the rain, and his body was exhausted and pleading to him to take a break. Suboshi could feel his heart pounding violently in his ears and his lungs burning. He forced himself to breathe the hot, humid air to feed his lungs as he pushed himself forward. He already felt that he was lousing momentum and that he was not able to keep up the pace he once used to be. The muscles in his legs rebelled against his stubborn mind and refused to work.
Suboshi tripped and fell into a muddy puddle. His eyes closed then slowly opened them again. His chin was surrounded in dirty, muddy water and his long brownish-green hair was stuck to his forehead mixed with both the rain and his own sweat.
He forced himself to get up, but he immediately collapsed. He lost contact with all of his body for about one second as he tried to organize the millions of thoughts that perturbed his mind. He felt just so dizzy, and he thought it would be better if he could give himself some time to recuperate. He panted ferociously and a grim smile spread across his dirty face.
He lifted his face just slightly to find his ryuusesui. He found it lying there; lifeless surrounded by the small body of water. All he had to do is just move his arm slightly to make all his body go on fire. He forced himself to ignore his body's desire and stretched his hand out to reach it. He strained his face and gritted his teeth as he reached out further. He blacked out. The boy immediately found himself imprisoned in a dark room. He saw the many familiar people who have walked in and out of in life. They were all friends, whom all were dead. How did he end up here? From exercising in the rain to a prison corpses of his beloved friends? He desperately rummaged through the dead bodies in hopes of maybe finding his mother or his brother...But wait. Aniki wasn't dead...was he? He caught sight of a motherly woman dying. He studied the horrendous creases on the woman's face deepen as she winced and moaned in pain. It was his mother...
"Moma! Moma! It's me...Shun chan. Moma? Are you okay? Moma! Answer me!"
He desperately shook his mother, trying to wake her up. The woman drew her hand towards his face and gave him an injured look. "My son..." Was all she was able to say before she permanently closed her eyes and the darkness ate her away into nothing but a pile of bones.
A pair of rough hands grabbed him from behind. "You must pay!" The hoarse voice whispered into his ear.
"But sir, I have money...Surely you will take it. Please, it's all I have..." Suboshi looked at the man with frightened eyes.
"It's not enough! Who do you think I am kid? I won't tolerate impossible brats like you." He felt the man get hold of him from behind and slump him against the grimy, rocky floor. He screamed, but the man held his mouth shut. In a fit anger, he bit the man, sinking his teeth into his rough hand. The man hit his head, knocking him semiconscious. Suboshi could not even moan as he felt the man enter him. Tears accumulated at the corners of his eyes and rolled down his cheeks...Crying was all he could do as this monster raped him. He then felt himself being pulled into the comforting arms of someone. He looked up weakly only to see the scarred face of his brother. He too, was hurt. But the comforting did not last for long. Eventually, Amiboshi disappeared. Leaving him all alone, still hurt, still uncomforted, and his face, still drenched with blood and tears...
+++
"Suboshi..."
Suboshi was immediately pulled out of his nightmare. However, his eyes remained shut.
"What a hard, yet soft voice...Who could it belong to?" The boy thought for a while.
Cold, delicate fingers brushed against Suboshi's burning cheek. He shivered against the touch, and quickly turned his face aside wanting to avoid it.
He moved slightly, moaning softly and then slumping back hard down on the bed. He finally opened his eyes to gaze upon the beautiful stranger who lay beside him. The room looked very familiar being it was his own, but the young man certainly didn't. He had small amber colored eyes and long, silky black hair all tied back by a dark coloured ribbon. He sat by his side with his eyes closed, hanging his head down. Suboshi stole glances at this strange young man. He raised his hand to touch his black hair. He was only able to brush his hand gently against it before the man picked up his movements and looked up. Suboshi flinched and cast his eyes aside quickly. The young man's amber eyes were bold and daring, not to mention piercing. He felt his face get warm and he blushed in embarrassment.
