http://www.genderweb.org/~julie/medical/psych/devel.html
Developmental Perspective on a Transsexual's Transition
Some counselors expect to see a 30-year-old woman appear in the place of a 30-year-old man when meeting a transsexual. I'm afraid this is true in physical form only. A transsexual undergoes a developmental process in becoming a member of the opposite sex in much the same way she did growing up in her birth sex. If you don't understand this developmental process then you are likely to be judging your client harshly or assuming that there is a deeper pathology underlying some behaviors which seem odd to you, but would be appropriate for a transsexual in a given stage of development. Growing up, the transsexual misses a whole host of gender-specific experiences. I remember one day I was at home trying on a new skirt which was really full and which swirled around my legs, and I just started twirling around in the middle of the floor until the skirt stood straight out. It was one of those things I missed as a child. In just a few minutes I recaptured some of the girlish joy of playing with my clothes. At other times, I've bought really garrish-looking clothes and mini-skirts just to see how they looked like any teenage girl. I've flirted and acted coquettish. I've taken furtive glances at well-muscled men. And each time I recaptured not only that single experience, but a cluster of experiences I never had, but felt I should have had. Just as you have to relate to a child at the level of his or her developmental stage, you also need to consider the developmental stage of your transsexual client. At a certain time, all of your good advice about more reserved clothing will fall on the deaf ears of an adolescent. At another stage the advice to be playful will not be accepted because the young adult considers herself "too old" for "that sort of thing." Let's take a look at each of these stages in development.
Infancy-Early Childhood
At this stage, the transsexual needs a good deal of guidance. She is full of energy and a playful spirit, but is dependent on others for developing her new life. That life will be fairly isolated except for her counselor, a gender group or a few family members who might know about her transsexualism. She will have little of a distinct personality other than that carried over from her male life. Her mannerisms may be quite gender incongruous. The makeup may be poorly applied and garrison. In many ways, she is a little girl playing dress-up. Often, she doesn't have a social life as a female yet. So, she doesn't have that feedback on appearance which will help her develop her image. The transsexual is likely to be selfish, impatient and petulant at this stage. Just as a baby wants her bottle, and a child wants her candy immediately; so a transsexual at this stage wants surgery and can't see the sense in waiting. In addition, the transsexual also tends to be very self-centered at this stage. If in a relationship with a supportive spouse, for instance, the transsexual will often take advantage of that support and miss the fact that the spouse also is facing difficult times. At times, you as the counselor will also act as parent and help the client learn some limit setting in herrelationships with other people. However, you cannot assume that the client already recognizes this responsibility. Her mind is often clouded by her desire for SRS to such a point that she doesn't see anything else. This is a fantasy stage. Just as a child dreams about all the wonderful things she will do when she grows up, the transsexual dreams about how beautiful, popular, successful and loved she will be just as soon as she has surgery. Transsexuals at this stage are not very realistic. They have to be given stiff doses of reality on occasion without actually destroying the joy of the transition. However, they need to be aware that transitioning will not solve all of their problems. If they were having trouble on the job before transition, that trouble won't go away afterwards. If they were in financial difficulty as a male, it won't get better by becoming a female. If you had rocky relationships with your family previously, they will probably worsen. So, the transsexual needs to be brought face to face with the realities of the transition. I know one transsexual who honestly believed during this stage that she could maintain heterosexual relationships with her wife after surgery. She couldn't see my observation that she was asking her mate to change her sexual orientation and become a lesbian. On the positive side, this is the wonder stage. Everything is suddenly new for the transsexual. Especially as she begins to expand her social contacts, she begins to see the world with a new set of eyes. If she is of an intellectual bent, she may begin to make all sorts of connections between living life as a male and as a female. Things that may be simple to you as a counselor (particularly if you are of the gender the client is becoming) become objects of wonder for the transsexual. Pantihose, shaving, Tupperware parties, Ball games, shopping, going out with the guys, going out with the girls all become wonderful adventures. They are all "firsts" and as such become special memories. And you as the counselor are privileged to share in those memories. At this stage the transsexual hasn't quite established her own identity. It will likely be a blending together of several images drawn from the media, from people she knows and her own stereotypes about masculinity and femininity. This person's feminine personality is not really developed yet largely because she usually has had limited social experience at this stage. So, the person will probably come in pretty much as their masculine self in feminine apparel. You may see exaggeratedly feminine gestures, voice and clothing at this stage. There will likely be little refinement in the areas that make for a "real" woman or man. What you will see is mostly a stereotype of that sex. It is only with experience that the person starts to develop a true identity which fits the clothing. One of your jobs is to help the person discover what that new person will really be like. You will help the person move away from stereotypes and become a real person.
