My Life. (continued)

These are journal entries written earlier than those on the other page. There wasn't room for more. Blame Yahoo and my incompetence with computers for the inconvenience. Sorry.

Monday, May 22, 2000
This being my first journal entry, I have to decide exactly how much I want to share about my life. My relatives are here at the moment, but I don't care to complain about them on the off-chance that one of them ventures onto this site. I worked today. I work at a toy store. My mom owns it. It's the coolest toy store in the world. I loved it when I was little. I still love it, actually. Having your mom own a toy store is as cool as it sounds. Especially when you get a 50% discount and a million Christmas and Hanukkah presents. (Yes, my parents have different religious backgrounds.) Anyway, the reason I worked is because I didn't have school. I finished final exams last week. And took the SAT the first Saturday in May. I'm still awaiting all of those scores. But I guess I won't find out about them for awhile, because they won't be back before Friday, and I leave for a school trip to Cape Cod on Friday. And then school is over for the year, and I'll officially be a junior in high school. I wish I were done. Not that I don't like my school... but... blah. I'm not going to be in the country for my senior year, anyway. So next year will be my last in my current school. It will make twelve years total that I've spent at the same school, since I entered in kindergarten. Twelve years is a long time. At least, a long time to me. Maybe to somebody who's 90 years old, twelve years is nothing. But I don't know. Maybe I'll never know. Maybe I'll die before I'm 90. Maybe I'll die tomorrow. I hope not! I haven't finished everything I want to do. Hm... as I write this, I'm finding a tendency to wander off on ramble-ish tangents. But I'm not doing it. No need to stretch this out. Maybe I should add a soapbox section to this site, too. Just so I can whine about all my various pet peeves. And I have a lot of pet peeves. But anyway, in the interest of keeping this at least somewhat brief, I'll stop writing now. Maybe I'll add more later. If people are interested.

Wednesday, May 24, 2000
Well, the reaction to this section has been pretty good, from those of my friends who bothered to tell me what they thought. So, yeah. I've been working a lot... means lots of money! Very good because right after the Cape Cod trip comes three weeks of camp... so many opportunities to spend money. I'm listening to Beck right now. I got two new CDs today... speaking of spending money. Ugh. I should really stop going shopping. Getting a car was the worst thing I could have done. Now I can drive myself to any store I want. But I did pay for half of it myself. And when I go shopping, I spend only my own hard-earned money, lest you think I'm spoiled. Weird things have been going on with me and this guy friend of mine, so I'm really glad I'm going away. I need some time to get my head straight. I went to school today for a meeting, and found my math teacher there... she told me that I got a 92% on the final exam. Pretty good... the mistakes I made were just little things. I swear, I'm dyslexic... I always mix up the X and Y coordinates when I'm graphing. But now it doesn't matter anymore, because classes are over for the summer. Thank God. I talked to Jason, who was my extra-special super good friend last year at camp, and he says he doesn't think he's coming back this year. I've suddenly lost all confidence in my social skills. Thinking about how I made friends at camp the last three years... I can barely remember. Last year, Jason and I were inseparable. And now he won't be there and I don't remember how to go meet other people. I was expecting to just pick up where we left off last year. I had other friends, but really it was all about me and Jason. I wish he were coming back... but there's not really much possibility of that happening. So now I have to get back in the mindset of going out and finding other friends, the same way I found Jason last year. It would just be so much cooler if he were coming back... he's so the coolest guy ever. Not to dis on all my other guy friends... you know I love you too.

Thursday, June 8, 2000
Well, I'm back from Cape Cod. Although not for long, as I leave for camp on Saturday. I have a very busy summer planned. I think I'll only be home for a couple weeks combined. Anyway, the Cape Cod trip was great. The group was... well, it was interesting. There were a lot of people with whom I do not normally spend time. But we did bond, although we all found fault with each other. And the kids were absolutely adorable. We worked with three and five year olds in the morning and six year olds in the afternoon. Those kids have had some tough experiences, something that I would never want my own children to have to endure, but if you look at how well they've handled their lives, and how mature they are and how sweet and easygoing they are... it's amazing. I look at some of the sheltered six year olds living the rich life that I know... and when I compare them, they're just so different. I don't even know which is better. A little bit of both, I guess. But working with them was definitely an experience that I'll remember. There were a few kids in particular that I absolutely loved... a three year old named Kyle, a five year old named Marcus, and a six year old named Jared. But Marcus was definitely my favorite. He was the "troublemaker" of his class, the one who swore and hurt other kids. The first thing I did when I saw him was stick my tongue out at him, and after that we were friends. He listened to me the way he wouldn't listen to any of his teachers, and they all acted like they were about to cry when I left. I was about to cry, too. I loved that kid a lot, and I'm glad that I was able to work with him and do something with him. I'm going to be a child psychologist, and I'm glad to know that I have the ability to get through to kids that a lot of people view as impenetrable.
I found out just today that Jason will be coming back to camp. I am very excited about that. We talked on the phone for a few hours the other night, and it made me miss him more. We get along so well... he'll make the whole experience even more fun. I'm not worried about friends anymore... it'll work itself out. I'm just glad I get another chance to spend time with Jason. And I'll probably drive to his house and spend a few days there later this summer. I'm happy!
Well anyway, speaking of camp, I haven't started getting ready at all. So maybe I should do that. And stop writing. So, to all my camp friends, I'll see you soon!

Monday, July 3, 2000
I tried to write a journal entry yesterday but midway through the PageBuilder I use that Yahoo gave me fucked up and I couldn't save the entry, so I have to write again. Camp was really fun even though Jason ended up going home on the third day because he couldn't handle it. The worst part was that I found out while I was there that my dog died. Yes, I know, very sad... I cried a lot. It was Vanilla, the dog I've had my whole life. And they cremated him, which is a fact that is hard to deal with. How could they burn him up... his whole body? Just gone like that? I wrote a poem about it... Maybe I'll put it on my poetry page. I apologize for any and all typos which are probably going to appear in this entry. I have a headache and I'm exhausted and sick. All around not in the greatest mood. But my family is going to the beach together on Saturday. And that's good. And Pascal is coming in a couple weeks and we're going to New York City. And that's excellently good. I miss Pascal. But I don't get to visit Jason and that sucks. But that's life. What I'm learning is that everything ends. I washed my car yesterday. It's shiny. It's new. It's beautiful. I love it. Someday it will be old, rusty, falling-apart. I will be sad. Or maybe we will die together. In a crash. Maybe we won't. Maybe my car will last until I have to sell it. And I'll be sad but I'll remember it fondly. But then I'll die and I won't remember it anymore. Everything ends.