THE NUTSHELL VERSION
As a partaker of drugs and alcohol since pre-adolescence, it was a bit surprising that, now in my thirties, God was revealing His existence to me and even cared about me. Perhaps, more accurately, I was now "hearing" Him call.
From the pages of a lay-level book about "Chaos Theory" the truth was revealed that there is undeniable order at the most infintesimal levels of understanding in physics. Mind you, this was a secular publication, and not a creation-oriented work.
God's hand of provision reached-out to provide me a means of leaving the place I knew as "home", as well as a way to depart from the foggy lifestyle of a "stoner".
Though I had not yet accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, He was already trying to show me some lessons about people and love, and life and society.
I had looked at a few verses of Scripture before, but had decided to finally read the Bible in its entirety. It was while undertaking this that the Lord used the most unseemly person to draw me into fellowship. A Wednesday night service was the first time I'd set foot in a church in over a decade.Passing through the sanctuary after dekivering a niece to youth serivces, the pastor's sermone caught my ear so I sat down to listen.
The combination of Bible reading, (which I had begun in order to determine if it contained the contradictions often attributed it by non-believers) and acquaintance with the pastor and others showed me God's love, grace and truth.
With-in a couple of months I was asking Jesus into my heart!!! HALLELUJAH!!!
Since that time the Lord has guided and provided many lessons and blessings, the greatest of them is His expression of love for me through Karen, who He brought to be my wife.
Below...by clicking on the Banner...you can read more of God's wonderful Grace and Glory that I have had the Blessing to be a part of....
I grew up in a rural town outside of Phoenix which is now a major upscale suburb. Went to public schools and learned all the stuff they taught about how it all started. Didn't do all the homework, and I was absent a lot. But I absorbed the material well and usually just passed by getting high scores on tests and finals,(without cheating).
The family went to R-Catholic church regularly while dad was alive. Not that he was a pillar of Christian virtue by any means, and we weren't raised on Scripture by him or mom. After dad left, mom didn't stress church because her mother had been oppressive with religion and mom didn't want to do the same to us.
I'm the youngest of my family with 5+ years to my next brother and the male roll-models in my adolescence were basically "hippies" so it's no wonder that I started getting high while still in elementary school, and learning a lot of new-age philosophy in my most impressionable years. The school I attended was even teaching "creative visualization" to my 4th grade class.
So I grew up on P.B.S. "Nova" & "Cosmos" and pot, coke, LSD and all manner of alcohol and porn too. Used to spend a lot of time doin' bong hits and building stuff with my LEGOs, spaceships before they had all the wings and Star Wars stuff they have now. Tried some tech-school a couple years after leaving high school with my GED because I wanted to learn CADD so I could go to work @ LEGO and design new pieces and set and such. Left for a road trip with a friend and never went back to finish.
Spent my 20s cooking, mostly, and partying more. I always liked science though and read Smithsonian and National Geographic and Scientific American. So I was ready with all the "right " answers when some Christians Jehovah's witnesses would start talking about God and creation.
Fast forward to my early 30s. I was driving a cab on the night shift which could be a scary thing I suppose. One night I was taking a fare to one of the casinos on a reservation and we were talking about how dangerous it could be carrying cash in wee-small hours, and I was saying that I pretty-much got along with people and just followed the "golden rule". At that very moment the most brilliant, bright ,spectral, longest-tailed meteor I have ever seen shot through the wide night sky in the same direction we were driving on I-10. It looked like a cosmic EXCLAIMATION POINT to my statement about doing unto others. The passenger, seated in the back had not seen it, though. Another fare had been taking classes to read tarot cards at a local new-age store/study shop. She was a regular of the owner/operator I was driving for and one night, upon reaching her destination she asked if I'd like a reading so I said sure. She was astonished at my cards, saying that it was the first she knew of the THREE most powerful spirit cards appearing in one read, and that someone was trying to get my attention. Another fare was an engineer at a local Intel plant and we got to talking about physics en-route, and arriving at his destination he had me wait while he ran inside to get a book for me. He thought I had a sound intellect and presented me with "Chaos", a book about the theories rising out of the observations of fluid dynamics, non-linear and seemingly chaotic systems, and the attempts to model and forecast weather.
It was while reading this book and arriving at the understanding that there are no chaotic systems in the universe, (with the exception of human interactions, in my opinion,) that my jaw went slack and I looked upward now certain in the fact that God does exist!!!
