it escapes most peoples attention, but not all goblins are nasty.  there is for instance a rather friendly old goblin potty training jedi on a planet not too far away in space and time.  dawn is one such goblin.   she has been picking blueberrys and turnips this morning, and as we pick up her story, she is frolicking back to town to cook a lunchen of turnip and blueberry surprise.
"eyy no! spare me pleaseee"
"foul vermin,   thee and thy kind have plauged this kingdom for far too long!    raaaaa!"
her head skips lightly from her shoulders and her basket of blueberrys scatters across the dusty bridleway.  Sir sigmund, the hero of our tale stoops casually to retrive the head and sample a number of the invitingly ripe blueberrys.  with a dozen heads already collected , fully twice his daily average he decides to head back early and get a headstart on the drinking.  he whistles to his faithful dog, savager, and clomps back to the city. 

for three weeks now sir sigmund had been living well in the employ of the mayor of our fine city as an exterminator of the local goblin and ratman population..  one goblin tradesman by the name of crabnose had devlepoed a particular frustration with him after having lost his entire harum when the sneaky human had staged an ambush on his wormroot caravan.  Sigmund had lured the guards into the woods by hireing a cocky lad to throw egs at them..  that lad was later found hanging from his nose to a tree.. then slipped into the caravan from the other side and masacared the wenches. he seemd only to kill females unless forced into fair combat and that had driven the local whore price through the roof.  a sum that crabnose was certianly loath to pay. 
"so 'eres me deal, sellsword" crabnose cordially addressed snatchsnatch, the most notorius (and wreckless) goblin thug in all of the hills "times is hard for me todays..  if you is wanting your wormsroot then you is having to kill the humon..  but i wills give you me 50 golds sparklies"
snatchsnatch..   an enthusiasticly agreeable sort agreed with a jaw jaring nod,  snatched at the 50 gold sparklies and marteched off towards the humons..  guglug and yeep, his partners, briskly followed.

Derek was a particularly fat man and had decided to take up running.  he had been made aware soem days eairler that it would make him slim and more apealing to the oppsite sex.  without a very demanding carea in the penny shining department of monney changing office, or much interest from the opsite sex, Derek had been convinced by his mother to sink a significant amount of time into sadistically running in circles for hour upon hour.   todays rout took him out of the city, down to the pond and back to the city.  a twenty minute journy for which he alowed himself the whole day incase he decided to take a rest..  perhaps a nap on the pondside.

what you must understand about yeep is that he was never as psycopathically straight forward as his two associates..  leaning towards the cowardly goblin steryotype, he is somewhat averse to walking into a well guarded humon city and waving his sword untill the right man falls dead.  this is why he encouraged the small group to a stop some 300 meters outside the city and asked in his quick yet wheezing little voice
"so whats the plan, boss?"
snatchsnatch, as yet without a plan, scratched at his nose.  guglug, the wizard of the troup was more enterpriseing
"i haves a plan!  follows meee"
they stayed still for a good half hour..  each privatly contemplating what guglugs plan might be; untill a fatman with a fishingrod stroled leasurly past.
"whack hims!" shreched guglug and he jumped out of the foliage and pointed his magical finger. there was a ring to his voice that might lead one to belive he really did have a plan but Derek, plan ot no, was not at all happy at the idea of being whacked. he dropped his fishing rod and ran for his dear life..  sadly he was still only a short way through his get fit quick scheme..  he buckled over to grasp at the stich quickly taking hold in his side which gave him the angle to see through his legs the quickly moving form of snatchsnatch diving at the his leg dagger in hand.  snatchsnatch was quick to slice open the fatmans heel and then plunge his rusting saber into the bulbouse belly.  Derek whailed in agony..  cursed that he had never taken his exercises seriously enonug..  then realising that he was in his last seconds of conciouse though searched for some more seriouse complaint to complaine about.  snatchsnatch poked derek in the head before he found any particular grumble that deserved his last words.
"now we opens him up and take out all the yummy bits inside" instructed guglug with an air of confedance "yous have got to snap all the boneies at the front and scoop out all the mush in the head becaurse we is going to hides in him tummeys and dont want the musheys dripping on our 'eads" guglug, between issueing lofty.. undoubtadly unhelpfull pointers was flicking through his spell book trying to devise a way to get the fat man to walk once the three where inside.  he appertntly suceded becaurse a short time later, the 3 where snugly inside the Derek, yeep taking occasional glances through the fat mans open mouth.  the city guards passivly waved them through the gates; and Derek wobbled mechanically on in

Savager the dog, brawn and often brain behind many of Sir Sigmund's goblin raids, was chained to a table leg stareing vacently into the fire pit.  the fire had long since burnt low and now the embers throbbed in a manner that particuarly amuses dogs of savagers calibur.  he casually noted that his novel master was being helped up the stairs to bed..  still recounting to the barkeep todays heroic slaying of a goblin witch and her army of man eating turnips.  little did he know, three of the reigons most dangerouse goblin thugs where laying in cunning ambush under his bed. 

guglug he had eatern four foot of fish filled intesting on the journey over..  he was now sleeping tightly and snoreing gentely