Painful Memories
Harry stared out the window. Madam Pomfrey had decided that he was strong enough to walk around a bit, as long as he didn�t leave the hospital wing.
Even without this restriction, Harry wouldn�t have left. He was happy to be away from the people who pointed and whispered behind his back. Away from those who tried to cheer him up without fully understanding why he was pushing them away.
It wasn�t because he wanted to be alone. After all, he�d been alone for most of his life. He wanted to be able to be around people he cared about. People who cared about him.
But he was afraid. Afraid that history would repeat itself. At the start of school he�d found out why Voldemort had come after his family. He�d come because of these �special powers� Melissa, Sheila, and Harry had. Their parents died to save them.
Now Voldemort was rising again, slowly regaining his strength. He was once again trying to kill Harry. Harry realized that the people close to him were in danger. He pushed them away in order to save them. He couldn�t stand the thought of one of them becoming a casualty of a war started because of him.
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�I can�t believe Madam Pomfrey won�t let us see him!�
�I know!� Ron said angrily. �I mean, she�s always been strict, but never this bad.�
�Well,� Sheila said in a calmer voice, �from what I know, Harry�s never been like this either. At this point, I don�t know what to believe.�
�Hey guys!�
Ron and Sheila turned around to see Melissa walk in with Draco.
�Weasley,� Draco said coldly in way of a greeting.
�Malfoy,� Ron replied in the same tone of voice.
�Oh will you two stop it,� Melissa said, stepping between them. �You�re gonna have to learn to get along sooner or later.�
Draco bent down and seemed to be whispering something to Melissa. She giggled and shoved him away jokingly.
�Not right now,� she said, giving his a quick kiss on the cheek. �Maybe later.� Draco glared at Ron one last time and left.
�So,� Ron said as Melissa sat down, �at any point before or after lover boy showed up, did you remember to talk to Madam Pomfrey?�
�Yes, I did,� Melissa said, suddenly becoming more serious. �She said Harry doesn�t want visitors.�
�I don�t believe it,� Ron said, looking away.
�Ron,� Sheila said gently, �after everything that�s happened to Harry, what do you believe?� Ron didn�t answer. Finally, after a moment of silence, Melissa spoke up.
�Let�s talk about something else,� she said, giving what looked like a painful smile.
�Well, there is something I�ve been meaning to ask you,� Ron said, turning to Melissa. �How�d you meet Malfoy?�
�Hmm�that�s an interesting story,� Melissa said, giggling. �I actually have you two to thank for it. You, Ron, for your annoying quality and you, Sheila, for your violent instincts. Remember when we traded detentions on Halloween? Guess who also got a detention.�
�Wait a minute, I remember now,� Ron said suddenly. �He got in trouble with Felina and got a week of detentions.�
�Yeah,� Melissa said wistfully, �another person to thank: Draco for speaking whatever pops into his head. Anywho, Filch brought us up to the trophy room, said he wanted it spotless, and left.�
�Wait, the trophy room isn�t far from the Astronomy Tower,� Ron interrupted. �You guys didn�t�you know��
�Of course not,� Melissa said. Ron breathed a sigh of relief. As soon as Melissa saw this, she continued. �Why would we skip out when the floor of the trophy room is more comfortable?�
�I think I�m gonna be sick,� Ron announced, clutching his stomach.
�Ron,� Melissa said, obviously restraining herself from laughing, �you�ve gotta learn to know when I�m kidding.� Once again, she waited for Ron to look relieved before continuing. �I always get to know a guy before I do that. Draco�well let�s just say I knew him very well within a few hours.�
This time Ron really did feel like he was going to be sick. He didn�t wait for Melissa to say she was kidding. He hurried away, his face burning red as he heard Melissa and Sheila giggling behind him.
Ron slowed down as a thought struck him. He looked over at the Slytherin table. If Melissa and Malfoy could make it, then, maybe�just maybe�
No. Ron wrenched his eyes away and kept walking. Relationships between Gryffindors and Slytherins could never work. They can�t change who they are. Melissa would realize that soon. There�s no point in hoping for the impossible.
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Blaise sighed as she watched him, as she had been doing for several days now. She had to admit, she was jealous of the Wilson twins. Surely he was dating one of them. He was probably so disgusted with her that he�d never speak to her again.
Why? Blaise asked silently. Why did I have to be a Zabini? Why not a Patil or a Brown? After all, she was certain she�d only been sorted into Slytherin because of her father.
And, of course, the biggest, and most unanswerable question: Why does the heart always choose that path which is hardest?
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Hermione sighed and set down her quill. She�d spent the last few days, ever since she found out Harry was in the hospital wing again, in her dormitory. She�d pulled the curtains shut around her bed, glaring at anyone who dared open them. And, in this solitude, she wrote. She wrote what she felt in her heart.