"Suboshi are you okay?" Tomo asked.
Suboshi brought his hand upwards to rub his eyes. They were wet on the sides and there were ugly streaks running down his cheeks. He had been crying in his sleep...
"Who are you?" He asked huskily. He pushed the covers aside, not caring if he was naked in front of this...stranger. He reached over to get his clothes. He threw them on quickly, not taking his time to adjust his orange tunic properly.
As Tomo watched the youth dress and introduced himself, keeping his eyes busy on something else.
"I am Seiryuu Schichi Seishi Tomo."
"Egh, well nice to meet you freak. Now may I ask what the fuck are you doing here?"
Tomo blushed. He was a bit upset. He had expected Suboshi to be somewhat like Amiboshi, but he was totally the opposite. Funny, how the boys' beauty was a total contrast with his personality. "How defying", he thought quietly.
He was a bit angered, seeing his pride insulted by such a weakling...He caught hold of Suboshi's arm and pulled him over, close to him. Suboshi turned his face aside, refusing to look at him. Tomo hit the boy's face, sending it flying backwards. Suboshi was a bit frightened, but he refused to show it to him.
"Didn't your stupid mother ever teach you to respect your elders? Eh? Now that I come to think of it, you really have no manners, being you never had a mother, but a bitch instead..."
Suboshi tore his arm away from Tomos' grip.
"Don't talk about my mother that way."
"Listen brat...I don't like you one bit, but still I am willing enough to be your guardian while your brother is away. So be grateful."
"I can manage taking care of myself, Suboshi lied. I don't need your help or anybody's!"
As Suboshi began to walk away, Tomo blocked the exit with his arm, grabbing the boy's upper arm fiercely. Suboshi pushed forward ignoring the bite of Tomo's grip, almost knocking Tomo over.
He ran away, running past the dismal halls, then finally shielding himself behind a pillar. His hands brushed over the cool, firmness of the precious stone...He pressed his hot cheek against it and closed his eyes. He felt his breath return to it's normal pace although his heart still pumped violently.
"Be grateful..." Suboshi whispered. Yeah, well I would be more than grateful if only I could be back once more with the company of the ones I loved..." He thought.
"Oh yes Seiryuu Sama! I am very grateful...Grateful to be torn away from Aniki."
"I am grateful." He said sarcastically as a smile spread across his face. But if he was smiling, then why were angry tears gushing out of his eyes?
+++
Chapter Three
"If you have to go, don't say good-bye. If you have to go, don't you cry. If you have to go, I will get by. Someday I'll follow you and see you on the other side."
The sun was a little late in setting in Konan Koku. The skies still were well lighted, with only a few pink and orange clouds, the ones that indicated nighttime would come soon. Amiboshi would smile inside, keeping a solemn face as he noticed a group of young boys running around the grimy streets or pretty little girls helping their mothers hang up the laundry. And he would frown whenever he passed a bar crowded with rich fools who had come to waste their money on women and gambling. Eventually, Soi came to a stop and hopped off gracefully from her horse, leading the white beast aside, tying it to a pole. A puzzled Amiboshi could only wonder why was Soi taking a break so soon and mounted off his horse. He noticed a young prostitute walking towards him, offering bluntly to take the horse. Her chubby little hands took the worn reins from Amiboshi's hands and she lead the horse away slowly. She was a gorgeous little thing. She had long, honey coloured hair brutally bound into a half-done braid. Her body was slender and the cheap kimono she wore with her obi tied to the front made her look abused and disheveled. The obi worn tied to the front was the mark of the prostitute and Amiboshi knew that very well. The girl looked ill and tired, yet she smiled sweetly at her customers and would willingly give in to all customers' ardent desires - but only to those who had the money. Amiboshi never had the money to give himself the privilege of sleeping with a woman. All the money he ever got was from the many brute hours of work, and he would spend it wisely. Besides, he thought, I wouldn't derive any pleasure of treating a woman like she was some kind of toy...Oh but how he had longed for the moment he would have a woman in his arms, and make passionate love to her. Amiboshi tried to shake the thoughts away from his mind, but the ugly, erotic atmosphere that surrounded him along with the loud, jolly crowd in the bar made him sick to his stomach. He noticed a fat, ill-looking man, with white whiskers approach him. He shrunk back as the man pulled him over, rubbing his back affectionately.
