Hermione knelt in front of the gravestone, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. It had been five years to the day since it happened, and she couldn�t bring herself to let go. She�d been too afraid to be at his side that dreadful day, and now that same fear was the only thing that kept her from taking up the knife and joining him.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
She remembered the day he left all too well. She�d begged him not to go, but he wouldn�t listen. She smiled painfully, recalling her realization of how much he�d grown over the years. Whenever she closed her eyes, she could still see his, set in determination. In the end, when he�d moved forward to kiss her, she�d pushed him away, knowing that if their lips touched, she would never let him go.
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Now, she wished she hadn�t. She should never have given up the chance to hold him in her arms one last time, to give all that she could give to a man she would never see again. At the time, she�d been worried about becoming pregnant at such a young age, but now that didn�t seem to matter. She found she would�ve preferred even that to the heavy weight that had settled on her heart, a burden she had carried with her everywhere.
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
�Hermione.�
She blinked, a fresh wave of tears threatening to fall at the presence of this new person. Though it had been years since they�d spoken, she didn�t even need to see his face to know who he was. After all, it had been this one death that had severed their friendship. Even now, she found it hard to speak the one word to acknowledge his presence. Still, she knew she would have to.
�Harry.�
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
Harry strode forward and knelt on the ground beside Hermione, brushing a strand of hair from her eyes. He couldn�t stand to see her crying like this. All the time he was at Hogwarts, she was always the one to talk him down, to reassure him or to help him calm his anger.
At the moment, Hermione turned to face him and buried her face in his shoulder, her own shoulders shaking with muffled sobs. Harry awkwardly patted her back, unable to trust himself to do anything more. This was the girl he�d once loved. It was such a love that he�d stood aside when she showed interest in Ron. And now, that same love reminded him that she could never love him as she had Ron. He could only comfort her as a friend, and nothing more.
[CHORUS:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
When Hermione had finally gotten her tears under control, she pulled away and looked back to the tombstone, speaking in a barely controlled whisper. �He was so serious that day. It was almost as if he knew you would need his help.�
�Maybe he did,� Harry said, and she shuddered as he placed a hand on her shoulder. �It seems that everyday people come up to me and tell me how brave they think I am. Well, they�re wrong. I was a coward. He truly was the bravest of us all.�
Hermione nodded silently. She knew this. People could say Harry was the hero all the wanted, but it was always Ron who persuaded Harry to fight. It was Ron who had lived everyday like it might be his last, living in every moment of precious time, though he never could�ve known that he would have so little left.
Yet, even as Hermione looked back at Harry, she felt a twinge of guilt in her chest. Much as she�d tried to convince herself that only fear kept her from joining Ron, there was something else. Or rather, someone else.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
The bond between Harry and Hermione had always been there. Hermione had pushed it aside, telling herself that it was only friendship. And it was true that she had loved Ron, but this was different. She couldn�t stop thinking about Harry, and what made it worse was that she couldn�t love him. Even if he loved her back, she would feel undeserving because a piece of her heart would always belong to Ron.
But being here with Harry made her decision even harder to keep with. Seeing him and hearing him speak to her was slowly eating away at her resolve, and though the rational part of her mind screamed at her to turn away, she could not.
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
�I�ll just go,� Harry said, and made to stand up. Hermione couldn�t bear for him to leave, not without him knowing how she felt. She couldn�t speak, so she leaned forward and brushed her lips against his, conveying a message that could not be put into words.
Even as she did this though, the guilt was almost too much to bear, a great, searing pain slashing through her heart, making every breath she took agony. As she had countless times in the past years, she found herself just wanting in all to end. She half expected that when she finally pulled away, she would just fall over dead, as the pain was too much for a living person to bear.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When Hermione finally pulled away, tears were streaming down her face and she didn�t bother to wipe them away. �I�m sorry,� she whispered, as her heart tore in anguish at the sight of Harry�s confused expression. �I don�t know what came over me.�
�It�s okay,� Harry whispered, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close, his chin just barely touching the top of her hair. �I know you miss him.�
No, Hermione wanted to scream, I miss you. What happened to us Harry? Was Ron really so important to us as this? Could it be that we were never really friends in the first place if Ron was the only thing that kept us together?
Hermione�s ear was pressed to Harry�s chest and she could hear his breathing, ragged and uneven, and she realized that he was crying too. She had never known Harry to cry before, and it scared her. She could never forget the days she would come to him after some pointless fight she�d had with Ron, and he would comfort her as she spent her tears. And now, even through his own tears, he still found the strength to comfort her, and she felt useless that she couldn�t give him anything in return.
[CHORUS:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
Hermione forced herself to pull away from Harry, feeling the separation as though one of her arms had been ripped out of the socket. Her eyes moved yet again to the tombstone, and she could almost feel Ron staring back at her accusingly. He would never leave her as long as she lived. Nothing could change that, and she felt guilty even wanting things to be different.
And so, as it had been when Ron was alive, so his spirit still kept her from being with Harry. No matter how much she had loved Ron, there had always been this gaping hole inside her, whose space belonged only to Harry. A space that could never be filled.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When Harry reached out to her again, Hermione pulled back. She couldn�t bear for him to touch her again. The memory of their shared tears would be enough to haunt her the rest of her life, combined with the kiss that never should have been. She longed to tell him everything, of wanting to end it all, but she couldn�t.
And as she stood, she had resolved herself. Fear seemed such a trivial thing now, and the one thing that had held her here all this time had turned against her, making her wish for the thing it had kept her from. She turned her back on Harry and began to walk away.
[CHORUS:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
Hermione stopped and turned back to Harry, who was still kneeling beside Ron�s grave, his head bent, face hidden from Hermione�s view.
�Harry,� she said, and when he looked up, she could still see the emotion in his eyes. In that instant, she could�ve run back to him, given in to her love, but she stood her ground, knowing this was all for the best. She took a deep breath. �Goodbye.� And she walked away, never once looking back, though silently pledging that no matter what happened, she would never forget him. That he would still have�
All of me
____________________________________________________________
Author's Note: Yeah, I know, it's depressing. I've had a couple people at fictionalley ask for a sequel, and originally I wasn't going to write one. But I found a song that'll work well for it, so as soon as I feel motivated, I'm going to write it. Don't expect it too soon though.
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