I sigh. Nobody around here understands me. Nobody understands my emotions, my feelings. And nobody cares. There's more pain inside of my brain than there is inside of anybody else. They don't know. They could give less. Even my friends don't know the real me. I'm perfect in their eyes. Perfect life, perfect parents, perfect everything. But it's not all that. If they knew the truth, I'm sure they would understand. Or maybe they wouldn't. I wish that at least somebody knew the real me. The real Pansy Parkinson.
I lift myself up from the soft armchair I am resting in and I stand for a moment, just staring into the fire. It's brighter than usual, and more entrancing. I shake my head, and grab my books. There are footsteps behind me and I turn around. Draco Malfoy has just walked in the door. I try moving faster, and will my feet to work. But they don't listen. Nothing listens. Well, that is, nothing but my heart.
"Up late again, are we, Parkinson?" he asks in his silky tone. It's a rhetorical question, and I don't reply. Maybe he noticed, maybe he didn't. Draco settles himself in the armchair I just left. "So, what were you doing tonight?" he asks mockingly, as though it's an inside joke. A joke between friends.
But he's no friend of mine. Still, I feel the instinct to answer. My ears ring as I reply in a shaky voice, "homework."
Draco looks up at me, his ice-blue eyes calling to me. I have to look away from him. I stare at the floor, not daring to look up. Unshed tears fill my eyes. I will never let them fall, for I am perfect Pansy. The one who never cries. The one who always does everything right. I wish.
"So . do you have lots of homework?" He's trying to make conversation, I can tell. But what for? I'm no more than a mere shadow to him. The little whiny girl who always follows him around and does what he tells her to. At least, that's how everybody else sees me.
I nod, still looking at the floor. Splash. A tear drops from my eye onto the floor. The sound it makes is deafening in my own ears, but Draco doesn't notice.
"What's the matter? Why are you so quiet?" he practically snaps at me, and waits for an answer.
"Nothing," I whisper, waiting for something. For what, I do not know.
Draco glares at me. Though I cannot see it, I feel it. "Look at me when I'm talking to you," he says sternly, and I can tell he's waiting for me to look up.
I sniffle and say, "I have to go, Draco ." My voice sounds false, even to my own ears. I turn and run, to the girls' dormitories. It isn't until I reach my bed and draw the curtains tightly around it that I cry. The tears start coming down slowly at first, then steadily faster. Pretty soon I'm sobbing. I'm sure Millicent will hear me.
I try to keep quiet, but I can't. And I can't tell anybody. They wouldn't understand. "Pansy? What are you doing in there?" I hear Millicent's voice from her bed.
"Nothing!" I call out into the darkness, hoping she doesn't come and check on me. Unfortunately, she does exactly that.
"Pansy?" she tugs at my curtains lightly, and they open. Millicent flicks on my lamp and sees my red eyes. "Pansy, were you crying?"
I look away, and my lower lip trembles. "Pansy, were you crying?" Millicent asks again. She wants an answer, I know it.
I mutter my answer, because I don't want to tell her. "No," I whisper louder, and turn back to look at her. She has a look of disbelieving in her eyes, but she shrugs. "Whatever," she says, walking back to her own bed.
"Goodnight," I say.
It isn't until I can hear Millicent's soft snores that I get up out of my bed. I tiptoe slowly and softly across the cold tile floor. I grab my discarded cloak off the floor and open the small wooden door carefully. It creaks, and I pause. I hear Millicent move in bed, and I panic.
I give a sigh of relief when her snores return, louder this time. I close the door softly behind me and walk to the common room, no longer tiptoeing. I proceed back to the armchair I was sitting in before so I can think.
It isn't until I sit down that I realize that somebody is in it. I jump up in surprise, and I look down. "Draco," I whisper. He's sleeping. Amazing, he didn't even feel me sit on him. I sit on the floor, cross-legged, in front of the fire, and watch the flames dance merrily and lick the sides of the fireplace.
I can feel somebody staring at me. The hairs on the back of my neck prickle, and I turn around quickly. Draco is still sleeping, his breathing even. I notice something on his lap. A piece of parchment. Making my movements quiet and subtle, I try and wrench the parchment free from his grip.
I give a small 'yay' of triumph and mentally remind myself to keep quiet. I lean forward, closer to the fire, and decided to read the parchment. It's a familiar writing, and I realize it's Draco's.
I get excited when I see my last name at the top of the page. Is it a letter for me? I try to think of somebody else Draco knows with the last name Parkinson, but no one comes to mind. I am just about to read below when I hear a scoff behind me. I jump, and drop the letter to the floor by accident.
"Hey Parkinson," he says, grinning. "What're you lookin' at?"
"N-nothing," I stammer, kicking the letter under the armchair. "It's nothing. I was just . just ."
"Just what?" he asks, still grinning.
"Uh, just checking to see if you were still awake."
Draco gets up, and slowly moves towards me. "Oh? Well, it looks like I am," he says.
I blush and look back at the ground, tracing the design on the tiles with my index finger. He is still moving towards me.
When I look up, he is only centimetres away. My breath catches in my throat. I don't speak, and neither does he.
Draco is still grinning. "Pansy, I've waited so long," he says slowly, and I know exactly what he's talking about. I don't reply, but he knows that I feel the same. I know he knows it.
Before I can do anything, his lips are on mine. It's a soft, innocent kiss, and I need, no, I want, more. We break apart, and I put my hands behind his head. Surprising us both, I pull him to me forcefully. This kiss is far from innocent. It's sharp and searing with a thirst for love. It's loaded with passion and hatred all bundled together in one.
"Pansy," he gasps, and I smirk at him. "Pansy, that was -" I don't hear the end of his sentence.
"What is going on?" It is Blaise Zabini. We look up, and Draco smiles.
"Just teachin' young Pansy here a thing or two," he says, a hint of teasing in his voice.
"Well, I also taught you something, Draco Malfoy," I shoot back at him. I lean closer to him. I brush my lips softly against his. So softly I can barely feel it.
"Pansy," he says, and I know that he knows I am teasing him. He pulls me to him, and we kiss. Blaise walks away, disgusted.
I break away from Draco and get up slowly. "Goodnight," I whisper, before walking away from him. I feel him staring at me, but I don't turn around. He got what he wanted. So did I.
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