Letting Go
When I close my eyes, �tis your face I see
It�s like you�re standing right beside me
I look at the stars and the sky of which they are part
A pattern, the map of my heart
And I wonder where you are
So close and yet so far
I prayed you felt this way too
Oh, if only you knew
Then the guilt of wishing this upon you
A pain that goes through and through
You have suffered too much
Have lost in matters such
Lost love ones is almost too much to bear
Just thinking about it makes my heart tear
Now here you are, a teen
Knowing many evils, seen and unseen
Having to grow up so fast
Never able to forget the past
Though you are a hero to some
Sometimes I fear what you�ve become
It seems that everyday
You drift further and further away
You�re not the boy I once knew
The boy for which my love is so true
You were willing to throw it all away
The gift for which your parents dearly did pay
Through their death, they saved your life
Almost lost with one flick of the knife
Sometimes I think to talk to you
Maybe you�d come back if you knew
But reality is a cruel mistress
Making the outcome full of darkness
You�re so close to the end of that ledge
What if I pushed you over the edge?
I saw you there; you were almost dead
Just lying lifeless on that bed
I couldn�t live with myself if it happened again
Surely if it did, I�d follow you then
I�m afraid you�ll never know
Of this feeling that haunts me so
This way he will be okay
This is how it�s meant to be anyway
I love him enough to let him go
Because love for me he did not show
�Tis better to have loved and lost
To want to save them, no matter the cost
Then to have never loved at all
To never have felt your heart�s call
The poem was done. The only thing left for Hermione to do was to put it away and try to move on with her life.
But she knew this was impossible. To be able to move on, she would need to forget, which she couldn�t do. Even with memory charms a shadow would remain. A shadow of the feelings too painful to keep, too wonderful to lose.
Hermione was willing to sacrifice it all. Willing to stay away in hope that he would get better this way. But she could never forget. She would always keep her memories of him as he was: Harry Potter, the boy who lived.
Hermione heard a flutter of wings. She opened the curtains around her bed and looked around, spotting a letter on the windowsill. She went over and picked it up.
A paw print on the outside showed that it was from Sirius. Hermione opened it and quickly read it.
On your next Hogsmeade visit, please meet me at the normal place. It is important that we talk alone.
Hermione folded it and placed it in her drawer. What did Sirius want to talk to her about? Surely if it was so important he�d want to talk to Harry.
Wouldn�t he?
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Madam Pomfrey stood up from the floor in front of the fireplace, brushing the soot off her robes. She took a deep breath, preparing herself to do something that went completely against her beliefs. If she didn�t, she�d be fired and it�d be done anyway.
�Ok Mr. Potter, let�s see how you�re doing today,� she said, forcing a smile and walking over to the window where Harry was sitting. She picked up his wrist and felt for his pulse. Just as she�d feared, his skin was still cold, as though he had ice running though his veins, his pulse still faint.
�You�re doing a lot better today,� she lied. �You may go back to your common room.�
�No!� Harry�s head snapped up, his eyes suddenly filled with fear. �I mean�I don�t mind. I�ll stay here.�
�I was hoping you wouldn�t say that,� she sighed. �Truth is, you have to go. The headmaster insists that I release you before the press gets wind of this. Normally I would refuse, but he�s threatened my job. I�m not worried about myself. I�m worried about the injured students that would be left in the hands of an inexperienced nurse.�
She stopped and watched Harry closely. The fear in his eyes slowly melted to a quiet determination. Madam Pomfrey held out a hand to help him up, but he ignored it. He got up and started toward the door.
�Wait,� Madam Pomfrey said, suddenly remembering something. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a letter. �This came for you this morning.� She handed it to him.
Harry took the letter, staring at it for a minute. Then he turned around and walked to the door.
�I�m sorry,� Madam Pomfrey whispered. Harry turned around and seemed like he was going to say something. To Madam Pomfrey�s disappointment, he didn�t say anything and left.
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Harry shut the door of the hospital wing and opened the letter. It was marked with a paw print, obviously from Sirius. It read:
On your next Hogsmeade visit, please meet me at exactly two o�clock at the normal place. Bring Melissa, Sheila, and Ron.
Harry walked up to Gryffindor Tower. Once inside, he wordlessly handed the letter to Sheila and walked up to the boys� dormitory, ignoring the curious stares that followed him.
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*a few weeks later*
Ron headed downstairs with Sheila and Harry. Melissa had gone off to find Malfoy before they all went to Hogsmeade. Ron had argued against this, but Melissa had persisted, insisting that Malfoy had changed. Ron�s thoughts were interrupted by Sheila�s voice.
�Harry, stop!� She reached out and grabbed his arm to keep him from walking into the wall. �We have to wait for Melissa and Draco.�
�Why?� Ron asked, keeping an eye on Harry to make sure he wouldn�t sneak off. �You know we�ll have to ditch him eventually, when we have to go see Snuffles.� Ron used Sirius�s code name to avoid catching the attention of the other students.