"So, lad. You're here for some fun eh? Well, which one will it be?"
He roughly shoved him forward and walked him over to a young girl who was sitting pensively, isolated into a quiet corner.
The man seized the poor girl and shook her, screaming obscenities into her face. She shook her head, refusing to obey him.
"Please kind sir, I am tired...It has been a long day for me. I have served each of my customers faithfully, and I have enough money for the day. So, please. Just let me rest."
"You have a customer you whore! Now I had better see you getting to it, else I'll give you a beating so hard, you won't be able to sit for one week, ya hear?"
Amiboshi felt a rage boiling underneath him. But he still kept his face cool, without a sign showing his anger.
"Sir, Ugh...I don't really want to lay her. I thank you kindly, but I refuse. Besides, I don't have the money." He lied.
"Oh, a wise guy eh? Trying to cheat me now? I'll teach you a thing or two! Now get out of here!"
He threw a punch at the boy but he blocked it quickly and ran away. He would have gotten out if it weren't for Soi. She stood there at the entrance, enjoying her company of men. She laughed out loud, as she made goo-goo eyes at Amiboshi. She was laughing at his inexperience...The man got hold of Amiboshi's shirt and ripped it slightly at the bottom. He slumped the boy against the wall, pushing his tremendous weight on him. Amiboshi yelled in a fit of anger as he tried to free himself. He was able to shove him far away enough so he could squeeze through and run away. Soi pulled him over and whispered into his ear:
"Listen, there will be a time in your life you will have to lay with a woman, so why not now? Give yourself some fun. You don't want to die a virgin now do you?"
"Who said I'm going to die? I promised my brother I'd live! And you may be right Soi...I could lay with a woman and give up my virginity like that, but...you, no matter what you do,...you can never be a virgin again you whore! Now let me go!"
Soi felt a bit hurt, but she ignored the feeling. "Alright." She said simply.
She went over to the owner of the bar and tossed him a coin.
"Hey, here's for the damage that brat over there made."
"Eh. Thanks." He sneered, giving Amiboshi a dirty look.
An upset Amiboshi stood by the door stubbornly with his arms crossed, trying to cover his broken garment and he stuck his pink tongue out at the man.
Soi smacked him playfully. "Come on brat. It's getting late, now let's go. We should arrive at the palace at late night. Ugh! Nakago is going to kill me. We should have been there an hour ago..."
"Hey, it's your fault. You stopped to take the break...not me."
He untied his horse and led him away, grunting and muttering. Soi giggled and gave Amiboshi a warm hug.
"You looked so cute...so innocent back there. A little white ram surrounded by black sheep." Soi commented. Amiboshi blushed and a mischievous smile tugged on his lips. He looked radiant, so beautiful...so pure.
+++
"Well...I guess that's the last of it." Suboshi sighed to himself as he dusted his hands and wiped them against his already dirty orange garment. He stepped back to take one last look at his room and he carefully flung an old sack filled with his possessions. The room now looked so empty, with the exception of his bed and a few drawers. He smiled wryly. "Good-bye room." He said, but as he turned around, he found Tomo.
"And where are you exactly going at such a late hour?" He smirked.
"I suppose you are going to pay me a visit...Isn't that right?" He offered, raising his thin eyebrow.
"Uh...ya. Like only um like I'm not going to like visit you." Suboshi made an exaggerated imitation of Tomo; hand gestures and all.
"No you faggot... He sniffed, Where else do you think I'd want to go? I'm leaving!"
