How dare she say those things to me? I stare down at the Vogue magazines gracing my coffee table. They've brought thoughts of Gia to mind and I'm getting increasingly angry, forgetting all about the Saturday Night Live episode on my TV screen. We've not spoken for three and a half weeks and I can't see it being resolved any time soon. So instead of being out doing something like drinking myself into a stupor or slipping a fifty dollar bill into the thong of a table top dancer I'm sitting here getting depressed because I haven't spoken to a certain girl that, may I add, I don't particularly want to speak to.

I get up and walk into the kitchen and turn on the percolator. I sigh, maybe this has something to do with my inability to fall asleep. This is ridiculous. Why can't I just forget about this? I've always been like this. I hate having people mad at me. It just niggles away at me. I hate people not liking me, although I guess me being me it's a bit difficult. Most people just hate me cause they think I'm a girl in disguise of a guy. But even that's easy to deal with because that's completely impersonal, they don't know me and I don't know them so I don't have a direct link with them. This horrible "they're mad at me" feeling only occurs with people I know and respect. So when I have a "tiff" with someone I usually ring him or her up in an hour, sort it all out and just forget about it. This time though it's different. Over the past few weeks I've tried to figure out what it is but haven't come up with any good reason. Yesterday morning though I was thinking and I came up with a revelation: I'm just too honest with Gia. Normally I can sit there and apologise even though I know I'm not in the wrong, but I'll apologise just to keep the peace. With Gia I'm too honest - I can't lie and say I'm sorry because I've never lied to Gia. With Gia I can't apologise because I think while we've both said some really hurtful things I'm not quite sorry for. I also can't apologise because I'm not sorry for them and because I feel guilty for not feeling sorry for them.

I pour my mug of coffee, grab some Stella D'oro biscuits and plonk myself down in front of the TV again. I try to concentrate on the skit involving some politician or other but now that I've started myself on this train of thought I just can't stop. All I see in my head is Gia accusing me of becoming a male slut. I have not. I'm just enjoying myself! Seriously, I'm twenty-two: when else am I going to do this? When I have a wife and kids? I think not... What's wrong with enjoying the act of sex? Or flirting with a gorgeous girl? I bite my lip as what I said to her pops up in my head. I accused her of being frigid and just cause she doesn't get any action she doesn't need to be bitter. Uh-oh. A lump builds in my throat. Maybe that was a bit uncalled for.

I hate not talking to her though. The other day Zac rang and told me that Mack has a girlfriend and since I have no family to grin about it with I want desperately to tell Gia since she's the only person in this God-forsaken city who actually knows Mack. I want to tell her how depressed I am (even though it's a result of this not talking business...) She's my best friend and I miss even our small talk, our inane chatter, our constant bickering about whether pineapple actually belongs on a pizza.

I can't even a situation where we're going to meet up. There just won't be a chance where we'll bump into each other. So it's going to be a battle of the wills: who is more stubborn. Which is not good because if I know Gia she won't back down and I sure as hell am not. So...what happens now?