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| DERBY COUNTY |
| Derby County have been in England's Premier Division for a little while now, and boss Jim Smith knows that he is too old for all this managers lark. "I tried to throw a teacup and I broke my back - it really hurt. There was another time when I fell down the stairs and landed on Seth Johnson, then he called me an ambulance and they put me in to a hospital and my head blew up....twice." Despite all of this stress on the manager, the team are actually total SHITE. They used to be good when they had Dean Sturridge - the man who wanted to be the next Ian Wright, until he saw that 'Chicken Tonight' advert. "I was gutted" said the outspoken Sturridge "I felt like my own superhero was betraying me - like a little kid watching He-Man buy Robot-porn. I don't know why he did it, maybe he needed the money. I tried 'Chicken Tonight', just out of curiousity you understand, and it doesn't even taste like chicken." Derby County are shite, and PREMIER LEAGUE PREDICTIONS say that they will finish in 19th place. |
| STAR PLAYERS |
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| TARIBO WEST "I am not the devil!" claims Taribo West, Nigerian Hero "I am a Baron Samedi, which is kind of the same thing but VOODOO." West has been kicked out of many clubs, as chairmen and managers alike think that he is evil and blasphemus. Luckily for West, his new manager Jim Smith is old and senile and can't sense his obvious macabre presence. "I have been sent from hell" continued West "to collect the souls of insane people, like Jim Smith. Until my green horns are removed, I will always work for Satan, even if the wages aren't as good as Derby Countys." |
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| GEORGE KINKLADZE George Kinkladze is famous for being one of footballs most skillful talents. He can run around every single player in the premier league (except for Richard Rufus), but doesn't like to every week. "It gets a bit boring you know" explains George "Its like playing a computer on two player mode, but have only one person playing it so one team aren't moving. Sure, the crowd like it when you run around another player, but the crowd are the scum of the earth if you ask me." George usually finds the time to score at least one good goal a year, so at least Derby fans can look forward to the goal of the season bit on Match of the Day. |
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| CRAIG BURLEY Craig Burley is the Derby Club captain, and says he loves the responsibilty of the job. "I love the responsibility of the job" screamed Craig "I get to tell everyone what to do, especially Jim Smith. I told Mart Poom, who I've nicknamed Mart PooPoo pants, to eat my shit, and he did. I also told Jim Smith to shag my Grandma, and he did, and my Grandma liked it a lot. Jim Smith is fat, he is stupid and he stinks of shit. I am the captain, so I get to choose what music they play when the players run on the field, I always choose 'Welcome to the Jungle' by Guns 'n Roses - Slash says 'Fuck' 500 times in that song, its brilliant. |
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