Tomo was enraged. Suboshi had actually dared to insult him! He pushed the boy against him, twisting his arm.
"You made a very big mistake of telling me that, boy. Then again, I always knew you would be foolish enough to do something like that. I guess I was wrong. I'm going to have to keep a watchful eye on you..."
He pressed his face against Suboshi's.
"Unless,...Tomo offered, of course that is only if you agree to sleep with m-"
"Done!" Suboshi answered. "I'll do anything just to be with Aniki again."
"You read my mind boy...You read my mind." Tomo smiled. But as soon as he let go of Suboshi, he ran off as fast as he could. He ran down the stairs swiftly, gracefully not even bothering to watch his step. If he would have been less careless, he wouldn't have tumbled down and hurt his knee. Suboshi got up and winced and slowly examined his would. He pinched the tender flesh and blood gushed out of the cut. He licked his fingers. Blood. So red, so warm. He never liked that sweet, metallic smell of it, yet he felt relieved seeing his own blood scattered on the floor. Suboshi shrugged the cut. He had gotten worse injuries and this one was nothing compared to previous wounds. He forced himself to get up and ignore his wounded knee. He then turned around to gather a few of his possessions that had fell out of his sack when he fell from the stairs. Unfortunately for him, the strings of his sack were tangled up with the horrid, black railing of the stairs. He went frantic when he noticed Tomo coming downstairs and struggled even harder to untangle his sack from the railing. But just when he was able to get the stubborn ropes off, Tomo caught his arm. Suboshi hit him, trying to drive Tomo away from him, but it was useless. He attacked the young man with his feathers, making them lunge out at him, piercing not only the boy's clothing, but his skin as well.
"If it will make it easier for you, I can use this if you want..." He pulled out what looked like a little white clam and opened it gracefully. Suboshi yelled as he covered his face with both his arms when he felt being pulled away into something...
+++
"Huh?" Suboshi found himself in bed, fully clothed and his Aniki sleeping right next to him. He let out a relieved sigh seeing it was only a dream. His brother had not left him, and Tomo was not after him. He had aniki with him now, just like he promised...he would never leave him. He smiled in contentment as he snuggled close to his brother. He was so warm, so loving. He just felt so safe being so close to him. He felt Amiboshi's arm sling over his neck, pulling him closer. His warm breath brushed soothingly against his cheek, and the comforting warmth enveloped his body. Then he felt Amiboshi press his mouth against his firmly. Suboshi responded to the kiss passionately, resting his hands firmly on his brother's face, caressing his smooth cheeks, and tracing his brother's facial features with his fingers. Amiboshi gently broke the kiss as he confessed love to him. Suboshi looked up at his brother's eyes. They were not his own. Amiboshi always had a certain calm, serenity to his eyes and they were warm, but his eyes only reflected lust and an ardent desire for him. Suboshi frowned. When he felt Amiboshi's lips on his mouth again, he pushed him away. Suboshi was disgusted. It was true that both of them had kissed before but, this kiss was brute...it was a malicious kiss. There was no love in it; only lust. Amiboshi wrapped his arms around Suboshi's waist and pulled him closer. Suboshi struggled against his brother's firm grip on him. "This is not aniki..." He thought. "This can't be him." He hit the stranger. "You are not aniki!" he yelled. He pushed him off and he got out of bed. In less than an instant, Amiboshi's body transfigured into what looked like Tomo's. He seized Suboshi. As soon as his back hit the bed, he found himself bound in vines. He moaned as he struggled to free himself before Tomo could even lay a hand on him.
