Subject: Play Your Cards Well !!!

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his

faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company.

One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the

dachshund discovers that he is lost.

Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction

with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dachshund thinks, "I'm

in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close

by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to

the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more

around here?"

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of

terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says

the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a

nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it

for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund

saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that

something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and

strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at

being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see

what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back

and thinks "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the

dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't

seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear, the

dachshund says......................

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me

another leopard."

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.

Thanks & Regards,

Annie Mathew

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Subject: Fw. Arrested for laughing!!

Old one, but worth a second read..

This is from an actual trial in the UK:

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.

When she noticed a young man smiling at her. she began feeling

humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he

seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he

burst out laughing. She had him arrested. Then the case came before

the court.

The young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply

was:

When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was

pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming

Soon:

The

Gold Dust Twins'. I was eve! n more amused when she sat under a

shaving advertisement, which read:'William's Stick Did The

Trick'.Then

I could

not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under

an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented

this accident.' The case was dismissed.

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A new Army Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

"Well sir," was the nervous reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ..m-m-m.... urges.

That's why we have the camel, sir."

The Captain said, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."

About a month later, the Captain started having a real problem with his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asked the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stood on it, and had wild, insane x with the camel.

When he was done, he asked the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"

"Uh, no sir," the First Sergeant replied. "They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."

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