Kelsey's Story
I got an abortion on Feb. 1, 2001. I had been with my boyfriend for 2 years. In January of 2001 we broke up... a few days later I found out I was pregnant. At the time we were still talking and "working" on getting back together. Then I told him, he freaked out and said it would ruin his life, blah, blah, blah. He was 26 years old, not 18.. but he was acting like he was 18. I was 23, almost 24. FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER all I've wanted out of life is a beautiful family and wonderful kids. I was talking about kids to my friends when I was 14 and they were all looking at me like I was crazy! Now ALL of my friends are having their 2nd, 3rd kids... and I'm still left with the memory of what could have been. My ex-boyfriend flew to Texas to "clear his head" a couple days before I was scheduled to have the abortion. He was a complete selfish jackass, which is a side of him I had NEVER seen before. I was always the envy of all my friends cause I had "one of the good ones". At first I felt relief,.. it's finally over. A month or so later I started feeling a little regret, and now more than a year later I feel tremendous regret, guilt, and pain. Everyone month I think to myself, "the baby would have been 6 months" ..."7 months"... "8 months".. and so on. I think when I'm 55 I'll still be doing it, "the baby would have been 31"..
Well, about 2 months after the abortion, in April of 2001 my boyfriend and I got back together. He's apologized profusely, and he really is a wonderful man. We now plan on getting married and he tells me he regrets it so much. But sometimes I let the resentment slip out. I did today. A friend of mine called me to tell me she was pregnant with her 2nd child. Another friend of mine just found out she was pregnant last month. I try to be happy for them, but all I feel is the awful jealousy.I cried a lot today. I haven't cried about the abortion in months. I would do anything to go back in time and change my decisions. I'm not saying that abortion is wrong, I am very much PRO CHOICE. I just think it was the wrong decision for me.I am truly paying the price for what I've done, and it's a pain that hurts worse than anything I can imagine. Maybe someday I will come to terms with what I've done.. but I doubt it. For the rest of my life I'm destined to wonder what could have been and yearn for the baby I selfishly had ripped out of my body and never gave a chance.
Kelsey |