"You know Tomo, there was a time when I used to do this...but not anymore...not now that I realize I am worth it; unlike you!" He broke free and attacked Tomo. "No wonder Aniki was dying to leave...I can almost imagine how you and that fucking asshole Nakago must have done to him! Well now you are going to pay!" Tomo pinned Suboshi down in bed, digging his blood red nails into the boy's wrists, piercing his skin, leaving behind small yet deep scars. Suboshi tried to bite Tomo's hand but he hit him so hard, Tomo actually knocked the boy completely out of his illusion. Suboshi panted furiously and small, beadlike droplets of sweat trickled down his brow. He was afraid. He had gotten an ugly cut on his lower lip. He felt the blood slowly ooze down, leaving a trail of the sweet red liquid. He tried picking himself up from the floor but it was utterly useless. He was wounded and completely spent. He closed his eyes for a second but opened them instantly, reminding himself he had to be on guard. His vision was blurry, but he could make out slightly Tomo's figure approaching him. He went into despair as he felt his hand lift his chin up. He then thought he had heard Tomo say something, but he fainted away into a sudden darkness before he could catch Tomo's last words.
+++
The boy awoke in Tomo's bed. Suboshi found him sleeping soundly next to him. Tomo had undressed him and he had taken the pains of wrapping clean bandages around his head and some parts of his chest. Suboshi honestly never understood Tomo. He was strange in many ways. First he had wanted to lay him, then he gave him one hell of a beating, and before you knew it, he treated him with utmost care...What was going on here?! Suboshi forced himself to get up, but his sore ribs prevented him from even moving an inch. He lay back down, grunting, and mumbling curses under his breath. He ran his moist tongue across his lower lip to feel the cut. It was now healed, and all that was left was nothing but a slightly tangible scar. He chewed on his lip nervously as he threw a quick glance at Tomo. He was awake. Yes, the freak was fully awake. His eyes were half opened, still drowsy from his sleep, but alert. Tomo smiled. "Good morning, Suboshi. How are you feeling?"
"Not so...ugh good....Tomo?"
"Huh?"
"What have you done to me?"
Tomo looked at Suboshi quizzically trying to recall last nights' events and then smiled.
"Don't worry. I haven't eh...how could I put it to you? I haven't "touched" you. Heh! What actually made you think I wanted to do that to you?"
Suboshi cast a few annoyed glances at the ceiling and frowned. "Didn't you just offer me to lay with you last night? And didn't you trap me into one of your erotic illusions, trying to fool me? Listen sicko...If you think I am having some kind of affair with my brother...Well, you are wrong. The closest I have gotten with my brother is kissing. I really don't have any other intentions. Ugh...I do love my brother, Tomo, But not "that" way."
Tomo reached to pinch Suboshi's cheek. "I never said anything about you and your brother having any type of affair."
"Oh yeah? Well, why did you assume that in your illusion? I'm sorry to say this again Tomo, but you are sick..."
"Well, so are you!" Tomo stuck his tongue out playfully. Listen kid, don't criticize. You could end up becoming worse than me."
"Tomo?"
"What?"
"I- I wish to thank you...for what you have done." Suboshi forced himself to say.
"You are welcome Suboshi, and feel free to come up to me if you need anything or is something is bothering you."
"Thanks, but I can manage. I don't need you or anybody." Suboshi responded with a dirty look. He pushed the covers aside, not caring if he exposed himself to Tomo's eyes. He got up and walked around the room, picking up his bloody clothes.
"Tomo? Do you have any clothes you can lend me for a while? Mine are a bloody mess."
Tomo groaned. He got up and searched his closet. He pulled out a large, but pretty clean robe. He tossed it over and Suboshi caught it, examining the cloth carefully while muttering a few thanks. He put it on hurriedly. The sleeves were much to long for him, but he did not care. He simply folded them neatly like his mother had showed him. Black! What an ugly color for him!
+++
Yui walked into the washing room. How she hated laundry! Nakago's maid offered to do it for her, but Yui had always hated having other people do her business for her. She just never got used to it. She dropped her pile of dirty clothing and let out a gasp when she noticed a there was someone in there already. Quickly, she gathered them once more in her arms piece by piece then hid behind a wall and stuck her head out gracefully to see who it was.