I still don't know Him at this point.
Not long after that an opportunity to take a "leap of faith" was presented in helping some friends who had bought a house here in N.Georgia move all their stuff from Az. So I loaded a bunch of my stuff with theirs and we jumped into their Kenworth and drove east. I didn't know what I was going to do when I got here or even if I'd stay. We arrived and unloaded the trailer and while my step-sis hit the road, Earl and I got about setting the house in order. (they both drove the same rig but not as a team, they slip-seated.)
While they were on the road I was to watch over their daughter who was a "problem child".
Having too much time and not enough to read is a bad thing .
So, I picked up a Reader's Digest Condensed Bible that had come with us from Az. and began at the Beginning.
Soon enough the trouble-teen got into more and received a major grounding, with the only exception being church and church-related things. Well some friends of hers had invited her to the wednesday night youth meeting at a local church, but I would need to transport her to and fro.
So the first night we drive to the church, I decide to go in and check on what time they'd wrap up so I could return to collect the kid, as I didn't plan on staying till they were done. We had to go though the sanctuary to get to the youth ministry room, and the adults were there, maybe 2 dozen or so. After checking with the youth pastor, I started out and as i was passing back through the adult meeting in the sanctuary i hear the pastor saying, "Can an agnostic go to heaven when he dies?"... That caught my ear, having certainly arrived at the conclusion that God is, but not at WHO He is. So i slowed my departure and found myself sitting in the back of the mostly empty room, listening to the message pastor Greg was giving. At one point, quite conspicuous a new face in the house, Greg introduced himself from the pulpit and inquired of my name and how i came to be there. He didn't press, just continued with the message and shared testimony of having dealt dope and other vile things before finding Christ.
At this point, i've been clean of drugs and pot for the better part of a year, but i still drank, sometimes heavily.
I had never really heard the Gospel before, or a testimony, but i stayed and listened. After the adult meeting closed, Greg and some of the other men introduced themselves and welcomed me. You see, i had only been here for about six months and i don't look like a typical local. I was surprised at the warmth and , grace i suppose, of these men who this "california yankee, hippie" would have thought to be exclusivistic rednecks. Inquries of need and offers of help and tutelage were made by most of them, and the desire to see me again earnestly expressed.
My religious experiences prior to this were limited to a child's fight to maintain consciuosness through a RCC sermon, or the "turn or burn" preaching of the televangelists as i flipped through channels looking for something better to watch. But these people really seemed to love this stranger in a strange land, and truly open their hearts and doors to wretched Matthew about whom they yet knew virtually nothing.
Over the next few weeks ,as time allowed, i would go to the church and enquire of Greg regarding the things of God and spiritual matters, and even my education in evolution, for which he was well armed in the apologetics of Creation. Presenting me with sources for information on the dubious nature of the conclusions presented in mainstream "science". I also continued reading the Bible i had available, listing any questions or clairifications to present to Greg or another at the first opportunity. I was also attending the wed. & sun. night meetings, being too shy around new groups to go sun. a.m.
Then, a couple of months after that first visit, in a wed. nite service, i don't even recall the message that night, a... how to describe it ... an urgent, gentle pulling around my heart, as though the hand of God was reaching into my chest and gingerly drawing, coaxing at me to answer the alter call. Truely i resisted, not sure why, i just didn't know what to do if i went foreward. After the service closed, while people were milling about i went to Greg and told him i wanted to give my life to Jesus, that i now believe Jesus is the Son of God, the sacrifice for my sins and that i need Him in my life. Actually i just told him that i needed to get saved that night, and the rest came through the wracking sobs of my confession, after he had announced to the room my intent, and the men present gathered round to pray and hug my neck. So much for doing it quietly and not making a scene.
It has been about nine years since that night, in which time i've grown, leaned, served, stumbled, fallen mightily, and been lifted again.
God has blessed me much, such as i am. Has every waking moment or every drawn breath since been to the honor and glory of Christ Jesus? No. Is my life the careless wreck it was before? Praise God, NO!!! Does He still have work for me here? Glory to God, Yes!!!
Brothers and sisters, my apologies for the "not in a nutshell" version. This only covers arriving in the adoption. There is more to testify of and give thanks for, but that will come another time.
"When I was a child, I spake as a child,I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." 1 Cor. 13:11
Saints, I didn't become a man until I met the man,Jesus the Christ, in the hearts of men who barely knew me.
God bless!!! Yours, in Christ;
Matthew
