"Surely you jest!"

Xena smiled sardonically at the two men, who were acting more like children at that exact moment than the two great men she knew both of them to be. They were standing just outside the gate of Iolaus' family farm, the Warrior Princess on horseback and the two heroes standing as far away from Autolycus' horse as possible. It was time to make tracks, and the two men were not thrilled by the prospect of having to share a horse for that ride.

"Do I look like I jest?" Xena asked rather pointedly, continuing to gaze down upon them from the back of Argo, not even once considering bending to their will at that moment - at least, not without some harassment first.

Rather than argue, Iolaus immediately took up the carved staff he'd retrieved from the eaves of the barn and moved toward the thief's horse in automatic obeisance. He had learned the hard way not to question the Warrior Princess' orders, but the King of Thieves had no such humility to wisely guide him.

"Xena, you can't mean for the two of us to be at each other's throats all day, can you?" Autolycus asked quietly as he approached the golden mare's side, looking more than a bit concerned about the prospect of trying to travel on the same horse as Iolaus.

What Autolycus lacked in humility, he more than made up for with charm, and it was not lost on the warrioress that he was gazing up at her with a visage of complete and total adoration. It took some effort, but she was somehow able to hide the smile that wanted to appear.

"Alright, what's your problem?" she asked extra gruffly, expressing herself far more unhappily than she actually felt. The thief had quite a verbal dance he liked to perform for her from time to time, and for some reason it amused her to see it now.

"Listen, Xena, me and Curly there, we just don't mix, knowhutimean? We've had some...experiences...in the past, and the prospect of being stuck on the same horse with him, frankly, doesn't thrill me and I doubt it thrills him."

"Oh, really?" Xena eyed him with mock suspicion, biting back her smile again.

"Yeah, really," Autolycus insisted. "We're like oil and water, or chalk and cheese! Believe me, Xena, we are not friends!"

"Then, what are you doing here, Autolycus?" she questioned most pointedly.

The thief sputtered in irritation, "G-good question! You know, after I found him all wasted I had every intention of just aiming that horse for the city gate, while I slipped out of Corinth on the other side of town, but I didn't!"

"So, why didn't you?" Xena asked with a voice tinged with disappointment - something she knew he couldn't take.

"I - I couldn't let you down," Autolycus admitted sheepishly, casting a furtive glance toward the hunter to make sure his confession had gone unheard. The thief's impromptu confessions were for Xena's ears only.

A slight blush rose to her cheeks, and all of a sudden Xena could not dispel the desire to give Autolycus one of those rare smiles reserved only for those most special to her. The raven-haired warrioress was certain that she had detected a genuine love/hate friendship between the two proud men. However, she realized that such passive contention was probably the only way two such strong personalities could co-exist in friendship without ruining the other's reputation - or what was left of it - on both sides.

In spite of the half-smile renowned over ancient Greece, Xena's expectant silence and pointed gaze prompted the master thief to say defensively, "I'm not just saying that, Xena - I really mean it! I'd do anything for you."

"Then you'll share your horse with Iolaus?"

"Well," he quickly reneged, "anything except that."

The rare smile faded, "Autolycus, need I remind you that we are under certain time restraints that require us to get back as soon as possible? Do you really want to risk disappointing your client?"

"Um, good point," the thief conceded quickly, remembering the status of the goddess he was serving at the moment. "BUT, I register my complaint nonetheless!"

Xena eyed Autolycus with extreme irritation, "What? You expect me to let you ride with me, I suppose?"

"Welllll," Autolycus smoothed his mustache most debonairly and replied with great assurance, "I had sorta hoped you'd see the advantage of us riding together?"

"Advantage?" Xena raised a questioning eyebrow. "What possible advantage is there to be had from having you sit behind me and complain all day?"

The thief remained confident, "The advantage of spending some time together, conversing, or just riding in silence - whichever you prefer, of course!"

"Of course," the Warrior Princess frowned outwardly, though she was grinning widely on the inside. Glancing over to the already-saddled hunter, Xena decided quickly that Iolaus probably would do best if he were not also saddled with Autolycus. Looking back down at the master thief, she saw his eyes were now shining up at her with such admiration that she was literally dumbfounded for a moment.

"Look, I'm not just saying this to get near you, Xena," he finally admitted with great sincerity. "Curly and I are friends, but we really do end up arguing more often than not, and it's rarely friendly, if you know what I mean? Seriously, Xena, if you've ever even remotely liked Iolaus you'll cut the poor guy a break and let him ride alone."