�Look, it doesn�t matter what you say.� Sheila said. �Melissa truly believes that he�s changed and so do I. Since he started seeing Melissa, I haven�t seen him insult anyone. Even when you provoked him, he didn�t do anything.�
�But it might just be an act,� Ron pointed out. �I just don�t want Melissa to get hurt.�
�I don�t either,� Sheila said, grabbing Harry�s arm again as he tried to get away, �but that�s no reason to stop her from seeing Draco. As I always say, innocent till proven guilty and, once proven guilty, you can beat the crap outta them.�
�Beat the crap outta who?� Ron jumped as Melissa and Malfoy joined the group.
�Ireland,� Sheila said quickly. �Quidditch finals. I was just telling Ron that I think England�s gonna win this year.� Ron was amazed at how fast she thought that up.
�We�d better go, before Harry gets away from us,� Melissa said, and they left for Hogsmeade.
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Hermione sat on the edge of her bed. She was considering not going to Hogsmeade. Harry�s mood had always affected her, even when she was separated from him. It was now mid-January, about three months since Harry had shut himself off from everyone, and he had only gotten worse.
But she had to go. She didn�t have time to send Sirius a letter that she wasn�t coming.
Besides that, she had to try to get her mind off of Harry. Impossible as it might seem, it was the only chance she had of moving on with her life.
Hermione walked quietly down the stairs and through the common room. She didn�t want to attract anyone�s attention. Sirius had said to come alone. Luckily, almost everyone had already left.
Hermione shivered slightly as she passed the dementors stationed by the doors. The incident in third year was still fresh in her memory.
Her heart plunged suddenly as she thought of Harry. He had a worse time with dementors, and he�d still managed to find a way to beat them.
She missed the old Harry. The one who saved her life, the bravest person she knew. At this point, she would give up anything to bring him back. But she felt that whatever was needed to bring him back was not hers to give.
She looked up. She�d walked the entire length of Hogsmeade without even thinking about it. Sure enough, there was Sirius, in dog form, of course, at the end of the road. When he saw her, he immediately turned and walked down a dark alley between two stores. Puzzled, Hermione followed. When she got to the end of the alley, she was even more surprised to see that Sirius had already changed back into a human.
�Sirius!� Hermione gasped. �What if someone sees you?�
�I�ve scouted this place for weeks,� Sirius said. �No one comes here.�
�But why are you here? I though you were staying with Prof�with Mr. Lupin,� Hermione said, leaning against a wall.
�Actually, that�s why I wanted to talk to you,� Sirius said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out an old newspaper. He held it up so she could see the headline.
The Boy Who Lived�Again
�Apparently Fudge was able to keep this from the public for a while. There must have been a security breach that even got the story out in the first place. I asked you here so I could find out exactly what happened.�
Hermione took a deep breath and started telling him. She told about Harry�s distancing himself, his not talking to anyone, the night it all almost ended, and finally, his most recent hospital visit. She was vaguely aware of her voice shaking, but she didn�t stop talking for fear of not being able to start again.
�Yes, I know all of this,� Sirius interrupted. �What I really wanted to know is why? You�re a very bright young woman and very insightful. You must have picked up on something that�s making him act this way.�
Hermione had hoped he wouldn�t ask something like that. Hoped that he wouldn�t want to know something she couldn�t tell.
�I don�t know,� she admitted. �I haven�t spoken to him since the end of fourth year.� She could see that Sirius wanted to ask why, but he stayed silent, for which Hermione was very grateful.
�What time is it?� Sirius asked after a few minutes.
�About a quarter till two,� Hermione answered, checking her watch.
�Well, I have to meet with someone else soon,� Sirius said. �I�ll walk you back out to the main street. Can�t be too careful these days.� He changed back into a dog and walked her out to the road.
As Hermione waved goodbye, she couldn�t help but think about what Sirius had said. Surely the next person he was meeting with was Harry. Maybe he could help bring the real Harry back.
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Sirius looked up and down the street anxiously. Then he finally spotted them walking out of a clothing store, each carrying a package. A boy Sirius had never seen was walking with them. One of the twins, Sirius couldn�t tell which one from this distance, whispered something to the boy. He nodded and broke off from the group, walking in the other direction.
Once Sirius was sure they�d spotted him, he headed back toward the alley. When he got there, he changed back to his human form, feeling slightly woozy. Changing took a lot of energy, of which he didn�t have much to spare.
�Sirius, what are you doing here?� Sheila demanded immediately. �What if you get caught?�
�This is more important,� Sirius answered quickly, pulling the newspaper out of his pocket for the second time that day. �Look at this.�
Sheila took the newspaper and seemed to be scanning the article. Melissa and Ron were looking over Sheila�s shoulder at the paper while Harry stood apart from the group, staring at the ground.
