| Full name: Elizabeth Sherman Dart Born: December 29, 1982. Raised: In Luray, Virginia, where our only claim to fame is a big hole in the ground called Luray Caverns. Past occupations: Tour guide at Luray Caverns, PEEBLES salesperson, Daily News Record photo analyst, ZAP electronics cell-phone salesperson, CDG telemarketer, and Books-A-Million salesperson/fece-duty specialist. Fears: Rubberbands and vegans. Favorite past-times: Raving and writing. Favorite Book: Billy Dead Favorite Movie: Tombstone Favorite Band: TOOL Piercings: 4 lobe, 1 helix, navel, nape, nipples, and hood. Tattoos: MCMLXXXII on stomach, blue nautical stars on inner ankles. Favorite quote: "The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it." -Oscar Wilde Family: Michael "Buck" Dart: Father. Probation officer. Has tattoo on left arm that says "tattoo". Mildly retarded. Debbie Dart: Step-mother. Obsessive cosmetic and herbal supplement buyer. Collects small, yapping dogs that breed for fun. Erik Dart: Brother. Large steroid freak. Has problem with touching his crotch in public. Believes that punching holes through solid objects is the answer to every problem. Sheila Dart: Mother. Obsessive-compulsive cleaner. Enjoys Disney movies more than any person over six years of age should. Terri Dart: Cousin. The most beautiful cousin/cock-block in the world. Currently life-guarding in another county where she cannot cock-block me. Refuses to believe the ants in the sink are hers. Scott Dart: Cousin. Boy genius. Gap photocopy. Has a herd of dead buffalo up his ass. Has millions of women chasing him and still believes he is a loner. John Dart: Uncle. The only person in the world besides me who knows what "The Angry Book" is. Harley man. Owns a whore of a cat. Jeremy Cline: Cousin. Sponsored by Ride Snowboard Company and will participate in the deaf Olympics next year. Evelyn Campbell: Grandmother. Puts the fear of God into any of the world's creatures. Mel: Grandfather. "Want some cabbage?" 'Nuff said. Pets: Bearded dragon ("Nugget"), 3 mice ("Sophie", "Sloth", and "Ike"), 3 pomeranians ("Fergie", "Charles", and "Rosa Parks"), 6 cats ("Cat", "Cat-Car", "White Cat", "Dryer Cat", "Cleo", and "Anton Chekov"), Labrador Retriever ("Bijou"), Donkey ("Sally"), 3 pygmy goats, and a partridge in a pear tree. Thing I'm Most Proud of: Being responsible for the printing of a giant penis on an Uncle Sam puppet on the front page of the Daily News Record. Major life accomplishments: I'm still alive. Schooling: Springfield Elementary School to Luray High School to James Madison University. Voted wittiest and most talented in my senior class. Obviously they didn't have a catagory called "Most likely to grow up and realize she has no applicable skills and die old and alone at the age of sevently smelling like liquor and cat urine." Dream Job: Author Why I created this webpage: I have way too much free time on my hands and I don't know how to play Bridge. Instruments I can play: Can-opener, car brakes, whistle. Random talents: Balloon dogs and boxing. |
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