Xena nodded slowly, considering the seemingly selfless plea of the King of Thieves. It was rare to hear Autolycus speak with such candor, and based upon it, she had no doubt that the thief wasn't just trying to get an easy ride with her, but was truly feeling badly for the golden hunter and his predicament. It was refreshing to see Autolycus being concerned for someone other than himself, and suddenly she flashed him yet another of her rare half-smiles as she reached her arm down to him.

"Today's your lucky day, Autolycus!"

Looking at her offered arm in amazement, the King of Thieves agreed exuberantly, "Indeed, it must be!" as he took hold and pulled himself up close behind her.

"All set?" she asked over her shoulder once he was settled.

Autolycus was sitting behind the girl of his dreams, with her soft, yet firm, buttocks nestled firmly against his loins, and he was about to put his arms about her on the presumption of keeping his balance.

With a glimmering smile, he replied, "Definitely!"

Gabrielle watched the day slowly crawl into the warm hours of afternoon as she played midwife to the suffering Goddess of Lamentation. Sorrow's pains had been occurring most irregularly and were unevenly timed from the start, which kept the Bard on her feet constantly seeing to the goddess' comfort.

"Do you think it's a false labor, perhaps?" Hercules ventured in a whisper after Sorrow had fallen into a weakened sleep.

"Could be," Gabrielle guessed with a shrug. "She certainly has been through enough to set off a false alarm, but I'd sure hate to let our guard down now - especially without Xena to venture an opinion either way."

"Till then, I'm glad we have you here," excused the demigod, placing his hands firmly on her shoulders and beginning to rub her tired, aching muscles.

"Mmm, that feels so good, Hercules," the Bard complimented softly, voluntarily relaxing into his trustworthy hands. She was beginning to see a great deal of what Xena had seen in the son of Zeus, and was now certain that his hands definitely had something to do with it.

"You've been at this all day, Gabrielle," Hercules spoke gently as he rubbed away the tension from her tired shoulders. "Why don't you go and take a break? And Joxer, too - he's been keeping watch on that cave entrance since we got up this morning. In fact, why don't you both go scout out the rest of this cave and see what can be found in the way of any back doors that we can use if necessary? I'll stay here and keep an eye on Sorrow."

"Mmm, are you sure?" she mumbled, loath to lose her newfound masseur just yet. "Really, I don't mind - "

"I know, but right now you're as close to a midwife as we've got, Gabrielle, and we need you alert in case something happens. Go on, I'll watch her."

"Mmm, okay," Gabrielle nodded in obeisance.

"Good girl," Hercules pronounced as he turned her away from the sleeping goddess and toward the fire circle.

Gabrielle took only a few steps away from them before she looked up and saw Joxer standing guard at the cave's entrance, but his eyes were locked on her and had apparently been so up until that very moment, when he diverted them away quickly. His face was bright red, and she quickly realized that he had witnessed the demigod giving her a backrub. She looked back at Hercules helplessly, then to the wannabe warrior again.

"Oh, Joxer," she gasped in slight annoyance, at first hesitating to take another step, then suddenly finding herself rushing to set things straight when Joxer ducked into the entrance itself. She ran after him, begging, "Joxer, please don't run from me!" Joxer ignored her and kept moving as though a gorgon were after him, so Gabrielle quickly pulled her trump card and called after her sworn subject, "As your queen, Joxer, I order you to stand and obey!"

Only then did Joxer stop in his tracks, as though her proclamation had become a solid wall he could not get past. He stood still, facing away from her, knowing she was coming up behind him. When she reached him, he immediately apologized, "I'm sorry, Gabri-, uh, My Queen. Please forgive me for my transgressions."

"Forgive you for what, Joxer?" the Bard asked, her brow furrowing in consternation. "You haven't done anything wrong - have you?"

Joxer's shoulders slumped a little at her challenging reply, unable to explain that he just felt wrong somehow. He'd done so well at putting away his love for her when they weren't alone together, but for some reason he'd been preoccupied with thoughts of the Bard ever since the moment she arrived at the cave. It wasn't normal for him to obsess on her so completely for so many hours at a time, and just then, watching Hercules touch her set off a large number of mixed emotions that all added up to a sort of frustrated jealousy he knew he had no right to feel, but couldn't suppress all the same. To have to explain to her what was going on in his mind and heart was just simply more than he could handle at that moment, and he sighed in defeat.

Gabrielle saw his head bow with the weight of his inner grief and heard his sorrowful sigh, knowing he was somehow being hurt just by her mere presence. She could only imagine what he was feeling now after what he had just seen.

