Karyn's Story
My name is Karyn and I�m twenty years old, when I was nineteen I experienced an unplanned pregnancy. I was dating someone who wasn�t divorced just separated but told me his intentions were to get a divorce and then marry me. He had two children with his wife and after a few months of dating he decided that he needed to stick with his marriage for his children�s sake. I thought this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I was very much in love with him. A week after he broke up with me I found out I was pregnant with his baby. He begged and pleaded with me to get an abortion, at times I really considered it. I loved the baby because it�s a natural reaction and I loved it even more because it was his but at the same time I loved him and wanted to make him happy. He was only 22 with two kids already and was telling me how he wasn�t going to be able to provide a good life for my baby and that his other two children (who I adored) would suffer as well because his money would be going to the new baby as well. He tried every guilt trip in the book. He promised me that one day no matter what, one day his kids would be old enough to handle a divorce and one day we would be together again and that if I had the baby and people found out about us that we would never have a chance of being together again. Once I started telling important people in my life and seeking support from others it was a lot easier to stand up against him and tell him that I was KEEPING MY BABY whether he liked it or not. It was extremely hard knowing that it was hurting him and having him talk about how he wanted to take his life because after everyone found out he was going to lose everything. But I realized that wasn�t my problem or responsibility, my responsibility was to do what was best for my little girl. Once everyone found out including his wife, life started to get really stressful. He started making threats that his wife and him were going to fight me for custody and raise MY baby because they were married and I wasn�t something stupid along those lines. I truly believe in my heart that they would have never gained custody but it was still really hard to deal with it all. I also had him constantly pressuring me to give the baby up for adoption. First it was abortion, then adoption, then he wanted custody. He didn�t want me to have this baby and used whatever he could to scare and dissuade me from keeping the baby and holding him accountable. I ended up moving two hours away from my home town so that I would be able to cope better. I had lost the majority of my friends because we both went to the same church and it was a really bad scandal, and because I was the �homewrecker� in everyone�s eyes I was pretty much shunned and given the dirty looks whenever I saw anyone from the congregation so it was time for a new start. Things were going really well for awhile, I was having no contact with the baby�s father and he was doing his thing trying to make his marriage work and I was doing mine. In early February though I started having really bad pains in my stomach and the Dr�s told me it was just my uterus stretching and to not worry unless there was any blood, so I didn�t. They kept happening so I made an appointment to go to the OB and when I did they couldn�t find the heartbeat so they did a level two ultrasound and discovered that my daughter�s umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and she had died. It was extremely hard because I had grown very attached to my daughter and loved feeling her kick and move. It was also hard because it felt like my ex had won. He got what he wanted. He called me when he found out I was in the hospital but I couldn�t handle talking to him at the time because I was so upset, I tried emailing him later and all I got was a I�m sorry for what happened but it�s best that we don�t communicate ever again email and that was the last time we communicated. Reading what I have just wrote is extremely sad and I don�t mean to upset anyone by it. But I will say I am so glad that I didn�t have an abortion, I was able to feel her move, and kick. I was able to hold her and see what she looked like, I didn�t have to wonder what she looked like or whether she was a boy or a girl, I got to know and I got to love her. I don�t have the guilt of an abortion, I still had suffering but I would never trade it in because I gained so much. I got to love my daughter, I found out who were my friends and who weren�t, I found inner strength I never knew I had, I found out my ex wasn�t as perfect as I thought, and I made a lot of friends.
Karyn
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