"Ha Maharashtra Maajha? You Bet!

Jerry Pinto, Bombay Times, Times of India, Bombay edition, Monday, 24th November 2003. Re-Edited by P.J.M.
How much bhel puri must you eat to be considered a local?


Before leaving home, I peeked into the mirror: "Do I look Bihari? I wondered. Confronted with a mob, would I be able to convince them that I am a son of the soil? Perhaps I should carry my ration card, my domicile certificate, my passport and voter ID with me.

Perhaps I should wave a copy of the Constitution at them with Article 15 (Prohibition of discrimination on grounds of religion, race, caste, sex or place of birth) and Article 19e (the right to move freely throughout the territory of India) in their faces. Perhaps I should protest that though my name is Goan, Mee Mumbaikar since I was born here, educated here and have eaten my fair share of bhel puri, a dish thoroughly identified with Bombay but which has been brought here by migrant Bihari workers?

Perhaps I should point out that you can't build a single nation state which can beat Pakistan at cricket (Australia? I don't think we'll ever get that far) if we keep saying that we see people from other states as outsiders. Oh, but sorry, these are the guys who went to the CCI and smashed our trophies so perhaps that doesn't matter to them either.

Perhaps I should point out that industrialists who have given Bombayites the most jobs are all people who have come from other states and that turning away a man with a dream is like going to wash your face when Lakshmi, the "goddess" of wealth, comes calling?

Perhaps I should point out that the "god" Ram was not a Maharashtrian but belonged to UP? That the "god" Krishna was of the Yadavas and, uhm, I hate to mention this but the Yadavs are Biharis? When we turn back the Sudamas of Bihar empty-handed, are we emulating the example of Krishna?

Perhaps I should point out that even the Maharashtrians do not belong in Bombay? If you go back far enough, just 400 years ago, there were just seven islands and swamy waters, mosquitoes and Kolis. Following the 'logic' of these new attacks upon Indians (Indians!) of other states, perhaps we should sent everyone home and Bombay can go back to being a fishing village.

Perhaps I should look for a cop. I wonder what Mr. Pasricha is planning to do? Head back to Punjab and leave his cops to stand around helplessly while the Shiv Sena rampages, deciding who belongs and who doesn't?

Perhaps I should look to the government for my protection. Mr. Pawar, Mrs. Gandhi, Mr. Bhujbal, Mr. C.M. how are you guys feeling when the commecial capital of your country is being held to ransom?

Perhaps I should point out that a better way of getting Maharashtrian boys the jobs they want in the railways (or wherever else they want them) is to educate them, set up classes, keep them in those classes, get special coaching for them? That's what other communities do but then that is constructive work...

Perhaps I should point out that we're Indians first, no?

Perhaps I could bang my head against the wall?
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