The Institutions of God

Part I: Marriage

Part A: Preparation

Part 4: Behold the Pattern

Part c: Imperfect Examples

Part (2): Statistics, Male

 

The United States government no longer tracks individual marriages and their outcomes. This is an alarming fact. It is alarming because it shows that divorce is so common, it is now too difficult to maintain these statistics. It is alarming because so many divorcees get �remarried� that to track just 2 people out of the three hundred million in this nation would require four, six, or even more files just for that pair; in over half of the cases.

 

By one reckoning, the divorce rate in 1966 was 26 percent. By the same reckoning, in 1976 (just one decade later) the divorce rate had skyrocketed to 51%. That reckoning is slightly skewed, as the average marriage that ends in divorce lasts 7 years. When this average is included, the rate becomes 47%; again for 1976, the last year for which at least semi-accurate statistics can be gathered. Either way, 51% or 47%, that is a tremendous number of people who refuse to acknowledge the design of their Maker; one man � for one woman � for life. It is worth noting, this is the decade after the counter culture revolution, Benjamin Spock, Madeline Murray O�Hare, the NOW, and the ERA.

 

This picture is pretty bleak. However, it includes everybody, religious and non-religious alike. Near the end of 2006, I polled nearly 400 contacts on the status of their marriage. Not nearly that many responded. Thus, the statistical pool for this study is extremely small, and not scientific in any way. I cannot even pretend to give you a margin of error. Also, since most of my contacts are at least interested in religion, if they are not Christians already, these numbers are heavily skewed. Additionally, I am a theologian, not a mathematician. It is not only possible, but highly likely, that I made some mistakes with these factors, though in principle, they are generally correct. Today, I want to look at these results, and see what we can learn from others; both their successes and mistakes.

 

To begin, I needed to separate the responses into male and female desires, as males and females think differently. We are different, regardless of what the ERA and NOW proponents say. God programmed us to want different things, based upon the distinct roles He had in mind for us from the creation. In our last lesson, we examined female responses. Gentlemen, now it is your turn.

 

This lesson will differ from that delineating the female statistics. Of all the men responding to my poll, only one was divorced. Moreover, in this instance, the wife left, and the husband yet wants to remain married. You men are to be commended for your dedication; both to your wives and to God. With this dedication, the most this lesson can show is what successful, marriage-minded men seek. This will allow unmarried women and men alike to better plan their lives in the area of choosing mates.

 

After looking at the percentages of the responses, we will be able to conclude our series on marriage.

 

Of the responding men, these are the percentages of qualities sought, by first responses:

 

�       Christians seeking Christians � 31.25%

�       Denominationalists seeking any Denominationalist � 18.75%

�       Denominationalists seeking their own Denomination � 6.25%

�       Seeking Honesty � 6.25%

�       Seeking a Loving Person � 6.25%

�       Seeking a Trustworthy Person � 6.25%

�       Seeking a Companion or Friend � 6.25%

�       Seeking Kindness � 6.25%

�       Seeking Communication � 6.25%

�       Seeking to Know Someone for a Long Time � 6.25%

�       Seeking Responsibility � 6.25%

�       Seeking Moral Compatibility � 6.25%

 

Of the responding men, these are the percentages of qualities sought, by second responses:

 

�       Seeking Loyalty � 12.5%

�       Seeking a Sense of Humor � 12.5%

�       Seeking a �Keeper at Home� � 12.5%

�       Seeking Moral Compatibility � 12.5%

�       Denominationalists Seeking the Same Denomination � 6.25%

�       Denominationalists Seeking any Denomination � 6.25%

�       Seeking Honesty � 6.25%

�       Seeking Obedience � 6.25%

�       Seeking a Good Personality � 6.25%

�       Seeking a Child of a Preacher � 6.25%

�       Seeking someone Moderate � 6.25%

�       Seeking Communication � 6.25%

 

Let us once again remember, these were sought in successful marriages. It is only logical to conclude that the more of these traits a woman has, the more likely her marriage will be successful.

 

Moreover, with the exceptions of seeking denominationalists (of which Jesus knew nothing), humor (Ephesians 5:3-5), and the �Preacher�s Kid,� each of these qualities is something Jesus sought in His bride; the church. Before we finish our lesson, let me prove this statement to you.

 

Christians are the church (His bride), and the church is composed solely of Christians. When we marry, we become one flesh, according to Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5-6, Mark 10:8, and Ephesians 5:31. Paul further defines this in 1^st Corinthians 7:4: my body is now my wife�s body, and my wife�s body is now my body. Religiously speaking, there is only one body: Christ is not a polygamist (Ephesians 4:4). This body is the church according to Colossians 1:18. Just as my wife wears my name after becoming part of my body (she became a Howard), so does Christ�s bride (the church) wear His name collectively according to Romans 16:16, and individually according to Acts 11:26. Those wives who �choose� to not wear the name of their husband after they marry are thumbing their noses at God�s design. Likewise, those who would be Christ�s bride, yet want to keep wearing the name of another man (or the named teachings of another man), thumb their noses at Christ�s plan.