"Ugh! Stupid blood stains! Why are they so hard to get off?" She heard the boy mutter. She saw him take a scoopful of water and splash it into an orange tunic, then rub the cloth together. She gathered enough cour-age to go up to him and tap his shoulder.
"What the fuck do you...Oh. I'm sorry."
Yui shrunk back a bit appalled by the young mans' behaviour.
The handsome boy got up to his feet. "I'm sorry miss. May I help you?"
Yui shook her head and shifted the pile of clothes she held in her arms.
"No." She said firmly. "I'm just here to do my laundry."
"Oh. Heh. So am I." He smiled shyly.
"You know...It would dreadfully help if you used soap to remove those stains." Yui pointed out.
He blinked. "Oh...yes soap!" He blushed.
Yui put on a fake smile and nodded, then it slowly turned into a frown. She scowled. "What an idiot!" She whispered.
"I'm sorry, did you say something miss?" He turned his face to Yui as he applied some soap to his orange tunic.
Yui pretended not to hear him and changed the subject.
"So, how did you ever get those nasty stains? She asked while gingerly taking a blouse from the pile and dumping it into the water.
"Oh, you mean these?"
Yui rolled her eyes and let out a sigh indicating annoyance. "I don't see any other clothes stained with blood with the exception of the ones you are holding." She thought.
"Oh, well it's a long story. I don't thing a lovely young lady like you would be interested in listening to it anyway."
"Correction bozo. I would more likely listen to that stupid story than be sitting next to you..." Yui muttered.
The young man let out a groan as he twisted the cloth firmly while the dirty water trickled out. He flung it over his shoulder as he collected his pants and his slippers.
"Listen miss, I'd more than love to keep you company, but my work here is done. Have a nice day." He said as he walked away silently, slamming the door behind him.
"Then if you really do wish to keep me company then why don't you? Because no one loves you, Yui." She thought to herself. She picked up her school skirt and ran her hands over the soft fabric.
"Miaka..." She whispered. She took the cloth, buried her face and wept. She had never felt so alone...
+++
"I'm about to break. This is my fate? Am I still doomed to a life, of misery and hate?"
Chapter Four
Nakago had called for him? Well, this certainly was something new. Never, never had Nakago given so much as damn about him, so what the fuck could he want now? Suboshi thought to himself quietly, but the expression he wore was not at all quiet. It was loud, it was passionate. It portrayed anger. The boy was just so engrossed in his thoughts, he did not notice a kitchen maid running towards him. Poor girl, if only Suboshi would have seen the expression written on her face when it was too late to stop and she ran into him, accidentally. The heavy porcelain tray she had been carrying now lay shattered into tiny bits of the glossy substance. The maid screamed and shook her head, simultaneously pricking her fingers against the sharp edges of the broken teacups. Ruined! It was completely ruined! A startled Suboshi could only wince and cover his face with both his arms as the maid tossed a cup at his direction and demanded he help her clean up the mess. She picked herself up from the floor and dusted herself and then offered a bruised hand to the still trembling Suboshi. He took it graciously and pulled himself up, nearly throwing the maid to the floor once more.
"Thank you." He muttered quietly as he scratched his neck. "Although, he continued, I'm afraid I won't be able to help-"
"Sure you will, you pampered palace brat! You certainly have much more time on your hands than I or any of those maids who work along with me will ever get! Now I had better see you get both your knees on that floor and see your quick little hands help me pick every last piece you see scattered on that floor!"
Suboshi looked down and behind him and let out an astonished gasp of seeing just so many broken bits of china. Gods! Of all days! He cursed under his breath and slowly descended, folding his legs backwards and maybe once in a while cast a few dirty glances at that bad tempered maid. He slammed his hand brutally to the floor and the tiny pieces stuck to his skin, piercing his pale flesh. He let out a little cry but caught himself when the maid looked up to him. He silently pulled the few pieces of china and gathered them neatly on his palm, accommodating them to the center and admitting their lovely shades of blue and orange. The maid hit him sharply, causing them to bounce playfully on his palm.