�Harry�� Sirius started, hesitating when he saw Harry flinch, then continued. �Harry, give me the knife.�
�I�I lost it,� Harry whispered, not looking at Sirius.
�Now, I know that�s not true,� Sirius said, holding out his hand. �I know you have it. Give it to me.� Harry glared up at him for a moment before reaching into his pocket, pulling out the knife, and handing it to Sirius.
�Thank you,� Sirius said, pocketing the knife. �Keep in mind, I�m only doing this for your own good. You can have the knife back only when you�ve earned my trust back.�
Harry turned his back on them and headed for a dark corner of the alley. Sheila reached out and grabbed his arm. Harry jumped like he�d been shocked and ran off down the alley. Sirius stopped Sheila before she could go after Harry.
�Let him go,� he said. �This alley dead ends not far from here. He�s not going anywhere. Besides, I have another pressing issue to discuss with you.�
�What is it?� Melissa asked.
�You all are going to have start being more cautious,� Sirius warned. �Lisa, Professor Wilson to you, may not have told you, but there�s been another string of murders. I�m afraid Lisa�s old friend Joe Lytle was among those killed.� As he said this, the children�s eyes widened.
�It�s very important that all of you stay out of trouble,� Sirius continued, �and that you keep Harry out of trouble. Heaven knows he�s been through enough this year. Well, you should go get Harry and head back up to the school.�
�I�ll get him,� Ron said, walking further down the alley. He came running back a few minutes later.
�He�s gone,� Ron gasped. Sheila tuned to her sister and they nodded.
�He�s okay,� Sheila said.
�How do you know?� Ron asked, still in a slight panic.
�Female intuition,� Melissa answered.
�Still, I think you�d better go find him,� Sirius said.
They said their good byes and the children left. Once they had gone, Sirius reached into his pocket and pulled an old, tattered photograph.
This picture had been the only thing Sirius had been able to take to Azkaban with him, and that was only because he�d had it with him when he was arrested. He now kept it as the only item that could remind him of his past life. Fortunately, as a picture fades over time, memories remain intact.
The picture had been taken at Harry�s first birthday party. Only the Potters� closest friends had been invited as the knowledge of their children had to be kept from the public. In the picture, Lily was holding Harry with one arm and had the other wrapped around James, who was holding the twins, one in each arm.
Unlike most pictures in the Wizarding world, this one didn�t move. It had been developed the Muggle way because the Potters had to cut back on their use of magic so the Dark Lord wouldn�t be able to detect them as easily. But it hadn�t been enough to save them.
Now history was repeating itself. Harry was becoming more and more like his father. And, just as in James�s case, there was nothing Sirius could do to help.
�I heard it down here,� a distant voice called, followed by the sound of footsteps coming toward Sirius.
Sirius tried to transform and immediately knew something was wrong. He was still human. He looked down at his arm and focused all his energy on changing. A small patch of fur appeared on the back of his hand for a second, quickly disappearing. He leaned against a wall, gasping for air, and feeling as though he�d just run a marathon.
Now he�d done it. He�d used up too much energy and couldn�t transform. He had no way to escape.
�Sirius Black!� a wizard, obviously with the Ministry, exclaimed as he walked around the corner. He looked back over his shoulder and motioned for someone behind him to come forward.
A dementor stepped out of the shadows and advanced toward Sirius. A sudden coldness, penetrating Sirius�s skin and chilling the very blood that ran through his veins, made him fall to the ground.
�Leave his soul intact,� the Ministry official ordered as the dementor continued toward Sirius. �The Minister will want him interrogated, I�m sure.�
Not again, Sirius said silently, shutting his eyes and trying to shut out the memories the dementor�s presence brought to the surface. But there was no blocking the painful memories of a past life and the night he�d been torn from everyone he cared about.
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�Where are we going?� Ron called after Melissa and Sheila. They�d walked back up to the school, Melissa and Sheila leading the way. They had just made a sharp turn and walked to the lake.
Melissa shushed him and they kept walking. The girls headed straight for a large bolder. Sheila reached down, seemed to take a handful of air, and pulled. Harry suddenly appeared, fast asleep, and Sheila was holding the invisibility cloak.
�Let�s get him inside,� Melissa said, gently shaking Harry�s shoulder. Once he was awake, they guided him back to Gryffindor Tower.
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Author's Note: Hallo all. Sorry this chapter took so long. It could have been two chapters, but I made it one. Lot's of questions answered, even more raised. You now know how Melissa and Draco met, but will it last? Will Blaise and Ron ever speak again? You know why Harry's pushing people away. And what will become of Sirius. I ask that none of ya'lls get mad at me for sending Sirius away. After all, it was only a matter of time before he got caught. I'm not in this buisness to break hearts.
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