My First Impression

By B. Lynn Shahan

It was almost midnight when I awoke, startled. I thought to myself, "I was sleeping on my stomach, that can't be, for I am pregnant with twins." Slowly, partial reality came to me. I was in a hospital room . . . no longer pregnant. Next, I found myself wandering the hall; my husband awakens and follows after me. "Where are my babies? I must see my babies," I sobbed. A kind nurse sat me down and began to explain it all to me again, as if it was the first time. My babies had been born at 5:06PM that evening, 24 weeks and five days gestation. At that point, it all came back to me. I began to cry even harder, remembering the tiny little bodies I had seen earlier. Until now, it had all seemed like a terrible nightmare, but it was--reality. The nurse said to my husband and me, "Go see you babies. Right now you need them as much as they need you." A journey through some double doors led us right to the NICU. We remained with our little ones until 3:00AM.

These doctors and nurses would become an extended family in what would be our home for the next four months. I will say that nothing can prepare you for the overwhelming effects of the NICU. We describe it, as a world all of its own; one that you never know exists, unless your life takes you there."

That first night, I looked up at all the machines, followed by all the wires and tubes that lead me down to my little babies. I zeroed in on their belly buttons, where tubes and lines were entering into their bodies. It came to me at that time; this was now their lifeline. This was the work of a "mechanical mommy" who was filling in where my body left off. "This was a good thing," I told myself,and at that point the intimidation of it all began to cease.

The atmosphere of the NICU is horrible, and I would not wish anyone to have to experience it. But today, as I look at my 3-year-old twins, Austin and Ashli, I continue to thank God. For my husband and I gave them life, but it is HE and the knowledge and skill of the NICU that allows them to be with me now . . .

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Copyright January 11, 1996 Lynn Shahan. The text and orginial story content of this page is not to be copied and is prohibited by law. This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page

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