"You can admire their secret beauty later, but now do what you have to do." She frowned at him sternly.
He smiled sheepishly and continued picking the little bits and scraps of the shattered china. A few kitchen boys poked at Suboshi accusingly and whispered behind his back, snickering foolishly.
"Hey slave! You had better come and clean after me too!" Hollered the elder one as he kicked him, then taking a handful of the pieces of china and tossing it at him
Suboshi just ignored them and continued cleaning up reluctantly. The maid finally "noticed" the boys and shooed them. Suboshi noticed her hand was about to make contact with what seemed to be the tray's pointy handles and opened his jaw to warn her.
'Too late.' He thought as she let out a single shriek of pain.
"Are you okay?" He asked concerningly. He gently unfolded her long fingers one by one, loosening the tight fist she had made to cover the ugly cut on her palm. He has able to peer through just a slit at the savage cut before she shut it tight once more and hit him.
"Oh look whose talking! Since when is Mr. High and mighty so concerned about other people's pain and struggles? Ugh! I only wished we would get as much so even the attention!" She got off the floor and walked away, pressuring the cut and wrapping it about her apron. Suboshi followed her into a tiny room where he saw her soak her hand in fresh water. Suboshi just lay back, heaving himself over so he could sit on top of a large wooden crate and watch the girl. He noticed so many things about her just looking down upon her not as a maid, but as a human being. A girl who had dreams, hopes and fears; just like him...Beauty would have been hers if only so many years of worry and fear wouldn't have made themselves visible through the deep wrinkles on her oily brow. She had a very blunt look to her features. Her red-brown hair was chopped short, and her long bangs were unevenly scattered, all brushed away to one side. She was one of those people you could easily mistake for a boy. Her hands were cracked and dry, a bit callused from all the constant friction and rubbing. Her nails were long, yet uneven. And boy, she had the most horrendous habit of biting her nails when she was nervous, a habit, he guessed, she never broke. She had thin moist lips that maybe once in a while would spread across her face, forming a quiet, sad smile. Suboshi silently watched her drying her hands with her stained apron and slowly loosen the firm knot that held it in place. Her quick and dexterous fingers moved ever so gracefully as she loosened the ugly knot on her apron. She hung the ill-looking threadbare cloth on a little hook by the kitchen door and dusted her hands. She noticed Suboshi siting there dumbfounded and a frown took over her serene features. She opened her mouth to throw a sharp comment to the boy but quickly shut it. She stared at Suboshi rudely, scanning the boys' appearance. Finally, she spoke.
"So skinny, what are you looking at?" The mean young woman spoke hoarsely.
Suboshi realized the comment was directed to him but refused to answer the girls' brute retort. He had nothing to do with this girl anyway, not after she had treated him like if he were some piece of shit and he walked away, simply saying:
"Oh nothing, I was just looking at your horrendously ugly face."
"Wow...You haven't changed one bit, Shunkaku. I'm not surprised at all, having known you and your loser friends for ten long years."
The girl said nothing more. She just stuck her pink tongue at him and slipped outside cursing softly.
Suboshi froze and spun around instantly. "Eri?" He whispered her name softly, saying it over and over again. He ran out the door, calling out her name.
"Eriiii! Eri chaaan!"
Erika turned around swiftly and her heavy skirts swished beautifully. She smiled her sad smile and simply said: "Who would have ever thought we would both someday end up in the same goddamn place?" Suboshi then saw her quiet smile slowly fade away into that ugly scowl she wore. It was not a scowl at all...It was the face both his mother and father had wore for such a long time after going through so much pain, loss and sorrow. It was that same expression he had seen his brother wear whenever he was upset with him, or whenever he was tired. In short, It was the face of a wounded soldier, a soldier who was tired of fighting, tired of war, tired of life's cruel tricks on him. It was the face of surrender...
+++