 

�       Christ wants Honesty in His Bride � Ephesians 4:28 and Revelation 21:8

�       Christ wants a Bride that Loves Him � John 14:15 and John 15:10

�       Christ wants His Bride to love both Him and others � John 14:15 and Galatians 6:10

�       Christ wants Trust from His Bride � Ephesians 1:12-13

�       Christ wants His Bride to be His Friend � John 15:15

�       Christ wants us to Walk with Him, or be His Companions � Revelation 1:9

�       Christ wants us to be Kind � Matthew 7:12 and Luke 6:35

�       Christ wants to Know us, and for us to Know Him � Matthew 13:1, John 8:32, and John 14:6

�       Christ wants us to be Responsible (good stewards) � 1^st Corinthians 4:1

�       Christ wants us to have good Morals (do right) � 1^st Peter 3:12

�       Christ wants us to be Loyal and Faithful to Him � Matthew 25:21 and Revelation 2:10

�       Christ wants us to be Obedient to Him � Acts 6:7, Titus 2:5, Acts 5:29-32, and Hebrews 5:9 (so much for the idea that Christians have to do nothing)

�       Christ wants us to have a good Personality (get along with others) � 1^st Thessalonians 5:13 and Romans 12:18

�       Christ wants us to be Moderate � Philippians 4:5

�       Christ wants us to Communicate with Him � Matthew 6:7, Colossians 4:2, and 1^st Thessalonians 5:17

 

Last, but not least, since it will not fit into a bullet styled point, Christ wants us to be �Keepers at Home.� Let�s look at what this entails in a physical marriage, and we will see that it fits nicely with what the church is supposed to do.

 

Titus 2:5, �To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.�

 

The Greek for the phrase, �keepers at home,� is the compound word, �οἰκουρός.� Pronounced oy-koo-ros', literally, it means a guardian of the home. This includes domestic activities (e.g., housekeeping), but it involves much more.

 

Lois and Eunice were �keepers at home,� and look at the result:

 

2^nd Timothy 1:5, �When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also.�

 

Part of being a good wife is teaching the children the truth about God. For the church to be a good wife of Christ, we must teach newcomers and �babes� in Christ the truth about God.

 

In our instruction, we free Christ from the responsibility, and allow Him to be about the business of saving us as we learn and obey the truth.

 

So far in these nine lessons, we have learned much on how to prepare for marriage. In our next lesson, our focus will shift to maintaining and sustaining marriage. Let us summarize our preparation, and the lesson will be yours.

 

God created both men and women. He created them differently. Each requires different things to make them complete. He made the woman for the man. He did not make another man for the man. Likewise, He did not create the woman for another woman. The idea that some are born wanting another of their own sex is a myth; propagated by science, falsely so called. God has listed such as a sin that will keep us out of Heaven (1^st Corinthians 6:9), and a perversion against nature (Romans 1:26-27).

 

We learned that the union between a man and a woman is supposed to last for the lifetime of both parties. God hates divorce. Additionally, what makes a marriage in the eyes of God consists of our actions and attitudes towards another; not a piece of paper.

 

We examined some basic character traits of both men and women; both good and bad. We learned that we must teach our children how to prepare their lives for the eventuality of marriage.

 

We examined some Biblical examples of successful and unsuccessful marriages of both men and women. We culminated this thought by looking at the perfect ideal for marriage; Christ and His church.

 

Lastly, we looked at some statistics, from both male and female perspectives, and what people sought in their spouses. We learned that people with spiritual goals have a good likelihood of a successful marriage; better than the national average. Those who seek people of equal beliefs have an even better likelihood. Those who are Christians and seek Christians have the best likelihood for success in their marriages.

 

Nevertheless, it takes work; even among Christians. We saw that there are times when even these marriages fail. The key is compromise. While we do not have the liberty to compromise on doctrine (if we are in agreement with the Bible), there is much we can do differently to reduce strife.

 

We have the freedom to choose where we live. If living in one place will cause strife between a husband and wife, it is best to pick another spot.

 

We have freedom to choose how we will spend our money. If one person wants to spend while the other saves, there is a happy medium.

 

From the kind of car we drive, to the way we decorate and dress, there are many choices we can make as compromise, as long as doing so does not remove our status as Christians.

 

It is commonly said that marriage is a 50-50 proposition. I disagree. You must approach it, willing to give 100%; from both sides.

 

Above all, make sure that you love your spouse enough that you will do anything you can to have them join you in Heaven.

 

Since we found that Christians are more likely to have successful marriages, and it is obvious that you are interested in Christianity by your very presence, it will behoove us to see what God said about how to be a Christian: how to get to Heaven.

 

Matthew 11:15, �He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.�

 

John 8:24, �I said therefore unto you, that ye shall die in your sins: for if ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins.�

 

Luke 13:3, �I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.�

 

Matthew 10:32, �Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.�

Mark 16:16, �He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.�

Revelation 2:10, �Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried; and ye shall have tribulation ten days; be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life.�

 

Anyone who says more than this is not to be believed. Doing so endangers your soul. Anyone who denies any part or parts of this is not to be believed. Doing so keeps you from being saved. Doing so keeps you from being part of the Bride of Christ. Doing so eliminates at least part of your example on how to have the best marriage, and consequently the best life you can have on earth. Will you not come to Jesus today, as we sing?