"Hercules was just rubbing my shoulders, Joxer," she quickly excused, putting her own hands gently upon his shoulders. "He was asking me if you and I would scout the rest of the cave for other entrances."

"Sure, okay," he breathed in a mixture of relief and slight frustration. While he was grateful that she had been able to give voice to what had set him off, he was also quite unhappy that he was so obviously transparent to the Amazon Queen.

"Are you okay?" Gabrielle asked pointedly, her fingers beginning to knead gently at his slumping shoulders.

"I - I will be," he struggled to speak boldly, but his voice just came across as sounding rather sad and pathetic. "I - I'm trying really hard to put away how I feel for you, Gabrielle, but - "

"Hey, stop beating yourself up over this, Joxer," she ordered sternly. "We can't turn our emotions on and off just like that, and I don't expect you to be able to. You didn't ask to fall in love with me, Joxer, I know that."

"I don't know, maybe I did," he ventured honestly, suddenly lost in the feeling of her hands slowly working at his back and arms. "I mean it's possible I chose to love you knowing full well that you weren't likely to return my feelings. It's just like me trying to be a great warrior, knowing full well I'll never achieve even half your glory in battle. I attempt the impossible knowing full well I'm going to fall on my face every time."

"Come on, Joxer, you know full well that you don't fall on your face every time," she admonished with a small grin, and suddenly swatted him hard on the tail. "Sometimes you fall on your butt really good!"

"Hey!" Joxer squawked and hopped away, grabbing for his rear end to shield it from further abuse. "That's not fair!"

"Come on, Great Warrior, we've got a cave to scout," Gabrielle nodded her head back toward the great room, anxious to put an end to this deep discussion which both knew couldn't end happily for him. "We'll talk about this some other time, okay?"

"Sure, just keep your hands to yourself next time," Joxer complained as he walked past her back toward the cave, keeping one eye firmly fixed on her as he passed.

Gabrielle chuckled to herself as she followed him back the way they'd come, and waved briefly at Hercules in mild embarrassment as they passed him on their way to explore the darker recesses of the cavern. The demigod only grinned back at her in amusement, for he had been the object of many an obsessed person's affections and certainly knew the pitfalls of being admirable. For once it was interesting to be on the observing end of a case of unrequited love instead of being on the receiving end, and he grinned again as he thought to himself, ~ I wonder...is this the cave I think it is? ~

Joxer thoughtfully grabbed a torch and lit it from the fire before they advanced into the entrance of the only extension of the cave they could find, which was camouflaged behind a wall of stone. It was nothing but a rather wide, tunneled hallway, and at the end of it they found themselves facing a solid wall of rock.

"So much for back doors," Joxer shrugged, using the torch to illuminate as much of the wall as possible. "I hope we don't need to run any time soon!"

"But, why is this hallway here if there are no other rooms to this cave?" Gabrielle asked, running her hand along a particularly jagged edge of a boulder in the wall. "This isn't a naturally occurring passage, Joxer - look here at this broken rock."

Joxer held up the torch to the section she indicated and inspected the obvious breaks in the rock that made strong evidence for the current space having been filled with solid stone at some point in the past. "So, why would anybody start hacking a long hallway into a big mountain of stone like this and not finish it?"

"Good question," she agreed as she took the torch from him so she could observe the walls of the hallway a bit better. "Someone obviously had a reason to do it, but what reason?"

"Autolycus said this was an old robber's cave," Joxer offered. "Maybe some of the robbers were tunneling a new hiding place?"

"Maybe?" Gabrielle considered, now looking up toward the ceiling and elsewhere. "But, why didn't they finish it?"

"Maybe they did!" Joxer grinned ingenuously. "Maybe they built a secret entrance to hide their secret room!?"

Gabrielle sighed in exasperation, "Joxer, that's obviously a wall in front of you!"

"Well, it wouldn't be a secret entrance if everyone could see it!" he argued, reaching out his hand so he could lean against the debated wall, and suddenly he was on the ground! "HEY!"

"Joxer!" Gabrielle cried out as she ran to his aid, finding him sprawled on the sandy ground between two boulders that had been arranged so cleverly as to camouflage the continuation of the passage through the narrow opening they made. "You were right!"

"I was?" he questioned as she helped pull him to his feet. He immediately saw what he had fallen into, and quickly covered, "Oh, uh, yeah, I was!"

"Come on," Gabrielle ordered in slight irritation, grabbing him by the tunic and dragging him into the secret passage behind her.

On to Chapter Twenty Nine

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